Feeling Underestimated

[Döden]

How do you react when people talk down to you or assume something about you that isn't true?

The other day I was with my parents at my mom's friends' house. We were discussing politics, and I wanted to say something. I prefaced with "Well I might be wrong since I didn't grow up in that era but-" and gave my opinion as to why today's generation is too apathetic to come together and start a "revolution" of sorts. I was told I was naive by my father. The friend told me it was "precious."

God damn! If that wasn't a slap in the face.

However, I really enjoy hearing people say what their first impressions of me were. I'll also play along with assumptions until someone starts putting words in my mouth.

And you people?

 

[Zero]

I don't really care, but some people have shared their impressions of me.

Emo, Punk and Sai.

Oh wait... and Mello. I was told I kind of looked like Mello... *hmmm* They had to be *beeping* high.

Or they know I like chocolate.

We're not necessary too apathetic, we're too selfish and too individualist. And probably too drained due to the pursuit of happiness...

 

[dents]

Last time that happened was maybe 3 years ago and I really wanted to punch the guy in his face all evening. Barely made it through the social function and never saw or spoke to him again. It drives me really crazy when people pull this shit.

 

[ohrtonz]

I'll also play along with assumptions until someone starts putting words in my mouth.

Yea I like to play it along too. Besides, we all have our mean or nice sides. If someone thingj wrong of me, for example (it could also be opinion debate not just a naughty/nice issue), thinks I'm a jerk then its a free ride for me to be one to them. I give them one shot by trying to be nice, then Ill just play along. Wont waste energy trying to prove anything different to anyone, Ill just end up only wanting them to see what I want this specific person to see. Because I have no true self to be, right?

 

[walfin]

Happens all the time.

There is nothing to be done about it except ignore the bloody idiot, unless it's a work situation, in which case the response depends on whether said bloody idiot is a superior or subordinate.

 

[Chimera]

When people talk down to me, I stop talking and probably just smile. The person appears very conceited to me, and in my head I'm thinking "Ugh, who the hell do you think you are...you've just shown you're not even worth the effort it would take to change your impression of me. Go away."
Since I don't intellectually discuss things with people I don't know well, and the people I know well realize I don't appreciate being talked down to, I think my reaction is justified. The things I say to people I don't know well are usually things that, in my opinion, need to be said. I hardly ever feel the need to input my take on things when I hear people discussing something. I'm much more of a listener. ​

My father has a habit of talking down to me all the time. It's his usual approach to people; he likes to think himself superior to everyone. Being his daughter, I'm often confronted with it. My reaction is different with him though; I become very cold and unresponsive. When blatantly ignoring him doesn't work and I can't get away (i.e we're in a room and he's blocking the door), I get creative. ​

 

[Döden]

When people talk down to me, I stop talking and probably just smile. The person appears very conceited to me, and in my head I'm thinking "Ugh, who the hell do you think you are...you've just shown you're not even worth the effort it would take to change your impression of me. Go away."
Since I don't intellectually discuss things with people I don't know well, and the people I know well realize I don't appreciate being talked down to, I think my reaction is justified. The things I say to people I don't know well are usually things that, in my opinion, need to be said. I hardly ever feel the need to input my take on things when I hear people discussing something. I'm much more of a listener. ​

My father has a habit of talking down to me all the time. It's his usual approach to people; he likes to think himself superior to everyone. Being his daughter, I'm often confronted with it. My reaction is different with him though; I become very cold and unresponsive. When blatantly ignoring him doesn't work and I can't get away (i.e we're in a room and he's blocking the door), I get creative. ​

Well for me I guess it depends on the climate of the discussion. I definitely want in, but I don't want to talk out of my ass so I'll listen to people's points and try to come up with something that's well thought-out.

Ha! My father does too. He's the most pig-headed, disagreeable person I know, and he is bent on being the superior one. Usually he's just really forceful and kind of clingy, so I'm really cold. Ignoring him tends to make things worse though and the only way to be left alone is to give him a hug or something. Ugh.
I can't stand the thought of him thinking he's won an argument though. I'll start with explaining my point of view in a very cold, monotone way. He'll respond childishly and eventually it turns into a screaming match.
My mother, bless her, knows how to back away from an argument and mollify him. I just can't do that.

 

[Chimera]

Well for me I guess it depends on the climate of the discussion. I definitely want in, but I don't want to talk out of my ass so I'll listen to people's points and try to come up with something that's well thought-out.

Sounds like a reasonable reaction to discussion. I'm just odd and would much rather internalize my responses rather than externalize them. Probably because I make random leaps in logic and have trouble explaining myself when pressed. :P ​

Ha! My father does too. He's the most pig-headed, disagreeable person I know, and he is bent on being the superior one. Usually he's just really forceful and kind of clingy, so I'm really cold. Ignoring him tends to make things worse though and the only way to be left alone is to give him a hug or something. Ugh.

