I have negative thoughts

[fluffy]

This is true.

And now I need to change them.

Anyone can say anything to me if you believe it will change them.

I don't want to pollute the forum anymore with them.

I am not going to say anything bad in response to what anyone says to me here.

 

[Hadoblado]

FWIW you don't come across as overly negative to me.

I also have negative thoughts, and I'm more likely to express them here than I am elsewhere due to anonymity. A big part of why I studied psychology was to address my own well-being issues and it has helped a lot. Awareness about how negative your thoughts are is a big step forward, because until you have some point of reference they just feel like thoughts.

At some point I actually developed a physical tic that corresponds with overly negative thoughts. I'm able to suppress it if I'm aware of it, but sometimes it creeps up on me. It's not major, it doesn't impact me socially at all because being in the presence of people is distracting enough for it not to happen. But it's a major "oh wow, this shit's kinda serious" sign.

 

[Old Things]

Please get the book, "Telling Yourself the Truth." I KNOW it has worked for people who have struggled with negativity in their lives.

I am not here to bash you. I want what is best for you, as I want what is best for everyone. I think one easy mind hack that can pay dividends if you do it consistently in a short amount of time is to count your blessings, so to speak, and being thankful for what you already do have. I am below the poverty line according to US standards, and it would be very easy for me to worry about money all the time. But I thank God for what I do have, and that gives me peace to not worry about what I don't have.

 

[Bluehalite]

You can also try sending Love to all of those wounded parts of your child self.
Send love to any physical part of yourself that needs it, your mind, your heart, your fears and wrap yourself with soft pink clouds and soft blue skies and deep inner earth crystal energy.

 

[fluffy]

I can't make people understand.

But I can say this where I don't want anyone to respond because it's not about you or anyone here to misinterpret what I am saying.

This is how I feel at the moment directed at no one. Don't read as it is not to offend anyone here.

-

I feel stupid all the time.

I don't like it that people can be so disrespectful and intellectually dishonest.

Yet they tell me its my problem.

If it was as simple as just ignoring people that be fine but that leaves you extremely isolated.

If you hate me just say so, don't pretend you know me when you don't. Because if you cared you listen and I know when people are not listening. Blaming me for things that aren't my fault.

-

So like I don't know what to do about that. I am not to blame for my problems but people keep doing it. People tell me that I shouldn't care about my family or doing the right thing.

This then makes it hard to keep calm. This makes me very angry.

People want me to be as immoral as they are.

And they bully you into thinking nothing is wrong with it.

They intentionally want you to lash out. They antagonize you in anyway possible. They want to ruin your reputation and discredit you. Then blame you.

It's like why?

I am trying to not let people get to me but then the issue is that few people know how to act properly. When no one is doing the right thing it becomes very lonely.

How many times it would be easier to say fuck you I would not be able to know but it would cause me problems more problems because only immoral people can get away with it because they do it all the time that doesn't effect them in any way. It effects me so I don't do it.

I can't just go around doing bad things that would not help. As aways I have to just not react to the bad behavior of others or things get worse. Emotionally I have to find a way not to feel bad even tho other people act in immoral ways.

 

[Bluehalite]

ok, I thought you were ASKING people to give you calming ideas, I mis-read the post.
I don't want to add to your distress.

Anyone can say anything to me if you believe it will change them.

Is it that you are simply 'blogging' to yourself to vent your feelings and didn't want responses?
I mis interpreted it as wanting people to give you ideas, nevermind.

 

[fluffy]

ok, I thought you were ASKING people to give you calming ideas, I mis-read the post.
I don't want to add to your distress.

Anyone can say anything to me if you believe it will change them.

I am sorry if you think I was mad at you with that post. Really it wasn't you. Is why I tried to speak in generalities.

More so that post was about my problem with people. I know that some think I am a spoiled brat but then I have to deal with people telling me things about myself that are not true, all the time.

I want to say you have been so polite and I appreciate this. This is the first time in a long time I gave an emotional rant. It's true that I have some issues but they are not what people think they are and I get upset so much when it's put on me things that are not true about myself. You have nothing to worry about in this regard.

Many situations are about the emotional parts about myself that don't feel comfortable being accused all the time. That people think things that are not true of me. And that this doesn't change no matter how I explain the real reasons behind my feelings. It's always about me being in the wrong never about me trying to do my best.

I just took a shower so I feel better but I need to work out my issues and to do so I need to get to the root of them and that can be difficult to find. I wrote down what I did as a way of reflecting on what they could be so it helps in the long run.

To the best of my knowledge of that root issue I have difficult emotions around people. This may be common but I think I try to hard to expect people to be rational agents. My intention is to try and accept that I am not able to do much about this.

 

[Bluehalite]

Ok, I understand now. Peace.

