"My Time is My Own"

[meshram.alok]

I think many of you will recognise this statement as one you've made to yourself quite often. I find myself in a very miserable state at the end of the day when I haven't done something with it. And with my (often foolishly) high standards, this comes very rarely.

"If you're not doing what you Love or Loving what you're doing, you're wasting your Life."

This is something that I hold on to most dearly, and it is what I find myself pursuing most of the time: a certain inner satisfaction of a job well done; With your own unique streak, something nobody else can replicate naturally.

But I owe my life to a lot of things (including my parents, friends and society) and often don't want to hurt them. Thus I find myself in a great tussle: On the one hand, I have this inner clock that keeps telling me I should be doing something useful and on the other hand, I find myself ashamed and guilty if I were the cause of some kind of disruption or worry (especially due to the careless attitude I have for other peoples' time. I often find myself keeping other people waiting).


Well, anyway, what I really wanted to ask was: does anyone here go through a similar tussle? How do you deal with it?

The drive to make my day productive is really high in me. But I just cannot find myself doing something useful without spending a very large amount of (happy) time working at it. Thus I often find myself getting late at appointments, for meals and the like.

Any solutions?

Having a daily routine just makes me feel even more trapped.

 

[Felan]

I guess it would depend on how often you neglect others time. If its an everyday thing then I think they are demanding more of your time than you can give and because it is everyday its easy to get in the rhythm of missing them.

If you could work out a compromise that your work is very important to you but that you want to be able to respect others time as well and agree to be more considerate of select times rather than all times. I have at least had some success with that approach.

 

[meshram.alok]

But then what about those times when you're on a streak? (You know, when you think you're on to something, or finishing something huge), and your parents are calling you for dinner and you just can't get off your seat.

If you do, you just don't feel as enthusiastic and creative as before, and suddenly it vanishes...

 

[Felan]

Well there is a balance that any person must find. I think you should talk to them and try to reach a compromise. And commit to holding up your end of that compromise.

I'm uncertain of your age, but if you are still young enough that your parents are legally responsible for you then you may not have much luck.

I know what you mean about losing the streak. You might try shifting your perception of these family intrusions to be something to look forward to in some way, possibly sharing your excitement with your family. The negative emotions you seem to be feeling are as likely the culprit for losing the creative energy as the break for dinner.

 

[Ogion]

Well, if that happens more often, why don't you talk with your parents and tell them that this sometimes happens, and it would be very nice if they could leave you to whatever you are doing there. I don't know your parent sof course, so that depends on the communication between you and them and their willingness to give you your free time.

Ogion

 

[Tyria]

Meshram,

I also do not know your age, but I would suggest a heart to heart with your parents to put these things on the table. Your parents need to know what it is that drives you, and your need for independence and productivity. I cannot guarantee success, but I would say that it probably hurts more to follow a system because you are ashamed/guilty over causing disruption or worry. Don't ignore what is important to you because you wish to not make waves; make your own path and respect/evaluate (but not necessarily follow) what others set forth in front of you. Find your own voice, and let your enthusiasm and creative drive run free.

If it helps, try to set up appointments on certain days at the same time so that you internally are adjusted to keeping that time for that reason. It may cut back on the problem of other people having to wait on you for your appointments/etc. You are a creative person: think of ways to creatively solve the problems that you face

Best of luck, and tell us how it goes!

Take care,
CK

 

[Black Pat]

It depends on how fixed everything is and how stubborn your folks are. To the extent possible, schedule no appointments, make and eat your own dinner and leave some for them...Make yourself scarce at the times people are looking for you...

If the "discussion of your habits with your folks" fails:

If forced to eat at a regular time, refuse to either eat or converse and watch the clock until "dinner time" is done with undisguised disgust. If called repeatedly for dinner, come to the table in various stages of dress and say, "you said dinner was now so I didn't have any time to put a shirt on. Or did you mean after I was done doing what I was doing?"
Wear a costume to dinner and do the whole thing "in character"- it won't help with your other projects, but it will amuse you and either amuse or annoy your interlocutors, either of which will be fine with you. If called upon to change, come back with a different costume. Repeat.

 

[Surion]

Any solutions?

Having a daily routine just makes me feel even more trapped.

And what if that happens in your relationship? I can't really get into the daily routine and for my partner it's a sign that I am not involved in the relationship :/.

 

[severus]

If forced to eat at a regular time, refuse to either eat or converse and watch the clock until "dinner time" is done with undisguised disgust. If called repeatedly for dinner, come to the table in various stages of dress and say, "you said dinner was now so I didn't have any time to put a shirt on. Or did you mean after I was done doing what I was doing?"
Wear a costume to dinner and do the whole thing "in character"- it won't help with your other projects, but it will amuse you and either amuse or annoy your interlocutors, either of which will be fine with you. If called upon to change, come back with a different costume. Repeat.

That might piss off your parents, but I don't think it's going to make them respect your Creative Time.

 

[walfin]

Mesharam, I am Asian too. Generally I think Asians are the ones who care the most about what their parents, friends, and "society" think (I don't care as much now).

Perhaps if you think about it more carefully, no time is ever truly wasted.

That said, if you spent slightly less time with your parents your interactions *might* improve. (Exercise caution).