An INTP Musician

[J-man]

I realized today that I can't be the artist I want to be AND remain detached. I have a tendency to reject any identity which places me in a position of vulnerability. I don't think of myself as a person/feel like a person (at least not fully).

The artist in me wants to make a statement. The Spock in me wants to interpret everything I do or experience in a logical way. So I lose touch with the ground from which I can make a statement as "somebody", and art just doesn't happen. It can't unfold naturally and it can't be faked (not that I would want to fake it).

I suppose the thing to do would be to put myself where it's safe to be vulnerable so maybe I could be "somebody" and grow as a person.

It seems like an extreme conflict: aversion to expressing any emotion in general, yet a desire to express something real, meaningful, and appreciable. I guess I don't want to risk someone NOT appreciating my expression. So Mr Spock steps in and suggests the most reasonable reasons someone could reject me... the most "logical" reasons someone could be disgusted by me.

I'm looking for insight from mature INTPs, or anyone who might have good insight.

 

[StevenM]

I don't think Spock would reason in that kind of way, unless he's being hypothetical. When it comes to determining the reasons and meanings of other people, the only thing you could do is speculate and theorize.

 

[Direwolf]

In art i have always been terrible but i have always wanted to play the cello. I started learning a few weeks ago. I believe you shouldn't play because you have the intention of making a statement because no one really gets the same message acrosss the board. Play your instrument because you enjoy it. Hey maybe once your good enough you might start making a statement without realising. Spock would be proud

 

[B00Bz]

I realized today that I can't be the artist I want to be AND remain detached. I have a tendency to reject any identity which places me in a position of vulnerability. I don't think of myself as a person/feel like a person (at least not fully).

I have this problem but people have always told me I play music with exceptional feeling even while I sometimes lack technical ability. I don't think there is anything exceptional about my music though.

 

[emaugust]

For 10 years I have been releasing various forms of electronic music. I never positioned myself as an artist in the emotional sense. My songs are not particularly personal - they are, but not in a way anyone will understand - but they are still great. I guess it depends on your format - people probably expect a more direct authenticity in country or folk music, but there are so many ways you can create art.

You can make art that is not about baring your soul. You can also bare your soul without anyone knowing it.

 

[EditorOne]

Emotional vulnerability is a kind of pain. Dealing with any kind of pain is learning not to avoid it, but how not to mind it. I'm reminded of the scene in Lawrence of Arabia where Peter O'toole pinches out lit matches with his fingers. Colleagues watching assume it is some kind of barroom trick, one of them tries it, and yelps with pain, "It hurts!" He says "Yes." They say "So, what's the trick?" and he responds "The trick ... is in not minding that it hurts." That's where you might want to go, consider the pain just the price of success.

As for rejection, "So what?" No matter what your personality, some people just aren't going to like you. You don't need universal approval. Mostly you need your own. I will acknowledge that success as a musician involves some level of approval from others, but they're going to most be engaged with your music, not you personally, right?

 

[SilentStorm]

I'm kind of the same way. There's one part of me that doesn't really care about anything and wants to be the biggest rock star of all time. Then there's another highly introverted part that just sits around and analyzes everything.

But I've come to the realization that there's always going to be people out there that don't appreciate your music. You just have to find a way to not care what they think. I just kept telling myself that what they thought didn't matter. And as I was going on stage all the anxiety was gone and I was just zoned into the music.

Basically what I'm trying to say is, there will always be people out there that don't like what you're doing. But there's also going to be even more people out there that like what you're doing. Focus on the people that like it.

 

[paradoxparadigm7]

Emotional vulnerability is a kind of pain. Dealing with any kind of pain is learning not to avoid it, but how not to mind it. I'm reminded of the scene in Lawrence of Arabia where Peter O'toole pinches out lit matches with his fingers. Colleagues watching assume it is some kind of barroom trick, one of them tries it, and yelps with pain, "It hurts!" He says "Yes." They say "So, what's the trick?" and he responds "The trick ... is in not minding that it hurts." That's where you might want to go, consider the pain just the price of success.

As for rejection, "So what?" No matter what your personality, some people just aren't going to like you. You don't need universal approval. Mostly you need your own. I will acknowledge that success as a musician involves some level of approval from others, but they're going to most be engaged with your music, not you personally, right?

Well said and totally agree. Love that movie too.

 

[Jennywocky]

I never had much issue with letting myself go within music or within certain types of writing, I can compartmentalize.

Where I usually have the issue "letting go" is IRL in my decision making, real-life relationships, etc. Those things have to be built on rational principles, anything decided emotionally usually is suspect to me and I find myself pull away.

Basically, dropping into a musical trance state for me is like focusing on Ne possibilities (I hear where everything could go, then "explore" options) as well as finding and sensing patterns within music (or art in general) and then maximizing their impact. There is some Se and Si going on as well, because you are allowing yourself to feel the physical results of the music you are producing, as well as recalling how you felt when you heard similar tones and tunes in the past. You're using music as a reference point to trigger similar responses in other human beings and/or convey deep truths that might not necessarily be able to be put into words. You are communicating, conveying, encouraging, all by taking the lead to let the music inside of you at first.


Some of this process is instinctive, but it also becomes better with practice as you become acquainted with various techniques on how to diminish or accentuate emotion.

In a way, it is personal as the more I can allow myself to "feel," the more range I can get into my artistic expression. As you have noted, you cannot remain detached, you do have to allow it to move within you and resonate with things that are already. You have to be willing to let yourself "feel" and "experience" without judgment, which means to stop asking whether you "should be feeling something" or "whether it makes sense."

On the other hand, while personal, it's also impersonal because you're approaching it with a utilitarian goal in mind -- to move the audience and convey a particular truth (emotion, idea, whatever). it's a form of self-exposure and nakedness without shame, and using that experience of nakedness to help others want to be vulnerable as well. Because there is no reason to fear vulnerability unless there is a predator.

The irony is that while I prefer my judgments to be derived rationally, I like my art to be resonant and vibrant versus cold and rational. It should trigger things inside of people so that they can understand some kind of truth through non-rational means, blazing like a star or soothing like a cool burbling stream.

 

[J-man]

Some really good answers. Thanks everyone!