 

[dr froyd]

i sometimes do that myself (i guess everyone does to some extent); people do stuff to annoy/anger you and you start inventing all kinds of theories inside your head about why they are bad people

if you're a sensitive soul that can turn into a habit, as a coping mechanism more than anything. But it's a not a healthy way to live. In the long run it will drive you crazy and make you resent the entire world around you

maybe my good Bible friend @Old Things can correct me here but there's a saying in the Bible that i actually like: don't judge lest you be judged

 

[Old Things]

maybe my good Bible friend @Old Things can correct me here but there's a saying in the Bible that i actually like: don't judge lest you be judged

Yeah, that verse gets taken out of context all the time by people who don't actually read the Bible. I don't want to say more because this thread is not about the Bible at all.

 

[fluffy]

I don't know what the connection is between thoughts and feelings.

Sometimes I think negatively but that's not the main psychology going on inside.

There are negative feelings fist.

If I had to think negative all the time I don't know what that be like but really I think it first comes from pain.

And an early sense of rejection.

Not everyone would be the way I am but then neurosis is trying to go against your main psychological drives.

When I think about what I am resisting I need to think of my main drives.

I like to feel accepted but I also like to think. Maybe those two things are incompatible because if you show others what you think you won't be accepted. This might be how things are going for me.

I feel stupid I guess then for not being able to do some things I believe I should be able to do. Not exactly because I can't but because early on no one would help me. I'd get this idea and not be able to do it and being all alone would make me feel self defeated. I mean that I failed and over time I was drained of so much energy. And being sad not knowing how to self regulate.

So if emotional self regulation is the main thing to look into it is because I have bad regulations of my feelings. And what causes this I am not one hundred percent sure but in the head I get pressures and nerve pain.

Emotions can be different for different people. The one spot in my head heats up and I was told not to cry a long time in childhood. Not being able to feel my feelings this could possibly have restricted the control centers. Making them work to hard.

The majority of kids have stable attachment. Not sure I do. Stress has effects on the body but isolation does too. Again if I were to say the feelings come first. And the common factor is control of them.

I need to have self control all the time.

So I don't allow myself to feel much.

There's a pain in my head that is constant.

This might be a neurotic symptom of some kind.

Thought comes secondary to that pain.

I need to get in touch more with my emotions then I think that's the issue.

In the art class at the hospital the tree I drew was interpreted as me being or having mood swings when not being productive with my time. I believe this is accurate. Control is not working all the time. Emotional regulation I need to look at a long those lines.

 

[nobody]

They intentionally want you to lash out. They antagonize you in anyway possible. They want to ruin your reputation and discredit you. Then blame you.

It's like why?

If you ever figure that out, let me know. Human consciousness feels chaotic, like the problems and arguments we have rarely ever deal directly with what's actually wrong with us.

I think you might be autistic, but you also appear to have other problems as well, but I'm speculating too. But in any case, I'm high functioning autistic with no mental handicaps, just not good at emulating the human "vibe" check as I like to call it, and it's tiring and made a lot of my life harder and more exhausting than it should be. Things only got better when I withdrew and started engaging on my own terms.

Anyway, my main point, this might not just be a you problem, but a human condition problem as well. I've been naive my entire life up to this point, kind of thinking human toxicity is not the norm and maybe just had bad luck. But misunderstanding is just common. I'm trying to make peace with that, but it does feel spiritually isolating.

There's also the "Double Empathy Problem" with autism, so that could be it more for me as well. However, the irony of this is that I usually seem to understand other people fairly well, but they don't bother to understand me. But again, I'm assuming you are autistic and I don't know that, so this may not be relevant. Have you been checked for autism?

 

[fluffy]

Doctors tell me I don't have autism.

No one really knows what it is tho

90% of people I hear are emotionally drivin and only 10% are rational. That doesn't make people moral or immoral it's just a way of interfacing with reality. What's logical to someone else might be faced with cognitive dissidence and fight to keep an irrational belief in place. They also blame others for what they themselves did. It just doesn't make sense unless we say the majority of people cannot think in those terms which allows for scientific understanding. When driven by emotions it's hedonism (pleasure) that motivates them to do what they do.

Autism is delayed development in social skills. It begins at birth. So I would not have it. People think I have it because it's easy to call a person autistic than listen to them. I understand what is appropriate and not appropriate to say to people but I don't respect people who are using illogical motivated reasons to get what they want. Lying is never ok with me and hiding it is really intensely frustrating.

It doesn't matter on little things but when it comes to trying to attack me or others I feel its life or death then that's the really big problem. The reason people act as they do with their emotions is because it's life or death all the time and they cannot stop themselves from the little things being exaggerated to much. I can separate myself somewhat from this but not all the time. People consider this normal but with my expectations I cannot be punished to far.

