INTPs and Hedonism?

[Warp]

So I am a raging hedonist, meaning I do what I want to do, even if it completely defies common sense. It almost seems illogical that an INTP would act this way, but there could be another factor that is to blame.

Depression. I've had it bad since I was 15ish. Its possible that my inability to acquire things/people/events that make me happy has made it so that I'm so blinded by the idea of getting what I want I don't even recognize that what I'm doing has consequences. I really don't even think about how dumb I am being until it catches up with me.

So I'm curious, are any other INTPs like me? If you are or aren't please state whether you've had to deal with depression, when it was and how long, and how bad it was. If these questions are too personal feel free to not answer them. Since I won't ask you questions you may not want to answer, if you don't tell me that you have/haven't had depression I'm going to assume you did.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Ooooooooh yes, a long, dismal depression (since I was 15 as well), with about every symptom you can imagine (even seemingly contradictory ones). Like, both soul-crushing pain and bouts of crying, and numbness and complete detachment. For a while, it made me give up on everyone and everything (okay, it pressured me to choose to give up on everyone and everything). I made stupid, self-indulgent decisions all the time that did nothing but hurt me (and others). I still lapse into it at times. It sucks. I don't think it contradicts being an INTP though. They say we're tough-minded and independent...couldn't that be a manifestation? "I want to do what *I* want to do, no matter the cost..."

 

[snafupants]

Depression was at its peak around the ages 18-20 inclusive. Near the tail end, there was an unpleasant mix of anhedonia, anxiety, suicidal ideation, completely iconoclastic behavior, reclusiveness, and an unwavering attempt to exploit my senses for gratification. Basically, that person is dead. While anxiety does frequent me from time to time, asceticism has supplanted gorging on food, alcohol, and sex; nihilism has shifted to a species of utilitarianism; and a search for meaning somehow accelerated the process of finding what truly matters to me. Obviously, some underlying personality traits are still extant - fairly pronounced introversion - but without going to a therapist, the tools are there to deal with situations and people that would have been overwhelming before. Human beings are basically at the mercy of their immune systems anyway. To wrap this up, was there a lot of pain? Absolutely, but treading water was not a viable option back in my late teens and these issues were pretty ineffable - or felt that way - so, you sort of have to find out what works for you, respect other people yet maintain autonomy, and leave this world in better condition than it came in. Thats whats worked for me.

 

[ShipwreckSilence]

I go through very nihilistic/hedonistic phases and generally feel like it's in response to depression/anxiety. I get really fed up with social norms and rules and decide to just do whatever I want. I generally get bored though and then get to spend a couple of months picking up the pieces.

I think the root of it is how numb I feel to everything. Depersonalized I guess. It's sort of like at least once a year I plan my "escape" attempt and try and break out of it and feel like a really exist. Hasn't worked yet.

 

[thexjib]

After my last deep dark depression experience I became a raging hedonist...

 

[Le Jet]

My hardcore hedonism was not a result out of depression. I only had one and it was more a product of the hedonism (the drugs!).

Any hacker (like we supposedly are) intuitively knows there's gold at the rainbow's end. Equally, you never find it by just walking there. It's Edge City, the state of mind / insight we all know about but can never reach. There's always impediments, diversions and what have we. But you can feel it when you're half asleep, when something strange occurs, when you're drunk,when you're stoned and sometimes when you're really really searching. It's like the Gernsback Continuum, right at the corner of your eye when you know it exists.

If the INTP-type is really about discovering the underlying principles, in this case your own reality, it is indeed logical that every means is pursued in the chase. The codes to your very own existence... it's a difficult one to crack, for sure.

Hedonism was my way of getting closer to a state of mind that I very rarely experience. With alcohol, drugs, women, music, emotions, the unpredictable existence... I raced forward to the Edge, a true horseman riding to the next level of insight.

Works every time (and was crazy fun, at least in hindsight) but, now I'm a father and need to find a more child friendly way to surf the bow.

If you're a depressed person who then goes on a rampage, look up "bipolar". It's not really hedonism, it's just a manic phase that appears very like hedonism. Sorry

 

[DesertSmeagle]

I think im going through a hedonist phase right now. Im entering college, and im commuting from home, i have depression and sever anxiety. Im just saying fuck everything and trying to live for myself. I mean ya ill get through college, but i just wana get through it. I know that ill probably get a job that has nothing to do with my degree which, as of now, will be psychology..Education is so completely useless. I think after you learn how to read and write and maybe think about philosophy and shit you should be able to go to a college like school.. What a huge waste of time highschool was. All it did was introduce me to depression, and piss me off. Now im goin into college, my shit parents are making me play baseball and do everything they want me to do. I have a problem with feeling guilty for doing everything i do because i was raised through feeling guilt at everything my parents didnt want me to do. Im their puppet and now im supposed to try and make my own choices and im feeling incredible amounts of anxiety and guilt...Fuck..Im trying to remember when i used to be happy..a long time ago...Who wouldnt want to be a hedonist? i just dont think i can handle the guilt that my parents have created in me....theyre makin me play baseball in college.. I really dont want to, but my dad just told me he bought me like 600$ worth of new catchers gear...what am i supposed to say to that?ughh shit..