Being driven nuts by socialization

[BurnedOut]

Several events have taken place that has left me scourging for a safe corner to huddle up away from people armed with a book or my phone and earbuds to escape people. I did try and looks like I fucked up quite a bit.

Talked to a philosophy graduate today and shared my thoughts about my favorite theories from what I know. Suddenly he decided I was a worse company than his brother who knew next to nothing about the same.

Volunteered (without a choice) for social work involving visually impaired kids. The management was atrocious, so I zoned out and did my own thing. There were far too many real volunteers who were forming sporadic swarms talking inane crap. I participated in one of them. One was unfortunate enough to tell me how a musician in the medieval times caused rain by rain music and death of birds and cracking of glass by his singing. I jokingly rejoindered by saying that one of the most famous babas in India is claimed to have fried food in water. Was surrounded by people roughly in my age group and some in the 30s. One of them is an IT graduate and a working professional who reads tonnes of nonfiction and fiction. Believes in ghosts. Suddenly started avoiding.

Older volunteer lectures me on my aloofness and barks about how rules are important. Told him that I tried talking to the management but they never listen. Tells me that shit happens and volunteers are supposed to deal with it without fuss. Told him that volunteering work is never about the convenience of the volunteers but for the people whom they are working for. Tells me that 'theories don't solve anything'. Replied that I did give praxis to deaf ears. He said that since I did not attend volunteer meetings, I won't be heard. I replied that I am not the one losing neither is he, the visually impaired kids are. Suddenly all his superciliousness is gone and he does not have anymore 'wise' advice to give me.

Started avoiding my obnoxious cousin who gets too cozy with every guy and I am tired of sporadically hear her getting slut shamed by the people she hangs out with. Saw her with her 29yo bf who is 8 years elder to her and their sleazy stupid teen romcom of 'don't let others know that I am fucking you'. Her boyfriend is chummy with all the girls who slut shame her. Ironically enough I saw her walking around with one of the biggest attention whores I have come across in my life who is also a gossip queen. Why do I call her an attention whore? Well, I saw her puffing her breasts out in front of her old flame (who is again a decade older than her) who had arrived with his newly wed wife. The guy could not resist her rotund bosom and his wife was left squirming behind his back as he made sexy eye contact with this woman. Saw some of my friends who were happy bitching about her hanging with her. Lost interest in hanging with all of them.

Avoiding another of my cousin sister who is fucking a 40 year old. Not only they are shagging but this bimbo even visited with his home and made friends with his son so much so that his wife got jealous of her. Then she hung out with his wife at a church outing where they orgasmed in the name of Jesus. She comes back and tries to justify her adventures in the name of love then share painful details of her sex life that made me squirm. I told her that she could have directed the next season for 13 reasons why and she actually found it funny. What a joke.

Witnessed the complete lack of empathy for the visually impaired. Made them sit in the sun unnecessarily because of these old farts' incompetence. One of them was actually a visually-impaired teacher. I felt really dejected and depressed after that. On top of that witnessed another kid who probably walked on broken glass because he had no footwear. That was even more depressing.

So at the end of the day I did what I wanted to do. Sat with a book and my phone in the corner and fucked off to myself and introspected whether socialization when it is not a need but a want is even required because these events are just a slice of the amount of duplicity I see every now and then. Sometimes I truly feel superior to them when they think that they are somehow better than me because they can gel better with others and with more frequency. I have lost the will to even try to reply snarkily or use sarcasm and just float with the status quo. Maybe money is all that really matters?

 

[Puffy]

I think it depends on what your goal is, if it is to be alone in the corner with your book and phone then it sounds like you've found the means to achieve that.

One thing I notice in your post here is a lot of judgements - about the incompetencies or behaviours of others, or calling them names like whores, bimbos or old farts. It's a behaviour that creates a distance or separation between you and them and implies a kind of superiority. I question if one day this behaviour might leave you feeling lonely. Loneliness isn't something someone always notices immediately, the effect of it accumulates over time.

