Animekitty's video blog

[Black Rose]

I saw my Anima about a week ago in a dream.

 

[Black Rose]

It felt bad yesterday.

 

[Artsu Tharaz]

Yeah, I get psychosomatic pain too.

 

[Black Rose]

grinding
burning
twisting
(and no energy)

in my head
sick all day

it's not so good

 

[Black Rose]

@Pizzabeak

You have seen my video. Can you explain how my functions are working together?

Am I right in believing that I am INFP?

 

[Pizzabeak]

Yeah I think you are INFP, maybe even INTP because of your grasp on certain material. Give me a chance to rewatch some of your videos to see. If could be inferior Te you're using. I think Philip K. Dick was INFP, and you seem more like that archetype. In this instance Fi has a grasp of how people work so they just apply how they feel and are to how other people must feel, given some logic. They're like ENFP, but more introverted. They're the "regular people" whereas an INTP would be like a scientist.

 

[Black Rose]

Nightcore - Diamond Heart - (Alan Walker / Lyrics)

​

 

[Black Rose]

AMV Slow Burn

​

 

[Black Rose]

Had a dream about my Anima. (trans)

 

[Black Rose]

peace

fuck it

the cake is a lie

 

[Black Rose]

sometimes it is just stupid to try talking to other people (fucking stupid)

 

[Black Rose]

don't say your opinion
don't say anything
crap!

(this forum sometimes)

 

[Black Rose]

null

 

[Black Rose]

people are just so unreasonable, uncompromising, manipulative. oblivious.

 

[Black Rose]

hold yourself on the inside.

 

[aiyanah]

don't say your opinion
don't say anything
crap!

(this forum sometimes)

I AGREE

[insert nemesis training montage]

null

yes

people are just so unreasonable, uncompromising, manipulative. oblivious.

probably, though they may be ignorant of their own actions. i certainly am

hold yourself on the inside.

my insides are all burned up and upside down though
might crumble if i try this move

watching your first vid btw, who are you today compared to then?

 

[Black Rose]

I still have trouble with forming my thoughts.

I am not so jittery as I was them. I control it better.

I am more careful about what I say.

I pause a lot. (reflect on things)

my ideas don't go anywhere.

still.

 

[Black Rose]

Ni - what will happen
Ne - what has potential

Si - what is known
Se - what is present

Fi - core-self
Fe - selflessness

Ti - maintain internal consistency
Te - complete external objective

-----------------------------------


Fi - core-self
Se - what is present
Ni - what will happen
Te - complete external objective

Ne - what has potential
Ti - maintain internal consistency
Fe - selflessness
Si - what is known

 

[aiyanah]

enlighten me on why the simulation couldn't be occurring in the present via the abstract rules and hierarchies that make up society.
i am quite curious on your thoughts.

 

[Black Rose]

enlighten me on why the simulation couldn't be occurring in the present via the abstract rules and hierarchies that make up society.
i am quite curious on your thoughts.

No reason is could not.
But supercomputers right now are extremely less powerful in comparison to future supercomputers that would use the quantum vacuum to compute. (10^99 Planck units per cubic centimeter)

 

[aiyanah]

oh no not via supercomputers but via the abstract social system that is currently in place.
i assume that each nation is it's own simulation and the culture is the code.
who decides the culture? i'm skeptical of assuming it's the people on the ground at this point in time.

 

[Black Rose]

Social-cultural systems naturally evolve by the strains of new codes introduced by the creative drive people have to make new ideas and the ability to spread them. Technology being one of them as the number of species is enormous. As people retain more and more ideas and experience the cross-pollination inside the unconscious furthers the creative process leading to more variety. The system then can only ever increases in complexity because of transmitted communication of new memes.

 

[Black Rose]

I can't handle it anymore.

There is just something very very wrong with the way people are that can't be fixed.

I quit.

 

[Black Rose]

Ni - finds the causal links behind things.
Se - gathers as many perspectives as possible.

Si - remembers factual details.
Ne - has original/novel ideas out of nowhere.

Ti - follows an internally consistent logic.
Fe - is accommodating to group coherence.

Fi - follows an individualistic approach to people.
Te - is rather empirical and definitive in approach.

 

[Artsu Tharaz]

Ni - finds the causal links behind things.
Se - gathers as many perspectives as possible.

Si - remembers factual details.
Ne - has original/novel ideas out of nowhere.

Ti - follows an internally consistent logic.
Fe - is accommodating to group coherence.

Fi - follows an individualistic approach to people.
Te - is rather empirical and definitive in approach.

I like this list apart from Ni/Se. "Causal links" aren't usually associated with Ni - though I don't understand the concept of causality well enough to make a self-verified conclusion, I can say from what I've read that it's associated if anything with Te.

Also it's Ni rather than Se that is focused on perspectives. I guess that Se+Ni combination could work like that, but for the rest of the list you just posted the function as it would be used independently, rather than as a dual process.

I sometimes experience Se as an impulse to act that seems to come out of nowhere, so perhaps something about shifting perspectives for Ni and physical impulses for Se?

