Are INTPs seen as boring?

[yogurtexpress]

As interesting as things like reading, writing, and listening to music by yourself are to an introvert, an extrovert literally cannot comprehend how you can do these things for a considerable period of time without getting bored. It's especially difficult when you're an INTP and you're trying to convince to people that you can literally lay around in bed thinking all day (or even for many days) without getting bored, because we find that more interesting than talking to people about trivial shit.

This is why a lot of the great artists, painters, writers, thinkers, scientists are generally introverts. They try to take their great thoughts out into the outside world, in order to convince people how valuable their interests are.

But even then, how many people really care about things like that unless you teach them? School exists to teach people the value of great ideas, but for most people, once they're done with school they just go back to dancing and watching football.

So what can INTPs do to seem more interesting to the outside world? When I try to have a calm conversation about something like philosophy, most people tune off. And when I say something shocking/irreverent (this happens often), they might have a reaction for a while, but then they just think "oh he's just weird" and then go back to talking about the latest episode of Two and a Half Men.

We really only two choices in order to be socially successful:

- Stick to smart introverts like ourselves. I've done this for most of my life, but there are two problems with this method: the first is that in day-to-day social life, I can only meet about one person every few years who thinks the way I do. On the internet, your chances are more successful, but the internet doesn't exactly improve your social skills in any considerable way.

- Become like them. Go to clubs, go dancing, go drinking, play football. Also not a failsafe method, because you may suck at all these things, and even if you're successful at one, it'll probably quickly tire you out if you're truly INTP.

So, any thoughts? What do you do when you feel that you should be the popular one every now and then (if you do ever have this yearning)?

 

[Glordag]

As interesting as things like reading, writing, and listening to music by yourself are to an introvert, an extrovert literally cannot comprehend how you can do these things for a considerable period of time without getting bored.

Is it really fair to say that extroverts "literally cannot comprehend" these things? Just because they don't enjoy them doesn't mean they can't comprehend them.

It's especially difficult when you're an INTP and you're trying to convince to people that you can literally lay around in bed thinking all day (or even for many days) without getting bored, because we find that more interesting than talking to people about trivial shit.

Don't know if that's true for all INTPs...

This is why a lot of the great artists, painters, writers, thinkers, scientists are generally introverts. They try to take their great thoughts out into the outside world, in order to convince people how valuable their interests are.

I'm sure a "lot" of these great people are introverts, but I bet a "lot" are also extroverts. If you're claiming that they are more likely to be introverted, I seriously doubt you can substantiate that claim with evidence. In fact, a lot of people that get recognized as "great" are probably extroverted due to their desire to have their work have an impact on or recognized by the outside world.

But even then, how many people really care about things like that unless you teach them? School exists to teach people the value of great ideas, but for most people, once they're done with school they just go back to dancing and watching football.

Are you saying that most people are extroverts? Are you saying that all extroverts care about is dancing and football? I'm an introvert, and I enjoy dancing and football, just more as private activities...

So what can INTPs do to seem more interesting to the outside world? When I try to have a calm conversation about something like philosophy, most people tune off. And when I say something shocking/irreverent (this happens often), they might have a reaction for a while, but then they just think "oh he's just weird" and then go back to talking about the latest episode of Two and a Half Men.

For starters, stop thinking of extroverts as inferior beings that aren't interested in serious topics. Just because they have a natural inclination toward group activity does not mean they aren't interested in things with meaning. The problem could just as easily lie in your delivery than their interest of the topic. In order for people to care about your conversation, it has to have some relevance to them. If you don't want to talk about things that are relevant to other people, then why talk to other people at all?

We really only two choices in order to be socially successful:

- Stick to smart introverts like ourselves. I've done this for most of my life, but there are two problems with this method: the first is that in day-to-day social life, I can only meet about one person every few years who thinks the way I do. On the internet, your chances are more successful, but the internet doesn't exactly improve your social skills in any considerable way.