This might be a projection as you remind me a lot of how I used to be when I was younger, which ultimately means that these behaviours are still be with me now in some form as people never change completely.

One thing is that you're definitely not superior to any of these people you've mentioned. Neither am I. Someone doesn't need to be intellectual or into philosophy to be your friend either. I was a lot happier when I realised these things.

 

[Black Rose]

Someone doesn't need to be intellectual or into philosophy to be your friend either.

He said because of others incompetence the blind kids were left out in the hot sun and he could not do anything about it.

If these are the people he is supposed to be friends with (people not caring about blind kids) I can see why he has such poor attitudes toward people in general.

 

[Puffy]

Someone doesn't need to be intellectual or into philosophy to be your friend either.

He said because of others incompetence the blind kids were left out in the hot sun and he could not do anything about it.

If these are the people he is supposed to be friends with (people not caring about blind kids) I can see why he has such poor attitudes toward people in general.

What I meant was more around broadening the pool of who are acceptable humans. I only say that as the OP reads like he took issue with everyone he met.

 

[ZenRaiden]

OP I agree lots of people are not great.
The only solution is to find circles of people who share your views values.
You are caring person with empathy? Great find carrying people with empathy?
You don't like to listen to people about how they cheat. Great just talk with people about what you like and are interested.
You don't have to force yourself to be around these people you have zero respect for.
Also don't let negativity of others bring down you.
Your positivity is important for people you truly care about.
Fuck others. Who cares about that. They live their existence. You can as well.

 

[dr froyd]

well it looks like the usual recipe

1. be a judgmental, arrogant, entitled, vindictive cunt
2. complain that people don't love and adore you

 

[BurnedOut]

well it looks like the usual recipe

1. be a judgmental, arrogant, entitled, vindictive cunt
2. complain that people don't love and adore you

Except that you got it all wrong and I could not care a zilch about being hated and not adored. I take pride in not being adored by such morons

 

[BurnedOut]

I mentioned that I was rather conscripted for some $$ and family pressure.

One thing I notice in your post here is a lot of judgements - about the incompetencies or behaviours of others, or calling them names like whores, bimbos or old farts.

Old farts making blind children suffer by making them sit in the sun while enjoying cool indoor airs themselves.

Called my sister a bimbo because she is inches away from being a complete homewrecker by fucking someone decade older and on top of that gelling with his wife and kids and then inappropriately sharing her sex life.

Called that attention-whore an attention-whore for deliberately sexually enticing a married man in front of his wife. I guess if you were his wife, you would no qualms calling her a whore and a lot of other expletives.

FYI, I am superior to this cunts because they are sociopathic despite having a working limbic system and healthy emotional regulation.

 

[EndogenousRebel]

Many people don't treat others with respect until it's obvious that they can do something in return for them.

Or unless they have reasons to fear them.

No reason to fear or respect? You're basically as good as garbage. if I can't use you for my own actualization, wtf are you even doing?

That's how most people feel.

I want to ask you if the contempt you have for these people genuinely makes you better than them, or if its just a way to project the disgust you have because you realize that you're basically not that different from them at all.

Justice finds it's way into people's lives even if it's just shame.

Trust me when I say that the influence you have in world comes back to you. It's not that much, but when you're having a bad day and are not feeling well, it goes a long way knowing that you're trying to be a positive force to the best of your ability.

 

[Puffy]

I mentioned that I was rather conscripted for some $$ and family pressure.

One thing I notice in your post here is a lot of judgements - about the incompetencies or behaviours of others, or calling them names like whores, bimbos or old farts.

Old farts making blind children suffer by making them sit in the sun while enjoying cool indoor airs themselves.

Called my sister a bimbo because she is inches away from being a complete homewrecker by fucking someone decade older and on top of that gelling with his wife and kids and then inappropriately sharing her sex life.

Called that attention-whore an attention-whore for deliberately sexually enticing a married man in front of his wife. I guess if you were his wife, you would no qualms calling her a whore and a lot of other expletives.

