What to make of people who say you are smart.

[Vicissitude]

Is this a common thing? Because i feel like it is.

All my life ive heard people tell me "youre smart" first it was my mom, then it was my shrink, my friends, people around me. And i really dont know what to make of it. Especially when it was my shrink, i thought she was just trying to suck up to me, to make me feel better.
When i became an adult my mom quit telling me it, i think because she thought it went to my head when i was younger.
The truth is i dont feel smart, i struggle just like anyone else, with life, schoolwork, decisions.

 

[MrBean13]

Well, one thing I've learned recently is that smart people tend to think everyone else is like them. But that is partially because they are typically sheltered from their less intelligent peers from a young age. When you look at actual average IQ scores, you have a 50 percent higher chance of meeting a random American with an IQ below 90 than you do a person with an IQ above 115.

So all sciency sounding BS aside, lets all go get some drinks on me guys, we have way more to do than contemplate our numerical superiority to some obscure few darker minds out there lol I have places to be (such as other threads)

 

[peoplesuck]

probably they think u value intelligence. like telling a beauty pageant contestant their pretty. and im lazy and this is sort of related

So the majority of my life when i get in trouble at school i always get the same treatment. Your so smart why do you make bad choices? -or something along those lines, lately ive asked them why they think im smart and i keep getting, "i just know you are." It seems to me that anyone that talks slow and quiet is considered smart, especially if you dont talk about some thing that everyone else is interested in. I am good at reading body language however, looking at people makes me so uncomfortable that i choose to not to even utilize it. I have started to feel like the ugly kid being told they are beautiful.

 

[Polaris]

It is hard to ignore these people as they are reinforcing something that is highly valued, like beauty. I think it becomes a burden for many and/or it can go to one's head. It becomes a defining trait in some, which makes them seem less intelligent as they would say just about anything and assume that it is intelligent because "me so high IQ I cannot fail".

IMO, smart people are the ones that live with perpetual doubt and sixteen levels of meta....

They seem to have a multitude of perspectives which is something acquired from years of meta-analysis, and are thus less likely to be judgemental (yeah, I'm being judgemental too in the process of separating the two, but being a perceptive auxiliary type I am captured by the multi-faceted kind of thinking as it helps me in my introverted judgement process).

In other words, I prefer open-ended smart (for lack of a better term). Others are bedazzled by the other type of smart; perhaps because they are comforted by closure/prefer to get things settled quickly. Both are beneficial in different contexts.

...this is getting more and more nebulous....

Getting back to the point of the OP, I think it is something that people who wish to get on your 'good' side would say, and perhaps is best to ignore for that reason. People get on my good side when they don't shower me in compliments because I find compliments meaningless/bewildering. But I understand it is a way of communication/connection for some, so I don't get too hung up on it.

 

[redbaron]

Kind of just strikes me as another version of complimenting someone on being pretty, cool, funny or whatever. I don't think it's necessarily manipulative, I'm sure most of the time people are being honest when they compliment other people on certain traits.

If I've met someone recently and we're talking about a subject where I give my perspective and they respond with some variation of, "you're smart" I just interpret it as, "that perspective sounded intelligent".

Judging whether someone is sucking up or being manipulative is kind of a process based on repeated behavior patterns. If they're inconsistent or their actions don't match their words then it does make me wonder. Generally speaking though, simply being complimented isn't something I really respond to on its own.

 

[Pyropyro]

It's a common compliment especially by people who express affection via words.

I just smile, say thanks and then think nothing of it afterwards.

 

[Hadoblado]

There's a pretty big noobtrap here.

My childhood:

Poorly Represented Rhetorical Device: "You're smart"

Me: "If you're calling me smart, that means you see me being able to better understand the universe than you. With this ability I am able to divine that I am in fact average, which, when paired with prior accusation of intellectual superiority, makes you retarded. Good day."

Negativity bias can be a powerful thing.

 

[Brontosaurie]

"if you're calling me smart then why do you express profound doubt each time i have an opinion? i could rule."

?!?

 

[Neckbeard]

Non-wizard folk. (Muggles)

 

[Reluctantly]

ignorance...because usually people aren't aware of the effort that was put forth to forge an intellect; they think it just comes naturally to certain people and not them. But people can develop their mind, just like their body. And developing an intellect requires sacrificing certain things to do so. So "smart" people don't somehow have it easier. Intelligence can even be a burden, depending on the context. It can be easier sometimes to live life in the moment, rather than analyze it to intellectual death, as an example.

 

[Vicissitude]

ignorance...because usually people aren't aware of the effort that was put forth to forge an intellect; they think it just comes naturally to certain people and not them. But people can develop their mind, just like their body. And developing an intellect requires sacrificing certain things to do so. So "smart" people don't somehow have it easier. Intelligence can even be a burden, depending on the context. It can be easier sometimes to live life in the moment, rather than analyze it to intellectual death, as an example.

