Am I in the grip of Fe?

[Shadow_Walker]

So, this year has been super stressful for me and I have been dealing with some things I have never dealt with before.

I'm feeling undervalued in my job and lacking control over my life. Which made me feel insecure and then doubt my career choice. I was addicted to gaming some months ago and now I'm over-analyzing MBTI. I noticed that when I get so insecure at the point I can't think of an answer I search for some external validation. At the same time being withdraw from friends, I became obsessed with testing if I'm really INTP. I have made all the tests online. Have been typed by others as INTP, even my girlfriend made two different tests answering for me, without my help, both results were INTP. But because I think I'm being too much sensitive I keep looking to make sure I'm not INFP. Trying to be more logical and analytical than what I normally am and trying to solve problems I know that is impossible to solve. Also, have been paranoid and overthinking my work relationship or thinking that someone is acting against me.

 

[Gnurp]

Well.... yep.

And you sound as INTP as it gets to me. But keep in mind, each part of an MBTI acronym is like a scale, and we all move along those scales all the time depending on mood.

So, while I'm certain I'm a strong INTP (and you probably are too) - sometimes i'm an INFP, I've even joined some INFP groups, and just like the INTP groups I find a lot I can relate to. I'd say my T/F scale is the most active, I/E being a close runner up.

When I'm unhealthy:
I become more socially active. (E)
I stop researching things on my own and pay more attention to other people and to my environment. (S)
My Fe demon takes the wheel (and my Ti still thinks it's calling the shots) F
I become compliant and complacent (J)

Now in case any ESFJ reads this; I'm an INTP, so my ESFJ is corrupted - hardly resembling a healthy ESFJ. ESFJs can be wise, and loving, and ethical. But when I'm acting like an ESFJ its from pain - so I'm none of those things. My corrupted ESFJ will steal your shit and help you look for it.

 

[Kormak]

Tell me if this sounds familiar (this is how INTP deals with it's Fe):

INTPs are usually lacking in outward emotional energy. INTPs may typically seem stiff, cold, rational, unresponsive to emotional concerns, and overly formal in social settings. INTPs may feel uneasy and insecure about their adaptability to social situations. They appreciate the interactive efforts of others to make them feel comfortable, at ease, and a part of the group. They tend to liven up in situations of amusement and conviviality. In situations where they feel comfortable and unconditionally accepted, they may drop their tendency towards aloofness and engage in uncharacteristic silliness.

INTPs may be highly sensitive to the signs of emotional approval that they receive from others. They may be highly appreciative of displays of emotional warmth and friendliness. They may find normative emotional expectations placed on them to be stifling and tend to prefer nonjudgmental environments without character scrutiny. Additionally, for fear of emotional reprisal, INTPs often tend to be rather noncritical of others' actions.

INTPs may be quite susceptible to acting in accordance with the mood of others and may undervalue the importance of avoiding argumentation on their mental well-being.

Fe is the INTP's valued 2nd subconscious function. Si is the first. It means they are weak compared to INTP's valued conscious functions Ti and Ne. Fe is the suggestive function, in the case of INTP it means you are esily influenced / mobilized by Fe doms (ESFJ and ENFJ), but you absolutely suck at it yourself.

Dependency on social validation is something characteristic of NTP, related anxiety is common. We are subconsciously aware of and depend on the external socio-emotional atmosphere. NTJs are not like this at all. They don't give a fuck about Fe.

When stressed out, you may become more aware of your Si & Fe needs.

 

[Cognisant]

Dependency on social validation is something characteristic of NTP, related anxiety is common. We are subconsciously aware of and depend on the external socio-emotional atmosphere. NTJs are not like this at all. They don't give a fuck about Fe.

There are very few people whose approval matters to me (whose opinions I deem of value) but their approval is of great importance to me.

Perhaps that is common among NTJs or perhaps that inability to go entirely without external validation is itself the dividing line between the types, I mean theoretically you could gain validation solely from some axiom but that seems dangerous.

 

[Kormak]

There are very few people whose approval matters to me (whose opinions I deem of value) but their approval is of great importance to me.

Perhaps that is common among NTJs or perhaps that inability to go entirely without external validation is itself the dividing line between the types, I mean theoretically you could gain validation solely from some axiom but that seems dangerous.

