Breaking out of shell

[ArcadeWurm]

This has probably been talked about before on here, but if there is one thing I cannot stand more than anything in the world its people telling me to break out of my shell and magically become extroverted. 98% of the population literally has no clue that there is a clear fundamental difference between introverted and shy. I cannot count how many times somebody stupidly said to me "do you even talk?", or "you need to break out of your shell man". My mind literally lights on fire every time I hear that. I'll admit I am a little shy too but not so much now a days. I hardly ever have trouble saying something I want to say anymore. People are so clueless as to the fact that there are people that are introverted and there are people that are quiet not because they are afraid to speak their mind but because its the way their mind runs. We get our energy through thinking and not socializing. No matter how much I try to be social there is going to be that point at a party or gathering where I will have to sit down by myself or go for a walk or something because I just don't have any more energy to talk to people. I'm so god damn sick of people telling me to change. If the average person actually understood what being introverted actually is this problem would not exist. I guess at this point I'm just complaining but I'm sure most of you can relate.

 

[kvothe27]

I like my shell. It's warm, toasty, and the company is great. Maybe their shells are terrifying and cold? No wonder they think I ought to escape it. I tried it their way, but it wasn't so great. It was full of people trying to escape their shells. Insanity. It's too bad they cannot experience my shell. It's just the way I like it.

 

[own8ge]

Begin to understand MBTI very advanced, then whenever a person complains... Attack with your psychological knowledge. Pseudo-Intellectual style.

Or ofcourse, if you understand MBTI very thoroughly, then you can understand why other people complain and rationalize with them on their ground (their way of thinking).
Unless they are full of ignorance and resist any other opinions besides their own, then fight them pseudo-intellectual style to exploit their own ignorance by fighting it with ignorance. It's always a fun battle

 

[defghi]

I can't remember anyone actually telling me I need to act differently. I've been described as quiet, reserved, etc., but never as a flaw, just a fact. Maybe they know I wouldn't stand for that shit without a good reason why. Or maybe they do mean it as a flaw and I'm just oblivious since I don't see it that way.

Begin to understand MBTI very advanced, then whenever a person complains... Attack with your psychological knowledge. Pseudo-Intellectual style.

Or ofcourse, if you understand MBTI very thoroughly, then you can understand why other people complain and rationalize with them on their ground (their way of thinking).
Unless they are full of ignorance and resist any other opinions besides their own, then fight them pseudo-intellectual style to exploit their own ignorance by fighting it with ignorance. It's always a fun battle

Well if you want to troll them, just disagree with them. Tell them you talk all the time, ask them why they haven't been listening to you, say how rude that is of them, make up some shit you never even said to prove they weren't listening, and throw in a couple nonsensical anecdotes about elementary school

 

[Trebuchet]

I can relate. I've occasionally been told that I'm cold and unfeeling. Which isn't true but whatever.

Introverts can, in fact, really enjoy talking to people, even if it is draining. You don't, apparently. You are who you are.

If you didn't ask for their advice on how to live your life, or a critique of your personality, then the only reason anyone should be saying stuff like that to you is that they care about you, because they are friends or family. If that is the case, thank them for caring and tell them you are happy as a quiet person and not to worry. This will not shut them up, but if they repeat themselves, you can, too.

Someone who is not close, however, has no right to tell you there is something wrong with you. You can just point out that you don't remember asking them for their advice. If they persist, tell them being quiet is better than being intrusive, and leave.

One other possibility is that the busybody is your boss, or academic advisor, or some other authority figure. Then you have to be careful. In that case, move it to a professional level. Ask if they believe your style is materially affecting your job/academic performance, and demand specifics. Then you will just have to do whatever will make them shut up.

 

[Koenio]

being quiet and reserved can be difficult I found out, but the thing that bothers me the most is my lack of interest in people. The pattern I most often experience is when I'm talking to someone and I'm just not into the conversation . I feel people sense this and I start to feel guilty . That is when I become nervous and the conversation becomes completely uncomfortable . In the end I go home with the feeling I left another person with a negative image about me and they will probably avoid me next time I meet them

 

[Etheri]

Oh. New kids, fun!

Truthfully tho, let them keep talking. It's not worth breaking out of your shell, as you're probably well aware. Often enough, people kinda really suck.

Edit : However, I must admit I need them, and I won't deny that.

 

[tokoum]

I agree that it's ridiculous when people want introverts to become extraverted or to make themselves like socializing. However, I think that there is some value to the idea of breaking out of one's "shell." To me, a shell is a defense mechanism; when I was younger and would shut everyone out, didn't know how to relate to others at all, and was generally an asshole, and had this conflicting feeling of being better than others, but also feeling completely unwilling to associate with them.

What I am coming to realize is that this kind of behavior is really prejudiced/closed-minded and weak. Other people can have something to offer me (information, something to think about, whatever), and I probably have something to offer them. Furthermore, it is important to advocate for yourself. If you want them to know that you aren't shy, just introverted, then you should be able to talk about it in a constructive way. Shutting people out doesn't help us grow/learn, and it also keeps them in the dark.

