Meditation

[fluffy]

It has been a while since I thought about what I might do regarding this practice.

I don't have much money today but I decided that I need to clear my mind and get out of the house.

The difficult part is slowing down as I have issues doing nothing and must keep active but I need to be outside or I will fall asleep in my bed.

I just need to sit somewhere and not think much.

I also need more body awareness.

Handling my bipolar I'm not that well adjusted when it comes to doing nothing yet for now I haven't anything else to do. The last several days I was so busy, I cannot relax unless I begin to do nothing. I need to eat and take a break. My mind is just too active and is why I can't keep going through these cycles. I need to calm down.

Abbreviated: being more aware takes practice of deactivating the mind because it's too busy. I am going outside walking to a restaurant and sit there quietly.

 

[Puffy]

You could look into places you can go to practice it where money isn't necessary. In my town the local Buddhist centre will invite anyone in for classes on a donation basis so if you couldn't afford to donate or could only offer a low donation that would be accepted. That's a common thing within Buddhism in my experience, a lot of retreats like Vipassana are on a donation basis of what you can afford as well. Youtube is always an option too, lots of free guided meditations there.

 

[ZenRaiden]

I will share how I meditate, but there are rules to meditation......

My meditation works for me, even if its not what officially counts as meditation sometimes it proves to work for me so I do it regardless.

1. The absolute first rule of meditation is its OK to fail. There simply is no failing in meditation. You can be as sloppy and imperfect as it gets, in fact once your meditation gets too easy and you get everything perfect you should find more advanced meditation because over time meditation can lose its power.

2. Don't worry about NOT thinking. Its impossible to make your mind quit thinking by thinking it. Instead just observe your thoughts. Look at your thoughts and don't judge them. Don't think they are positive or negative just look at them and let them be.

3. Disrupting inner monologue. I often had strong inner monologue. I talk to myself all my life. The way to cure this ailment is to stop thinking once you are aware that you are talking to yourself. "Today I have to do the dishes.... stop in middle of sentence or middle of monologue and be silent in your head, if your monologue comes back let it run again and stop mid monologue. Don't ever let your mind finish the thoughts. If it finishes a thought it feels good and you want it to feel uncomfortable so your mind conditions to stop the monologue. "Today I have to .... stop be aware let the monologue die down. If your head is playing some back ground music just let it play and observe it and slowly stop it eventually stops just be patient.

4. Intrusive and disturbing thoughts. Just observe them don't judge them and let them act out, the more they act out the weaker they get, they only gain energy if they have negative or positive salience if you let them be alone they lose power from your ego and dissolve. It takes months, but works almost instantly in reducing symptoms.

5. Sit comfortably on edge of bed when you wake up or when you want to relax. Relax your body, have straight spine, monitor every muscle from toes to head and makes sure your muscles are lose, then slow down your breathing and focus only on the air coming in and out of your nose. Ignore all that is happening in your head. Just let your thoughts flow, but don't act on them.

These are some basics I used to heal my over active mind.

6. Also just be aware like make a note now I am thinking about xyz, and its OK, and then keep doing whatever your doing its called building internal awareness.

7. Just observe your mind. You can sit or kneel and just let your mind do whatever it does automatically, but just be observer, almost like you are looking inside your head and you are someone else who is looking what is happening in someones elses head.

 

[Puffy]

I will share how I meditate, but there are rules to meditation......

My meditation works for me, even if its not what officially counts as meditation sometimes it proves to work for me so I do it regardless.

1. The absolute first rule of meditation is its OK to fail. There simply is no failing in meditation. You can be as sloppy and imperfect as it gets, in fact once your meditation gets too easy and you get everything perfect you should find more advanced meditation because over time meditation can lose its power.

2. Don't worry about NOT thinking. Its impossible to make your mind quit thinking by thinking it. Instead just observe your thoughts. Look at your thoughts and don't judge them. Don't think they are positive or negative just look at them and let them be.

3. Disrupting inner monologue. I often had strong inner monologue. I talk to myself all my life. The way to cure this ailment is to stop thinking once you are aware that you are talking to yourself. "Today I have to do the dishes.... stop in middle of sentence or middle of monologue and be silent in your head, if your monologue comes back let it run again and stop mid monologue. Don't ever let your mind finish the thoughts. If it finishes a thought it feels good and you want it to feel uncomfortable so your mind conditions to stop the monologue. "Today I have to .... stop be aware let the monologue die down. If your head is playing some back ground music just let it play and observe it and slowly stop it eventually stops just be patient.