That sounds more like Fi, subject object relation. You have specific people in mind, ppl you value personally.

I'll give my prior social anxiety as an example. I absolutely care about being in good standing with even people I don't know / the community or ppl gethered in a place, to the point where this is subconsciously causing some severe anxiety issues. I respond really well to positive reinforcement, like a little dogo. While I can't create a positive social atmpsphere or maintain it ^^ I usually appreciate it very much when ppl like me & are friendly, when there is a nice comfy pozitive social atmosphere / joking, laughter and the such. I enjoy being witty & sponstanious in situations like that.

Despite this and despite my core motivation being safe and secure (phobic enneagrm type 6), I regularly antagonize people, question authority, speak out and argue when I shouldn't. I'll be running on anxiety shooting holes in ppl's worldviews, "burning everything to the ground", no respect for tradition, authority, rules or chain of command and so on. I found a good line in a musioc piece recently which explains this: "my religion is the practice of sedition". On some lvl I think I do it because I care about ppl in general (Fe) and Ne-Ti is the only real way I am capable of adressing issues, of which there are many.

I recognize this odd contradiction as my Fe-Si subconscious being at war with my Ne-Ti conscious. Both are things I value highly, they just tend to not mesh well at times.

e_e apart from being better with Fe I think the obvious difference between an ENTP and an INTP is that INTPs take ideas seriously, I never do. Both types howeer have this thing with Fe, its important to us, even if we kinda suck at it a lot.

 

[Cognisant]

I regularly antagonize people, question authority, speak out and argue when I shouldn't.

That seems to me like less of a you thing and more of an everybody else thing, just because something is tradition or that comes from an authority doesn't mean that it cannot be subjected to valid criticism. Indeed criticism itself isn't rude, if I tell you humanity should build a mass driver for space launch and you disagree by stating that a space elevator seems more practical then we have the terms for a discussion. I'm not offended that you think a mass driver would be expensive, you're right it would be very expensive but then I would counter your criticism by saying a mass driver would be more economical given that a mass driver could launch lots of cargo very quickly whereas a space elevator may take days to deliver a single small payload.

Point is people getting offended because you disagree with them doesn't mean you're a prick for questioning their beliefs, it means they're pricks for trying to force their beliefs on you without due explanation nor being open to your feedback and the possibility that they might be wrong.

Edit: If your criticism weren't authentic you would be the prick for being critical just for the sake of being critical but I assume that's not the case?

 

[Kormak]

If your criticism weren't authentic you would be the prick for being critical just for the sake of being critical but I assume that's not the case?

Its never the case tbh. I don't needlessly antagoneze other people. I prefer being on good terms and avoiding conflict, especially emotional conflict (which is always a waste of time & effort). By starting an argument I risk my safety and security, my standing with others & how they see me. There usually are negative consequences. If and when I start arguing for something I am quite prepared for the fallout, but I almost never ignore this "instict for sedition", in a way I'm compelled to adress things. Idk if other Ti users can relate. Its like an itch I have to scratch.

e_e like in your case, I agree that religions esp the abrahamic ones manufacture ignorance, but I had to argue for the upside, which is a mentally healthyer population. We killed God, sure, but the attempts at replacing it are hamfisted and lead to civilizational decay. Its so obvious & painful to watch. Scientism isn't going to fix it, worse, we are becoming dogmatic on this end which is detrimental for real science as well.

EDIT: Fe in a sense is like diplomacy, Fe dom and aux ppl are substantially better at this given they have valued conscious use of Fe. Te dom and aux ppl usually see this "diplomacy" as fake fluff that is often unnecesary. "Facts over feelings" is a typical Te response which fails to win other people over despite it being true.

 

[Shadow_Walker]

Well.... yep.

And you sound as INTP as it gets to me. But keep in mind, each part of an MBTI acronym is like a scale, and we all move along those scales all the time depending on mood.

So, while I'm certain I'm a strong INTP (and you probably are too) - sometimes i'm an INFP, I've even joined some INFP groups, and just like the INTP groups I find a lot I can relate to. I'd say my T/F scale is the most active, I/E being a close runner up.

