Are you sure I'm antisocial?

[Bobble]

I think extroverts possess the same inability to properly communicate socially with introverted individuals. But they're not considered antisocial.

On the other hand introverts have no problem socializing with fellow introverts. In fact they show the same willingness to socialize with like minded individuals as extroverts do. But they're not considered social.

We are neither social or antisocial in my opinion. There is no difference between the two groups as far as the willingness to socialize goes.

I find it unfair that we're labeled this way and I find it unfair that I was raised to feel this way.
Extroverts grow up being told that the way they socialize is completely normal and we become anti social because they don't understand us.

Introverts are raised being told that we need to socialize like extroverts. Not because the way we socialize is wrong but because we can't socialize at all. Extroverts sociability is appraised well ours is not even acknowledge!

 

[basickatie]

Completely understand you. I was always attracted to so-called introverts because i felt they had more to say. something more than a typical mundane extrovert, i like to learn things, and i feel you have more to learn from someone who is inside themselves rather than someone who can talk all day and say nothing. My attraction to introverts comes from curiosity i guess, and my need to understand things, and people. It is unfair for a kid to feel they are different or wrong because they have a craving for more depth from a person. Come to think of it, perhaps it is even better than being a chatty extrovert in the sense that we need more stimulation than they can give us, because that may mean we are just more hungry for knowledge than they are? idk...
gotta watch out for the quiet ones!

 

[Trebuchet]

I think extroverts possess the same inability to properly communicate socially with introverted individuals. But they're not considered antisocial.

No kidding. Some of those people with supposedly high "emotional intelligence" are completely unable to handle social stress or think about it in a constructive way. To be sure, communication is not exactly what being social is all about. It's more about getting along.

I agree that introverts are not necessarily worse at socializing. But we often don't like certain social situations as much as the extraverts do, like cocktail parties. And some of us just want to be left alone.

I think the reason we are pushed into socializing more is because it is a skill, and a very useful one, that we aren't inclined to seek out. It really bugs some extraverts that an ability they take for granted comes hard to others.

 

[Smooch]

I think extroverts possess the same inability to properly communicate socially with introverted individuals. But they're not considered antisocial.

You said it. Far too often I have come across an extroverted individual who can think of nothing better to say to me than "You should talk more" or "you're so quiet". As if those are such great conversation starters. I'm just like..."What the hell am I supposed to say to that?!"

 

[sammael]

What the hell am I supposed to say to that?!

"You're so loud." "You should talk less."

 

[Smooch]

=)

I have a feeling that that's considered rude.

 

[Chimera]

I've actually found it somewhat useful to just be blatantly honest about my antisocial tendencies.
Only with people of some importance though. Potential friends or people I'm forced to work with, for example. It's absolutely possible to strike up a truce between introverted and extroverted communication...it just takes some compromise from both parties.

Just today an acquaintance was getting ticked off because I wasn't looking at him when we were talking (I like to watch my surroundings and such, it's a curiosity thing), so I calmly told him that I find eye contact awkward and that the other alternative is to look at some random part of his body, which is equally awkward. I assured him that even though I wasn't looking at him, I was still listening. So he was annoyed for a few minutes and then got over it, and the rest of the conversation was rather enjoyable.

As antisocial people, we can slink off and sigh about not being understood, or we can make efforts to change our behavior, or we can try to help people to understand us. But meh...no one way sounds absolutely "right" to me. Whatever floats peoples' boats, you know.
​

 

[Vecho]

=)

I have a feeling that that's considered rude.

You are correct but are you saying that because it's considered rude you shouldn't do it?

 

[Smooch]

You are correct but are you saying that because it's considered rude you shouldn't do it?

I guess not.

 

[Linsejko]

Just today an acquaintance was getting ticked off because I wasn't looking at him when we were talking (I like to watch my surroundings and such, it's a curiosity thing), so I calmly told him that I find eye contact awkward and that the other alternative is to look at some random part of his body, which is equally awkward. I assured him that even though I wasn't looking at him, I was still listening. So he was annoyed for a few minutes and then got over it, and the rest of the conversation was rather enjoyable.

That's excellent. Keep doing that.

"You're so loud." "You should talk less."

+1

Original poster: yeah, I think that's mostly legit.

I have to say, though, my chameleon mode is good enough that when I first found MBTI years ago, and was telling people about it, my friends were shocked to hear I was an introvert. They all thought of me as a raging extrovert. My mom just today made some comment about how such and such people I described myself as having dinner with last evening (it was a rather interesting evening) are "random people Linsejko has met number 10,001 and 10,002". I always roll my eyes; last summer I finally in grips of depression and frustration faced with this error once again explained: I am a friend to many people, but it is rare to find someone who can be a friend to me.

