Apathy and Depression

[The Introvert]

How does one combat the former?

Or at least the appearance of it?

When I connect with people I seem to give the same vibes - those of apathy, or depression. I am honestly just open to a lot of things, and I suppose my openness and monotonous voice give a detached, depressed vibe... which is funny because you all seem to think INFJs are rainbow-filled hug machines.

It seems to be getting stranger for me now. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to connect with people. It seems that every new person I meet (or at least most) is the same person; easily distracted, total sensors, just looking for a quick fix or a way to get messed up. And I'm looking to physically hang out with someone who is similar to me in that they don't say much, they just like to watch and listen and experience. Talk about ideas, not people.

I don't know if this is a result of my MBTI or if I really am a cynical depressing mess. I have always been the guy to say "I don't care what we do" but it's only because I legitimately am fine with doing anything, as long as I'm with someone I enjoy being with.

How do I change this? How do I become more decisive when speaking? I've noticed I can hold a crowd exceptionally well, even if I'm talking about nothing in particular. How do I say things that mean something?

It just feels like my world is suddenly filled with robotic people and I'm the only one left that can realize it. The irony is the robots are the ones thinking they're out being different.

I don't know...

//rant

 

[Agent Intellect]

People are robots. We're all boring. I'm making this message short, or you would skip over most of it in boredom. You are boring, too. We're all boring. Get used to it. Everyone you talk to thinks they are just as interesting as you or I think ourselves to be.

 

[Agent Intellect]

I'm cynical and pessimistic, but I'm also incredibly boring. If I were interesting, I might finish this...

 

[Hadoblado]

How does one combat the former?

Apathy? Write down everything in life that motivates you. Manipulate the information. Is there anything you spend a great deal of time doing that is not on this list? Try and look for underlying patterns from which can be distilled some life purpose.

Or at least the appearance of it?

Is appearing to care something you actually want to do?

When I connect with people I seem to give the same vibes - those of apathy, or depression. I am honestly just open to a lot of things, and I suppose my openness and monotonous voice give a detached, depressed vibe... which is funny because you all seem to think INFJs are rainbow-filled hug machines.

One thing that matters to me in life is continuous improvement, and I have spent a lot of time improving my verbal presentation. By paying attention to what people are receptive to, and adjusting my strategy accordingly, I have increased my social standings by a considerable margin.

It seems to be getting stranger for me now. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to connect with people. It seems that every new person I meet (or at least most) is the same person; easily distracted, total sensors, just looking for a quick fix or a way to get messed up. And I'm looking to physically hang out with someone who is similar to me in that they don't say much, they just like to watch and listen and experience. Talk about ideas, not people.

This is normal in depression. It's an oversimplification born from a dysphoric bias. ...errr... sorry I gtg. I'll finish this post later :/

 

[The Introvert]

People are robots. We're all boring. I'm making this message short, or you would skip over most of it in boredom. You are boring, too. We're all boring. Get used to it. Everyone you talk to thinks they are just as interesting as you or I think ourselves to be.

I never said boring. I openly admit that I'm a pretty boring person.

My concern is that everyone seems to think that they're different (probably myself included) but really most people are pretty similar to one another.

 

[The Introvert]

Apathy? Write down everything in life that motivates you. Manipulate the information. Is there anything you spend a great deal of time doing that is not on this list? Try and look for underlying patterns from which can be distilled some life purpose.

Is appearing to care something you actually want to do?

Yes, apathy. And I want to appear to care because I actually do care. I just have a difficult time expressing it. It's important to me because I feel as though if I don't let other people know what I care about then there will come a time when:

- Someone will do something I don't like and will think I don't care
- Someone will do something I do like and I won't show it effectively, creating an awkward situation
- I meet someone new that I could have had an awesome friendship with but it slipped away because I didn't express my interests and beliefs well enough.

I don't want to appear to be apathetic and uncaring to other people, because I'm not. Difficulty expressing emotions =/= not having them.

One thing that matters to me in life is continuous improvement, and I have spent a lot of time improving my verbal presentation. By paying attention to what people are receptive to, and adjusting my strategy accordingly, I have increased my social standings by a considerable margin.

I've actually come to a similar conclusion. I realized that I learn a Hell of a lot more about people by watching them when they're not interacting with me (however creepy that may sound) than if I'm talking directly to them. I can pick out more details if I don't have to worry about having something to say.

 

[BigApplePi]

Okay. This is interesting because I'd like to see what you're about. I see you making contradictory statements. Can we straiten them out? ... not that there will be success. Let's see.

Yes, apathy. And I want to appear to care because I actually do care.