When I'm unhealthy:
I become more socially active. (E)
I stop researching things on my own and pay more attention to other people and to my environment. (S)
My Fe demon takes the wheel (and my Ti still thinks it's calling the shots) F
I become compliant and complacent (J)

Now in case any ESFJ reads this; I'm an INTP, so my ESFJ is corrupted - hardly resembling a healthy ESFJ. ESFJs can be wise, and loving, and ethical. But when I'm acting like an ESFJ its from pain - so I'm none of those things. My corrupted ESFJ will steal your shit and help you look for it.

Yeah, I already talked with some INFPs, they are much more romantic in their ideas and belief system. While for me it's all for the sake of understanding things and seeing things as they are. But because that I made some blunders in work, this started to slowly creep my confidence and I just realized now that this doubt of my type is actually this need to external validation, like prooving that I'm INTP would prove that I'm someone smart and mentally capable.

The interesting thing is that now that I'm able to rationalize this feeling it's like now I'm able to see how that is stupid and be more in control of myself again. At least a little more in control.

 

[Shadow_Walker]

Tell me if this sounds familiar (this is how INTP deals with it's Fe):

INTPs are usually lacking in outward emotional energy. INTPs may typically seem stiff, cold, rational, unresponsive to emotional concerns, and overly formal in social settings. INTPs may feel uneasy and insecure about their adaptability to social situations. They appreciate the interactive efforts of others to make them feel comfortable, at ease, and a part of the group. They tend to liven up in situations of amusement and conviviality. In situations where they feel comfortable and unconditionally accepted, they may drop their tendency towards aloofness and engage in uncharacteristic silliness.

This is me normally, especially when I'm around people I'm not comfortable to be with.

INTPs may be highly sensitive to the signs of emotional approval that they receive from others. They may be highly appreciative of displays of emotional warmth and friendliness. They may find normative emotional expectations placed on them to be stifling and tend to prefer nonjudgmental environments without character scrutiny. Additionally, for fear of emotional reprisal, INTPs often tend to be rather noncritical of others' actions.

I think I'm a little sensitive with other's approval, yes. It's normal for me to keep thinking about what I've said, trying to analyze facial expressions and how people reacted to it. The bold part is really me.

INTPs may be quite susceptible to acting in accordance with the mood of others and may undervalue the importance of avoiding argumentation on their mental well-being.

Fe is the INTP's valued 2nd subconscious function. Si is the first. It means they are weak compared to INTP's valued conscious functions Ti and Ne. Fe is the suggestive function, in the case of INTP it means you are easily influenced/mobilized by Fe doms (ESFJ and ENFJ), but you absolutely suck at it yourself.

Again, most of it is right. This can be frustrating cause it takes some time for me to realize that I've been manipulated. At the beginning of my relationship, my gf(ENFP) took some advantage of my difficulty to say no to her(but I think its kinda natural for her to make drama). But after I've realized it I became more apt to say no to her(what sometimes she sees as cold and insensitive behavior, lol)

When stressed out, you may become more aware of your Si & Fe needs.

This makes sense. But I have no idea how to deal with it, lol.

 

[Kormak]

This makes sense. But I have no idea how to deal with it, lol.

Idk either :/, well at least you can be certain of your type.

 

[Kormak]

Moved my edit to a new post so it updates the thread as I consider the new information vital ofr OP.

You do sound like a type 6, maybe this will help you more than the MBTI: http://www.russellrowe.com/enneagram-types/enneagram-type-6-description.pdf
Cope with fear by acting strong (or smart) to win support. I think we have a winner.
Doubt, questioning the motives ofothers and needing external validation to qunech internal doubts. :P you sound like me when i get unhealthy. The avoiding problems through gaming is very familiar.

The way out of this mess is through having faith in yourself, which is hard for a six since we are prone to a lot of doubting.... but trust me its 100% worth to summon up the courage to trust yourself.

Inb4 I'm type 4 bla bla bla INFP snowflake XD jk jk. Welcome to being in the head triad.

\o/ hey I'm eNTP and type 6... figuring this stuff out was way more useful than MBTI. AMA
Ignore the meticulous detail orientation garbage in descriptions. Six is a very common type, lot of STJs and STPs in there, what counts is the core motivation or driving force: fear in the form of doubt. Natural skeptics of everything includung themselves. Perfect if you are working for the Imperial Inquisitition.

Road to healing: self trust and courage to do so. <== can't emphasize this enough.