FYI, I am superior to this cunts because they are sociopathic despite having a working limbic system and healthy emotional regulation.

No offense but they’re still judgements and examples of being judgemental.

I’m sure Old Things will appreciate me throwing this one in, but the phrase “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” come to mind.

 

[BurnedOut]

Trust me when I say that the influence you have in world comes back to you. It's not that much, but when you're having a bad day and are not feeling well, it goes a long way knowing that you're trying to be a positive force to the best of your ability.

I am a cunt myself and I cannot impact or put any dent on the world. I am well aware of that fact. When i start cussing like a sailor, it is always the case that someone else is unfairly profiting off from their behavior on my expense or someone else's expense.

I could not care much about what all of these people are doing until they haggle me or force me to be an actor in circumstances orchestrated by them. Like I said, I don't consider myself some kind of a rubicon or exemplar of any sort because I have enough skeletons in my closet but I am certainly not guilty of running a propaganda and bend circumstances to give rise to a gogolian universe where these people reduce individuals to mere cogs in a social game. Getting told that my sister is a slut over and over again is in fact distressing or some random 35 year old giving me a lecture on governance despite telling him that I have a masters in polsci. It is clear that all these fuckers themselves reek of supercilious and I believe I am right to feel superior to fucks that try to convince me that they are superior to me. I ain't a SJW and will never be but these bastards are like gifts that keep giving. When the organization turns out to be a giant status-quo scam, I think it's justified that I am going to be violently ticked off especially. I am against the propaganda and the class-consciousness these people exhibit. All the aforementioned exhibits explicitly portray themselves as heroes effecting a change in the world.

Would you be people be happy to know that I am ostracized. So I am clearly paying for my sins of judgement and pride. It's difficult when nobody talks with a straight face or sounds like a televangelist propagandist.

 

[BurnedOut]

I want to ask you if the contempt you have for these people genuinely makes you better than them, or if its just a way to project the disgust you have because you realize that you're basically not that different from them at all.

I am not anybody but I am certainly above those who project their insecurities onto me by attempting to psychologically dominate me or impose their narratives without hearing me out.

No offense but they’re still judgements and examples of being judgemental.

That's a little ironical

 

[Puffy]

I want to ask you if the contempt you have for these people genuinely makes you better than them, or if its just a way to project the disgust you have because you realize that you're basically not that different from them at all.

I am not anybody but I am certainly above those who project their insecurities onto me by attempting to psychologically dominate me or impose their narratives without hearing me out.

No offense but they’re still judgements and examples of being judgemental.

That's a little ironical

Fair, I think I was admitting in my first post something to the effect of takes one to know one.

 

[Puffy]

Duplicate

 

[EndogenousRebel]

Would you be people be happy to know that I am ostracized. So I am clearly paying for my sins of judgement and pride. It's difficult when nobody talks with a straight face or sounds like a televangelist propagandist.

I would recommend being as succinct as possible, with yourself and others.

There's no need to lose sleep or peace over any asshole, and you obviously feel bent out of shape about it in some marginal way, you've spent the energy to vent this anyway.

Not saying you cant be both, but either you're happy because people you don't want to associate with don't want to associate with you, or you're upset because you unavoidably have to interact with assholes.

I would transparently label yourself with something that oversimplifies your perspective.

People don't like nuance, and if you have complicated views they tend to blame you when they don't understand you.

If you say something like "I am an Antidisestablishmentarianism" they blame you because they think they know what it means. If you say "I'm anti secularism" they don't really know what to do and they have to ask you questions.

Just short-answers. No point in communicating at length with people who don't hear you. Succinctness.

 

[dr froyd]

well it looks like the usual recipe

1. be a judgmental, arrogant, entitled, vindictive cunt
2. complain that people don't love and adore you

Except that you got it all wrong and I could not care a zilch about being hated and not adored. I take pride in not being adored by such morons

except that's a lie

i think you have some sort of abandonment issues and a bit of narcissism. I have a bit of that myself i think, and recognize those thought patterns in the (exceedingly long) expositions you regularly provide. The hate and disdain that pours out of you is a coping mechanism. The difference between me and you though, is that i see it as a character flaw - i don't take pride in it and i don't find it out of the ordinary when people reject one on account of that.

