Appropriate Behavior

[Inappropriate Behavior]

It's a concept I find horrifying, but what exactly is it?

Well obviously it is subjective but society (as a whole as well as it's various segments) still continually attempts to define it, ending up with ever-changing nebulous rules (rules I take great pleasure in finding ways to rebel against).

But I still have limits, even if I delude myself into thinking those limits are strictly of my own choosing.

I chose my username the day I found this forum and I joined within moments of finding it (I didn't lurk which is what I normally do when visiting other websties). In time I began to realize that I was free to try and live up to my name, to earn it as it were. Perhaps I have succeeded but that is no matter, it is the attempt that's fun. It certainly used to be at least but it's lessened somewhat of late. Eh...

It's recent events here that have brought this topic to mind. I don't read every post here, far from it. Subsequently I miss a lot of the 'drama' as it happens. I only find out when suddenly there's some mess being cleaned up.

So I guess I have a few questions for you all.

1. What do you consider appropriate for this forum?

2. What boundries do you have for your own behavior here?

3. What is this forum to you and how well do you tolerate others who seem to have a different take or purpose for being here?** (not just me but go ahead and direct anything to me about my behavior if you want)

**check your emotions at the door no matter what might get said about anyone for whatever reason.

 

[DarkGreen]

1. I think you should come with a point or theory you'd like to share even if the thread goes off topic to discuss something that's cool as long as it's a search for truth. When people bring their attitudes without a thought it makes a muck out of the search.

2. I don't post bad words just to giggle at them or antagonize a member to the point of enmity, just small teasing.

3. This is a friendship experiment and think tank, we should be thoughful here.

 

[Melllvar]

Um, I'm new here, and I feel newer than my join date claims I actually am, but here's my take on it...

1. What do you consider appropriate for this forum?

You guys have rules posted.

2. What boundries do you have for your own behavior here?

None really, because I find it unlikely I'll do anything that's ban-worthy. But if there's any uncertainty I'll refer back to the posted rules, which I already did at one point just to make sure I was in the clear, at least in principle.

My only real confusion is on the independence of the admins. Can they ban people just because, without serious infractions or violations, or do they generally hold themselves accountable to their constitution?

3. What is this forum to you and how well do you tolerate others who seem to have a different take or purpose for being here?

This place is cool, for a lot of reasons I won't go into, although I do have them, but the main thing that's relevant (I think) is that this place seems like a bit of a community, with regulars who have been here a long time and kind of formed an insider group. As a noob I feel it's kind of intrusive for people like me, or other people *cough*, to just jump in and be however we want, but on the other hand this is the internet, so you can't be too shy and conformist about everything. I'd say if you end up pissing people off to the point where it's an issue then you're probably better off going somewhere else anyway (or they're just assholes), which is true regardless of where you are (forum, internet, RL). Besides, wasn't this forum started by people who weren't satisfied with one of the others? When enough people don't fit in at a certain place, they go find/make their own and then they do have a place they can fit in.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

So I guess I have a few questions for you all.

1. What do you consider appropriate for this forum?

2. What boundries do you have for your own behavior here?

3. What is this forum to you and how well do you tolerate others who seem to have a different take or purpose for being here?** (not just me but go ahead and direct anything to me about my behavior if you want)

**check your emotions at the door no matter what might get said about anyone for whatever reason.

1.) Expressive word choice/behavior up until the point of regression; when meaning, progress, respect and tolerance are disregarded then actions become inappropriate.

2.) Respect towards other's subjective values, feelings and overall differences, unless the meaning and quality of my argument suffers.

3.) It is what it is. A forum, a gathering of like-minded individuals to discuss varying matters. I admit I am attached to this place, but really it is one of many other attachments that make me feel like I am a part of something bigger. I fully tolerate other people on this forum because, while I do feel a part of the community, in no way do I feel like I constitute a significant portion. Therefore I try to refrain from imposing my will on others.