So emotional problems lead to life or death circumstances that people say what they say. Because I don't react as much as other people this sometimes is interpreted as me trying to be against them. People get really angry at others not on there side. But all in all my position is not to allow them to put pressure on me to make situations worse. I have experienced those worse situations and they are not worth it.

 

[nobody]

Interesting. Just to be pedantic, autism isn't really about social skills and I wasn't using it to attack you, if you thought I was.

Autism involves neurodivergence and is considered a spectrum. So you can have someone who is like Rain Man on one end and someone like Isaac Newton or Einstein as highly functioning on the other end (some think they were on the spectrum). It can also involve different things, such as sensory issues, where you don't handle certain noises very well, cognitive deficits like dyslexia or trouble mentalizing in some way, or cognitive differences, such as a highly vivid imagination or needing time to process things more. Einstein said he thought in pictures for example. You might know all of this however.

But you are right in that it's poorly defined. Unfortunately, you can get diagnosed or not, depending on the doctor you go to.

I think my point was that you might just have trouble relating because you are very different. And maybe Autism tends to be a placeholder for that.

And I hear what you are saying and think it's a good sign that you recognize it, even if it's uncomfortable to deal with. It seems a lot about dealing with other people is being able to recognize their own biases and triggers and recognizing that's not you and there's nothing to necessarily be done about it. I don't have any definite answers, but that seems part of it.

 

[fluffy]

If autism were simply about being different, I really don't know. That be difficult to define differences so extreme then to be classified.

It would also mean that trauma was autistic.

Or race or class or gender (intersectionality)

I wouldn't call ADHD autism but I also want to be clear that if we are going to say spectrum we are also going to have to define normal.

Normal is what is in the middle 96% on a curve. All traits associated with the norm is all traits above 50% shared by everyone.

I was aware that autism is developmental in an abnormal way. So maybe we could say that parts of me are autistic. I don't visualize imagery and my working memory is 75 on IQTests. Perhaps more traits exist outside the norm in me but then what makes me more or less autistic would be determined by the amount of traits I have outside the norm so defined. Einstein could visualize and that's normal for people to do. I can't visualize. Einstein could not drive a car just as I cannot drive so that's his autistic trait and mine as we define autism on a "spectrum" not visualization where 50% or more of the population can visualize.

 

[nobody]

Yeah. That's all interesting.

Trauma could be related, although I think it's usually considered comorbid and amplifying of autistic problems, rather than something that causes autism. But physical damage to the brain can and has caused autistic-like savant traits for people. So that's all very interesting.

I've even heard people suggest ADHD as often confused as autism and some think it's even the product of a similar underlying phenomena, such as low neural pruning causing too much brain activity. Babies seem to be in a highly excitable state and after they've learned a lot, the brain prunes to become more efficient, but in a lot of autistic cases there is under-pruning. But again, a lot of things get pinned under autism of course. But there's a youtuber I watch sometimes, JackSepticEye, you'd never really expect to have autism, but he got professionally diagnosed. And it's also easy to see he has ADHD.

About visualizing, in relation to Einstein specifically, he liked "thought experiments" and complete geometric understanding. I think there's a difference between just visualizing things and having an intense ability to both imagine and manipulate what you are imagining like it's first nature, almost like a borderline between schizophrenia and normal cognition. Autism has a weirdly high correlation to being confused for schizophrenia as well.

 

[nobody]

Oh, I guess Einstein is speculated to have had hyperphantasia, so that makes a lot of sense retrospectively. Maybe that's the difference. It's also said to make driving harder and Einstein didn't learn to drive. How interesting.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Acceptance. Accept things are shit, or whatever they are.......
Be real, don't sugar coat the reality, but don't make it out to be all bad either.

Try to find balance.

Practice gratitude.
Name few things you have each day, that make you happy.

I got this practice from internet, but it works, only over long time.

For example you might start with "I have two strong legs that get me where I need to be"

"I have a place to live"
"I have two eyes that work for me"
"I have time to do what I want"
"I am smart"
"I have internet connection that I can use to my benefit."

Start naming all the things you got that are positive.
Don't say it until unless you personally believe its positive.

Keep repeating this and grateful that you have stuff.

This is called emotional coping. Its helps you to feel positive and see the brighter side of things, but it also helps you be more real and critical of what you have.
We tend to believe we are victims of circumstances and everything is bad.
That prevents us from taking advantage of what we have.
It can even lead to depression or feeling sorry for oneself or giving up.

Focus on great weather or having positive experiences.
Look for things that uplift you.
For example you said you have a dog. Then you could go out and walk your dog and have fun with him throwing a ball or something.