I dont know if there is a limitless bound to development of intelligence. Infact, i really dont know what intelligence is, but in regards to what youre saying. Im an inclass math tutor for a continuation high school and there are some kids who i could spend a decade with and they would not be of the same mental capacity as some of their peers. Then there are kids who i spend 5 minutes with explaining the concept and then watching their mind work.

Anywho its a something that really bothers me. Im a person who puts a high value on intelligence. "Simple" people annoy me, and for someone to just throw a complement out there like that, with such massive implications, it bugs me.

Not only that, i dont go around stating that i value intelligence, yet these people feel like that is the appropriate comment to make. I guess the only thing that i can make of it is that i am percieved as unattractive, haha.

 

[nanook]

people who tell me that i am smart are usually referring to the span of detached attention and the drive to be orderly in my expression. the structure of my mind. it's a synonym for introversion and sensitivity, which give birth to a abstractions that guard against a drowning in chaos, according to carl jung. This chaos, he says, results from unconscious extroverted powers. I appear to be more introverted on the conscious side, than the average introvert, which implies that my extroversion is either more powerful or more unconscious, either way, more overwhelming.

people who tell me that i am nuts comment on the contents of my mind.

comes with a lifetime of almost drowning in one hell of an ocean.

 

[Valentas]

I pay no attention to it. After being stumped and feeling stupid quite a lot of times during my major I understood that my intelligence is grossly overestimated by other people.

 

[Colors_in_Math_and_Music]

Depends if I respect their judgement/opinion on the issue.When someone whom I know won't say that to everybody and whom I feel is intelligent himself tells me I'm smart, the comment will boost my confidence.This person could be a mentor/professor, for example.

If I don't respect the person's ability to give an accurate assessment of my or anyone's intelligence I just ignore it.

 

[Vicissitude]

I pay no attention to it. After being stumped and feeling stupid quite a lot of times during my major I understood that my intelligence is grossly overestimated by other people.

Thats about exactly how i feel.

 

[Torojan]

Depends if I respect their judgement/opinion on the issue.When someone whom I know won't say that to everybody and whom I feel is intelligent himself tells me I'm smart, the comment will boost my confidence.This person could be a mentor/professor, for example.

If I don't respect the person's ability to give an accurate assessment of my or anyone's intelligence I just ignore it.

This is pretty much how I react to the situation

 

[onesteptwostep]

I think to me, 'intelligence' is only just a result of the accumulation of data. In that sense I am no different than a robot who memorizes and computes. Unless I place effort into weaving these piece of information together can I really call myself "smart" or "intelligent" in any real sense. But then again, who knows what people are trying to convey when they tell you that you are smart? Are they complimenting me? Are they trying to get to know me more? Are they being sarcastic?

What's their intention inbetween in their remark? Is it in the smile? The eyes? The intonation?

Who's in the group, are there different types of people? What are the group dynamics? What social interplays are in action that allowed for such a comment to surface? Is it geniune or is it for group domination?

Who knows.



eh but tbqh i don't get that from people anymore so i dunno

 

[EditorOne]

When I was in school, "You're smart" from some fellow students usually meant they were going to ding me on the playground first chance they got. Not a problem, unless it was one of the 15-year-olds repeating eighth grade for the third time. Then it hurt.

 

[Minuend]

I think some of you are putting too much meaning into the err compliment. Intelligent doesn't necessarily mean genius or omniscient. The term intelligent can include a wide variety of thinking and behavior. You have people with an IQ of 105* who have probably been told on occasions they are intelligent (and depending on definition, this would be a correct observation). People who work hard and do well in school will sometimes be considered more clever.

Being called intelligent doesn't have to say all these things some of you think they do, about you. Some seems to project their own (narrow?) perspective on what intelligent is onto others and thus blame them for thinking themselves capable of differencing those traits in others, while in reality they just have a different perspective on what intelligent means.

*using IQ to illustrate more clearly, don't focus too much on whether you find IQ tests valid

-------------

I don't think I've been called intelligent much since I was a child. I can remember 4 people who have called me that the last... a long time. Two of them would know me well enough to have a fairly good idea of how I think and reason. The other two were strangers. One of them basing their comment on how I explained certain mechanics of certain systems. The other probably based it of some deviant behavior/ response to certain comments and situations as we the topics we addressed were fairly shallow.

When I was a child, I was being called intelligent because I did exceptional in school. That stopped when I started high school and my performance severely dropped and never really recovered. After that I've mainly felt confused and not particularly intelligent. I'm very aware of my blindspots, and I guess having a particular perspective on intelligence myself, I don't know how readily I would use that term for myself.

Like when one talks about not understanding certain motivations- when I see or experience similar confusion or if there are things I know I do not "see"- this to me is a limitation of my mind. And in that effect I'm very aware of how blind I am. Imagine all the things I don't even know I don't see. I guess in a way I just accept in some ways I might be considered intelligent and I don't really find being omniscient as important as I did at a younger age.