Balancing = Maturity?

[Linsejko]

NOTE:

Thread split from "How do I find an INTP?".
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I don't consciously, specifically desire someone just like me (and indeed, 'similar' is not 'just like'), but I do understand some of my own positive traits better than, perhaps, the positive traits of some other types, and so seek out that which I understand to be good.

And then, I really do just find introverts attractive. My mom, who has been an extreme extrovert her entire life, recently told me she is finding that she is picking her friends much more closely, and has much less desire for idle chatter, than she used to, and so on and etc- i.e., she's becoming more and more I in her old age (by which I mean 38). She really believes this is because she's gained a ton of maturity in recent years because of the strains of her work (high level exec in a commercial real estate startup); she, who has been an extremely strong E her entire life, tells me that she believes becoming more introverted is a direct result of and directly related to her becoming more wise.

I really see this being true, but before I get some very negative feedback, let me just say I also believe extreme introverts become more mature by learning to be more and more relational E's. Still, though- I would love to find a young, beautiful, intelligent E who is mature enough to have developed her I. Just, all you are seeing by my description is that is important she have a degree of I. In reality, I want a girl who is only barely I on her preference, but very close to an X.

something like I 55% N80~% F60~% P70~%

My 'policy' leads me to find the best girl I can; when my 'policy' is applied to me, that theoretical girl ends up looking somewhat like I do, probably because I understand the good in me and try to find that. This is just a result of me very carefully analyzing people, and making intelligent selection based on my life's experience and analysis of others and myself. When all that data is plugged into my 'policy', my outcome looks like what has been described- if you followed my policy, your ideal girl would be different from mine, (because your understanding of a quality person is different from mine), and so your methods of deciding who to be interested in and who to disregard would be different, and so the people you would end up finding by following that 'policy' would be different.

It's a very flexible policy that I speak of- you can just insert your personal variables, and do what you like. However, I don't imagine a "J" type will do as well with my method, and imagine you have your own 'policy' that works much better for you.

.L

 

[wreckoning]

Re: How do I find an INTP?

I also believe extreme introverts become more mature by learning to be more and more relational E's. Still, though- I would love to find a young, beautiful, intelligent E who is mature enough to have developed her I. ... something like I 55% N80~% F60~% P70~%

At first it sounds like you find extremity synonymous with immaturity, but you value N and P very highly. Now of course what you want for a mate is your prerogative entirely (although for the record, I have dated an INFP, with the F and the P being highly developed, and found it to be an unsuitable match. Most of our problems revolved around his dreaminess & inability to make decisions, and my lack of sentimentality & difficulty expressing/embracing emotions).

However I find it interesting that you think Introverts should strive to be more like Extroverts and vice versa but make no mention of the other MBTI letters. I for one would certainly appreciate having more J within myself, and I certainly find either extreme P or extreme J to be taxing to deal with.

If you find extreme I or E types to be unhealthy do you also find the other extreme letters to be unhealthy? And if you don't, why not? And if you do find other extreme letters to be unhealthy, could you explain why? The danger here being that if we all strive to straddle the fence we will end up all the same (which may or may not be a good thing, I'm not sure, I suppose we would get along better). It is my understanding that MBTI (which I have not studied excessively) attempts to define temperaments but does not pass judgment on them, each type having their own special contributions to society.

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Heavily cropped for fluidity in thread split.
(L.)
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[Linsejko]

Re: How do I find an INTP?

If you find extreme I or E types to be unhealthy do you also find the other extreme letters to be unhealthy? And if you don't, why not? And if you do find other extreme letters to be unhealthy, could you explain why? The danger here being that if we all strive to straddle the fence we will end up all the same (which may or may not be a good thing, I'm not sure, I suppose we would get along better). It is my understanding that MBTI (which I have not studied excessively) attempts to define temperaments but does not pass judgment on them, each type having their own special contributions to society.

I don't necessarily find extreme I or E unhealthy, as expressed on the MBTI. Where you get your energy from isn't what I'm talking about- I'm referring more to the common understanding of the words, the people that are anti social & the people that are willing to strip to be the life of the party.

I do, however, find that I believe maturity is really found in balancing all of your letters; this also fits nicely with my general philosophy in life. A mentor of mine used to say, very often, "yes, well, it's a difficult balance"- after saying it enough times, I started to realize that this sentence applied almost ubiquitously in life.

I have talked elsewhere on the forum about also wanting more J; that is my current ongoing goal & New Years Resolution (I was wanting more J even though I didn't have that term and knowledge available to me- I just wanted to begin 'organizing my time' so I could be 'more efficient' and 'structured').

However, even when I learn to be more efficient with my time, I'll still be the 90%+ P that I am. I'll just be a more disciplined, functional P. Just as I am a 95%+ I, yet I have a very developed social side.