 

[a_ghost_from_your_past]

Realize that MBTI is horse dung.
There: All of a sudden, people aren't incomprehensible anymore.
All the best on your journey.

 

[Black Rose]

person: A, B.

A: I can't take it anymore!
B: take what?
A: stuff
B: oh... I have to take stuff sometimes too.
A: yeah, it sucks.

 

[Black Rose]

I can't sit still. Always getting up pacing around. I got my gabapentin so the anxiety is not that bad but still, I have to move around. I want to be calm but can't. I suppose that is the next step. If I ever wish to look into her eyes again. I shouldn't make things worse for me. I've done some stupid things before like on the forum and I hope I can change that. I don't mean to upset. I just need to be less controversial, avoid certain topics. Keeps those for my blog posts.

 

[Black Rose]

This video of Einstine perfectly illustrates what I mean by the ability to hold thoughts in your head. He can see his thoughts and manipulate them. Since I have aphantasia I can't see my thoughts. Working things out for me is severely limited for that reason.

My new definition of holding a thought includes generating ideas. Something has to be bouncing back and forth in the head creating something new. It's not so much how much is bouncing around but how things get put together. "Basic creative ability". Putting things together in your own head. Some may be able to do more but some people are more creative in how they do it. You can learn to be more creative not necessarily do more.

 

[Black Rose]

There is finally calm inside me. I am listening to rock music. I become the music. I lose a sense of self. Let go and give in.

 

[Black Rose]

I remembered Pinocchio: The Series from when I was 9.
In an episode the Blue Fairy was killed by the witch.

In a different show, the mom is sick and the little boy takes care of her but they run out of food. I don't know what happens, the casset tape stops halfway through.

These things upset me. Makes me want to cry. I am trying to cry but I involuntarily hold it in. It needs to build up before I can do it.

It was a dark show.

The Adventures of Pinocchio - Opening (English)

 

[Black Rose]

Memories won't go away.
But they don't bother me so much.
They are not as bad as I thought they were.
---
Ringing Bell is the 1978 Japanese anime adventure-drama short film adaption of the storybook of the same name written by Takashi Yanase. It is most notable by fans and critics as a family film which makes a sharp sudden turn into a dark and violent story that criticizes and reflects upon the theme of revenge.

 

[Tenacity]

Memories won't go away.
But they don't bother me so much.
They are not as bad as I thought they were.

I have the opposite problem. Better memory would be very helpful in my life.

 

[Rebis]

]
I have the opposite problem. Better memory would be very helpful in my life.

I have relatively bad recall memory compared to when I was younger but I think they are a product of cognitive payload: You don't need to remember stuff verbatim as you have the internet, so all you need to remember is how to formulate a question or associative memory- remember where you can search for information. Additionally, I find an eidetic memory is probably the worst in terms of learning, if you're learning a subject that's based on atomic principles and laws you can infer a large amount of information from simple axioms such as logic gates in a CPU. I think it's inefficient to remember details word for word, detail for detail as much stuff can be reasoned from simple foundational principles.

As we grow older our brain becomes cognizant, we have formulate larged biases about the world which is hard to forget or refactor. Having a bad memory means you're less susceptible to cognitive bias because you're always refactoring the way you think. I remember what's important I don't learn anything passively.

I think all the time, so I'll rely on thought rather than memory. My computer can do the basic tasks and I'll do the abstract stuff, good synergy yo.

If I was to make an abstraction, to remember is to become a part of the world. Memory creates bias, bias creates identity. Identity becomes an object in the minds of others. When you don't rely on memory, you rely on thought. Thought is a product of perception, percieving the world is for those who do not exist inside the world. To percieve or exist, which one will you pick? To be the witness or the subject?

 

[Rebis]

That was pretty edgy @Rebis , nonetheless someone might appreciate it.

 

[Tenacity]

Having a bad memory means you're less susceptible to cognitive bias because you're always refactoring the way you think.

True. The problem still exists, though. To lose thoughts even with the attempt to externalize them is wasteful as many won't become useful. There is a word for this concept of forgetting as soon as you try to remember, I just don't remember. Ideally we'll have back ups of our brains decades from now, however that is a long time from today.

I think it's cool that @Animekitty is documenting his ideas in this thread and he seems fearless and authentic in the way he does it.

To percieve or exist, which one will you pick? To be the witness or the subject?

Most need both to have fulfillment.

That was pretty edgy @Rebis , nonetheless someone might appreciate it.

I appreciate your thoughts. Not sure edgy is the right word though haha. Insightful is a better one.

Are you Gen Z?

 

[Rebis]

Yeah I'm Gen Z. I get both but try to keep the stuff I remember to a minimum, that's not to say I don't have a lot of memories, but they're mostly associative. I can't recall information voluntarily without it being associated with the subject matter, it's reactive memory. I like the idea of percieving more than being the subject, it represents youth in a way and with each day I'm percieving less reminds me of how I'm becoming grounded and uncreative.

Curiousity is a sensation I don't want to dull.

 

[Rebis]

It is pretty cool they're archiving their thoughts, I do it too sometimes but rarely reflect. My language and ideas change a lot so I don't feel remiscent of a journal I wrote a while ago. They generally don't hold any emotional nexus.