In stead of big ideas keep things simple and grounded in reality.
Think of simple ideas they come together and create big ideas, but most N types try to fix the world top down, which I Think is harder.

Breath deeply and stop check on yourself.
What em I feeling. Why do I feel this way?
What can I do now about it?

 

[Bluehalite]

What Zenraiden said above works for me as well. Its that you try to stop the thinking part of you, and switch over to a one word feeling from the heart. ie, actually 'feeling thankful/grateful' for a flash or moment and extending that for a few minutes.

It could be that we can be grateful for the air we breathe, food, hard lessons, bad behavior we've been allowed to have or experience from others, in that everything is a lesson of sorts and makes us better/helps us grow/helps us know where that comes from and empathize and lead away from.

When difficult feelings are transformed into simple thankful thoughts, its akin to finding Merlin level mastery where you change the dynamics of a 'cruddy mean' world into something like a pearl of wisdom. Then you are like a mental alchemist to lifes problems.
Its going to be challenging to do, but over the years, it makes you more flexible, and you can get back to staying in the heart more.
It might sound make believe, but experiment with changing through one word heart thoughts about simple appreciation for air, water, food, being alive, even mean people, etc. Just appreciate something and you get the proper balance that world and you are really seeking. Its like whatever intelligence is out there, wants you to appreciate yourself in the world. And if that doesn't work, then distance yourself from the trouble makers.
The heart can accept that the world has negative things in it, but it can move through it to find and fix things too. And, spend a moment each morning connecting to your desires and spirit helpers so that you know life isn't just whats in front of you as well. You co create by focusing on what you want to make real. Ganesha helps you remove obstacles. Don't think of Ganesha as just an elephant, think of it as supreme intelligence, the entire universal consciousness that has all the power in the world to really help. Print out a picture from the internet and ask Ganesha who represents 'thinking' solutions from the world of consciousness to lifes impossible issues. https://www.britannica.com/topic/Ganesha

In some parts of India Ganesha is depicted as celibate, but in others he is said to be married to both Buddhi (“Intelligence”) and Siddhi (“Success”). Yet other traditions give him a third wife, Riddhi (“Prosperity”).

can search on lord ganesha images and print out and let you concentrate on solutions to come to you from the universal intelligence rhelm to help you in this rhelm: I believe the way the trunk points changes what Ganesha does. If it points to left, its better I think.

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• Left-oriented trunk: Symbolizes happiness and success.
• Straight trunk: Rare, but associated with advancement in life.
• Right-oriented trunk: Equally significant, reflecting deeper spiritual truths and cultural beliefs.

 

[SignalCobra]

It’s a strong first step to admit that and want to change. You are not polluting anything by being honest. You deserve kindness and support. Things can shift with time and patience. You are not alone in this.

 

[fluffy]

I don't exactly think everything is bad.

I have these sensations that are constant that make bad thoughts worse.

Yesterday I went to a class on depression. They said it's different for everyone but usually there are physical and emotional symptoms that don't go away. And the cause is unknown. But bit by bit some main results of brain studies have shown isolation shrinks the front brain and the hippocampus. I'm sleeping too much and it takes effort to go out.

I believe that one thing about emotions is that they have a physical body component. Sensations pass through you and unless you pay attention to them you are not going to know where they are and feel overwhelmed.

I think I just need to get outside. It was fine for a while in the house but nothing to do and sleep is not helping.

I was abrasive to it at first because I didn't know you need to feel the body. When you feel the body then emotions get better as you are aware of everything at once not just an amorphous blob of nothing.

I am always extremely active mentally or passive not physically. In order to be physical I need to have no goal but only feel what happens in the body. It was hard to know where to start the process but now I know you cannot reason your way out. Bad feeling is in the body so I need to work on it from that place.

 

[kuoka]

I think I just need to get outside. It was fine for a while in the house but nothing to do and sleep is not helping.

This for sure. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have the impression that you stay indoors a lot.

Staying inside for a few days can lead to depression and anxiety. You may not feel this while you are in this state, but only after you get better there will be a chance to feel the difference. That's because people adapt to an unhealthy low mood baseline and perceive it as their new normal.

Your psychological mood is a combination of many factors. Most of those factors are feedback that you don't have direct control over. One of them is your body, another is sensory stimulation. Staying indoors for too long deprives you of stimuli and weakens your body.

Low sensory stimulation may lead to rumination. Endless repeating chains of thought that don't lead to new things and may provoke anger, feelings of helplessness and frustration.
That is because by staying in the same environment you are not giving your brain new ideas and threads, so it tends to keep going over the same ones.


If you get outside for a walk you will provide both and over time your body will be stronger. If your body is stronger you will have a better average baseline mood because you will increase one of the underlying factors.