So...this is me.

[Rudolph Mondal]

Hi guys.

Hello there.

I've been lurking around this forum a lot although I've made only one post so far (besides this one).

I'm actually pretty unsure whether I'm an INTP or an INFP. (or perhaps something else entirely)

So...let me tell you a little bit more about myself.

My number one priority (in my sane moments) has been to understand and explore the complexities and nuances of this universe as much as my puny mind can possibly handle. So, in the past 19 and a half years or so, much has caught my attention. Human geography, genetics, psychology, theoretical physics, philosophy, artificial intelligence, mathematics. That's roughly in chronological order though I've jumped around that list quite a bit too.

But you see, that's only when I'm not upset. I'm diagnosed with some mental illness (my doctor and parents wouldn't tell me what but I suspect it's something along the lines of borderline schizophrenia, which I inferred from the medication I'm taking and was taking) and when I'm under stress (just a little bit, not too much) my thoughts tend to get twisted and I'd get depressed and start entertaining suicidal thoughts. (though I've never actually done it) Also, I have a tendency to get really obsessed over someone I have a liking towards and think (quite stupidly) that they're the solution to all my problems or that they complete me and all that crap. Not currently obsessed over anyone (I really wouldn't want to go through all that again) but yeah, those periods (which lasted around a year or so each) were quite ugly. Gaah..

Btw, puer curiosus is also me. I lost the password for that account so I decided to create a new one. So I've known of this forum since december 2011 but I didn't quite have the guts to post much. But now I decided what the hell, the people seem nice so why not just give it a shot.

My grades for A levels are pretty alright such that I can apply to universities here. A part of me wants to just recede into the sidelines and not get involved in anyone other than attending lectures and tutorials and exams which means going for math at university but another part of is interested in AI and robotics and wants to do computer science or electrical engineering but is afraid of the projects and collaboration aspect. There's also a really nice university that opened up here recently that emphasizes open-mindedness and passion for learning and all of those things but I don't know if I'll be a good fit for it since I tend to get overwhelmed by collaborations and having to deal with other people.

Gaah...I'm pretty frustrated with all of it right now. It feels as if my life is meaningless and I won't be able to make much out of it.

I wish I had the opportunity to stay at home and learn all the things that I want to. Before receiving my A level results, I was in a pretty good mood and was getting a lot of learning done in the fields of AI and consciousness but a day since receiving my results, reality hit me and I just don't feel like moving on.

I hope I didn't waste too much of your time with all of that. (if you bothered to read all of that, for which I give you a big thank you for basically bothering at all to read something so mopy(?) by a complete stranger)

Alright then.

EDIT: oh, I figured out my password for the puer curiosus account later on but decided to stick with this one anyway. Fresh start and all.

 

[The Gopher]

Welcome and all, your doctor wouldn't tell you? At 19 you should be able to request that information. Some people think I have schizophrenia but I doubt that. I understand completely the freakout that happens when deciding what to do.

 

[Rudolph Mondal]

your doctor wouldn't tell you? At 19 you should be able to request that information. Some people think I have schizophrenia but I doubt that. I understand completely the freakout that happens when deciding what to do.

I guess I can try asking the next time I see him (which would be in june) or I could ask the psychologist if she knows. I asked them a few months ago and they told me that I wasn't ready yet because I'd end up trying to find out as much as I could about it and obsessing about it.

I doubt I have schizophrenia too though. My thoughts are a bit garbled sometimes but that's about it. (besides the emotional mopy nonsense)

 

[BigApplePi]

So, in the past 19 and a half years or so, much has caught my attention. Human geography, genetics, psychology, theoretical physics, philosophy, artificial intelligence, mathematics. That's roughly in chronological order though I've jumped around that list quite a bit too.

A professor once told me those interested in math, psychology and philosophy must be pretty rare and he didn't know of any. He was looking at me. So I'm glad to meet you and welcome. This Forum has a higher probability to meet such people too.

Philosophy to make sense of everything.
Psychology to make sense of what a human being is.
Mathematics not be sloppy about it.

BTW psychology tells you how humans work. If there is a touch of schiz, I would say the task is not to always trust what your brain is telling you.

 

[The Gopher]

I guess I can try asking the next time I see him (which would be in june) or I could ask the psychologist if she knows. I asked them a few months ago and they told me that I wasn't ready yet because I'd end up trying to find out as much as I could about it and obsessing about it.

I doubt I have schizophrenia too though. My thoughts are a bit garbled sometimes but that's about it. (besides the emotional mopy nonsense)

Fair enough, personally I wouldn't be happy with that response though. Depends how much faith you have in them.

 

[Rudolph Mondal]

A professor once told me those interested in math, psychology and philosophy must be pretty rare and he didn't know of any. He was looking at me. So I'm glad to meet you and welcome. This Forum has a higher probability to meet such people too.

Philosophy to make sense of everything.
Psychology to make sense of what a human being is.
Mathematics not be sloppy about it.

