being single

[RedN]

I dont know why... but i get the feeling most of you are single...

Ive only been single again for a couple of weeks now and I wasnt so for many years.

I guess im just asking for advice on how to cope with it. Probably weird for you, but its really going hard for me. Im off the ehm... suicidal stage for now, and im already stable. But I dont know, I honestly still feel really .... being single just aint my thing and im not happy like this.

I dont want to just jump into another relationship just ot fill the void either, that would be unfair to that person right? I dont know... what to do.

I dont know what im asking here anyway... -_- sorry for the stupid thread

 

[NinjaSurfer]

I dont know why... but i get the feeling most of you are single...

Ive only been single again for a couple of weeks now and I wasnt so for many years.

I guess im just asking for advice on how to cope with it. Probably weird for you, but its really going hard for me. Im off the ehm... suicidal stage for now, and im already stable. But I dont know, I honestly still feel really .... being single just aint my thing and im not happy like this.

I dont want to just jump into another relationship just ot fill the void either, that would be unfair to that person right? I dont know... what to do.

I dont know what im asking here anyway... -_- sorry for the stupid thread

sorry to hear this (bro?)

I remember this stage;

the standard cliche works (although I know it won't help much)

"time does heal all wounds"

I have heard that the recovery period is equal to roughly half the time you were in the relationship...

lol, that also won't make you feel better now, but if you can look at your experience now somehow from an objective third party, just know that your experience isn't "special" and that it is quite likely that your feelings will follow the standard path of many observations of breakups like yours;

my advice is to be selfish. You only live once man, fuck it. If starting some new relationship is just going to be a filler relationship. Fuck it. You are probably filling some void in her life too. Just be honest and that's all that matters. INTP's (you are one right?) tend to overthink things, and this is a situation where you should let your feelings guide you. If you need to find someone else temporarily just do it and say "fuck it, I only live once." Just be honest to yourself and don't linger in denial. Denial would be fooling yourself into thinking you love your REBOUND when it is just something to fill the void. Think of it like a nicotine patch if you want.

However-- I would really recommend the cold turkey ascetic buddha monk lifestyle for as long as it takes to fully get over it and realize you can live life solitary.

Only then will you become the person who your next gf will cherish. Girls don't lilke needy guys and if you jump into your next love prematurely, it will end with the next girl thinking you're too needy.

I was in a 6yr relationship and it ended around April 2010. So judging by the 50% 'getting over the person' mark, I'm still almost another year out before I fully recover lol.

The first few months are the toughest; I suggest you completely cut away from Facebook and all that crap and just cut the person completely out of your life until you are ready to hop back into reality.

Try to understand that people change, you do, she does (? assuming here), and that breakups are natural occurrences and monogamy is somewhat of a forced concept into our culture.

Breakups can be hard when our identities are so much tied to our partners, especially during long-term relationships when your personalities and identities truly do meld together.

If all else fails WEED really helps but I smoked non-stop for a few years b4 I quit cold turkey. But, if you have to do some sort of drug, WEED is still my top choice. I would choose WEED over women... nevermind who am I kidding. Actually, it really is a toss up, con flip, because weed doesn't talk back, it's cheaper, and it's plentiful and always there for me.

 

[skip]

Exercise, eat well, stay busy. This is a good time to start a new project. Volunteering, for example, will get you out of your own head and give you a break from grieving. NinjaSurfer is right about having zero contact with the other person: wounds kept open do not heal.

This, too, shall pass. Hang in there.

 

[intpz]

I've been single all my life - what's so bad about it?

 

[NinjaSurfer]

I do believe that the value of being single is way underrated

 

[RedN]

im like 29 or was it 30... and ive had a lover since i was 15 so its really like a majority of my awakened life was spent with someone so... im just not used to this. its like things lose direction for me...

oh im not a bro, and no im not offended... oh and im estp really and its my feelings that is giving me the trouble... my mind can take it but my feelings... well...

im not like wounded by the breakup. i mean it was... me afterall who initiated it. im just not happy alone... i dont like cooking for myself, i like cooking for someone. its one example of the simple least important bullshit that ive really grown to like doing.

well my longest was 8+ years? then a 3year. the rest were just monther types

people, my doctor included, tell me i should enjoy being single and just... enjoy men. i dont know... i dont want to really. but i am forced to get back out there...

its just so freakin hard to find a guy who is... well..... would take care of me and not so freakin selfish and self centered.

i dont do weed or... any kind of drug for fun.

lately ive been dancing more. and ugh im back to playing video games... and i was staying away from these already...

i want to try new things too that i .. well never even though of... maybe itll keep my mind off things. i was told there was this em......... bdsm club in hollywood, an ive honestly no idea what its like or what people actually do tehre... im to go tonight but im already too tired from last night my body is still aching maybe next week... i dont wannnna go alone!!!! who knows what that place is like....