Things Sixes Can Do to Help Themselves Grow

1. Accept that some uncertainty and insecurity are a natural part of life. Notice how your doubts and mistrust can stress you and ruin relationships. Practice trusting and having faith in yourself, others and the universe (lolled @ "trust in the universe" cmon, cut the crap... jesus these spiritual ppl)

2. Learn to be and act as your own authority rather than looking to others.

3. Take up exercise (if you are not already doing it regularly) to help bring your awareness into your body and out of your head.

4. Ask yourself, “Am I imagining this? Is it a genuine intuition or a projection?” Check out your fears and concerns with trusted friends to get a reality check.

5. Notice how often you stay busy as a way to reduce awareness of anxiety.

6. When you feel apprehensive, anxious, or fearful (phobic) – or tense, hyper, or challenging (counterphobic) – center and ground yourself by breathing deeply. Then, move ahead with positive action in spite of the presence of fear.

7. Use your imagination to create pleasant options rather than letting worst case scenarios dominate your thinking.

8. Project threatening scenarios to the ludicrous limit so you can defuse your anxiety and laugh at them.

9. Notice how you tend to doubt your own capacities and decisions. Take time to remember past successes and accomplishments and develop more belief in yourself.

 

[Cognisant]

e_e like in your case, I agree that religions esp the abrahamic ones manufacture ignorance, but I had to argue for the upside, which is a mentally healthyer population. We killed God, sure, but the attempts at replacing it are hamfisted and lead to civilizational decay. Its so obvious & painful to watch. Scientism isn't going to fix it, worse, we are becoming dogmatic on this end which is detrimental for real science as well.

There's no dogmatism in the scientific community because if there was the peer review system would eat it alive, rather there's vested interests cherry picking studies that get the results they want while the scientists who carry out those studies can only watch and lament how their work is misused.

I'm also not convinced that the degradation of society has anything to do with a lack of religion, if anything our current Prime Minister who is openly religious seems to be actively pursuing such decay. Personally I blame short sighted politicians gradually starving public education of funding in a time when that education is at its most vital due to increasing automation of basic labour.

 

[Shadow_Walker]

You do sound like a type 6, maybe this will help you more than the MBTI: http://www.russellrowe.com/enneagram-types/enneagram-type-6-description.pdf

Wow man, thanks a lot!

You are the second person to tell me this, lol.

While type 6 is completely right in my actual behavior and lack of trust in myself and others. I identify almost entirely with 5. The limiting beliefs and coping methods are almost 90% like type 5, with some 4 and some 6 completing the other 10% left.

For example:

Limiting Subconscious Beliefs for type Six:
• The world is a dangerous and threatening place.

Yeah, it can be. But I don't really care too much about it. (But I like to think my actions carefully to avoid unpleasant situations)

• Most people have hidden agendas and are not to be trusted.

I think that way when people treat me badly, like "they are going to find someone to put in my place sooner or later". But normally I'm naive about the actions and interests of others.

• My safety depends on knowing people’s intentions.

Again, when I feel endangered I tend to care too about this kind of thing, but usually, I'm more focused in doing my stuff alone.

• I must rely on something (like a religion or belief system) or someone outside myself for security.

Actually, is the contrary, I have fear relying too much on others and try to just count on myself.

• To be loved I must be loyal and supportive ALL the time.

Loyalty is one important principle of my life philosophy. But I don't feel the need to prove it to anyone. I tend to be withdrawn and people don't expect help from me or support because I'm hard to open up. When I give someone support they tend to be surprised.

Limiting Subconscious Beliefs for type Five:

• People are invasive and demand too much.

As I said, it's hard for me to give space, time and attention to people I love even when they need it. I think I'm so focused in my own world that it's difficult to care about other people's problems. (I know I need to pay more attention to that)

• It’s best to need little so I’m not dependent on anyone.

Yes, yes, yes. Sometimes I wish to learn how to fix everything so I don't need to hire someone to do it. It's hard for me to ask for help and generally, my plans involve only what I can do and never the help that someone can give me.

• I’m on my own in the world, separate from the environment (an outside observer).

Lol, didn't I said in that sometimes I'm too much in my own world? That's what I was talking about.

• Allowing myself to fully feel my emotions would be unpredictable and scary.