4. Intrusive and disturbing thoughts. Just observe them don't judge them and let them act out, the more they act out the weaker they get, they only gain energy if they have negative or positive salience if you let them be alone they lose power from your ego and dissolve. It takes months, but works almost instantly in reducing symptoms.

5. Sit comfortably on edge of bed when you wake up or when you want to relax. Relax your body, have straight spine, monitor every muscle from toes to head and makes sure your muscles are lose, then slow down your breathing and focus only on the air coming in and out of your nose. Ignore all that is happening in your head. Just let your thoughts flow, but don't act on them.

These are some basics I used to heal my over active mind.

6. Also just be aware like make a note now I am thinking about xyz, and its OK, and then keep doing whatever your doing its called building internal awareness.

7. Just observe your mind. You can sit or kneel and just let your mind do whatever it does automatically, but just be observer, almost like you are looking inside your head and you are someone else who is looking what is happening in someones elses head.

Is there an end to inner monologue? What does it feel like to not have an inner monologue? That's kind of like an alien concept to me too as inner monologue is basically my default state. I can only really find silence in my mind through the process of doing something.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Is there an end to inner monologue? What does it feel like to not have an inner monologue? That's kind of like an alien concept to me too as inner monologue is basically my default state. I can only really find silence in my mind through the process of doing something.

There is a end to inner monologue, but I too use it often to focus and think, its just that you can learn to control it to your needs and command instead of it popping up all the time like as it wants. Its almost like as if you installed on off switch — a kind of control switch.

Your brain works differently without it, and the way you think without it activates different brain regions. Basically wires brain differently.

If you are changing brain activity drastically to know what the end result is you have to keep the conditioning for longer, because as you adapt the brain literally is learning new strategies how to wire it self up.

So in essence rewiring your brain is tedious process kind of like learning to speak after sever brain injury. It takes time and patience.

I don't exactly know what its like in other peoples brains. I just had a monologue humming constantly in my mind and it was primary way of thinking. Its still primary way of thinking, but now I can rest and shut it off instantly. All I hear then is tinnitus.

 

[fluffy]

Once I got home I immediately fell asleep.

That's not bad, I just feel I have had a long week of activities that were exhausting and I had reflected on it where I think I need more time to observe.

Usually I get agitated, restless, when I do nothing so being tired yet awake is rare for me. That allows me to stop and feel my body.

Inner dialogue is not much of a problem for me, what is is ignoring the outside world.

Often I am just in my head because it feels better to think, I do so by reading and other things. But I get cramped up.

I need more open spaces because I can not focus on what is out there, only what is in the corner of my mind.

If a person does spend time looking at what they neglected that effort to change focus is what matters because it is like learning to balance. The negative feelings I have stay because I haven't been learning to control my reactions to them properly.

They reinforce themselves because I keep going back to them when I should be trying to feel them non judgementally. This has allot to do with narrow focus in me. I need to focus on healing them rather than thinking them over and over when that doesn't make the bad feelings go away. That requires opening up but opening up is uncomfortable to the body. That is why going outside is helpful.

 

[fluffy]

Thoughts and feelings.

They can not feel good.

Here at the restaurant it really feels like I'm at least trying to relax. More different than being in my house.

Pain, I believe it is just from ignoring it too much.

The stress last week.

Trying to release it.

I'm stressed all the time - constant vigilance

Like how survive mode never stops.

Today at least I can be out of the house.

I think it's because I can't tell anyone my problems because people reject me.

I cannot get out of this mode then.

So I ignore it.

Too much internally focused.

But today I had to go somewhere else.

Depression is painful but I might feel worse if I stayed home.

Not allowed to cry though.

Just sit and breathe.

An automatic nervous system reset is what I am trying to do.

I feel it in my spine and center of my head.

 

[fluffy]

Extraversion

That's what I need to do.

It was cold today but I got used to it.

It is the body, whatever is coming into it or it having its internal stimuli

Focusing on these will help.