 

[Tenacity]

I like the idea of percieving more than being the subject, it represents youth in a way and with each day I'm percieving less reminds me of how I'm becoming grounded and uncreative.

Curiousity is a sensation I don't want to dull.

I share the same sentiment. Imagine, however, having to take away one or the other. Existence is necessary for survival. Perception is necessary for ideation. If one is overvalued too much more than the other, the flow of day-to-day experiences becomes sub-optimal. It is powerful to aspire to do more than exist and perceive to fulfill the purpose we establish for ourselves. There are things that exist beyond our perception that we must unlock. There is interconnectivity of "witness" and "subject" also and they are co-dependent. Even if we must be both witness and subject to ourselves as part of self-reflection, self-monitoring, and/or constructing an identity, it is almost necessary to conceptualize both perspectives in order to know how to then be selective in satisfying curiosity and in making sure information is relevant and applicable to desired outcomes in life.

 

[Rebis]

I like the idea of percieving more than being the subject, it represents youth in a way and with each day I'm percieving less reminds me of how I'm becoming grounded and uncreative.

Curiousity is a sensation I don't want to dull.

I share the same sentiment. Imagine, however, having to take away one or the other. Existence is necessary for survival. Perception is necessary for ideation. If one is overvalued too much more than the other, the flow of day-to-day experiences becomes sub-optimal. It is powerful to aspire to do more than exist and perceive to fulfill the purpose we establish for ourselves. There are things that exist beyond our perception that we must unlock. There is interconnectivity of "witness" and "subject" also and they are co-dependent. Even if we must be both witness and subject to ourselves as part of self-reflection, self-monitoring, and/or constructing an identity, it is almost necessary to conceptualize both perspectives in order to know how to then be selective in satisfying curiosity and in making sure information is relevant and applicable to desired outcomes in life.

I very much agree with your point, I think my point was self-referential: I used to have a spectacular memory, I remembered digits I saw just once, the colour of people's clothes on a particular day, the detail in someone's face and the way I could plan days in advance on what I would say to someone. It would be a pre-calculated, controlled discussion and helped when I used to be really bad dealing with small talk. I then started to think if there was an organic reason why I lost interest in keeping up with social situations, the colour in people's outfits and how I chased after unique people with a keen interest, I determined that was because learning is different from knowledge: The action of learning requires you to think and pay attention to your actions, while applying knowledge is mainly an unconscious effort.

I've committed the typical sin of our kind: Using you as a soundboard, and by extension projecting my opnion of memory on to you as if it were your own. If it is a problem I very much sympathize with you: we find meaning in pursuing our goals, and if your goal is to balanced the result is despondency. You should delve deep into the psychology of memory so you can strengthen the complexity of experiences in order for your brain to remember it as unique. If you haven't already I would look into Method of Loci, Visuo-spatial sketchpad, Cognitive consonance, Semantic encoding and disambiguation (breaking pre-conceived ideas, let's say in an image, food or a door handle into smaller components and then re-piecing them together). That way you're extrapolating the memory chain to multiple concepts rather than one.

 

[Rebis]

Are you Gen Z?

What's your generation? I guessed it was Z or a slight overflow into Y.

 

[Tenacity]

If you haven't already I would look into Method of Loci, Visuo-spatial sketchpad, Cognitive consonance, Semantic encoding and disambiguation

What's your generation? I guessed it was Z or a slight overflow into Y.

Thanks, very into cognitive consonance (and awareness of cognitive dissonance) and disambiguation. Visuo-spatial sketchpad and semantic encoding I'll have to look into converting into practicality. I don't feel despondency at all btw.

I'm right at the cut off point for Gen Z, so yes, slight overflow, still among the youngest of Millennials and so I typically relate with half of both generations.

 

[Tenacity]

^That'll be my last post for a bit here. Don't want to continue blowing up AK's thread

 

[Black Rose]

sometimes Love burns
burns leave scars
and you come back for more each time

 

[Black Rose]

.

 

[Black Rose]

 

[asdasggadaczc]

Hello there. This is Lain.
No offense. I want to ask you a question: What is your political orientation? No offense, but you are a bit like a POL board user of 4CHAN...

 

[Black Rose]

What is your political orientation?

pragmatism

 

[Black Rose]

Anger fear anxiety

They are in the amygdala. They are stability measures.

anxiety is between fear and anger.

When I got angry I started shaking. In my head, it got warm and stable. The twisting and turning stopped.

It is a mix because my frontal lobes are griping on the anger. The pressure comes out on the side rather than the top.

a different part of the cortex has begun working.

like the cluster headaches are back.

I do not like the twisting but I mostly control that.

The cortex suppresses the amygdala. The amygdala is overactive.

 

[Black Rose]

anxiety is a war between needing to go and staying. There is no escape.

anger solves anxiety but fear suppresses anger and sadness fills up

But anger suppresses sadness.

Everything is in a circle and you don't know what to do.

I cannot release my sadness until I release my anger but I need to release my fear.

I can't release my fear until I release my anxiety,

I need an escape.