 

[NinjaSurfer]

lol BDSM... I was gonna suggest something like find a hiking group on meetup.com but hey that sounds like it could be fun; def bring someone with ya.

 

[RedN]

well im trying to be more fit too.

im starting on getting familiar with healthy food.

maybe ill try something weird too like... classical dancing? theres like too many latinos here, maybe salsa ugh

i think for now i should focus on becoming worth it eh? if im not -_-

 

[pjoa09]

masturbate

 

[NinjaSurfer]

well im trying to be more fit too.

im starting on getting familiar with healthy food.

maybe ill try something weird too like... classical dancing? theres like too many latinos here, maybe salsa ugh

i think for now i should focus on becoming worth it eh? if im not -_-

all guys are pretty superficial

 

[catatonic]

it's hard at the first time, especially 2-3 months after the breakup.
but if you find another guy, you will definitely forget about your ex. lawl.
i used to be like that, after i breakup...i date another guy immediately.
but i'm tired with dating and chose to be single.
i can do anything i want and befriend with anyone i want.

yea yea, sometimes i'm jealous to see love birds around me.
see my friends posted their pics with their lovers/spouses on facebook.
i live in a country where peoples prefer to be married than being single and most of them get married at early 20's.
i'm 26 now and i'm forever alone, while most of my friends already have 2-3 kids.

but i love being single though, it's pawn.

:smiley_emoticons_mr

 

[RedN]

pjoa I believe almost everyone does that, even the married ones ...

theres nothing wrong with a guy wanting someone who looks ok to him, we all have physical taste and a level of acceptable and not. only a lying bastard would say he or she doesnt care at all about the physical

well... i used to live with someone when i was just 18... guess i was one of those sorta who started early

lucky i dont have kids though.

one perk of being single is... you can sleep with anyone and its all cool hahahahaha... sh**...

another is no ones gonna tell you you cant do this or that... i remember my last bf going all bonkers just coz im dressed up a bit gothic and im not floral and cute... ugh...

 

[xbox]

Being single is awesome. you can do whatever u want without compromising. its actually not fun if you have religious parents that tell you to 'get married and avoid a life of sin'. It should be a sin to make someones life that miserable.

 

[kora]

The idea of a relationship just doesn't appeal to me, I don't see much that's so great about it.
If you fancy/like/love someone, why can't you just sort of see them and spend time with them when you both feel like it and without labelling it or trapping each other with mutual obligations?

I supose you could say it means you always have someone to depend on , but I think people should learn to depend on themselves rather than rely on someone else.

Or if you want to set up a family it provides a stable environment for kids, but I am far from ever wanting that at the moment.

I just don't get it, am I missing something?

 

[RedN]

compromise isnt actually hard for me to do. maybe sometimes its actually that im too compromising... of course i can have limits like drugs for one... i would tolerate that at my place

higs, we all live different stages of our lives. and what we want change in time.

its not always something that you get, its something youll feel. sometimes though we are not given a chance to actually feel this so...

i for one, have been with a lot of men and women and i didnt feel that way for all of them. just coz youre attracted means youd fall. and just coz you fell, youd be willing to go the full mile.

if youre young just have fun. go around and... sleep around just enjoy it. youll just know it when it comes.

 

[skip]

lucky i dont have kids though.

That you know of.

 

[GYX_Kid]

You in theory have Se pouring from every socket. Do you move around a lot when excited?

Hi, well any habit is addictive. Maybe you could use more time being single. Or like others have said, go do shit while you're still young. Personally I've never even taken a relationship seriously enough to put myself in one. What do you want from one?

 

[pjoa09]

masturbate excessively? i am running out ideas here ...

introversion is a bitch.

when i was upset over an infatuation I took a road trip to the beach and back in one night. averaged 80-90 mph.

note, whatever i am, ixtp, or just flat out loner, everything emotional is overwhelmingly intense. so.. things i do sometimes seems drastic.