 

[ℜεмїηїs¢εη¢ε]

This has probably been talked about before on here, but if there is one thing I cannot stand more than anything in the world its people telling me to break out of my shell and magically become extroverted. 98% of the population literally has no clue that there is a clear fundamental difference between introverted and shy. I cannot count how many times somebody stupidly said to me "do you even talk?", or "you need to break out of your shell man". My mind literally lights on fire every time I hear that. I'll admit I am a little shy too but not so much now a days. I hardly ever have trouble saying something I want to say anymore. People are so clueless as to the fact that there are people that are introverted and there are people that are quiet not because they are afraid to speak their mind but because its the way their mind runs. We get our energy through thinking and not socializing. No matter how much I try to be social there is going to be that point at a party or gathering where I will have to sit down by myself or go for a walk or something because I just don't have any more energy to talk to people. I'm so god damn sick of people telling me to change. If the average person actually understood what being introverted actually is this problem would not exist. I guess at this point I'm just complaining but I'm sure most of you can relate.

Hmm. Surround yourself with people that understand you. Oh wait, most people are idiots... Hah. If I had to talk to those kinds of people I would try to steer the subject to something I was interested in. I would then have zero problems socializing all day so long as the conversation didn't get boring again.

I agree that it's ridiculous when people want introverts to become extraverted or to make themselves like socializing. However, I think that there is some value to the idea of breaking out of one's "shell." To me, a shell is a defense mechanism; when I was younger and would shut everyone out, didn't know how to relate to others at all, and was generally an asshole, and had this conflicting feeling of being better than others, but also feeling completely unwilling to associate with them.

What I am coming to realize is that this kind of behavior is really prejudiced/closed-minded and weak. Other people can have something to offer me (information, something to think about, whatever), and I probably have something to offer them. Furthermore, it is important to advocate for yourself. If you want them to know that you aren't shy, just introverted, then you should be able to talk about it in a constructive way. Shutting people out doesn't help us grow/learn, and it also keeps them in the dark.

I can relate to this quite a bit. I am still young but I've noticed that my defense mechanism has become less active over the years. I'm not sure if I would enjoy losing it completely though.

 

[just george]

If you're happy doing what you're doing, smile, nod, and ignore.

You cannot dispute, though, that being more social does lend itself to opportunity, and so it can be useful for naturally introverted people to foster a social apparatus that achieves what extroversion does - for example, getting a social job. Then, you can engage the apparatus of that job in lieu of being extroverted in your behaviors, whenever you want an outcome that usually goes along with extroverted thinkers.

I know some severe introverts that work as DJs. They're usually quiet types (at least, externally), but when they want to, say, meet women or satisfy the need for some company, they engage the networks/social position of the DJ, and it happens for them.

IME people often give out advice under the guise of wanting to help others, but really, it's the other way around. It has nothing to do with helping you out of a "shell". It's about having you act in a way that they want, for their own benefit. They're being selfish and closed minded, without realizing it.

 

[r4ch3l]

I know that culture rewards extroversion but always remember that just as musch as you cannot control that you are introverted the extroverts also cannot control their extroversion and some (okay, not the majority but SOME) wish they were more independent and restrained.

I'm with ya though. Whenever someone asks what's wrong or tells me to smile or tries to get me to go out at the last second I get so frustrated.

 

[QuickTwist]

I am quite the introvert but I don't have the problem of not being able to "break out of my shell." First off the saying break out of your shell is a poor analogy that shows a supreme lack of understanding of and for the individual that says to the introvert to break out of their shell. What exactly does that mean anyways? If it simply means to be more talkative then I can do this if the subject matter is interesting to me. For me this means either asking a lot of questions or sharing the knowledge I have on the subject. If breaking out of my shell means being wild and acting without giving a second thought why to do something then no, I will not oblige. If someone tells me to break out of my shell I will take that as a suggested invitation to not "chillax" with them anymore which would be better for both me and them I think.

 

[maito]

Once, when I was taking a foreign language class, during a break a teacher come in and started lecturing us about the benefits of overcoming shyness not only at learning a new language but in life. He did it because he saw very animated groups and some students (me included) that remained silent in their sits. The teacher had met me some years before and when he finished hi tried picking on me.
(my name), are you still shy?- he asked in front all the class, with a smile witch pissed me off.
I'm not shy. I'm schizoid - I respond in an unemotional tone.
What's that?- asked the girl behind me.
That's when you don't care about people – I said plainly.
There were laughs, shocked and disapproval looks. I thought it would be awkward the next days but in fact the ones that used to treat me as their charity integration project stopped doing so, the others avoid personal and small talk when they approached me. I didn't have to “leave my shell”, they adjusted to me. To keep it fair I indulged them listening to their personal affairs from time to time. To know their backgrounds helped me weight their opinions and information in more interesting topics.

From that experience I learned that I could get something useful from anyone. And most important since I don't want to fit I don't have to learn social skills just stop trying to fit. I left my habit of study, classify people and plan accordingly before I met them. After all insufficient data only leads to unreliable results, unwise to use them to take decisions.

 

[Artsu Tharaz]

I threw a trike once.

I think that brought me out of my shell.

 

[JimJambones]

Beware. They only want you to come out of your shell so they can eat you!

 

[Twn]

This sounds like an energy problem: Pace yourself.

If you can only manage 3 hours of "social" (Idiot) time, so be it. Schedule around it.

I've worked up the strength to handle 2 days a week of mindless social time; for 48 hours, spread across a whole week, or on one fuck-weekend, I put all of my "people" energy into the task at hand.

If your like me, this time also includes the time before, and after you have sex. So, choose your time wisely, and dont over-do it.

If you need a break from the wild, crawl back inside of the batcave, and try again another day.

 

[QuickTwist]

I am debating weather I/E exists and think it would be more accurate to just say people are different from each other socially.