I still cannot comment or discuss very well the N v. S, unfortunately; despite starting a thread here, and discussing it, the dichotomy eludes my intuitive understanding as the others do.

Still, I find myself attracted to those who are more abstract thinkers, and who aren't really looking for conclusions; I find intuition also crucial to my freely communicating, without having to go into 'teaching' mode, to clearly illustrate to others what I mean (which I am very well capable of, as most INTPs can be- but I prefer to just speak and be understood intuitively). Thus my romantic preferences.

.L

 

[wreckoning]

I don't necessarily find extreme I or E unhealthy, as expressed on the MBTI. Where you get your energy from isn't what I'm talking about- I'm referring more to the common understanding of the words, the people that are anti social & the people that are willing to strip to be the life of the party.

So if someone feels energized by periods of isolation, and identifies strongly as an introvert, or extrovert as it were, that is okay.

But if they act on it in an extreme way, such as being anti social or stripping, that is unhealthy.

I'll still be the 90%+ P that I am. I'll just be a more disciplined, functional P. Just as I am a 95%+ I, yet I have a very developed social side.

So that means technically your ideal girl could be 95% I as well if she was "developed"? Or 55% I if not developed.

When all that data is plugged into my 'policy', my outcome looks like what has been described- if you followed my policy, your ideal girl would be different from mine, (because your understanding of a quality person is different from mine),

This is a really humourous phrasing . . . and not something I'm sure an INFP female would immediately understand. Probably don't want to bring this up on the first date.

I do, however, find that I believe maturity is really found in balancing all of your letters; this also fits nicely with my general philosophy in life.

I'm not so sure about this.

I think it may be a question of personal preference ... and what is appropriate in one's life and goals.

I naturally balance close to the N-S line. My career requires me to find some kind of I-E balance, although I am technically a well-defined I.

Perhaps, as I grow older and my life changes directions, I might want to try to define another letter. Like your mother getting in touch with her I... but does the maturity come from balance or simply from being in touch with the needs of her current situation, being able to read herself with accuracy and then act on it (for this takes a great deal of maturity)? If she was already an "extreme E" then she really had nowhere to go but towards I; however, what if she was simply a strong E, is it not possible that she would decide that her life now called for her to become extreme E? Maybe no one would call that the path to maturity, but is it necessary to call such extremity immature? It is just being in touch with one's temperament and having the conviction to act on it.

Not sure how clear that argument is.

There is a large part of me that admires passion and extremity. I recognize that most things in life have tradeoffs. And I believe recognizing that fact is a sign of maturity. However I don't think I always have to find perfect balance, just because I know it exists. It's like, I can have a car that's fast, or a car that is economical on gas. Or I can have one in between. But is there something wrong with taking the economical car, or the sports car? No... I knew there was something that I was giving up, with each one. I made a choice.

If a recluse is able to play the part of an extrovert but prefers not to, is it unhealthy? If the girl taking off her top at the party is surrounded by consenting adults, and enjoying herself, and furthermore she is able to sit by herself and read a bit of Card just chooses not to at this point ... what's the big deal ?

 

[murkrow]

do you know your mother's MTBI? because really the fact that she lead an extroverted lifestyle does not mean she was ever a strong E.

I will admit that as an E I have a strong thirst for attention. I watch videos of myself at a young age and cringe because no matter what the person is trying to film I keep jumping into the shot and yelling about something. As I have matured I've learned to have some self control and now my thirst for attention is something I can control and use. Becoming a mature E or I isnt a matter of being any less extroverted or introverted, it's a matter of making that part of yourself work for you instead of being a slave to it.

As an E my first instinct when I feel threatened or insecure will always be to lash out or make a scene in some way, and learning to take that urge and channel it into a productive and fluent argument is the path to productivity, not turning inside when my whole mind and body wants to explode.

I'm sure that Is have the exact opposite response to conflict, when they feel threatened or insecure they have an urge to shut down all social contacts and back out. But if Is try to fight that urge and instead push themselves out into unfamiliar and dangerous territory they will be hurt. An I must learn to step back, come to terms with new information and situations and then respond.

I can understand how you see the silly things we Es will do when in the grips of social attention as horrible mistakes. But if an extroverted thinker doesn't say something ridiculous when it comes to his head chances are he'll never be able to really realize the truth in what he's saying, or worse still, he will hold think everything that comes to his head is right forever.

 

[wreckoning]

but if an extroverted thinker doesn't say something ridiculous when it comes to his head chances are he'll never be able to really realize the truth in what he's saying.

That sounds like it would be really funny to listen to.

 

[Linsejko]

I don't have time for a full response right now, but I did want to answer that my mother did indeed take the full MBTI; she was ENFP, all the way on every trait.

.L

 

[Ermine]

That explains why it was so hard to type my parents. A lot of the letters were Xs, and the ones that weren't were close ties. I just had to look at descriptions for every type until I found something. They're very mature considering they're in their early 40's.