 

[NoID10ts]

I'm sure I'm one of the worst offenders of the inappropriate. Somehow, I've managed to not get banned, although I wonder if some of the things I've said have been worse than some of the things others have said who were banned. I never mean harm, but I definitely go overboard at times.

1. What do you consider appropriate for this forum?

Honestly, I don't know. I guess the only line I've drawn is when people are deliberately deceptive in an effort to take advantage of, or make fools of other members of the forum or when someone speaks authoritatively about another forum dwellers life or personality when they simply aren't in a position to do that.

2. What boundries do you have for your own behavior here?

I guess my boundary is that I never want to deliberately hurt someone else here and be openly antagonistic. I have failed on that front many times, particularly with Blob and a few others (although most of the others were trolls). I know that I have unintentionally hurt people here and that makes me feel ashamed of myself.

I'm just no good with people, here or otherwise.

3. What is this forum to you and how well do you tolerate others who seem to have a different take or purpose for being here?** (not just me but go ahead and direct anything to me about my behavior if you want)

I don't know anymore. I used to be addicted to this place, but now I mainly come here when I'm bored. I think there's room for everyone, but there needs to be mutual respect even if there is disagreement.

ehh. This all must seem like nonsense coming from me ...............

 

[Fiddling Lass]

As a noob I feel it's kind of intrusive for people like me, or other people *cough*, to just jump in and be however we want

This, a paranoia of breaking a rule that I've missed and getting in trouble for it, and having courtesy successfully programmed into me since I was able to comprehend what courtesy is are the things preventing me from being more of a dick. I kind of wish I could be less bloody courteous and just relax, but don't see that ever happening.

 

[cheese]

For me it's just trying not to be an ass - and yeah, the definition differs between people, but imo, Noddy and IB, neither of you come anywhere close to this - except possibly when you're seriously angry, but it's hard to avoid then.

A lot of what I consider 'assery' actually passes for fairly standard and totally acceptable 'indignation' or 'righteous anger' or the right of a respected, popular member to be a sarcastic, pompous jerk (honestly can't think of any egs at the moment so this isn't pointed or anything; it's also based on other forums I've been on, and just friendship in general). Jumping to conclusions, carrying a chip on your shoulder, general hostility, and closed-mindedness coupled with any of above are extremely annoying and all come from the same general root of assery.

Making stupid jokes, being rude, being 'inappropriate', teasing, discussing taboo topics, being brutally honest - none of these are asslike to me.

Pretending to be 'brutally honest' while actually being a conceited conclusion-jumper, simply because you have the support of majority opinion and 'progressive thinking' - and therefore the power to crucify - along with cruel taunts and jeers at the supposedly 'evil' offender, is not being brutally honest. It's being nasty.

It has to do mainly with intent, I think. But so much of the same intent that is nasty in the uncircumsised gentile is highly commended in the chosen people (with the power of the morally right), such that a lot of the time genuine assery - cruelty, mean-spiritedness, arrogance, narrow-mindedness, dehumanisation, stereotyping, etc etc - gets confused with its innocent and innocuous cousin, asshattery.

I'm definitely guilty of it myself, btw. Am trying to change.

Anyway, this is just imho, + 10 disclaimers

*edit
And if the art of being appropriate involves squeezing myself into a shallow form of propriety, while my insides and those of everyone else rot in hypocrisy in our mutually complacent back-patting, then I'd much rather be inappropriate. *exchanges back-rubs with IB*

(It's pretty clear that I'm being pretty pompous/judgmental myself here. But I'm really not trying to insult anyone, I'm just frustrated, in a general manner. Plus I've indicted myself anyway. If you spot me being unfair, please tell me.)

*editedit
Meh, at the end of the day follow the forum rules, write long posts so it looks like you're trying, and count to 20 before you post.

*editeditedit
To save editing, I mean. Although avoiding emotional rants is a plus as well.