I wouldn't say that. I just don't like to be influenced by emotions because for me it's like to show that I'm weak. Like 6es, I don't trust people too much to show them fragility(I only do it here because we're from different countries and I'm "anonymous", I'm telling more to you guys than what I tell to close friends.)

• Knowledge will keep me safe.

I trust this too much... But life is teaching me the hard way.

• To be loved I must demonstrate my competence and knowledge.

Basically the origin of my insecurity. I'm doubting my competence and knowledge so I overthink a lot and get sensitive about things.

 

[Gnurp]

Yeah, I already talked with some INFPs, they are much more romantic in their ideas and belief system. While for me it's all for the sake of understanding things and seeing things as they are. But because that I made some blunders in work, this started to slowly creep my confidence and I just realized now that this doubt of my type is actually this need to external validation, like prooving that I'm INTP would prove that I'm someone smart and mentally capable.

The interesting thing is that now that I'm able to rationalize this feeling it's like now I'm able to see how that is stupid and be more in control of myself again. At least a little more in control.

That's awesome. It's been like that for me too. Cathartic to learn about, and really easy apply to issues that used to confuse me and waste my CPU cycles.

 

[Kormak]

There's no dogmatism in the scientific community because if there was the peer review system would eat it alive, rather there's vested interests cherry picking studies that get the results they want while the scientists who carry out those studies can only watch and lament how their work is misused.

You have IMO too much faith in the system and seem to miss that results which contradict the current narrative are being actively repressed in the name of "not causing damage". For example, James Watson, the Nobel prize-winning scientist who helped discover the structure of DNA, was stripped of honors over “reprehensible” comments in which he said race and intelligence are connected. The man is merely pointing at data, he wasn't stating his mere opinion, data ppl don't want to be true, because it clashes with their sensibilities. You are not allowed to question certain things deemed to be true even if the data to back it up exists.

Rupert Sheldrake touches on other areas as well:

I'm also not convinced that the degradation of society has anything to do with a lack of religion, if anything our current Prime Minister who is openly religious seems to be actively pursuing such decay. Personally I blame short sighted politicians gradually starving public education of funding in a time when that education is at its most vital due to increasing automation of basic labour.

Its not religion specifically, but what religion offers people, a sense that there is a defense against existential terror, they get a sense of meaning and purpose, guidance & reassurance. We have a psychological bias to prefer fixed answers because it lowers the cost of constant reorganization.

I am not advocating in favor of maintaining religious institutions which through dogma manufacture ignorance, hell I'm saying we need to get rid of non-religious institutions that are similar and to actively combat the psychological bias for fixed answers because it is beneficial to do so.

I don't really have an issue with nondogmatic religions as they provide a psychological benefit and don't interfere otherwise. Tengrism or Buddhism for example. Then again, the way I look at this entire thing is not informed by personal negative experience such as in your case. I have a type 6 pattern, having faith and not questioning everything & everyone has always been very hard for me. I never truly believed from the start in anything but myself.

 

[Cognisant]

You have IMO too much faith in the system and seem to miss that results which contradict the current narrative are being actively repressed in the name of "not causing damage". For example, James Watson, the Nobel prize-winning scientist who helped discover the structure of DNA, was stripped of honors over “reprehensible” comments in which he said race and intelligence are connected. The man is merely pointing at data, he wasn't stating his mere opinion, data ppl don't want to be true, because it clashes with their sensibilities. You are not allowed to question certain things deemed to be true even if the data to back it up exists.

This is not outside my expectations, the Nobel committee are only human, they are an important part of the scientific community but by no means are they the leaders of it, they can strip a man of his official title but they cannot take the truth from him. Many great scientists were in their time victims of the masses and their unwillingness to accept the truth but in every instance they were eventually vindicated, Galileo, Darwin, Tesla, Turing, the truth cannot be denied forever, the truth always wins.

The scientific community is not some ivory tower of academics though there are many such towers, it isn't some particular institution or organization although many of them exist, no the scientific community is more than that, it is everyone, including you and me.

You here now having this conversation with me, THAT is what I put my faith in, can you not see how the gears are already turning, their motion driven by your efforts? If you would see this man vindicated because what he speaks is the truth and assuming what he speaks is indeed the truth then he will be vindicated, the truth cannot be denied.

Rupert Sheldrake touches on other areas as well:

That is a looong video, can you summarize his more salient points?