 

[Puffy]

Would you be people be happy to know that I am ostracized. So I am clearly paying for my sins of judgement and pride. It's difficult when nobody talks with a straight face or sounds like a televangelist propagandist.

I'm not happy to hear this, no. I think that ostracism is often self-perpetuated by our own internal thoughts and behaviours though. For example, if you act aggressively towards people because you feel ostracised by them that also pushes them away and self-perpetuates the ostracism. People won't want to be around someone unless they soften to them.

I don't mind sharing my own faults in this respect. I grew up often feeling alienated from others and that despite how much I'd try to fit in they'd reject me. This slowly developed into the judgement that there is something peculiarly different about me and that others are different than me. On account of this they won't accept me and I can't be with them without losing myself.

I spent a good part of my 20s rejecting other people and spending all my time pursuing my own creative and intellectual pursuits, only to eventually realise this left me deeply lonely and doesn't make me happy.

It's taken me a long time of softening this and I believe I still am. But the reality is the only person who creates my loneliness is me and the idea that I'm different to everyone else is a lie. Life presents opportunities to bond with people every day and it's my choice whether to pursue that or not.

 

[Black Rose]

I spent a good part of my 20s rejecting other people and spending all my time pursuing my own creative and intellectual pursuits, only to eventually realise this left me deeply lonely and doesn't make me happy.

This might have to do with both our "autisms" being the defining factors of our lives.

I had no idea that I needed people and most people ignored me (not rejected me)

This kind of thing happens but is not our fault, it is about not being understood.

Things in fact got worse for me after I turned 30 when I realized no one cared much about objectivity and I had to learn that the hard way.

It's taken me a long time of softening this and I believe I still am. But the reality is the only person who creates my loneliness is me and the idea that I'm different to everyone else is a lie. Life presents opportunities to bond with people every day and it's my choice whether to pursue that or not.

You puffy, might not be familiar with the INTJ profile.

They rarely feel lonely in that sense you are talking about.

They in fact have great confidence in themselves which creates the superiority complex.

INTJ usually are as with INTP the most intelligent type but this breeds a resentment because then they can see the flaws in everyone else.

The best thing for the INTJ to do is get away from the most flawed people they are in contact with because that is what will make them the most irritable.

INTJ like @BurnedOut should look for the biggest idea they believe will have the most impact on the world because it distracts them from human flaws.

 

[Puffy]

I spent a good part of my 20s rejecting other people and spending all my time pursuing my own creative and intellectual pursuits, only to eventually realise this left me deeply lonely and doesn't make me happy.

This might have to do with both our "autisms" being the defining factors of our lives.

I had no idea that I needed people and most people ignored me (not rejected me)

This kind of thing happens but is not our fault, it is about not being understood.

Things in fact got worse for me after I turned 30 when I realized no one cared much about objectivity and I had to learn that the hard way.

It's taken me a long time of softening this and I believe I still am. But the reality is the only person who creates my loneliness is me and the idea that I'm different to everyone else is a lie. Life presents opportunities to bond with people every day and it's my choice whether to pursue that or not.

You puffy, might not be familiar with the INTJ profile.

They rarely feel lonely in that sense you are talking about.

They in fact have great confidence in themselves which creates the superiority complex.

INTJ usually are as with INTP the most intelligent type but this breeds a resentment because then they can see the flaws in everyone else.

The best thing for the INTJ to do is get away from the most flawed people they are in contact with because that is what will make them the most irritable.

INTJ like @BurnedOut should look for the biggest idea they believe will have the most impact on the world because it distracts them from human flaws.

I most often type as INxJ but am probably INFJ.