BTW psychology tells you how humans work. If there is a touch of schiz, I would say the task is not to always trust what your brain is telling you.

For what it's worth, I'm interested in the more philosophical topics in math such as chaitin-kolmogorov-solomonoff complexity and mathematical logic and perhaps, in an effort to try and understand the brain, dynamical systems too (though I haven't read up as much about it) Other bits of math like calculus and complex numbers interest me too though.

I suppose the motivation behind all of the things I've been interested in is to really understand who I am and my place in the world. I suppose integrating philosophy, psychology, and mathematics allows you to sort of explore that further.

I suppose you're right that I shouldn't always trust what my brain is telling me since most of what it is telling me is mediated by the old brain and the endocrine system which do not provide provide one with the right goals and emotions that allow for joy, growth and exploration.

Also, BigApplePi, since you're also largely interested in the same things I am, what did you major in at university? (sorry if I sound intrusive and all. I'm in a big dilemma trying to decide whether I should go for math or computer science/electrical engineering.)

And one more thing, do you know about an AGI researcher by the name of Ben Goertzel? He too seems really interested in math, philosophy, and psychology (what I can tell from reading his blog and parts of his books)

EDIT: EEK! I used "I suppose" too often in my reply. Sorry about that.

 

[Rudolph Mondal]

Fair enough, personally I wouldn't be happy with that response though. Depends how much faith you have in them.

I wasn't happy either but I didn't say anything about it. I tend to be quite agreeable in public. Should try to change that.

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Welcome. We could use more nuts.

I asked them a few months ago and they told me that I wasn't ready yet because I'd end up trying to find out as much as I could about it and obsessing about it.

I think it's ironic that the psychological community withholds important diagnostic information (thus making it a bigger deal than it is) with the reasoning that they must withhold it because it's a big deal.

 

[TimeAsylums]

I tend to be quite agreeable in public

if anyone is looking for a fellow gangbanger, here you r

 

[Rudolph Mondal]

I think it's ironic that the psychological community withholds important diagnostic information (thus making it a bigger deal than it is) with the reasoning that they must withhold it because it's a big deal.

Yes, that is pretty ironic. But at the same time, I think at times they're justified. I know that for myself, I'm a mess when given more information. I'm really bad at making decisions or trying to put a stop to something that has gone on to become obsessive. (though, I think I've improved a lot since the first time I went to the psychiatrist) So maybe they're doing me a favor by not telling me. Hmm..

 

[The Gopher]

You should get them to tell a friend who is unbiased then the friend can decide if you should know. The psycho community/family is that role at the moment. Curiosity would kill me.

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

I'm really bad at making decisions or trying to put a stop to something that has gone on to become obsessive.

One way to do this is to tie your obsessions into something cohesive and search for a shared underlying structure in all of them.

For me this has been the discovery of the theoretical underpinnings of systems, complexity, and game theory.

Human geography, genetics, psychology, theoretical physics, philosophy, artificial intelligence, mathematics. That's roughly in chronological order though I've jumped around that list quite a bit too.

 

[BigApplePi]

For what it's worth, I'm interested in the more philosophical topics in math such as chaitin-kolmogorov-solomonoff complexity and mathematical logic and perhaps, in an effort to try and understand the brain, dynamical systems too (though I haven't read up as much about it) Other bits of math like calculus and complex numbers interest me too though.

I suppose the motivation behind all of the things I've been interested in is to really understand who I am and my place in the world. I suppose integrating philosophy, psychology, and mathematics allows you to sort of explore that further.

I suppose you're right that I shouldn't always trust what my brain is telling me since most of what it is telling me is mediated by the old brain and the endocrine system which do not provide provide one with the right goals and emotions that allow for joy, growth and exploration.

Also, BigApplePi, since you're also largely interested in the same things I am, what did you major in at university? (sorry if I sound intrusive and all. I'm in a big dilemma trying to decide whether I should go for math or computer science/electrical engineering.)

And one more thing, do you know about an AGI researcher by the name of Ben Goertzel? He too seems really interested in math, philosophy, and psychology (what I can tell from reading his blog and parts of his books)

EDIT: EEK! I used "I suppose" too often in my reply. Sorry about that.

I've been retired for a long time so I can afford to dabble in my interests while you, if take it, must seek a vocation as well as balance your interests. I would go for computer science/electrical engineering as a practical vocation. My degree is in math, the equivalent of a masters, but I ended up in programming not able to use much math. My understanding is even with a Ph.D. in math one can wind up driving a cab, lol.

The rest I'll have to reply later.

 

[Lot]

But you see, that's only when I'm not upset. I'm diagnosed with some mental illness (my doctor and parents wouldn't tell me what but I suspect it's something along the lines of borderline schizophrenia, which I inferred from the medication I'm taking and was taking) and when I'm under stress (just a little bit, not too much) my thoughts tend to get twisted and I'd get depressed and start entertaining suicidal thoughts. (though I've never actually done it) Also, I have a tendency to get really obsessed over someone I have a liking towards and think (quite stupidly) that they're the solution to all my problems or that they complete me and all that crap. Not currently obsessed over anyone (I really wouldn't want to go through all that again) but yeah, those periods (which lasted around a year or so each) were quite ugly. Gaah..