Its not religion specifically, but what religion offers people, a sense that there is a defense against existential terror, they get a sense of meaning and purpose, guidance & reassurance. We have a psychological bias to prefer fixed answers because it lowers the cost of constant reorganization.

True and for that reason a right answer is better than a wrong one.

If someone was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer would you lie to them and tell them everything's going to be alright or would you tell them the truth?
Ponder that for a moment, have your answer ready before you open the spoiler.

Spoiler

Now suppose the circumstances were reversed and you're the one awaiting the diagnosis, would you rather be told the truth or lied to?

I wager that you would rather be told, it is your life after all and you have a right to know and that being the case why would you deny that most basic of rights to another? In a word cowardice, it is easier to lie and pretend everything's okay than to inflict such horror upon another but eventually you will pay the price for your decision, be as delusional as you like but on some level you're still going to know what you did was wrong and the guilt is going to eat you alive.

Whereas telling the truth may be awful, but you will have done your duty and your conscience will be clear.

 

[Cognisant]

On the topic of religion scientism is an oxymoron, to dogmatically believe in the empiricism, the scientific method and peer review is to fundamentally misunderstand such things. However it is possible to believe in the possibilities that further scientific discoveries may bring, indeed it is strictly a matter of belief because although we may make educated guesses there's really no telling what developments the future may bring.

I speak of futurism and you wouldn't be wrong to accuse me of being religious on the grounds that I'm a futurist, I believe artificial general intelligence and long term life extension will be developed in our lifetime. I find comfort in these beliefs, so if the human mind really needs something to hope for why not give people actual hope for things that might actually happen?

 

[Kormak]

Wow man, thanks a lot!

You are the second person to tell me this, lol.

While type 6 is completely right in my actual behavior and lack of trust in myself and others. I identify almost entirely with 5. The limiting beliefs and coping methods are almost 90% like type 5, with some 4 and some 6 completing the other 10% left.

Ima link 2 good descriptions for both 6 and 5 as well as both types with these wings.
I don't know you personally so I can't be sure. I hope they help.

Type 6: https://psychologia.co/enneagram-6/
Six with a 5 wing: https://psychologia.co/6w5/

Type 5: https://psychologia.co/enneagram-5/
Five with a six wing: https://psychologia.co/5w6/

Keep in mind, regardless of the description, what counts is the core type's motivation.

In your case imo either way having faith in yourself is a very good idea.

 

[scorpiomover]

Yes.

So, this year has been super stressful for me and I have been dealing with some things I have never dealt with before.

Bound to hit your Fe and Si.

I noticed that when I get so insecure at the point I can't think of an answer I search for some external validation.

So get some.

However, the INTP version of external validation is auxiliary Ne, which isn't at all like the Te-aux for INTJs. In a nutshell, Ne looks for patterns in data, by cross-linking (observering the same phenomena in several disparate topics).

E.G. to get validation of your abilities at work, consider ALL the days you were in your job. Then do a mental tally of the projects that you did that turned out to be useful for the company, versus those that went nowhere. You'll realise that either (a) you're a waste of the company's time and want to move jobs, or (b) suddenly realise that you've been a lot more valuable and productive than you imagined.

As far as validation goes, similar: consider all the times when everyone was bricking it and you came in and saved the day. Probably lots.

I'm feeling undervalued in my job

You have to learn to stop taking what people say LITERALLY. I don't just mean that you should learn to understand metaphors and analogies. A lot of the time, people mean something completely different to what they said, often deliberately so. So rather than evaluate what someone said by the words they used, you have to think about their words in the context of their life and what you know about them.

Again, you can't just judge the context of their life by what they've said: same problem. You have to think about all the things you've seen them do and not do, and take into account all the things that you've heard others say, that no-one would say if they were lying. Effectively, you have to build up a rough picture of the person's life based on objective and impartial critieria, that in no way, shape or form relies upon trusting the person.

Then you have an accurate context for understanding their TRUE meaning accurately. Then consider all of the things they say at you.

For instance, say you are working for an INTJ who constantly berates you. If you're as rubbish as he says, why doesn't he have you transferred to another department? Why does he only berate you, when there are plenty of people far more incompetent than you, and yet he doesn't berate them?

If someone only berates those who are in the upper levels of competency in a department, it means that when be berates people, he berates them for their competency, because if he was berating them for their incometency, then he'd be berating the most incompetent most of all.