I lost ya. You care about being apathetic or you care about something else?

I just have a difficult time expressing it. It's important to me because I feel as though if I don't let other people know what I care about then there will come a time when:

Excellent. You've identified a problem: expression. This forum is a good place to practice. Do you agree or am I talking b.s.?

- Someone will do something I don't like and will think I don't care

I hate to start with a negative. Can we skip this?

- Someone will do something I do like and I won't show it effectively, creating an awkward situation

Well if you like it and don't express it, no wonder. How the hell would I tell? Yes. Awkward.

- I meet someone new that I could have had an awesome friendship with but it slipped away because I didn't express my interests and beliefs well enough.

You said that.

I don't want to appear to be apathetic and uncaring to other people, because I'm not. Difficulty expressing emotions =/= not having them.

Again you've said that. You got the idea and I got yours.

I've actually come to a similar conclusion. I realized that I learn a Hell of a lot more about people by watching them when they're not interacting with me (however creepy that may sound) than if I'm talking directly to them. I can pick out more details if I don't have to worry about having something to say.

Not creepy. I like this forum because I can observe a post and take my time about a reaction. Then if I do respond I have the best of both worlds: observation and response.

Who was talking "N" type people as opposed to "S" types? I thought it was this thread but now I can't find it. You are very N and I probably am too. To hell with that. On another thread I was talking about "content." Can you give me some S type content in your life? Not just negatives but you mentioned caring. What caring? About what? Can you name some specifics so I get say I hate it or love it or have no reaction?

 

[The Introvert]

Okay. This is interesting because I'd like to see what you're about. I see you making contradictory statements. Can we straiten them out? ... not that there will be success. Let's see.I lost ya. You care about being apathetic or you care about something else?

Yeah, the contradictions were probably a result of me being stressed out about a particular personal situation. Just kind of ranting, sorry about that

Excellent. You've identified a problem: expression. This forum is a good place to practice. Do you agree or am I talking b.s.?

Well yes, that's the problem. But I don't really agree that the forum is a good place to practice. I have no problem with expression through written words; I have the time to re-read what I have said and fix it to best convey what I'm trying to say.

My problem stems from face-to-face interactions. I often find myself searching for words to exactly describe what I want to say when someone asks me a question, but I get nervous because I feel like I'm taking a really long time to answer their question. So I have a bad habit of not really giving a full, well thought out answer and just replying with a head nod or a few words to get to the root of what I mean. Although this works very well when communicating with roommates or people you know well, it's not an effective means of communication when you're trying to meet new people.

I hate to start with a negative. Can we skip this?

Sure

Well if you like it and don't express it, no wonder. How the hell would I tell? Yes. Awkward.

I... know? My problem is I don't know how to express it in the right way. Unless I am super excited about something I don't become visibly animated or happy, or sad. Most of my expression is inward, which is great if you manage to get into a deep conversation with someone, but again, not so great if you're in need of superficial on-the-go emotions.

You said that.

Again you've said that. You got the idea and I got yours.

My apologies.

Not creepy. I like this forum because I can observe a post and take my time about a reaction. Then if I do respond I have the best of both worlds: observation and response.

Well it's a lot less obvious if you're doing it online. If you're watching someone from across the room...

Who was talking "N" type people as opposed to "S" types? I thought it was this thread but now I can't find it. You are very N and I probably am too. To hell with that. On another thread I was talking about "content." Can you give me some S type content in your life? Not just negatives but you mentioned caring. What caring? About what? Can you name some specifics so I get say I hate it or love it or have no reaction?

I'm Ni-dom, yes.

I love most sports - Baseball, Basketball, Soccer, Tennis, you name it.
I really enjoy playing and listening to music, if it's to my taste.
I enjoy deep meaningful conversations with people, really about any topic.
I hate people that are too self-indulged. I much prefer humble, realistic people.
I like when people have big plans and talk about them. I like to see people with lofty goals.
To be honest I'm having difficulty thinking of anything I dislike that doesn't have to do with very specific things that people do. Not that I dislike people, but I dislike things people do that have no logical purpose: texting and driving, senseless violence, littering.

As for caring... I care deeply about the emotions of other people. I have a desire to make other people happy, and to in some way make a person's life 'better'. Making other people feel happy makes me happy, because then I am surrounded by happy people which is generally a good thing. If someone is truly upset over something, I get upset with them. If they are excited, then I get excited with them. The emotions of people around me influence the way I feel very heavily.

