Anger and self regulation

[fluffy]

So I was very angry today.

I got so angry that I stopped moving, I was very still. That was when I could feel where it was happening. That being the right ventral lateral prefrontal cortex. And now I feel things on the top of the head where the right dorsal lateral prefrontal cortex is as I write this. I don't feel anything much in the left hemisphere.

These places are used to stop impulses and control our next actions. It hurts not to act on anger but since I calmed down it seems everything in the body just stopped and I felt warm and cold sensations in the nerves which I use to move my body.

I cannot do certain things right now because they don't work but I am still not feeling like things are better. It made me mad that those people lie about me and are being stupid.

Breathing a little at a time helps and stretching out but to me I feel like I need to be unresponsive to everything going on around me or I will get back to that state of wanting to damage things.

It is better to feel mostly nothing. Then I won't break my phone or yell at people or collapse.

I just need to stay in control.

-

I think I can push it out without being destructive. But that will take time. No matter what I do I cannot force those people from not being mean.

I cannot move fast but only slowly.

That way I can adjust to growing new pathways for self control without the burning sensations.

Before I felt I needed to do something about the situation, now I don't. I just want to feel better.

When I don't do stuff I sleep all day or I get anxiety. This forces me to speed up.

So reading books becomes difficult.

Energy is a hard thing to understand when it comes to what I feel like doing in the moment.

I only feel fine if I work on something useful to me and interactive, so it doesn't seem like I recover fast enough as things are to hard or to easily.

Not knowing what to do is harder than what my routine has been. But now I think it is just a matter of stopping for a while and not thinking about anything. Forcing myself to think causes to much anxiety.

With the lack of self regulation I could not stop thinking. Someone told me that was part of depression but it is because not moving at all and having nothing to do is hard. I couldn't force myself to just stop and be still. That might be the reason people have a object to focus on while meditating.

So because I was still this time after being angry was very curious to me. I had inhibited my body somehow and it could be that it was that the anger was so much it was all that I could focus on at that moment.

So maybe if I simply focus on my body not moving or moving in a controlled way I can control my anxiety and do normal activities later on.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Is the anger about boundaries that you want to make?

 

[fluffy]

Is the anger about boundaries that you want to make?

I visit other online places and no matter what I say they tell lies about what I believe.

Character assassination is not something I appreciate from others, especially when they keep ignoring my main points.

 

[fluffy]

Are people rational?

I believe some are.

When faced with intense emotions the survival instincts take over.

Yet if we look at what it is that calms us down, then we see that to practice growing the inhibiting parts of the brain decreases them.

Mantra:

Stop, pause, listen.

I had this in my mind once.

I forgot because I was sad I had nothing to do and this had worsening effects on me with stress causing anxiety.

Now I think if I am correct that rationality does involve some kind of self control.

Then rationality is about inhibiting of non benefiting emotional states.

In science we cannot learn anything without understanding that different conditions can change the results so must control for them.

Emotions can hinder this.

Emotions are not bad they are needed to survive but dysregulation can block us from some considerations. Either missing them or thinking they are threats.

In ones past people have learned bad habits that no longer serve them that involved emotions. Fortunately there are ways of deconditioning oneself.

That was what I realized after I got really angry. There is nothing actually trying to hurt me. And people can view things as threats that actually are not.

Feeling safe is what is needed and many people emotionally don't feel safe. Trying to hide fight or block out.

Yet this doesn't work.

Something else must be done.

I found that body awareness helps me along with reappraisal. Telling myself that it is no big deal as long as I have no crucial expectations.

In the past my family and people around me were unreliable. I felt that I had to control everything or bad things happen. I was external locus of control. But I could not use emotions. I ignored them and got anxious.

This is different now because I stopped and am looking at what they are. Before it was not safe to feel things, but now it is. Anxiety gone.

 

[birdsnestfern]

What I think it might be is, you are an independent critical thinker and when you interact with emotional feeler types or egoists online, they see independent types as assholes. They are offended by the different opinion because it equates to betrayal since they can't understand that anyone thinks differently. So, IF you are an independent thinker, you will almost always get pushed out, that is, unless you are around other independent thinkers. Happiness will not come from anything outside yourself, look inside for answers, people don't understand if you are not like them.