 

[NinjaSurfer]

masturbate excessively? i am running out ideas here ...

introversion is a bitch.

when i was upset over an infatuation I took a road trip to the beach and back in one night. averaged 80-90 mph.

note, whatever i am, ixtp, or just flat out loner, everything emotional is overwhelmingly intense. so.. things i do sometimes seems drastic.

well as long as we're bragging about stupid shit we do over girls

I got somewhat drunk at my ex gf's sister's wedding and rode him at 130+ on a Honda CBR (motorcycle); this was because I am still friends with the family and the sister invited me, but when I went it was somewhat too much to handle and it just made me feel like shit, was within a few months of breaking up out of a 6yr relationSHIT.



I don't really advocate doing stupid shit like that, I am just sharing my own self destructive story because you started it lol

 

[GYX_Kid]

It wasn't masturbation you were doing at 80-90 mph in response, was it

 

[xbox]

about the single part too, i have wayy too many family issues to deal with, im not sure if i would have the time or energy for another burden. and yes, i view relationships as a burden.

 

[pjoa09]

well as long as we're bragging about stupid shit we do over girls

I got somewhat drunk at my ex gf's sister's wedding and rode him at 130+ on a Honda CBR (motorcycle); this was because I am still friends with the family and the sister invited me, but when I went it was somewhat too much to handle and it just made me feel like shit, was within a few months of breaking up out of a 6yr relationSHIT.



I don't really advocate doing stupid shit like that, I am just sharing my own self destructive story because you started it lol

I love self destruction stories. I have too many of them. But getting drunk and riding at 130 mph on a bike is some really sick shit. But I'd like to if I were sober. Too bad bikes aren't allowed on freeways or highways here.

Even though I have never rode a motorbike I'd say CBR250RR is one of my favorite motorbikes.

You mean 'rode it' right?

Wasn't bragging it's a decent speed to feel a little liberated. Just a touch over the speed limit. It's 75 here and no one obeys.

 

[pjoa09]

It wasn't masturbation you were doing at 80-90 mph in response, was it

hmmm... someday.

 

[RedN]

I... think I would know if i had a kid or not. besides, ... talking about kids is mute... my doctor said i cant make babies so...

a perfect outlet for my movement thingy would be dancing... you should see me dance hahahahahah

im not young anymore. i wish i was... ... im in the US average age of when we marry ok... ...

what im trying to get is the youth life that i didnt have. like i said somewhere i got hitched at like 18 so i didnt really experience the party crazy life. i wasnt always like this... for years all i did was work go home work go home study ... shit... mom ... every time i go out back then which is like 3 times in a YEAR, for social i mean, mom would like rejoice and even grab my dad just to show him i am going out to .. socialize.......

i roll in the 115 range(was the maximum my car can go back then)... speed wise. back then... now no... but yeah... i will admit sometimes, i do get a bit desperate just coz it hurts a lot ok and i dont know how to deal maybe... but im getting more used to it now.

Ninja, hope youre doing better now.

gy, jerkin off that fast can be good for your arm muscles? so its a good thing maybe? youll have to switch though... you dont want an undeveloped other arm... eh right

xbox, with the right kind of person it wont feel like a burden. it becomes a burden when theyre asshats................

ninja, be careful at those speeds. i actually crashed once at.. emmm.... lets just say my car got totalled so imagine it without an airbag and an engine and metal taking the bulk of th e blow... your body would be the one in pieces.......

well, for some reason all my ex's seem to be everywhere... even places i hope they wont be...

i met a guy last night, i dont know how thatll go... but whatever. i dont want to think of this for now, and just see how things go as friends for now. not just him but... yeah it would be unfair if id get into it again, unfair to the person so...

and just to inflate my ego -_- i danced realllly better last night oh god!!! hydroxycut and hard style dont go so well for me though... i felt like there was ice in my chest area sh**... and i couldnt sleep last night even though i was like collapsing from exhaustion

 

[SpaceYeti]

I dont know why... but i get the feeling most of you are single...

Ive only been single again for a couple of weeks now and I wasnt so for many years.

I guess im just asking for advice on how to cope with it. Probably weird for you, but its really going hard for me. Im off the ehm... suicidal stage for now, and im already stable. But I dont know, I honestly still feel really .... being single just aint my thing and im not happy like this.

I dont want to just jump into another relationship just ot fill the void either, that would be unfair to that person right? I dont know... what to do.

I dont know what im asking here anyway... -_- sorry for the stupid thread

"Cope" with being single?! Being single is the status quo, and is exceptionally easy. Having a relationship is where the work is! When you're single, you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, whoever you want!

