Am i capable of being in love with this ESFP?

[iAmburn]

I'm not sure if I even understand what love is. And this girl is an ESFP. Almost the complete opposite of me. She is so fascinating, but I can't tell if it's just something else.

 

[GYX_Kid]

why not.

 

[iAmburn]

why not.

Because I feel like I have this secret agenda. I can't even understand why I like this girl so much. Nothing is more frustrating then not understanding something that directly effects yourself.

 

[ApostateAbe]

If she (1) looks beautiful and she (2) socializes with you, then you can fall in love with her, and personality has little if anything to do with it. What matters even less is how well her personality matches yours.

 

[GYX_Kid]

haha INTP's always have a compulsion to "understand" everything, myself included

I say when there's a rare moment of value-opportunity like that, don't pass it up

 

[thoumyvision]

We (INTPs) are attracted the most to people whose functions are all the opposite attitude of ours, I.E. Te,Ni,Se,Fi. There are 4 personality types who have these charactaristics: INTJ, ENTJ, ISFP, and ESFP. What's funny is that with the ESFP and ISFP you're not really going to understand why, because the attraction is more primal. It comes from the unconscious attractions that your tertiary and inferior functions have. It's why we get attracted to people that we damn well know share nothing in common with us but we are drawn toward nonetheless. She undoubtedly wants always to be doing stuff and always to be around people. She's the life of the party type and she doesn't stop partying, at least archtypically.

When someone shares our functions with the same attitude it can breed contempt and frustration. Contempt for those functions they have which are less developed than our own, and frustration with those functions which are more developed than ours. An ESFJ, for instance, has Fe, Si, Ne, Ti, in that order. It's the complete opposite of ours, so it frustrates us that they use Fe and Si so easily and want to interact using them, and we feel contempt for their piss poor use of Ne and Ti.

 

[sunkmanitutanka]

I'm not sure if I even understand what love is. And this girl is an ESFP. Almost the complete opposite of me. She is so fascinating, but I can't tell if it's just something else.

Love is incredibly in depth, my friend. You may have a crush but don't call it love until it's been awhile and the feeling is affirmed as mutual, not just a childish enjoyment of being together but a shared depth in caring. You'll understand what I mean once you've actually been in a relationship with someone. But I would count on the fact that you have a crush.


If you have a crush you should act on it. Your secret agenda is simply a normal feeling of wishng to interact or hopefully do even more with this person you see as attractive. Let yourself feel it enough for you to want to go for it.

PS: ESFPs are totally a catch.

 

[jsn0x]

Can't help ya. I've been with my girlfriend for about four years. She is an ENFJ, and the only thing that annoys me about her is her indecisiveness... I'm the indecisive one. :/ Other than that one thing I think we are completely great with eachother.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Go for it.

 

[xbox]

Yeah I've been in love before, and I know I am capable of it. I just pretty much have mastered the art of stopping myself from those feelings.

Who knows when I will actually let myself do that again. When I feel like I can thoroughly trust someone obviously, because as of now I don't trust anyone. :]

Go for it if you want to.

 

[astroninja]

I think if you're in love with someone, worrying about what her Myers Briggs personality type is is one of the most stupid things you can be doing Because if you follow it too strictly, you'd only need to meet 15 other people in the world and can claim to understand the entire world population. Doesn't work that way

 

[Aramea]

I am married to an ESFP now for almost 11 years. They are not easy to understand but they are amazing people as long as they are externally stimulated. This can be hard for INTPs and it is easy to hurt their feelings without meaning to. Their Ni is last and it tends to misfire and make up slights out of whole cloth. They CAN be logical with their Te but you have to work hard to make your case even if it seems obvious to you (to be fair, it must be painful to try to get us to make a value judgement). Even if they get your point you may end up frustrated when they don't agree with you anyway because it doesn't "sit right" in their gut. Te is a weird function - he has to demonstrate his points physically and I don't really like people grabbing me to show me a fencing move.

Again, their Achilles heel is intuition. They will connect dots that don't exist. To give you an example, I told my husband we were out of bread so I couldn't make our son a sandwich. He does the grocery shopping. Four hours later he told me I "humiliated" him by accusing him of not getting bread for the sandwich. (Um, I made him something else, no worries.) He stewed about this for four hours. This stuff comes out of nowhere, especially if they are stressed.