- Become like them. Go to clubs, go dancing, go drinking, play football. Also not a failsafe method, because you may suck at all these things, and even if you're successful at one, it'll probably quickly tire you out if you're truly INTP.

There are more than just these two options. Stop putting people into one of two boxes and start appreciating the variety of personalities that exist in the world. You can also meet people in places other than the internet and clubs/football games. You can volunteer, join a chess club, find a local gaming group, go to wine/cheese/beer tastings, join a book club, etc. If these options aren't available to you, then your problem may be the local area being too small and not really your personality.

So, any thoughts? What do you do when you feel that you should be the popular one every now and then (if you do ever have this yearning)?

When I get this feeling I'll either call up my friends to hang out or, if I feel the need to make more friends, find a way to advertise myself to others. This could be through looking for a local gaming group, messaging a few people on OkCupid, or some other method.

Good luck.

 

[Minuend]

Who cares?

Do you really need people outside your friend circle to care about you? I don't understand this need to be cool or accepted among the majority of people. A few close friends is all I need.

 

[Puffy]

This might be besides the point, but I don't agree with the polarisation of extravert and introvert, such as you imply.

I mean think about it, can you possibly be around other people every hour of the day? Introverts aren't the only people that engage in solitary activities, extraverts are perfectly capable of reading, or writing, or listening to music and having valid and interesting opinions about them.

To be an INTP is to have extraverted and introverted traits: Introverted Thinking, extraverted intuition, introverted sensing, extraverted feeling. Someone who was an ENxP would have an extraverted function (intuition) as their primary and that itself is a giant well of interesting ideas.

I don't say this to be a bellend, more to say if you turn-off to someone instantly because they appear extraverted you might miss out on possible opportunities.

As for the dilemna... Personally, I've found most of my social life to be a compromise. I don't think you should try and 'become' your idea of an extravert, as in my own experience I think it only leads to frustration and unhappiness. I've found I usually have to do things the hard way: cipher through groups to find a few close friends. I think with confidence & charisma you can be popular, the problem is that you would likely need to lean towards social standards and expectations which makes it more disingenuous. With a few close friends you can be your most open and comfortable and I find that more rewarding, personally, though knowing you can come across well in social situations can't be a negative.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Anything about me that I considering interesting isn't on the surface. I was also told it's tedious conversing with me, so I guess it's possible, especially considering I don't like talking much / am not a conversationalist.

 

[Meer]

Yes.

 

[Jean Paul]

No

 

[Dapper Dan]

Some people think we're boring. I know my mom absolutely does not understand how I can enjoy something like philosophy. She's said so to my face.

But I know there are others that admire us or find us witty/funny/cool/whatever.
It probably helps if you're actually witty/funny/cool, though.

 

[sammael]

I think the issue goes well beyond Introversion and Extraversion. If anything, the distinction being made is more an Intuition/Sensing thing. After all, Introversion and Extraversion are there merely to dictate the orientation (attitude) of the functions.

I have heard claims that the biggest difference in Type is between Intuition and Sensing. While the validity of such a statement is of course debatable, there is no doubt there is a dramatic difference. And it makes a lot of sense that intuitives will relate better to intuitives, and sensors to sensors. Personally, the only problem I consistently have with extraverts is the tendency to not understand that I need time to think and process thoughts before I speak, I won't just talk as I'm thinking like they often do.

I really think boring is more of a individual thing rather than a generalisation of a personality type. As an INTP, I can talk simple as well as smart, and I usually realise/understand how I am impacting the people I relate to (if I am boring them) and can adjust my interaction behaviour if I so desire.

Being 'socially successful' is a nice concept, I understand that. I once shared that desire. But I think perhaps the reality is different from the fantasy, and yeah, it's not really something we INTPs are cut out for. That doesn't mean though that we must be outcasts, or social rejects. No matter who you are or what you do, some people are going to like you, and some are not. What's important is making sure that you are liked by good people, worthwhile people, not just the fickle masses whose favour ebbs and wanes like the full moon tides.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

A lot of people think I have ADHD. I don't think 'people' think I'm boring. Unusual or weird, perhaps, but not boring.