 

[RedN]

it depends on the person yeti.

some people are made to be single i guess, some are not. while some... do not know what they are or what they want hahahha

when youre with the right person, you can do what you want, when, where and the thing is... you dont need to do it alone. thats the difference to me.

being able to share things with someone. maybe to some people out there, theyre too afraid to share their lives with others... i dont know

 

[SpaceYeti]

it depends on the person yeti.

some people are made to be single i guess, some are not. while some... do not know what they are or what they want hahahha

when youre with the right person, you can do what you want, when, where and the thing is... you dont need to do it alone. thats the difference to me.

being able to share things with someone. maybe to some people out there, theyre too afraid to share their lives with others... i dont know

You idealistic silly! No, you can't just do whatever you want when you're in a relationship. Now, I'm not saying it's not worth it, just that it's easier.

 

[RedN]

well OK... there ARE things you cant just do... im aware of those like:
- the only chance you can bang another girl is by a threesome WITH her, IF she goes with it
- you cant always just flirt with girls the way you used to
- if youre the type who just wants to do nothing but get drunk and high at home, thats gonna end

and on and on...

well one of the bigger ones id say is like... you cant just go to another country without her approval as well... especially if its like for more than a few weeks... or just move to another state when you want...

 

[SpaceYeti]

Exactly. You can't just play a video game when you get home because she needs help with chores, etc. it's worth it, but freedoms are deFinitely traded

 

[RedN]

you should anyway since youre skipping cooking right? so in a fair setting youre just trading chores and youre gonna do it yourself anyway. and me for example, im not a neat freak .... .... ehm ... eh... as long as the dishes arent like rotting in the sink im eh ok?

 

[SpaceYeti]

you should anyway since youre skipping cooking right? so in a fair setting youre just trading chores and youre gonna do it yourself anyway. and me for example, im not a neat freak .... .... ehm ... eh... as long as the dishes arent like rotting in the sink im eh ok?

I'm fine doing chores, I simply don't like doing them as soon as I get home from work, or after dinner. I generally save chores, big ones anyhow, for the weekend. Small ones like dishes, just wash them as you make them and you never really have to worry about it. Unless I have a dish-washer. Then just rinse, pop them in, wait until it's full, run it, put them away whenever you get to it. But when someone else cares more about getting things done right away than I do, it's not fair for me to not do it, but I also think we could calm down and wait once in a while.

 

[RedN]

well i was thinking of the dishes i mean what other chore is there? .... oh wait, or if the trash is full already

the laundry i wait for 2 weeks? i dont have a dishwasher either...

as for cleaning,... i clean... occasionally haahahhahaaaaaaa.......... ehm....... im too tired after work too you know!!!!!!!!!! and i think i should rest as well after!!! and it can wait for the weekend.

god i hate those who are like... they want it spotless like those cleaning obsessed freak types... i mean them being at home, i once told someone if you want it clean to your level of satisfaction... ill clean it to how im ok with it - then you clean some more til youre happy, since thats just your issue right?

 

[SpaceYeti]

Dishes, vacuuming, cooking, car maintenance, general picking up of things-out-of-place, bills, dusting, laundry, fridge stocking, yardwork... I could sit and think of more.

I don't want it spotless, I just don't want it dirty. As long as you clean really well once a week, everything should be fine.

 

[RedN]

oh my god i still havent cleaned my car since i bought it... and its been months now!!!!!! I keep on forgetting...

 

[Noodle]

I've been single for 16 years.. my entire life. You could maybe invent a robotic spouse that would never leave you.

 

[SpaceYeti]

They already have those, but you have to be 18 to get into those stores. You could buy one online. They're actually pretty cheap.

 

[SpaceYeti]

oh my god i still havent cleaned my car since i bought it... and its been months now!!!!!! I keep on forgetting...

Cleaning cars is hard to remember, because I'm only in my car when I'm going somewhere I have to be, or home after work and I want to relax.

 

[RedN]

yeah, saturday mornings im too tired already from friday night so i dont know.. but OK ... ill find a car wash this saturday...

 

[SpaceYeti]

Pffft, I don't even bother washing my car. I mean, once every few months, but here in Colorado the dust just cakes on by the next day anyhow.

 

[RedN]

well if it gets that dirty so fast then i would ... well arrive at the same conclusion, why even bother washing it... unless you cant see effectively anymore, windows i mean...

but HEY righ tnowwwww im gonna be cleaning my place!!!!

ive done the dishes already now... just... em aaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhh

i dont wanna clean i wanna watch dog the bounty hunterrrrrrrr.... >_< ok ill watch while i clean ughhhhh...

you know. it was really hard the first few days, weeks... im just glad ive recovered this far already and im not in such a miserable state anymore. i still feel a little lonely but... i know i can do this and i have to do this right.

last night i went to a place here, i pass it everyday and ive lived in this area for 6 years but i never went there... and alst night i did. its just a small area in the middle of main street and they have a fountain there. i may have been alone but... i can just take it as... atleast someday when im not anymore, ive some place to show or... something... hahahaha... uhm whatever... .....

