Arbitrary Lines

[Yellow]

We all draw lines for that is and is not acceptable behavior (even if we would like to think we don't). Some of these boundaries are necessary for a number of reasons, but others aren't. I've found that I have built up arbitrary expectations for others, which do not hold up to my own scrutiny.

An example:
I work with some interesting populations. I've learned many important lessons over the years, but one important rapport-building lesson is: let the client choose his/her name. Meaning, if I have a client named Adam Smith, and he asks me to call him "Eliza", that's what I call him. If he tells me that "Smith" is pronounced "Gorillapants", I call him Eliza Gorillapants without missing a beat (not in my documentation, but out loud). It's his name, it doesn't make a damn bit of difference to me what I call him, so I see no reason to fight it unless it makes sense therapeutically.

However, while I take these oddities in stride, mispronunciations (as I see them) are nearly intolerable. If I have a client named Adam Dubois, I want to use French pronunciation. It's a French name. So when he introduces himself pronouncing it "Doo-boys" I have to restrain myself from correcting him. Worse, I have this split-second urge to choke him out, shouting, "It's duBois! Have you no shame, you insufferable lout?!"

This distinction makes absolutely no sense to me, and yet I made it.

If someone wants to get all MBTIish or whatever to explain this inconsistency, that's cool, but I'm really interested in reading about other people being arbitrary like this. Maybe there'll be a common thread between the stories.

 

[Seteleechete]

I find fake smiles disgusting like nothing else, even though they are common and I should accept that fact.

It very much has to do with my personal dislike for deception. In your case it's disliking inaccuracy I think. The other names were clearly changed out of personal will while the Dubois case it's actually wrong. I have a similar feeling with my online name. I have an irrational dislike for anyone who shortens it to "Lee" instead of "set(e)" or "leech(ete)", like no you are not allowed to skip most of my name and the subtle vocalizations of it just because Lee is the only thing corresponding to a real name.

It's supposed to be sete|leech|ete not set|lee|che|te, though this confusion in spoken form doesn't actually annoy me as it's a simple mistake to make. Unfortunately it makes even more people think Lee is the short version.

I have used sete/seteleechete as my online name for most of my internet history and consider it as important if not more so as my real name. In fact the sentence "my name is sete, seteleechete" comes more naturally than "my name is 'real name'". On that note you are absolutely right, allowing people the name they choose seems wise.

 

[Alias]

I hate when people don't use the French pronunciation of their own name. I don't think drawing lines with things like this coincides with MBTI.

 

[Yellow]

^^ at least I'm not alone in the French-names-are-French sentiment.

I don't think it's type-related either, but it is generally mentioned in posts, and I figured I'd invite it. I do wonder, however, if people have recognizable criteria for these very subjective personal rules.

@ Seteleechete, that's good to know. I must confess that I just let the letters of your username garble in my head. With your pronunciation guide, I can suddenly say and spell your name in my head.

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

I find fake smiles disgusting like nothing else, even though they are common and I should accept that fact.

It very much has to do with my personal dislike for deception.

I'm the same, and when I label someone as pretender in my head, it becomes physically impossible for me to not give off "u suk" messages via my body language whenever they're around.
A few months ago, one of the girls who belong in this category came back from a trip to Germany and was reaching out to hug me when she saw me, but I stood still and my body wouldn't budge, i couldn't even smile at her. she then awkwardly recoiled her arms and backed away. I hate being mean to people but I just couldn't pretend to give a crap that she's here (and I've always been like this around her but this was the first time she properly noticed)

 

[onesteptwostep]

I hate it when people spell ridiculous as rediculous.

But then again, if even people spell it wrong like that, then abrakadabra, that becomes an alternative, an acceptable way to spell. The grammar of language is language, and language changes.

The word 'd'oh' by Homer from the Simpsons show is another example somewhat. It's actually in the oxford dictionary now >.>

---

I think it depends on the region. e.g. the word 'sentiment' could be pronounced se-ni-ment rather than sent-te-ment, and people would be perfectly fine with either one.

The french name thing though, that's actually a part of a heritage, so yeah I agree, he should go with the correct pronunciation. It seems like he hasn't digested where he's from or hasn't embraced his french heritage.

 

[Yellow]

I hate it when people spell ridiculous as rediculous.

That's up there with "definately".

 

[onesteptwostep]

definitely

There's another spelling pet peeve.. I just can't think it up right now. English is just a hard language spelling wise, I mean for some of the words. It's really confusing phonetically (I think that's the word).

 

[Brontosaurie]

phonitically

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

I'm not sure how "arbitrary" these are.

Lazy, incorrect, or historically-culturally ignorant pronunciation, lack of etymological background, being fine with incompetence.

These don't seem all that arbitrary to me. Maybe it appears as if we draw a judgemental demarcation when someone displeases us, but by doing so, they give away a lot of information about themselves. People who speak lazily are often less informed or less intent to maintain the quality of the conversation.

I'm not bothered by it, but if a person scratches their head too often, they may be nervous, or they have greasy hair and don't care about their hygiene and so on. It's all bits of information that give us the idea about others and whether we are going to respect them or not.

I think the majority of the cues described here give us some useful (conscious or subconscious) information about the other person.

Irl setting tends to be very goal oriented to me, I don't have a lot of people who I can be open or serious with so that we both may benefit from pointing out mistakes or inconsistencies.

I usually won't tell someone to pronounce something differently, but I realise when they do something I dislike and why, I also keep a silent score and I give them more respect if they do the right things.

I won't be cold to a deceptive person or point out mistakes to someone irl, even though I probably dislike them, because in the end our interaction has utility that would be reduced if I didn't focus on enhancing conduct.

 

[al.otakupunk]

This one is mostly because I'm an otaku, but it gets under my skin when people pronounce Japanese words/names incorrectly. Especially when I'm watching the dubbed version of an anime or other Japanese show, because you would think that the actors would have watched the original and learned how to pronounce the names, or gotten a pronunciation guide or something. (One person I'd really like to choke is Bryce Papenbrook: he does a great job and all; however, he says he was a fan of the anime before being cast in the role of Eren, and yet insists on pronouncing Mikasa's name as "mick-us-uh" rather than "me-kah-sah" like it's supposed to be. ) I know that probably seems a bit pathological, but I can't stop it.

 

[Grayman]

I've seen this issue as a common thing among those in this forum. I am not of the same mind or feelings. I find language to be too variable to apply an objective standard to it.

I have trouble defining any of my feelings or thoughts as arbitrary. Perhaps I am too good at finding or (making up) reasons for their existence or perhaps it falls closely in line with the belief that all things have a reason or cause. I don't think your need for proper pronunciations is arbitrary. I think the reason for its existence just hasn't been discovered yet.

 

[Rook]

phonitically

Phone E.T call why?