I'm really depressed and haven't felt so low in awhile. I'm essentially an outcast. I think, see, dress, and do things differently than most people and a lot of people don't get that. It's so hard for me to find and maintain friendships. Its just so irritating to feel alone ALL THE TIME! When i read other posts about INTPs being lonely/isolated I start to lose hope and I'm starting to lose the will to live. There's a party in my head but my real life is simple and boring. I'm stuck in this limbo and I don't know what to do. I've tried attending social events and all that but i feel like people have this natural tendency to gravitate away from me rather than towards. I need some advice. what can i do? I'm so lost right now and I feel like maybe I'm just destined to be alone forever.
Well, I'm sorry to hear that you're so depressed. Negative moods can cause such vicious cycles...
But first, in regard to fashion, you could try dressing in a more socially acceptable way so that your unconventionality as an INTP is not as apparent. If you don't, many people will consistently prejudge you with their surface-oriented thought processes and possibly even deem you "the weird guy."
In relation to this, you could do the same with other aspects of your personality by masking them while you're around Sensors (read "people"). Analyze their behavioral patterns and follow them--without being an overt copycat--and you'll have the potential to be a very well-liked person. If we want Sensors to like us, we have to adhere to their conversational rules and codes, since most of them seem to subscribe to the misconception that every person alive is a Sensor and so should be expected to act like one. But again, if you don't do this, they are going to consistently consider you weird or antisocial and you'll inevitably become alienated.
Second, I suspect the reason you perceive that people gravitate away from you is largely because of the fact that you are an INTP--you never will be a Sensor like them. If you're having a conversation with a Sensor and another Sensor joins the conversation, I'd wager that oftentimes the Sensors will begin dominating the conversation while you merely sit there, puzzled in trying to follow their words and thought processes. I've seen the exact same thing happen while I've had conversations when more iNtuitives were around than Sensors--the iNtuitives began dominating the conversations while the Sensors merely remained silent. The point here is that Sensors don't intentionally try to boot us out of their conversations--we just aren't naturally equipped to hold conversations on their level, while they're just as ill-equipped to hold conversations on our level. Small talk, which Sensors enjoy so much, is not for the INTP.
Third, I think that what Coolydudey says here applies to your situation:
...or (which seems more likely given you have trouble with building relationships) you feel a need for social interaction imposed on you by society that isn't really part of you.
If you're the first or the last case, you should learn some new social skills. If you're the middle case, you should start with the phrase "know thyself".
I think your self-damaging thought processes and attitudes could be harming your self-esteem and fueling your depression more than anything else. If you try living by an ideal that is unrealistic for INTPs to live up to and consistently fall short, you're probably going to be depressed until you realize and accept that you're a completely different type of person than most people and that there's nothing innately wrong or evil about this.
Fourth, I have no doubt that INTPs do crave a certain type of social interaction, but Sensors just can't provide us with what we mainly desire. They're usually not interested in listening to our insights, curiosities, and discoveries, and they're usually not interested in speaking of such things themselves. I think that spending some time around Sensors is healthier than completely isolating yourself from people all the time, but even better is to find iNtuitive individuals so that conversation not only comes naturally for you, but it's also energizing. You can start with a forum like this--while it doesn't replace face-to-face social interaction, it can serve as an outlet.
You could also try finding a Sensor who's just a really good listener. One of the best friends I ever had was an ISTJ who was concrete to the core and couldn't hold a conversation on my level but was nonetheless content to listen to me. If you can find someone who listens that well, I think you'll surprise yourself with how much you have to say and how exhilarating it can be to speak in-depth on topics that you find truly interesting.
Above all, man, keep your head up and stay positive. As you can see, the INTPs on this forum are rooting for you.
Edit: Also, I don't know how I overlooked this, but I also agree with the advice given by skip and Architect. People who have the same interests and hobbies as you can make interesting company, whether they're Sensors or iNtuitives or whatever.