 

[Minuend]

....

This might come off as rude, but the conversations between you two...bad combination.

Chores? You have to do those whether in relationship or not. And to what degree you are to get involved with other people depends on your partner. Your freedom doesn't have to change.

And xbox, not everyone requires attention to such a degree it becomes a burden.

 

[NinjaSurfer]

I've been single for 16 years.. my entire life. You could maybe invent a robotic spouse that would never leave you.

you're underage.
so this is as much a response as you're going to get.


let me just add that this is perfectly normal to be single your entire life... at 16
and that... nevermind.

let's just say that it would only be weird if you mention this same line when you're 30.

only then should you feel sorry for yourself.

 

[SpaceYeti]

....

This might come off as rude, but the conversations between you two...bad combination.

Chores? You have to do those whether in relationship or not. And to what degree you are to get involved with other people depends on your partner. Your freedom doesn't have to change.

And xbox, not everyone requires attention to such a degree it becomes a burden.

It's not about having to do them, it's about someone else getting upset if you don't do yours according to their schedule. And, no, freedoms don't have to change, but then what's the point in the relationship if you're going to live like you don't have one?

 

[RedN]

i actually have met people who are around 30 and have never ever had a girlfriend/boyfriend. yeah they... either have become desensitized or VERY BITTER, or theyre really lonely as fuck but theyre like stuck... they dont know what to do. its like taking high school at age 30. sure you can do it but...

minuend. well a conversation is a conversation hahahahaha as long as both people are cool with how its going its cool eh

and as yeti said, some are obsessive about cleaning and that becomes an issue. esp when they impose their 'issues' on you... in a normal relationship of course its not such a big deal. i was married for a long time and it was NEVER an issue... oops yeah... im divorced

as for attention. surprisingly too, some people needs insane amounts of alone time that they dont like being bothered. i get the feeling some people want to be alone with no contact for more than a full week - from their lover. some want intense amounts where youre talking for hours and hours every single day!

i have also encountered some women who say if they dont get fucked atleast every 3 days or every other day unless they ahve a period, their mood would be all ... fucked up.

i dont know if im clingy here or attention seeking but I do prefer to hear from my lover if we dont live together like once a day. just a text is enough really, like hey baby you doing ok. or sharing what theyre doing or anything. theres so much that can happen in a day.

 

[catatonic]

it was easier when we were kids.

no need to think about love and relationshit.

i don't want to fall in love again, make me feel like shit.

 

[RedN]

when i was a kid all i can think of was em... doing things... i talk a lot about love but i really dont know what i was talking about. they were just words

 

[catatonic]

Yah, everything was simpler and easier when we know nothing.

 

[RedN]

the more we see in life the more we want. i dont know if its human nature but...

then again, i dont know if being content with life is a humans weakness or the strength of our species. if we were always just content, there wouldnt have been any changes - for the better maybe, we wouldnt have known better alternatives. just like eating raw pork... to roasting it.

i guess i still would choose to know, than be oblivious of things. i dont know...

 

[Minuend]

It's not about having to do them, it's about someone else getting upset if you don't do yours according to their schedule. And, no, freedoms don't have to change, but then what's the point in the relationship if you're going to live like you don't have one?

You get benefits from the relationship; support, intimacy. But you don't have to restrict that source to one. Or, sometimes, you keep one for support and are free to have sex with others if you like.

Upset about not following the schedule... I don't even know where to begin. Having to do chores now instead of later is freedom restriction? I mean, it's just so...irrelevant to what life is about. Or if life could be said to be about something, doing the dishes wouldn't be it.

 

[RedN]

but how many are ok with that, you outsourcing your sexual needs? unless youre proposing cheating.

maybe recreation and companionship since thats what friends are for sometimes.

i wont lie, I lived like that when i was young. I had a lover for sex, a lover for acceptance, a lover for fun all at the same time but... it didnt work out for me. these settings are temporary.

minuend, you have parents that tell you these things right? take it as your fate lead you to a lover who acts like your parents... do it now or you'll be grounded (or never ending rant and tantrums and no sex and on and on...)