ETA: Yes, it can work and be a lot of fun, just be aware of the pitfalls of SF/NT differences and expect conflict under stress.

 

[terraxceles]

Duality. :O

 

[Bird]

I'm not sure if I even understand what love is. And this girl is an ESFP. Almost the complete opposite of me. She is so fascinating, but I can't tell if it's just something else.

This is so flattering.
Thank you.

 

[Lot]

I had one as a roommate and I fell for her. I never told her, made it know, or tried anything, but I was crushen hard. It was weird how primal it was. There was little we agreed on and her daily life habits annoyed the piss outa me. After about a month the feelings left, and I was better off, she was not a great person (ditched out on rent and left leaving all her stuff in her room. It was a mess. Plus she was easy and I find that gross). I have an ESTJ friend who is about to marry one. Shes a pretty and nice girl, way to extroverted, easily excitable, LOUD, materialistic, and not the most thoughtful of people, but she is a friend of mine and we have a general respect for each other's personalities. Side fact Goku from DragonBall is one and so is Misa from Death Note. Love both characters. I could see it happening and it even lasting but I myself don't want anything romantic to do with um. Glad Aramea's got a good thing goin with one.

 

[Anthrocide]

I was attracted to an ESFP at one moment in time. She was a bit histrionic (I say "bit" because she has not been clinically diagnosed.). Be sure you know what you want before you proceed. You do not have to understand your biological impulses -- you do have to understand the possibilities of your relationship.

 

[SkyWalker]

female ESFPs.... the dancer/stripper type (attention whore)... any guy's secret favorite, no matter what type the guy is. we don't need mbti matching for that.

Dude, all ESFPs have Histrionic personlity disorder nowdays! HPD=ESFP
(It's because their Fi usually goes bad in current narcissistic society.)

HPD is attractive though. They are great seductive girlfriends.... you know... for animal s.x.... It's all an act to them and they are good at it. But don't take them serious! They make the worst mothers. "You can't make a ho a housewife". They can't run your household, they can't even pay their own bills when they are single.

They avoid to help you. They seem to comply, but they never actually do. They always indirectly/passively twarth your plans. For example: Tell them you want to screw them and they will suddenly not want to anymore, even though you already did it 10x times before with them. Tell them you are not interested anymore and they will suddenly want to have sex. You can't talk or make sense to them on any other subject either. Neither vice versa. They cannot think what they cannot feel.

You will never have them for yourself also: they are types that will flirt with a new guy on their own wedding. 100% garantueed!

Oh.. and they dont use condoms...(and it's not because you are special) that's also 100% guaranteed

Just know that stuff in advance, have no impossible expectations, this is the only way you can enjoy it while it lasts. Just keep her, you can always have a good conversation on the forum anyway. "Good conversationalists" dont spark that animal attraction that she can induce anyway.

ESFPs (SeFi) are not the real bitches though, they are cute, they just always keep their options open. The real judgemental ISFP (FiSe) bitches with Fi-gone-bad are much worse. (ISFPs are more like borderliners than histrionics)

No offense to girls here, you are probably not xSFP anyway. And I just enjoy to talk bad about all the types. Male or female.
The real filth about the types is the best teacher (instead of all those fake angelic MBTI profiles)

 

[Wittgenstein]

Go for it. Girls of that type are a lot of fun.

A word of warning, though: people of that personality type require what is, from an INTP perspective, a lot of attention. Just make sure you have the energy to expend before you dive in.

 

[alrai]

I definitely would not recommend it. They are boring.

But they can be great friends, if they don't cause you any issues with someone your actually interested in i.e I would delete him of my Skype asap if that's apparently the case.

 

[GYX_Kid]

female ESFPs.... the dancer/stripper type (attention whore)... any guy's secret favorite, no matter what type the guy is. we don't need mbti matching for that.

Dude, all ESFPs have Histrionic personlity disorder nowdays! HPD=ESFP
(It's because their Fi usually goes bad in current narcissistic society.)