*editediteditedit
The directed ones, not the vents. Once you vent on another person though - ie direct the barrage on someone - that becomes assault. Justified or not, it's unpleasant, so avoid making absolute claims about their character, intelligence and maternal ancestry unless you want the hostility returned tenfold, and with reason. Stick to actual facts and grant them the same generosity/benefit of the doubt/personal humility you'd grant anyone when not in a bad mood.

*last edit
I have very little to no problem with the trolls, but then I'm not the one cleaning their mess up. Anyone is fine, as long as they don't violate the ass rule - but even that's an impossible thing to ask (although a few stellar examples with clean records afaik come to mind), so I don't really expect it.

Pretty much anyone and any purpose is fine, really. Unless they're obviously and continuously trying to hurt people directly (trust-betraying is more an ego thing, I think, unless you're extremely close to the person). That's a purpose I'd rather have fulfilled elsewhere.

 

[AlisaD]

I shudder at the thought of altering my behaviour in order to make it appropriate. I would never want to be a part of a community that would ban me for not censoring my thoughts. Honestly, this is the Internet, I don't think that anyone should filter what they say. If you think it - go ahead and say it.

I am also not saying that you should not ban people for thinking things you don't agree with. I'm all up for throwing people out of your house if you don't like them.

What I am saying is that exhibiting self-control should be no basis for letting someone stay on the forum. If you are a racist - go ahead and say it. If it clashes with the forum values, they should throw you out, and you can go and find a place where people will accept you for what you are. If you can not find a place where people will accept you for who you are, then you should take a good hard look at yourself and go Or just run to the woods.

 

[Claverhouse]

My only real confusion is on the independence of the admins. Can they ban people just because, without serious infractions or violations, or do they generally hold themselves accountable to their constitution?

It would be inappropriate for me to comment upon the issues raised by the OP, least of all as to purpose or set boundaries; added to which a forum is a growing living thing, directed by chance and current posters --- as to this, I can ( in mind-boggling repetition, as forum law is as dull as any other branch of the legal world ) point out that yes they can.



Here we practise Auftragstaktik.

Each madmin has independent command and shall use his best personal judgement in any case. Other madmins do not interfere with a decision; one minor reason being that this prevents crazy infighting in the modbox. So, the admin may ban someone without warning ( and let's face it warnings are rather embarrassing both to issue and receive, plus productive of fruitful resentful wrangling in the future ) on the same reasoning as a pub barman may close it's doors to some over-friendly person who keeps touching people inappropriately, talking very loudly, and standing in the centre shouting 'Look at me !' every 15 minutes on the dot --- without him being drunk or disorderly or fighting ( the merely formal rules for getting chucked out ). Thus there is a united administration front.

In their capacity as posters, madmins are subject to exactly the same restraints as regular members, and theoretically can be sanctioned for any offence.


[ Even Ragnar or loveofreason are in the same boat: any Roman could accuse, indict and bring Augustus to trial for an offence, him being merely an ordinary citizen, just primus inter pares. Not saying this was good for the chap's health; just that he did have that constitutional option. ]



In the end, say whatever you want, and defend it, but as politely as you know how, especially when insulting anyone. Again and again: Manners, not Morals.

Pretending to be 'brutally honest' while actually being a conceited conclusion-jumper, simply because you have the support of majority opinion and 'progressive thinking' - and therefore the power to crucify - along with cruel taunts and jeers at the supposedly 'evil' offender, is not being brutally honest. It's being nasty.

It has to do mainly with intent, I think. But so much of the same intent that is nasty in the uncircumsised gentile is highly commended in the chosen people (with the power of the morally right), such that a lot of the time genuine assery - cruelty, mean-spiritedness, arrogance, narrow-mindedness, dehumanisation, stereotyping, etc etc - gets confused with its innocent and innocuous cousin, asshattery.

This gave me flashbacks to 'Nam...









The Ideal Madmin

​

I shall suggest to Ragnar the inclusion of this pic upon that rules thread mentioned above, as the unromanticised archetype of The Good Moderator.