I think then she finally began to understand.

I greatly enjoy, when in a good mood, greeting strangers or joining in on stranger's conversations. But I also have very little *need* to do so, and often spend great deals of time alone without realizing that that's notable. On my psychologist-administered MBTI, my I was in almost a solid letter. My introvertedness is not in question. Yet I enjoy socializing with intelligent/interesting/loving people. If that person is strong E, that typically means they are needy though, so it will start to drain me over time as I have to supply their need.

I certainly don't see any correlation between social skills and I vs. E. Many an E is just a babbling, needy fool--I'd hardly call that social skills.

 

[digital angel]

I think extroverts possess the same inability to properly communicate socially with introverted individuals. But they're not considered antisocial.

On the other hand introverts have no problem socializing with fellow introverts. In fact they show the same willingness to socialize with like minded individuals as extroverts do. But they're not considered social.

We are neither social or antisocial in my opinion. There is no difference between the two groups as far as the willingness to socialize goes.

I find it unfair that we're labeled this way and I find it unfair that I was raised to feel this way.
Extroverts grow up being told that the way they socialize is completely normal and we become anti social because they don't understand us.

Introverts are raised being told that we need to socialize like extroverts. Not because the way we socialize is wrong but because we can't socialize at all. Extroverts sociability is appraised well ours is not even acknowledge!

I understand where you're coming from. I think it just takes understanding. Extraverts operate in a different manner from introverts. Neither one is necessarily bad.

 

[Artsu Tharaz]

Antisocial means what now? Try "asocial" or "unsociable".

In fact they show the same willingness to socialize with like minded individuals as extroverts do.

Where do I find these "like minded individuals"?

Introverts typically need to already have common ground prior to socialising and so will probably stick to a few people who are similar in respects to themselves, whereas extraverts can easily, any may well prefer, adapting to new situations.

 

[Linsejko]

I find extroverts* (not extraverts, sorry to be correcting, but that's a particularly bothersome spelling error for some reason?) to just as often be limited in their ability to relate to those outside of their own subculture as introverts. I don't think that's a clear correlation, though I'm not sure.

Simpler: I feel like common ground is just as often a prerequisite for relation/socializing among extroverts as introverts. I don't feel like common ground is a necessary prerequisite for me, as an introvert.

In fact, that sounds more like the difference between social and anti-social people. Those who would typically be categorized as 'anti-social' are those with a very narrow band of interests, and who thus do not relate to those outside of that common ground; I feel like it's an error to mistake that with introversion.

Your point about the ambiguity of the word 'antisocial' is poignant, however, and I've avoided it up until this post for that reason, unconsciously. Agreed that more clear words should be used.

 

[digital angel]

^Thanks for the spelling correction.

 

[Awaken]

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001919/


No.

 

[Haiduc]

I find extroverts* (not extraverts, sorry to be correcting, but that's a particularly bothersome spelling error for some reason?).

Confusingly and unhelpfully, I think MBTI tends to spell extraversion with an "a" (see here, for example).

I've always known it as extrovert, but I think extravert is an acceptable (if little-used) variant spelling. Curiously, extra as a more common prefix in other contexts (e.g. extra-curricular, extra-marital).

All, naturally, beside the point...

 

[Jedi]

Yeah it can be frustrating to deal with especially when most people are extroverts (i think). I guess most introverts just don't feel the same need to socialize as extroverts. But it's all good, some people are quiet and some people can't shut the fuck up and it makes life interesting. I got an ESFP friend that i've known for a long time. A lot of people can't stand those kinds of people but I like it because it gives the current situation a completely different perspective. I wouldn't be surprised if i had a 30 point higher IQ score than him but he on the other hand can score chicks like mad, and even though half the shit coming out of his mouth seems like nonsense he still has confidence, and that's what gets the ladies. Personally, as i get older socializing seems to get easier and easier, especially when others initiate the conversation.

EDIT: Just realized i kinda lost track of the OP. Anyway, I wouldn't say that all extroverts are praised for being social, we all know people who talk to much and most people, including other extro's know as well. But I myself have always wished i could talk to strangers with greater ease, we are social creatures after all. Most shy people should talk more and most loud-mouths should know when to just say nothing. Still not sure if I adhered to the OP, I'm tired and I apologize : /

 

[pjoa09]

You could be like :

"How about a little acceptance here?"

"That's all you came up with?"

"Yeah, I don't talk too much."

"Go on..."