So why berate someone for their competency? Because you show the greatest potential, and so he is using the stick to make you reach more of your potential. The criticism is a motivational "stick", and is not a negative judgement of your potential. Rather, it's a positive judgement of your potential, because the person is not giving out negative judgements to those who earn those negative judgements the most.

This is just one example of how you need to learn to process other people's assessments of yourself.

and lacking control over my life. Which made me feel insecure and then doubt my career choice.

Part of the under-valuing. Ask yourself: what would happen if you didn't turn up tomorrow?

Better question: what happens when you're sick? How far does the company move your projects on without you? Wouldn't make sense to? Every day that a project is completely early, means more money for the company. Of course they want to get it done earlier. If you are off sick, they'd love to get someone else to move your work on.

It's pretty common in software for people to have to take on software that was written by someone else. So this sort of thing is normal.

However, the better the coder, the harder it becomes to find someone who can take on their work, understand it, and improve it, anywhere near as fast as the coder.

So this gives you an objective way of telling how much your company relies upon you.

Why is that important? Because the more your company needs you, the more they are terrified of you leaving and going elsewhere. Hence the more they want to control you and make it as difficult as they can to make you stay. Hence the more they want to knock your confidence till you have lost the will to get better and better jobs which will take you to better companies and away from you.

As Dale Carnegie wrote: "No-one ever kicks a dead dog."

The more you get criticised, the more that people are trying to keep you down to stop you from having the will to get up and leave, and the more they want you to not leave, the more they want you to stay. The more they want you to stay, the more they need you and rely on you, which means the more power you have over them.

So in short, more criticism => the more they rely on you => the more you can demand from them to get you to stay => the more control you get over your own life.

Applies to families, friends and to girlfriends too.

But remember that because you have soooo much power over these people, even a tiny use of your power scares them, as in truth, they are so reliant on you that they feel that you could demand almost anything or threaten to leave and they would have to give it to you.

YOU have all the power. That's why they're screaming all the time. They're terrified you might leave. So you need to tread gently, but firmly.

 

[scorpiomover]

I regularly antagonize people, question authority, speak out and argue when I shouldn't.

That seems to me like less of a you thing and more of an everybody else thing, just because something is tradition or that comes from an authority doesn't mean that it cannot be subjected to valid criticism. Indeed criticism itself isn't rude, if I tell you humanity should build a mass driver for space launch and you disagree by stating that a space elevator seems more practical then we have the terms for a discussion.

If I say that you're an ignorant moron who believes in rubbish, then that would be critical and rude.

I'm not offended that you think a mass driver would be expensive, you're right it would be very expensive but then I would counter your criticism by saying a mass driver would be more economical given that a mass driver could launch lots of cargo very quickly whereas a space elevator may take days to deliver a single small payload.

You seem to be talking as if you expect that everyone speaks politely about everyone else's views, which you can only expect if you speak to everyone politely about their views, no matter what those views are.

Point is people getting offended because you disagree with them doesn't mean you're a prick for questioning their beliefs, it means they're pricks for trying to force their beliefs on you without due explanation nor being open to your feedback and the possibility that they might be wrong.

If someone is getting offended when someone disagreed with them, it's usually because the person who was disagreeing was saying things in a very offensive way, when everyone can see that the person could have easily made the exact same points without being offensive.

Imagine if someone disagreed with you about mass drivers, and breaking your arm as an example of how a mass driver could snap under pressure. All they have done is criticised you. Your arm being broken is just part of that criticism.

Constructive criticism isn't rude. But then, constructive criticism is positive, impersonal, respectful and polite. In constructive criticism, you don't need to break someone's arm or be insulting or degrading to others to make your point. Therefore, all of them are offensive or all of them are OK.

 

[scorpiomover]

e_e like in your case, I agree that religions esp the abrahamic ones manufacture ignorance,

The oldest of the Abrahamic religions is Judaism.

Judaism is obsessed with studying and learning.