I think INTPs are usually too eccentric in behaviour and appearance to be seen as boring. I have this nagging feeling that everybody thinks I'm just a dumb random guy with no depth whatsoever, though. Which is really depressing because I have so much to talk about

 

[Dr. Freeman]

I have this nagging feeling that everybody thinks I'm just a dumb random guy with no depth whatsoever, though. Which is really depressing because I have so much to talk about

Unfortunately, something similar happens with me. I frequently make sarcastic comments (verbal), and quite a few people, particularly those on my robotics team, are completely unable to tell when I am being serious. This leads to annoying and unnecessary confusion.

 

[Sema]

I am seen as a boring person where I am. I doesn't matter to me imo. As long as I can do what I do, that is all that matters.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

Unfortunately, something similar happens with me. I frequently make sarcastic comments (verbal), and quite a few people, particularly those on my robotics team, are completely unable to tell when I am being serious. This leads to annoying and unnecessary confusion.

Exactly.

I'd say I'm being sarcastic 50% of the time. I think not everybody knows this. It almost has become automatic. 'Can you get me some coffee since you're going there anyways?' 'No man, who the fuck do you think I am?'

Obviously, I'll just get the coffee, but it takes a while for people to know me well enough to know I'm just kidding. I don't even know why I do it, it's not even funny. I guess I'm just bored with predictable answers.

 

[Dr. Freeman]

Exactly.

I'd say I'm being sarcastic 50% of the time. I think not everybody knows this. It almost has become automatic. 'Can you get me some coffee since you're going there anyways?' 'No man, who the fuck do you think I am?'

Obviously, I'll just get the coffee, but it takes a while for people to know me well enough to know I'm just kidding. I don't even know why I do it, it's not even funny. I guess I'm just bored with predictable answers.

About half of the time my sarcastic responses are not inherently funny until you take into account how high my usual level of output is. The only reason I don't correct them (it's tempting) is because of how funny their idiocy is.

 

[Glordag]

I think the issue goes well beyond Introversion and Extraversion. If anything, the distinction being made is more an Intuition/Sensing thing. After all, Introversion and Extraversion are there merely to dictate the orientation (attitude) of the functions.

I have heard claims that the biggest difference in Type is between Intuition and Sensing. While the validity of such a statement is of course debatable, there is no doubt there is a dramatic difference. And it makes a lot of sense that intuitives will relate better to intuitives, and sensors to sensors. Personally, the only problem I consistently have with extraverts is the tendency to not understand that I need time to think and process thoughts before I speak, I won't just talk as I'm thinking like they often do.

I really think boring is more of a individual thing rather than a generalisation of a personality type. As an INTP, I can talk simple as well as smart, and I usually realise/understand how I am impacting the people I relate to (if I am boring them) and can adjust my interaction behaviour if I so desire.

Being 'socially successful' is a nice concept, I understand that. I once shared that desire. But I think perhaps the reality is different from the fantasy, and yeah, it's not really something we INTPs are cut out for. That doesn't mean though that we must be outcasts, or social rejects. No matter who you are or what you do, some people are going to like you, and some are not. What's important is making sure that you are liked by good people, worthwhile people, not just the fickle masses whose favour ebbs and wanes like the full moon tides.

I agree with a lot of this. I think I've noticed the differences in a few ways:

I vs E: Seen as sort of a "level of energy" and "amount of going out" difference, but both can have very similar interests or ways of thinking.

N vs S: Seen more in the types of interests or attraction towards things. Harder for an N and S to have compatible interests.

T vs F: Seen more in the interpretations of things and personal value systems. Can have similar interests, but might clash on the personal relevance of those interests or opinions on politics, religion, etc.