Brother?

But yeah, I tend to get all obsessive over the ladies, too.

I wonder if most intp's, when they are under stress and, their cognitive functions are under developed, show signs of schizophrenia. For a while their I was scared that my mind was going that way. Strange that the dr.s would withhold information from you. That would have been the worst possible thing for them to do to me. I would smelled a conspiracy, and gotten worse mentally.

Welcome to the forum. Enjoy your stay. Don't piss of the mods, or proselytize a view the majority disagrees with, and you'll do fine. I expect your post count to double by tomorrow.

 

[Base groove]

I wonder if most intp's, when they are under stress and, their cognitive functions are under developed, show signs of schizophrenia.

There might be some truth to this.

 

[somfoolishfoole]

You are not infp. Ti is 8th function for an infp. You are clearly Ti dom. Infp would not give a crap about the subjects you mentioned. Also infp would not be open to concidering less prefurable personality type options

 

[Rudolph Mondal]

You are not infp. Ti is 8th function for an infp. You are clearly Ti dom. Infp would not give a crap about the subjects you mentioned. Also infp would not be open to concidering less prefurable personality type options

I think I'm intp most of the time. The reason why I sometimes think I might be an infp is because I get emotional quite often and sometimes it seems as if my emotions are the ones which are dictating my thoughts. Just before last wednesday or so, I was fine (no emotional outbreaks) for slightly over a month but I guess that's only because I wasn't stressed by anything. I don't really know how an intp typically would behave under stress and I understand that my own reactions could be due to the mental stuff I apparently am afflicted with.

 

[Rudolph Mondal]

I wonder if most intp's, when they are under stress and, their cognitive functions are under developed, show signs of schizophrenia. For a while their I was scared that my mind was going that way. Strange that the dr.s would withhold information from you. That would have been the worst possible thing for them to do to me. I would smelled a conspiracy, and gotten worse mentally.

I wouldn't know about that. I haven't met an intp other than myself. None that I know of, at least. I should probably read up more about the mbti and see understand what happens if one's cognitive functions are under developed. Most accounts tend to deal with healthy cases.

 

[Rudolph Mondal]

I've been retired for a long time so I can afford to dabble in my interests while you, if take it, must seek a vocation as well as balance your interests. I would go for computer science/electrical engineering as a practical vocation. My degree is in math, the equivalent of a masters, but I ended up in programming not able to use much math. My understanding is even with a Ph.D. in math one can wind up driving a cab, lol.

The rest I'll have to reply later.

Hey, thanks for the advice. I suppose I can always pursue math outside of university. Practical matters come first I guess. Now I just have to choose between electrical engineering and computer science...

 

[Rudolph Mondal]

One way to do this is to tie your obsessions into something cohesive and search for a shared underlying structure in all of them.

For me this has been the discovery of the theoretical underpinnings of systems, complexity, and game theory.

I have an intuition that there is indeed a shared underlying structure behind all of my indeeds though I can't quite put my finger on it. I think...though I'm not too sure if this is correct, that the driving force behind my interests have been to understand how mind creates reality and reality creates the mind. But even more fundamentally, it is to understand who I am and why I am.

 

[Rudolph Mondal]

You should get them to tell a friend who is unbiased then the friend can decide if you should know. The psycho community/family is that role at the moment. Curiosity would kill me.

That's a good idea and there is a friend I could trust...

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

I have an intuition that there is indeed a shared underlying structure behind all of my indeeds though I can't quite put my finger on it. I think...though I'm not too sure if this is correct, that the driving force behind my interests have been to understand how mind creates reality and reality creates the mind. But even more fundamentally, it is to understand who I am and why I am.

There's always a shared structure.

I'm just going to sit cold on the mind/reality/who you are thing and watch you figure it out. (You know, in that same way that watching small children learning to walk and falling down is entertaining because they... usually don't kill themselves in the process, and you get to see perseverance and mind/body synergy crystallize? Plus I also don't want to make a commitment to you to explain something fully because I'll probably break it.)

I will tell you that you'll never get an answer to the why. The best you'll get is "because."

 

[Rudolph Mondal]

There's always a shared structure.

I'm just going to sit cold on the mind/reality/who you are thing and watch you figure it out. (You know, in that same way that watching small children learning to walk and falling down is entertaining because they... usually don't kill themselves in the process, and you get to see perseverance and mind/body synergy crystallize? Plus I also don't want to make a commitment to you to explain something fully because I'll probably break it.)

I will tell you that you'll never get an answer to the why. The best you'll get is "because."

I suppose the journey's more important than the destination. Hopefully, I'll get to share some of the ideas I've had with the forum in due time and see what other people's responses are to it.