Some quotes from Judaism:

One who does not learn is deserving of death.
(Ethics of the Fathers, Chapter 1, Mishnah 13)

Rabbi Yaakov would say: One who walks along a road and studies, and interrupts his studying to say, "How beautiful is this tree!", "How beautiful is this ploughed field!"---the Torah considers it as if he had forfeited his life.
(Ethics of the Fathers, Chapter 3, Mishnah 7)

For there is no free individual, except for he who occupies himself with the study of Torah.
(Ethics of the Fathers, Chapter 6, Mishnah 2)

Sorry, but my Ti was screaming to correct you.

 

[Kormak]

e_e like in your case, I agree that religions esp the abrahamic ones manufacture ignorance,

The oldest of the Abrahamic religions is Judaism.

Judaism is obsessed with studying and learning.

Some quotes from Judaism:

One who does not learn is deserving of death.
(Ethics of the Fathers, Chapter 1, Mishnah 13)

Rabbi Yaakov would say: One who walks along a road and studies, and interrupts his studying to say, "How beautiful is this tree!", "How beautiful is this ploughed field!"---the Torah considers it as if he had forfeited his life.
(Ethics of the Fathers, Chapter 3, Mishnah 7)

For there is no free individual, except for he who occupies himself with the study of Torah.
(Ethics of the Fathers, Chapter 6, Mishnah 2)

Sorry, but my Ti was screaming to correct you.

Maimonides : every member of Israel has a share in the World to Come except, he who says there is no resurrection, that the Torah is not from heaven, and the apikores. Maimonides defined an apikores as anyone who denied, or even doubted, one of the following thirteen items:

1) God exists

2) God is a perfect unity

3) God has no physical body

4) God preceded all being

5) God alone is to be the object of worship

6) God speaks to humans through prophets

7) Moses will never be surpassed as a prophet

8) The Torah is from heaven

9) The Torah is eternal

10) God is all-knowing

11) God rewards good and punishes transgression

12) The Messiah will redeem Israel

13) The dead will be resurrected

Most Orthodox Jews to this day believe that dogma is essential to Judaism and that Maimonides’ principles are normative.

All Abrahamic religions are dogmatic by design and consequently manufacture ignorance.
The sophistry that the adepts of these religions put out for public consumption in order to justify their religious views in light of what we have come to know about the universe is often funny.

^^ I understand that people need something to beleive in for psychological reasons, but it doesen't change the fact that they still manufacture ignorance.

 

[scorpiomover]

but it doesen't change the fact that they still manufacture ignorance.

Ignorance is when you don't know anything, not when you know stuff, some of which is wrong.

Maimonides : every member of Israel has a share in the World to Come except, he who says there is no resurrection, that the Torah is not from heaven, and the apikores. Maimonides defined an apikores as anyone who denied, or even doubted, one of the following thirteen items:

Sure. But Maimonides doesn't deny that you have to be Meizid (intentional) to be punished fully for something.

To be an apikores, you cannot be ignorant, because then you wouldn't be intentionally denying those things.

To be an apikores, you have to know these things are true and deliberately and intentionally deny them.

Most Orthodox Jews to this day believe that dogma is essential to Judaism and that Maimonides’ principles are normative.

Maimonides didn't cite these principles from a source. He reasoned out the First Principles that would be logically required to believe in Judaism in the first place. Orthodox Jews believe in them, for the exact same reason that you need the 1st Four Euclidean Axioms to discuss Euclidean and non-Euclidean space and Euclidean and non-Euclidean geometry, i.e. space and geometry. If you reject one of those Principles, then you have rejected the fundamental principles of physics, mathematics and the rest of science that are built on them.

 

[Kormak]

Ignorance is when you don't know anything, not when you know stuff, some of which is wrong.

When you know stuff and proceed with mental gymnastics to make your religion workable in light of new information its called sophism... in other words manufacturing ignorance.

 

[scorpiomover]

When you know stuff and proceed with mental gymnastics to make your religion workable in light of new information its called sophism... in other words manufacturing ignorance.

Science doesn't have the answers yet. Scientific theories keep being changed in light of new evidence and new understandings (like Relativity), i.e. in light of new information, not just by filling in the details, but even by redefining the nature of reality in principle. The theories themselves are completely changed in light of new information.

This requires incredible mental gymnastics, such as that space is curved(!), that things behave as waves and as particles, that 2 particles that are millions of miles apart can be entangled, and much, much more.

So even according to Rupert Sheldrake, when you know stuff and proceed with mental gymnastics to make your theories of physical reality workable in light of new information, its called science...