HPD is attractive though. They are great seductive girlfriends.... you know... for animal s.x.... It's all an act to them and they are good at it. But don't take them serious! They make the worst mothers. "You can't make a ho a housewife". They can't run your household, they can't even pay their own bills when they are single.

They avoid to help you. They seem to comply, but they never actually do. They always indirectly/passively twarth your plans. For example: Tell them you want to screw them and they will suddenly not want to anymore, even though you already did it 10x times before with them. Tell them you are not interested anymore and they will suddenly want to have sex. You can't talk or make sense to them on any other subject either. Neither vice versa. They cannot think what they cannot feel.

You will never have them for yourself also: they are types that will flirt with a new guy on their own wedding. 100% garantueed!

Oh.. and they dont use condoms...(and it's not because you are special) that's also 100% guaranteed

Just know that stuff in advance, have no impossible expectations, this is the only way you can enjoy it while it lasts. Just keep her, you can always have a good conversation on the forum anyway. "Good conversationalists" dont spark that animal attraction that she can induce anyway.

ESFPs (SeFi) are not the real bitches though, they are cute, they just always keep their options open. The real judgemental ISFP (FiSe) bitches with Fi-gone-bad are much worse. (ISFPs are more like borderliners than histrionics)

No offense to girls here, you are probably not xSFP anyway. And I just enjoy to talk bad about all the types. Male or female.
The real filth about the types is the best teacher (instead of all those fake angelic MBTI profiles)

 

[Puffy]

I wouldn't judge it on type seeing as it's a speculative system you don't even know she's an ESFP.

I find a lot of people confuse ENFPs and ESFPs sometimes, for example.

 

[Anthrocide]

Dude, all ESFPs have Histrionic personlity disorder nowdays! HPD=ESFP
(It's because their Fi usually goes bad in current narcissistic society.)

This is pretty true. I generally avoid ESFP's to be honest.

 

[Aramea]

female ESFPs.... the dancer/stripper type (attention whore)... any guy's secret favorite, no matter what type the guy is. we don't need mbti matching for that.

Dude, all ESFPs have Histrionic personlity disorder nowdays! HPD=ESFP
(It's because their Fi usually goes bad in current narcissistic society.)

HPD is attractive though. They are great seductive girlfriends.... you know... for animal s.x.... It's all an act to them and they are good at it. But don't take them serious! They make the worst mothers. "You can't make a ho a housewife". They can't run your household, they can't even pay their own bills when they are single.

They avoid to help you. They seem to comply, but they never actually do. They always indirectly/passively twarth your plans. For example: Tell them you want to screw them and they will suddenly not want to anymore, even though you already did it 10x times before with them. Tell them you are not interested anymore and they will suddenly want to have sex. You can't talk or make sense to them on any other subject either. Neither vice versa. They cannot think what they cannot feel.

You will never have them for yourself also: they are types that will flirt with a new guy on their own wedding. 100% garantueed!

Oh.. and they dont use condoms...(and it's not because you are special) that's also 100% guaranteed

Just know that stuff in advance, have no impossible expectations, this is the only way you can enjoy it while it lasts. Just keep her, you can always have a good conversation on the forum anyway. "Good conversationalists" dont spark that animal attraction that she can induce anyway.

ESFPs (SeFi) are not the real bitches though, they are cute, they just always keep their options open. The real judgemental ISFP (FiSe) bitches with Fi-gone-bad are much worse. (ISFPs are more like borderliners than histrionics)

No offense to girls here, you are probably not xSFP anyway. And I just enjoy to talk bad about all the types. Male or female.
The real filth about the types is the best teacher (instead of all those fake angelic MBTI profiles)

Poorly developed and younger ESFPs are probably more difficult to deal with. It is very true that if you don't have the energy to entertain and coddle them you will have problems. I have times that I need to be alone and that ain't always happening with an ESFP in the house. They also have a difficult time taking things seriously until something directly affects or hurts them. They do tend to take "butt-hurt" to a new level. I think "Peter Pan Syndrome" may be a nicer way to put it.

ISFP's - Yikes !!! These are the women that will superglue your dick to your groin if you cross them. They are the men that will slam your head into the wall if you burn the toast.