[ It's Alice's Shanghai. God, I love that 'lil dude... Dudette ]








Claverhouse

 

[nexion]

1. What do you consider appropriate for this forum?

For me? The boundaries I have listed below, I suppose. For others, I don't. I have never actually read the forum rules on any of the forums I have ever joined, but by goodness of character or sheer dumb luck (probably a mixture of the two) I haven't been banned yet ever. Well, other than a temp ban on one for trolling. Haha.

2. What boundaries do you have for your own behavior here?

Not many. I guess I don't really operate under boundaries or rules so much as my innate nature (which amazingly enough must be quite docile and benevolent). I think I more or less act out myself online, with no reserve. There have been times where I get angry at certain things and lash out reactively and violently against those things (which, still more amazingly, I haven't been banned for yet). My boundaries, then, I suppose, are myself. I try not to say things that aren't uniquely genuine or true to my own personality, hence why I oftentimes do not join in on the incredible insanity and humor on this forum, though I do at least enjoy it.

3. What is this forum to you and how well do you tolerate others who seem to have a different take or purpose for being here?** (not just me but go ahead and direct anything to me about my behavior if you want)

**check your emotions at the door no matter what might get said about anyone for whatever reason.

This forum was originally to find people who are at least somewhat similar to myself, and that goal has been met beautifully. A second purpose is, of course, to increase my knowledge and understanding on a broad variety to subjects. Other purposes include voicing my own opinions (hint of arrogance there, perhaps, no matter how much I hate to admit it), curbing my boredom (which never fails to work completely), and meeting new people/finding new perspectives. I love to learn new things and find out other's opinions, perspectives on life, and the such. It is one of the most important reasons I am here.

But what I actually found was much greater than that. What I found was a group of people, who, despite sometimes violently debating and joking on how one such person or another couldn't possibly be an INTP, are in a symbiotic relationship and try to foster genuine growth and understanding amongst each other.

This forum has made far much more of an impact on me than I ever planned it to...

 

[Cavallier]

A lot of what I consider 'assery' actually passes for fairly standard and totally acceptable 'indignation' or 'righteous anger' or the right of a respected, popular member to be a sarcastic, pompous jerk

*Doll of Duty stares at me pointedly*

Umm. I think I'm thoroughly guilty of this at times.

1. What do you consider appropriate for this forum?

I think just about anything short of flaming, spamming, or intentionally inciting upheavel (in a non-playful way) is acceptable. I can't think of a member I've honestly taken offense to. No, that's not right. I have taken offense to a few ideas posted around here by certain members but that doesn't mean I think they were being inappropriate, idiotic maybe, but not inappropriate. They can express their ideas just the same as any other. There have been a couple of members that were just downright irritating in their idiocy though. I'm okay with people being banned for being irritating but there aren't that many that actually bother me to the point that I want them banned.

2. What boundaries do you have for your own behavior here?

I try to not flame or intentionally incite upheaval. If I've gotten entangled in a flame war I try to extricate myself. If I get angry I don't allow myself to post for a while and I try to rethink my position. If I decide that it's important I make my opinion known I attempt (key word here) to make it as politely as possible so as to encourage further intelligent discussion and discourage further emotional conniption fits. That's all I really ask from any other members as well. Oh, that and close-minded douchebags should be cleansed with fire and the earth of their threads salted so that further douchebaggery can not be re-seeded.

3. What is this forum to you and how well do you tolerate others who seem to have a different take or purpose for being here?** (not just me but go ahead and direct anything to me about my behavior if you want)

I was tired of people and very bored with my life. I had checked out this forum a year before I actually signed up and it had only been a passing curiosity. Then when I needed a mental outlet I came back and got myself an account. I had to woo my way in since the forum was rather smaller (at least it felt that way) than it is now and even then the older members complained of it no longer being the cozy little community it used to be. I think that as an outsider and a newbie I was ignored for a while as per usual. However, I stuck with it because it felt natural. Now it's like a second home.

I tolerate just about anything. The discussions about the inferiority of various classes of people does get really old though.

As for IB: I hate you IB. Your porcine ways give me the willies.