 

[BigApplePi]

Yeah, the contradictions were probably a result of me being stressed out about a particular personal situation. Just kind of ranting, sorry about that

Yes. That's a good possibility. We'll have to see if your apathy and depression are a result of a specific or a bigger general issue. I get that when I'm stuck on something and see no way out. Usually time (or some change) finds a way out though.

Well yes, that's the problem. But I don't really agree that the forum is a good place to practice. I have no problem with expression through written words; I have the time to re-read what I have said and fix it to best convey what I'm trying to say.

Don't know either if the forum is a good place to practice. If you try something easy though (not too heavy or personal) how could it NOT be good practice? Before you can walk you have to learn to crawl.

My problem stems from face-to-face interactions. I often find myself searching for words to exactly describe what I want to say when someone asks me a question, but I get nervous because I feel like I'm taking a really long time to answer their question. So I have a bad habit of not really giving a full, well thought out answer and just replying with a head nod or a few words to get to the root of what I mean. Although this works very well when communicating with roommates or people you know well, it's not an effective means of communication when you're trying to meet new people.

Okay. People you know are different than new people. Different requirements. Different styles. Everything is different. With familiar people you know something. With new people you know zero.

I... know? My problem is I don't know how to express it in the right way. Unless I am super excited about something I don't become visibly animated or happy, or sad. Most of my expression is inward, which is great if you manage to get into a deep conversation with someone, but again, not so great if you're in need of superficial on-the-go emotions.

First let's get some theory down first. With people you know and have something in common, it's okay to get super-excited about something. With new people how would you know they are interested? Answer: you don't. Therefore super-excitement seems a little ridiculous in front of them.

One thing. That word, "superficial." Your enthusiasm about something is initially personal. When you meet someone new, there is an added emotion (if I may use that word): interest, wariness, first impression, disapproval. Any of those and more. These may be superficial relative to the enthusiasm the other person knows nothing about, but not superficial if all this is about apathy and depression. You wouldn't call those superficial.

My apologies.

No problem. I'm not complaining ... just responding to a sentence.

Well it's a lot less obvious if you're doing it online. If you're watching someone from across the room...

Interacting with someone across the room is different yes. There are techniques for this and you -may- will find threads about it on this forum. There are also books. I'm no expert being an introvert myself. These techniques have to be noticed and learned. You want to make contact and at the same time not embarrass yourself or be hurt by any rejection. After all the other person may be somewhere else. They may want to meet you or not. Your task is to find out. Small talk has to be learned. Interpreting eye contact has to be learned.

I'm Ni-dom, yes.

I love most sports - Baseball, Basketball, Soccer, Tennis, you name it.

What is stopping you from finding someone with a shared interest in this? Are you observing or playing?

I really enjoy playing and listening to music, if it's to my taste.

Privately or concert? You can do either on a date.

I enjoy deep meaningful conversations with people, really about any topic.

You will find that on this forum but the odds are against you with strangers. I can't do it with strangers because I want to hear their interests first. Even on this forum I can't expect a deep conversation with someone new. I think of asking a question on one of the "Ask XYZ" threads. They may respond with something deep, or one sentence or even ignore it.

I hate people that are too self-indulged. I much prefer humble, realistic people.

Self-indulgent people will ignore your other interests. But what if their indulgence happens to be yours? I'd go for it, but be wary.

I like when people have big plans and talk about them. I like to see people with lofty goals.

Why? If you mean a mentor, I have no problem with that. Seems there is an element of self-indulgence though.

To be honest I'm having difficulty thinking of anything I dislike that doesn't have to do with very specific things that people do. Not that I dislike people, but I dislike things people do that have no logical purpose: texting and driving, senseless violence, littering.

You have the right to reject people as they do you. If they start out with something like this, that's not a good start. It doesn't mean they don't have other good qualities.

BTW you and I just met. We are having a good conversation (at least at my end). But if you read anything else I've written you may find you don't or won't like me or you may wish to go further. That's because we are strangers. Anything can happen. Strangers don't have to go further. It's all an improbability of common interests.

 

[The Introvert]

Why? If you mean a mentor, I have no problem with that. Seems there is an element of self-indulgence though.

Someone with lofty goals doesn't have to be self-indulgent. I, for example, have very high standards for myself and others and have a super-secret endpoint at which I'm aiming. I would consider myself humble and generally and genuinely interested in the people and the world around me.

BTW you and I just met. We are having a good conversation (at least at my end). But if you read anything else I've written you may find you don't or won't like me or you may wish to go further. That's because we are strangers. Anything can happen. Strangers don't have to go further. It's all an improbability of common interests.

I just want to be able to like everyone, and I want everyone to like me. This isn't feasible, but dammit I can try.