trusting and dealing with strangers

[sushi]

do you have a hard time trusting and helping strangers

from my upbringing, i was told to distrust and interact with strangers.

but i find that kind of mindset detrimental of meeting and knowing people

if one is always on guard and suspscious, how can one meet and have a relationship with new people. the social circle will be small and narrow.

but if one is not on guard, one can get backstabbed or conned or get sucked involved in a predatory exploitative relationship.

but thats the price one has to pay with trust

 

[birdsnestfern]

I have no trouble helping strangers at all, if I see homeless people I offer lunch, food, money, umbrellas, clothes, etc.
But I do have trouble trusting people - deeply. I can but it takes me a few months of putting people through hoops to prove themselves to me. And that can drive people away.

Yes, but not from my upbringing, I'm the ONLY introverted person in my family.
I have mostly extroverted family in many states. Most of them are ESFJ, ENFP teachers, or musicians with 400 + friends,
All are good entertainers that make people crowd around them.
I am not. I don't entertain people, and thats what it takes I guess.

Well, I think smart introverted types are looking to self actualize with their authentic selves and they can only do that with others like themselves, so the world is not set up for us, It was never supportive of individual authenticity like that.

Extroverts have outer focus on fun and conversation, and interpersonal know how and are happy on the outside and have ego and beauty power trips.

Introverts don't know how to generate that same kind of energy at least not for long. Its like living in completely different worlds
we can NOT self actualize with extroverted standards. So, don't measure yourself against the world in the same way.

 

[sushi]

i am really conflicted on this issue

 

[Drvladivostok]

With dealing with strangers I have the principle of innocent until proven wrong, I just take what they say as formal truths, I enjoy speaking with people with unique experience.

But when the way they approach me is too forced I become suspicious, if they start making demands, or start going with their sob stories I immediately assume they're lying.

 

[Old Things]

I have no trouble helping strangers at all, if I see homeless people I offer lunch, food, money, umbrellas, clothes, etc.

I'm much the same way. I have a lot of difficulties trusting people but have been known to open up my home to homeless people.

The problem is that not all homeless people need the help because where I live there are tons of resources for them to get back on their feet and they rarely take advantage of such opportunities.

 

[birdsnestfern]

We have reason to distrust people, because so many people are manipulators.

A book called In Sheeps Clothing is an eye opener, it says over half of any population anywhere are manipulators.
So, when you hear someone over reacting with a sob story, that is definitely one red flag of a manipulator.
Anyway, half the world is a LOT of people to be wary of. This is a good topic, and you do not want to give yourself to someone just because you are lonely, that never begets the right balance. Finding the right balance of give and take is so important. Finding people that have similar skeletons might be a real issue. Maybe some youtube videos on how to spot manipulators will help. They are usually very charming, popular and have talents that people flock around because its so important for them to be in the spotlight.
So, I kind of think plain blend in chameleon types are easier to trust. Bookish nerds, easier to trust.

 

[scorpiomover]

Give and take. If you trust everyone completely, you'll keep getting screwed over, and be worse for it. But if you don't trust anyone at all, then you'll miss out on all the good things that happen when people help you. So you have to have some give and take here.

 

[Black Rose]

Trust for me requires a Theory of Mind.

I have enough experience with people to understand them and this means I know what to do. I help people and people help me. But those that I trust only are those that I know their inner self. How often they have made mistakes and what they think of others. This means those close to me or not I see them in others and so I know when others can be trusted and in which ways.

 

[sushi]

its not so simple

when its about business and money, the relationship gets much more complicated.

how much money resources and help are you willing to give to someone you dont know much about?

 

[birdsnestfern]

I can give away things worth up to 200 without much issue if I think the person will really use something.
I do it a lot on my local buy nothing group, gift things I don't need any longer.

I did have a few favorite charities that I donated to when I was working.

Americares
http://www.americares.org/
http://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?bay=search.summary&orgid=3289

Water for People
http://www.waterforpeople.org/
http://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?bay=search.summary&orgid=6391

Doctors without Borders, & The Carter Center looked good too, but I've already turned in my pledge. Carter center had CEO Salary of $300K, too much.

http://www.cartercenter.org/index.html

http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/
www.ran.org
www.operationusa.org
and something else, forgot, maybe a conservation center.