Dear god that sounds miserable. "Hi, you don't like me, now give me a hug!"
In retrospect, ignoring my father probably doesn't help much since he's looking to get a reaction from me because he thrives in anger-charged situations...but meh. That's not my game.
​

I can't stand the thought of him thinking he's won an argument though. I'll start with explaining my point of view in a very cold, monotone way. He'll respond childishly and eventually it turns into a screaming match.
My mother, bless her, knows how to back away from an argument and mollify him. I just can't do that.

Heh, my mother does the same thing. Unfortunately, she gets trampled by him often. =/
I've never understood the need to "win" an argument, especially with someone who doesn't sound as intellectual as you. I mean, if he responds childishly...what is there to be gained? If he's like my father, the arguments are probably just competition, a dominance thing. You arguing back just feeds the fire and gives him more material to work with. But if you give him nothing, he'll run out of things to say or make such ridiculous claims that you can't help but laugh. ​

 

[Zero]

I kind of move conversations with "empathy"

My mom: Obama is the Anti-Christ
Me: OMG Really?
Mom: *Monologue*
Me: *amused* You know what they said about Obama the other day. There were these kids forced to sing praise songs to him, but it was actually just a song for Black history month.
Mom: .... Yeah, well, he's still evil.

My mom's a little ... over the top. But very amusing, I can keep her going without her realizing that I'm, in any way, against her opinion. But I spark it with "they said this" kind of stuff.

My dad's an ISTP. I don't tend to argue with him or spark conversation. When I do state something he doesn't agree with, I tend to think he has the more sound opinion and probably knows more about it. I know sometimes I'm wrong. He doesn't have an ego or a bossy personality. He's just the "Mechanic" and he's helpful to anyone if he can be. (Though sometimes there are these bizarre little misunderstandings...)

My brother and I are really out there. We have these theoretical, bizarre arguments. My brother randomly spouts stupid, funny and sometimes clever things. Sometimes I challenge him on it. One time we argued about how to stop idiots from taking over the world. His opinion was that he would kill everyone, the entire world (and be done with humanity). My opinion was that I would control breeding. He found my way more morally corrupt and cruel, while I found his way totally insane.

He can't just eliminate the human race!
I can't just assume that idiocy is genetic!

How would he kill EVERYONE!?
How would I test intelligence!?

We could not agree and doubt we'd agree to this day... But then... we do acknowledge that we... are terrible people.

*this is my 500th post -_-;

 

[Döden]

Sounds like a reasonable reaction to discussion. I'm just odd and would much rather internalize my responses rather than externalize them. Probably because I make random leaps in logic and have trouble explaining myself when pressed. :P ​

Dear god that sounds miserable. "Hi, you don't like me, now give me a hug!"
In retrospect, ignoring my father probably doesn't help much since he's looking to get a reaction from me because he thrives in anger-charged situations...but meh. That's not my game.
​

Heh, my mother does the same thing. Unfortunately, she gets trampled by him often. =/
I've never understood the need to "win" an argument, especially with someone who doesn't sound as intellectual as you. I mean, if he responds childishly...what is there to be gained? If he's like my father, the arguments are probably just competition, a dominance thing. You arguing back just feeds the fire and gives him more material to work with. But if you give him nothing, he'll run out of things to say or make such ridiculous claims that you can't help but laugh. ​

He treats me like a child. No joke. He even baby talks me in public. He tells me I don't know what I want- no pretensions either, he says it just like that.

Hmm, I suppose I don't get into arguments much, so I have nothing to compare it to. But with him, I just get frustrated by his irrationality. It is absolutely maddening. For example, he'll criticize me for a particular career choice (ie anthing outside the medical field). I will explain that the field I'm interested in is expanding, and that since I'm interested in it it is a good choice for me. Somehow he'll magically respond with something about me not doing the dishes, the in-laws, or spending too much energy on music. This is all sprinkled with face-making, gestures, and voice impersonations.
So really, the claims are ridiculous enough that I should be roflmao'ing. But his ego is so big that I can't let it go. Maybe I have this dellusion that I'll put some sense into him? Lol.

Meh. The bottom line is, I should go Nancy Reagan on him and "just say no."

To Viral: And a worthy post it was. Wish I had a wierd out-there sibling. I'm pretty sure both my parents are SJs.

 

[Zero]

Hm, so I guess you can't mess with them like I can my mom?

Sorry you're in such a difficult situation. Sometimes it's best to let it "go with the flow" and keep what you're really doing a secret. There are few things I have to keep from my crazy family though.

I think... they know they're crazy.

Also, my uncle is like your dad. My family can't mock him if they're like him. Then again... my uncle is kind of nuts...

 

[Döden]

Hm, so I guess you can't mess with them like I can my mom?