 

[SkyWalker]

They also have a difficult time taking things seriously until something directly affects or hurts them. They do tend to take "butt-hurt" to a new level. I think "Peter Pan Syndrome" may be a nicer way to put it.

Well Peter Pan Syndrome is more imaginative, more Ne-like than Se-like.
Although I agree that all perception (Se/Si/Ne/Ni) doms are childish.
E.g. All types with a perception function as the primary are more childish/instinctive/primitive/archaic. Types with a judgement function as the primary are more calculating/grown-up.

 

[SkyWalker]

@ Aramea:
My ideas for a relationship with a feeler.

This is controversial, but I think it is the truth: They can only think in love for the team (the collective of you & them, plus optionally the future kids and the extended family (friends)). It is impossible for them to think of loving you directly as a person. Don't ask them to love you as a person. Ask them to love the team. And you are just a member of the team, just like them.

Keep repeating team. us. we.

Also vice versa: Don't give them love directly as a person. If you pamper them with love you will skew their reality and they think they themselves are the only member of the team, and you are just a worshipper of their team *(e.g. they will use you as a slave). They cannot act as if they are an individual, they act as a collective. They think team. Think team as well and it will fix everything you dont understand.

It is also good and makes sense: If both of you love the team, then everything is equal. You should love yourself as much as you love the other, since both of you is 50% member of the team.

If they do something wrong, you should just let them know its bad for the team in an indirect way! they understand that immediately. it's their language.
like you say: they get mad when you burn to toast. then you should say: come on, we in the same team babe! yeah! (in a nice positive way, like hi-five-me we are in the same team) and then dont explain anything else, they immediately understand the rest and will stop bitching.
you have to have that team-spirit hi-five set up before as an anchor. do that hi-five at all best fun moments to anchor it into them.

it also makes sense rationally to love the team, in that case you can be selfish as well, because thats good for the team as well. this is the only way to explain selfishness to them without making them mad: i have to be strong, because then i will be a strong team member. our team is going to be so strong!

to have a team spirit up and running requires a lot of ongoing attention though.

 

[Melllvar]

Oh.. and they dont use condoms...(and it's not because you are special) that's also 100% guaranteed

Ugh, condoms are so 1950's. Real men make their ladies get on the pill.

 

[Anthrocide]

@ Aramea:
This is controversial, but I think it is the truth: They can only think in love for the team

Would you mind explaining how you reached this metaphor? That is to say, what is your reasoning? I suppose it has to do with Feelers requiring rapport. I would say that extroverted feelers fit this description more often, and that gender plays a role. For example, INFJ males can be completely different in the area you describe.

Ugh, condoms are so 1950's. Real men make their ladies get on the pill.

True. And real men, without asking, subsequently switch to the ass right before the creampie.

 

[Aramea]

True. And real men, without asking, subsequently switch to the ass right before the creampie.

If she's an ISFP either leave town or NEVER SLEEP ..

 

[Anthrocide]

If she's an ISFP either leave town or NEVER SLEEP ..

So ISFP's have something up their ass to begin with (note: when I spoke of an anal creampie, I did not mean penetration)? I have not been around them too much, so I would not know how butthurt they generally will be.

 

[SkyWalker]

Would you mind explaining how you reached this metaphor? That is to say, what is your reasoning? I suppose it has to do with Feelers requiring rapport. I would say that extroverted feelers fit this description more often, and that gender plays a role. For example, INFJ males can be completely different in the area you describe.

It requires a long explanation.
This is a start: Feeling is group-thinking > http://www.intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=10836

I havent explained it well enough in the thread, but it's a start

 

[SkyWalker]

Ugh, condoms are so 1950's. Real men make their ladies get on the pill.

Except that she (the ESFP) is never YOUR (exclusive) lady.

She's yours in the moment, but in another moment, she's another's. haha

She is very loyal... to her sensations!

 

[Anthrocide]

Except that she (the ESFP) is never YOUR (exclusive) lady.

She's yours in the moment, but in another moment, she's another's. haha

She is very loyal... to her sensations!

If that is true, then I am never going for an ESFP.

 

[Aramea]

So ISFP's have something up their ass to begin with .

To look at them you would think so ...

 

[digital angel]

Yes, you're capable. It sounds like you're very interested in her. Good luck.