I think that’s likely true with regards to us having ASD. I think I’ve found it easier to connect to people over time as I have the 10,000 hours of social experience so to speak now that I didn’t have as a younger person.

I’d say I also found clowning, miming, slapstick and improv comedy classes really helpful as it taught me that I can be really weird with people and be liked or accepted for it. I appreciate I’m likely quite serious on this forum, but that’s allowed me to show my sense of humour in public and it’s often how I bond with people at the moment. I dont feel drained by people as much and can get a bit extroverted sometimes. I suspect it’s because I’m not masking as much as I used to when in public and comedy/playfulness gave me a means of learning how to do that.

 

[BurnedOut]

you're upset because you unavoidably have to interact with assholes.

More of the case

 

[birdsnestfern]

Seems a job where you are your own boss would fit better. Maybe the experience is trying to draw you towards discovering a talent that you can develope to earn $.

 

[scorpiomover]

Several events have taken place that has left me scourging for a safe corner to huddle up away from people armed with a book or my phone and earbuds to escape people. I did try and looks like I fucked up quite a bit.

Talked to a philosophy graduate today and shared my thoughts about my favorite theories from what I know. Suddenly he decided I was a worse company than his brother who knew next to nothing about the same.

Well, that was smart. Imagine telling your ideas to a philosophy grad. The whole point of being a philosophy grad, is so that YOU get to tell others all your grand ideas, while they they all say how wonderful you are. Then you actually had the temerity to turn it around and tell him YOUR good ideas. No prizes for guessing that this would not turn out well.

Volunteered (without a choice) for social work involving visually impaired kids. The management was atrocious, so I zoned out and did my own thing.

Volunteering means it's a choice. If you weren't choosing, then it was pretending to be one thing while being another. So you can expect more things to be unlike they say it is, such as management being decent, the staff caring about the people they are helping, etc.

Believes in ghosts. Suddenly started avoiding.

I think you should know that on INTFJf, there's a millionaire Singaporean lawyer who constantly says how successful and wonderful he is, how wonderful his country is, and how terrible America is, who believes in ghosts. Also likes to repeatedly say how he often is asked to advise Indian lawyers on matters of law.

Started avoiding my obnoxious cousin who gets too cozy with every guy and I am tired of sporadically hear her getting slut shamed by the people she hangs out with. Saw her with her 29yo bf who is 8 years elder to her and their sleazy stupid teen romcom of 'don't let others know that I am fucking you'. Her boyfriend is chummy with all the girls who slut shame her. Ironically enough I saw her walking around with one of the biggest attention whores I have come across in my life who is also a gossip queen. Why do I call her an attention whore? Well, I saw her puffing her breasts out in front of her old flame (who is again a decade older than her) who had arrived with his newly wed wife. The guy could not resist her rotund bosom and his wife was left squirming behind his back as he made sexy eye contact with this woman. Saw some of my friends who were happy bitching about her hanging with her. Lost interest in hanging with all of them.

This sounds like an episode of SOAP (the TV series). At some point, I'm expecting you to say that you want to bang your cousing and just annoyed that this older guys is c0ck-bl0cking you.

Avoiding another of my cousin sister who is fucking a 40 year old. Not only they are shagging but this bimbo even visited with his home and made friends with his son so much so that his wife got jealous of her. Then she hung out with his wife at a church outing where they orgasmed in the name of Jesus. She comes back and tries to justify her adventures in the name of love then share painful details of her sex life that made me squirm. I told her that she could have directed the next season for 13 reasons why and she actually found it funny. What a joke.

OK. He's DEFINITELY c0ck-bl0cking you.

Maybe money is all that really matters?

Kind of.

The advantage of money, is that you can get to do things like this all the time, but WORSE. Millionaires get to buy a tank and drive them up the high street, or be caught f**king a horse and have their expensive lawyer bribe the police to keep shtum.

Millionaires rarely haev peace and quiet to themselves, though, because everyone wants to be close to their money.

Like, if you won the lottery, you should not be surprised if your cousins start hitting on you.