Sorry you're in such a difficult situation. Sometimes it's best to let it "go with the flow" and keep what you're really doing a secret. There are few things I have to keep from my crazy family though.

I think... they know they're crazy.

Also, my uncle is like your dad. My family can't mock him if they're like him. Then again... my uncle is kind of nuts...

Thanks, I really need to try that attitude when it comes to them.
On the plus side, when he and I do agree we both have a grand time making fun of stuff. He's a cynic if I've ever seen one.
A crazy uncle? That really sounds rather picturesque, as far as stereotypical family schemes go X-D
Also, I just realized I got your username wrong, was looking at your avatar haha.

 

[didyouknow]

It really, really pisses me off. My brother does it to me all the time and it's even worse when they completely misjudge your character when they've known you all your life. It's taken me to the point now where I avoid any and all contact with him because I know the instant I accidentally let it slip that I like something he'll take his time commenting on why he doesn't like it and how it's probably 'just some stupid thing that's popular at the moment'. I usually just blink and stare for a while and think in my head, "But I'm the only person I know who likes it...".

The worst thing I think he's ever said was, "Yeah, we're really similar". My brain exploded and I think it was the first time I've ever had to physically restrain myself from punching someone in the face. I guess it was a mixture of anger at him having no idea who I was and fear of being similar to the person who I dislike so much.

My mum of course is oblivious, no matter how many times I've explained it to her. So when I ask a question about something like, "Why is the sky blue?" (I know the answer but it's just an example) she'll say "Oh, well I don't know, why don't we ask your brother?". He'll come over and explain it to me like I'm some dumb child and not like I've done the same subjects as him that apparently give him authority on the subject, and they're still fresh in my mind because I'm going to finish them in 1 freaking week.

 

[Nicholas A. A. E.]

I don't run into it very often. Or if I do, it doesn't faze me in any lasting manner.

 

[cheese]

I feel it a lot, but I'm wary of it and any negative reactions to the person because it suggests arrogance and pettiness in myself, which are things I despise, and usually the cause of my 'underestimation'. I'm also wary about this wariness.

I strive for consistency. It's difficult and puts a heavy harness around you. I'm hoping it's ultimately rewarding. I believe in it so far.

 

[Cogwulf]

I just ignore it and take it as evidence of their inferiority. In some cases I enjoy getting a chance to prove them wrong, but often they're not worth the effort.

 

[420MuNkEy]

If someone shrugs off something you say, ask them to elaborate on why they disagree. If they don't know how, they are just an ignorant prick and isn't used to having rational discussions. If they are able to elaborate, then at least you now have the opportunity for dialogue.

 

[Minuend]

I think some people underestimate my abilities. Particularly my older brothers. They don't know me at all. I've always been whimsical and lost in my own thought so I seem, to some, more dumb than I actually am. You don't expect someone who searches the entire house for the cellphone they are holding in their hand to be very bright, I suppose >_>

I never get to "show off" either (not that it is a strong desire). People never talk about ....anything, actually. And when they are touching a interesting subject, they change the topic before I even get to speak. And, of course, among people I don't know that well, I have trouble articulating my thoughts. Even among friends, it takes some time for me to process information to give a sufficient replay. I'm not a genius, btw.

When it comes to computers, people usually assume I'm oblivious. Which is kinda amusing considering I spend 5- 7hours+ a day at one. And they are usually clueless themselves. I'm not that knowledgeable about computers (most can be googled, fortunately). But the people trying to "teach" me is usually those who are clueless themselves.

My friend did tell me, though, that my new classmates had been talking about me when I were not there. Apparently, they thought me to be a genius. So, I guess people sometimes overestimate me too.

 

[EditorOne]

I guess most in here are too young to remember the U.S. television detective series "Columbo," but it involved a detective, played by Peter Falk, who was an ill-dressed, bumbling, seemingly unfocused naif. The villains always made the mistake of underestimating him. He always won, usually through insight and usually because they underestimated him.

In other words, don't knock it. It works in the real world, too. I've gotten plenty of stories (journalist, remember) simply by being more self-effacing than the paint on the wall. You can learn much when people forget you are there, underestimate you, or otherwise indulge their smuggeries.

The other item I thought I'd mention is an alleged ancient Chinese proverb to the effect that if you wait by the river long enough the body of your enemy will float by. I take a limited approach to this, and would simply suggest not rushing to demonstrate that they have underestimated you. Patience may reveal a better time to get that done. I didn't have much patience when younger, so I empathize with all who chafe, but it truly is a virtue. What truly set me off was the faulty logic that said because I was 12 years old or 19 years old or 25 years old I was too young to think intelligently. Experience showed I was nailing the facts and insights, so I just became the paint on the wall and learned to not get too upset. (Eventually I learned. Slow learner.)

Think logically: What do you gain from an immediate challenge? Is it worth the expenditure of energy?