P vs J: Seen as more of a flexibility vs routine type thing. This tends to have the least impact on casual or friendship type interactions, IMO. Would probably be more problematic for serious intimate relationships.

 

[Akuma]

"So what can INTPs do to seem more interesting to the outside world?"
Dress like a goth.

"We really only two choices in order to be socially successful:"
There's always compromise when it comes to interacting with people, so that statement is a little simplified.
I currently have a mix of introverted and extroverted friends, I've never had to play football or sit in a library to be friends with any of them.

I've never had any comments about being boring, other than joking comments from my ESFP friend who seriously thinks I'm "cool".
He's probably only being nice.

 

[pjoa09]

Maybe you are just really introverted. But it is an extroverted thing to try to convince others that your interests are cool.

Time will be a friend.

I hang out whenever I can. I'd go to a club if someone asked me. I'd speed if I felt like it. Yet I'd be happy sitting by myself reading,writing, or drawing.

But thinking by myself is not something I could maintain for days. I mean somethings gonna pop up and I'd be like fuck I AM WASTING TIME I SHOULD BE DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO OH FUCK I AM GONNA DIE ANYTIME TOO SHITT. NOW!!

And I'd attempt. Get uninterested. Fail. Then come back to it 2 months later. Then again bump it up a notch then find something more interesting.


But sure as fuck. It takes quite a few glasses of whiskey to get me comfortable in a club. Also the mood has to be right. Sometimes I just sit there thinking on a sofa.

 

[yogurtexpress]

Maybe you are just really introverted. But it is an extroverted thing to try to convince others that your interests are cool.

Time will be a friend.

I hang out whenever I can. I'd go to a club if someone asked me. I'd speed if I felt like it. Yet I'd be happy sitting by myself reading,writing, or drawing.

But thinking by myself is not something I could maintain for days. I mean somethings gonna pop up and I'd be like fuck I AM WASTING TIME I SHOULD BE DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO OH FUCK I AM GONNA DIE ANYTIME TOO SHITT. NOW!!

And I'd attempt. Get uninterested. Fail. Then come back to it 2 months later. Then again bump it up a notch then find something more interesting.


But sure as fuck. It takes quite a few glasses of whiskey to get me comfortable in a club. Also the mood has to be right. Sometimes I just sit there thinking on a sofa.

Well we're all going to die. I'd rather spend the time I have left thinking up something that might benefit the human race rather than waste it burning my liver and dancing with some douchebags at a club.

 

[ObliviousGenius]

@glordag, please do not try to scrutinize every sentence, it's annoying, and yes there are more extroverts than introverts in the world that is a fact.

My response to the OP is this, we INTps do not always have to limit ourselves to the "opposite extremes" Most of the INTps on this site seem to be the stereotypical INTp by my observation. I, however, am not like that at all. Probably because I smoke a lot of weed and have really adopted some ENFJ/ENFP qualities (check out my postings on weed reversing the functions). You don't have to be completely like the typical extrovert to be social. You need to establish the fact that you are just like them but with different traits. Some people, like SJs, will just not accept a different person, that's fine. But we smart people have to understand that we need to conform slightly, just enough to function. I have turned into quite the socialite because of it. The only reason I am telling you this is to show you it is possible. I've been there trust me, alone and w/o any real friends. The more you hang out with extroverts the more extroverted you become (at least in my case). I still think dancing, drinking, etc is really stupid but sometimes (only sometimes) I conform. I establish the fact that I can be extroverted but am naturally introverted. People will then understand that I am different.

Don't be the total introvert, get off your lazy bum and actually attempt it. Make use of your chameleon effect, above all just be cool. I hope I don't offend anyone here but I've learned quite a bit about the topic of "extroverted INTps" because I am one. (test close to ENTP) pjoa09 is on the right track.

Sorry for the rant. INTps don't have to be boring (extroverted definition) if they don't want to be.