Ambivalence mistaken for Unhappiness?

[Roran]

So there I am, thinking, staring into the middle distance (while sitting at a table with my family in a restaurant), wearing my default expression, when a waitress asks if something is wrong with my food, to which I reply, startled out of my silence, "No, it's good...." wondering what was wrong. Was I unhappy looking? I did have my hand on my face, and I was hunched with my elbow on the table.........But everything was O.K, I wasn't unhappy. Apparently my posture conveyed unhappiness.

Now to the point. Is your ambivalence also often mistaken for unhappiness?

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

Yes, my usual face I guess is either sad/angry looking and people comment a lot. The only time I really notice it is if I'm walking somewhere and my eyebrows naturally lower to give me the appearance of anger and annoyance. I'm also moderately sure that my father thinks I am depressed because there have been times where I've had my head resting on my hand or such and had my normal "not happy" expression on my face and he's commented on it. But yeah, people don't generally view me as a happy person.

 

[Roran]

Now that I think about it, my default expression is kinda unhappy looking, with my half-lidded eyes and lack of expressiveness.

 

[The Gopher]

yep.

 

[Octavian Starr]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh yes.
pisses me off.
The worst part is that people who ask me if I'm okay put me in a bad mood.

 

[Roran]

Kinda defeats the purpose of them asking, then. But why does it put you in a bad mood?

 

[Octavian Starr]

... I don't know.
But yes, it does defeat the purpose. Does this happen to you guys too?

 

[Roran]

I get more confused than angry, but the principle still applies

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

Well, yeah, I guess so. I never really get "angry" but 'annoyed' would be a better word for it. Usually because they're interrupting an important thought process to ask me a pointless question.

 

[jameslikespie]

I generally just look like I couldn't give a shit about what anyone's saying

 

[Lobstrich]

I've been told several times that I seem angry a lot of the time.
But did she ask "Is something wrong with the food?" Or "is the food alright?" Because the latter is very normal, and doesn't have to mean that she thinks something is wrong, she is asking this as another added service.

 

[Roran]

I'm not sure.......

 

[GYX_Kid]

If you know an IxFJ who you care about, make sure you somehow communicate that you have nothing wrong with them. Self-reminder too.

 

[crippli]

People think I am shy. Maybe because I sit very still, and don't talk much, especially if there is more then one, and I don't have much to say to what is being discussed.

But people have asked me while talking to me if I'm okay, especially if I'm staring out into space, something I'm prone to do. I'm still listening though, so it's all fine.

 

[EditorOne]

"But why does it put you in a bad mood?"

Because the waitress intruded on her thoughts based on a faulty assumption, an assumption based on her own personality and behavior, and asked a question that required a response. I shall presume that any time the waitress is silent herself, it's because something is wrong, not because, heaven forfend, she is THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING.

Being misunderstood when silent is the price we pay for living in a world where most people blither ceaselessly to make sure everyone knows how they fricking FEEL about everything. I'm to the point where I can't even talk to such people.

 

[OverCaes]

Absolutely. One of my close friends (though we are polar opposites) always asks me why I look so glum, even though I may be feeling otherwise. I happen to almost always be thinking about things, and my face is mostly devoid of any emotion.

Members of my family also assume that I am depressed.

 

[Roran]

Thanks for clarifying that, EditorOne.

 

[EditorOne]

You are quite welcome. Your post rang a bell for me, so I intuitively jumped the gun and assumed my reaction would be in the same ballpark as yours.

 

[Octavian Starr]

Best explanation I've heard.

 

[Smooch]

As INTP's we probably get this a lot. I often have a very somber expression and people think I'm mean/sad when really I'm content as could be....
I don't get mad at people I don't know who assume things like this...
but I have one friend who I have known for a very long time, so she should know that's just how I look by now, and yet she still doesn't seem to get it.....UGH.