​

 

[sushi]

i met quite a few people you offer them blood money or help, they just keep asking for more like they are insatiable without giving back.

 

[BurnedOut]

do you have a hard time trusting and helping strangers

They are easier to deal with than people you already know. There is no information assymmetry. In many cases, this is a boon because you can temporarily work together and reap equal benefits because none of you know to manipulate each other yet. I am more comfortable around strangers than people who know me.

but i find that kind of mindset detrimental of meeting and knowing people

if one is always on guard and suspscious, how can one meet and have a relationship with new people. the social circle will be small and narrow.

Relationships are mere exchanges of social strokes. It's a game of strategy and you are supposed to treat it as such. Being on guard simply means being suspicious but people have more utility than just yap about. Therefore you can let go of their personal bullshit and focus on what you can extract from them.

but if one is not on guard, one can get backstabbed or conned or get sucked involved in a predatory exploitative relationship.

It's just impossible to prevent getting exploited or backstabbed if you look at it statistically. One cannot know everything in advance and betrayals like these come rather suddenly but feel like hindsight is 20/20

 

[sushi]

do you have a hard time trusting and helping strangers

They are easier to deal with than people you already know. There is no information assymmetry. In many cases, this is a boon because you can temporarily work together and reap equal benefits because none of you know to manipulate each other yet. I am more comfortable around strangers than people who know me.

but i find that kind of mindset detrimental of meeting and knowing people

if one is always on guard and suspscious, how can one meet and have a relationship with new people. the social circle will be small and narrow.

Relationships are mere exchanges of social strokes. It's a game of strategy and you are supposed to treat it as such. Being on guard simply means being suspicious but people have more utility than just yap about. Therefore you can let go of their personal bullshit and focus on what you can extract from them.

but if one is not on guard, one can get backstabbed or conned or get sucked involved in a predatory exploitative relationship.

It's just impossible to prevent getting exploited or backstabbed if you look at it statistically. One cannot know everything in advance and betrayals like these come rather suddenly but feel like hindsight is 20/20

I presume you live in a country with large population. I also live in a country with large population so there is a high uncertainty in who you meet. There is a large variance of personalities you can encounter.

 

[BurnedOut]

I presume you live in a country with large population. I also live in a country with large population so there is a high uncertainty in who you meet. There is a large variance of personalities you can encounter.

The world is overpopulated mate
Large populations fighting for limited resources will always lead to perpetual treachery

 

[sushi]

maybe i am slightly autistic but i find it hard to deal with and classify that large number of people.

what if population explodes more than 20 billion, each person give you a different taste and vibe and uncertain.

what if you meet and talk to a new human everyday, its pretty messed up.

 

[sushi]

We have reason to distrust people, because so many people are manipulators.

A book called In Sheeps Clothing is an eye opener, it says over half of any population anywhere are manipulators.
So, when you hear someone over reacting with a sob story, that is definitely one red flag of a manipulator.
Anyway, half the world is a LOT of people to be wary of. This is a good topic, and you do not want to give yourself to someone just because you are lonely, that never begets the right balance. Finding the right balance of give and take is so important. Finding people that have similar skeletons might be a real issue. Maybe some youtube videos on how to spot manipulators will help. They are usually very charming, popular and have talents that people flock around because its so important for them to be in the spotlight.
So, I kind of think plain blend in chameleon types are easier to trust. Bookish nerds, easier to trust.

i entirely agree with this, maybe 25 % or 30 in my opinion.

 

[Black Rose]

its not so simple

when its about business and money, the relationship gets much more complicated.

how much money resources and help are you willing to give to someone you dont know much about?

I think in this case it is about the poker face.

When you ask people things, what happens inside them?

How slow / fast do the move in the body / face.

communally people act natural when they have nothing to hide.

but once you tell them the truth and they keep repeating over and over and over that you must do something (gives monies?) something is wrong.

I have been scammed 3 times and it was noticeable what I did wrong reading the person.