Exactly. That's what I'm saying I think. And I'm saying that it sucks that most people base success on their jobs and income when there is so much more to it. And I've realized that lately. Psychoanalyzing myself , I think I started this thread because I'm mad that my parents want me to get a job that makes tons of money, an they don't understand, because they're stupid, that my whole life has so far been based on my parents false idea of success. And this thread is just a reflection of my pent up frustration. I must be looking for comfort from other people or something.
But ya success should just be based on whatever makes you happy. And I obviously haven't found that yet so I make stupid threads like this when I'm in depression mode. I honestly don't know what I want in life. Hmm to bad all my interests just involove thinking. I should just aim to become a philosophizer or somethig. Nothing externally except for music really makes me happy. Sorry I'm bitching about all this shit. Trying to organize thoughts. I'd do it in a video but I only get 10 minutes.
OH MY GOD, YOU'RE FINALLY USING CAPS!!!!!!!!!!!
On to the topic:
(Turned out very long. Skip to after the line for summary.)
I think that on a very basic level, success equals power. Power is necessarily understood and exhibited in relation to others - because of this, external markers of power such as (self-earned) personal wealth, social capital, academic achievement and so on are the conventional standards of success, since more often than not they provide ways of exerting dominance over others (basically, getting your way as opposed to someone else getting theirs, whether through persuasion or force).
However some people do realise these don't guarantee power. Self-destructing from work-induced misery results in a pretty sharp decline in dominance, for instance. Power, in terms of the ability to influence a group and get what you want, also runs much deeper and is more complex than these external markers can represent.
I'm reading a book* on primate societies (focused primarily on chimps and bonobos - that is one sexy group) at the moment, and apparently they display the same complexities in political manoeuvring that humans do. "Getting what you want" involves more than being the most dominant chimp in town - relational ties, personality and character play important roles too (yes, selfish chimps lose out more than generous chimps, even when both are equally low-ranking). It seems those feel-good movies about love and friendship and by extension following your dreams so you don't become a depressed cold-hearted prick do have something important to say. Of course, most people already subconsciously realise that you usually can't herd people (overtly or not) with just one marker of success; even money has its limits, as does popularity and learning. The best power travels through all channels. Still though, a man who makes a lot of money and retains enough respectability while doing so will probably be considered a success of some sort - he has both buying power and adequate respect.
So I'd say conventional "success" means any state in which you have both financial and social capital, of some degree. The amount of "success" you enjoy increases as the capital does, whether lopsidedly or concurrently. Those regarded most universally as successful would be those with both financial and social clout, with the latter being harder to achieve imo and dependent on more factors than the financial (personality, the nature of your job, character, learning...). A wealthy lawyer for instance would be considered a success by some but a disgrace by those who see engagement with the legal system as morally contemptible. More extreme examples of lopsided power/more disputed success: rich drug dealers (high F, low S) and Mother Teresa (low F, high S). This, along with the perspective below, is why 'success' can be such an iffy term, especially for those more inclined to question society's dictates, and why the same person can be simultaneously considered a success
and a failure.
Then there's the hipper version of success, which is rooted in self-mastery and the coolness of subverting convention. (By the way, if you're doing it for the rebel factor then you're still trying to gain social currency so just shut up and die, you hypocritical shit.) Being strong enough to do what makes you happy is also a form of success/power - with the base of its pyramid in the self, rather than in others - since it protects you from any lasting/significant damage caused by the sneering world (at least compared to the riches gained in fulfilling yourself).
In general though, when people talk about "doing what you love" being the true definition of 'success', the meaning leans more towards the idea of maximising fulfilment, rather than power. "Don't waste your life", in other words. (Though I'd wager that even beneath this lurks the power-pedestalled** meme, in the form of intelligence: "Only dumbfuck sheeple spend their lives doing shit they don't want to" - thus demonstrating superior ability and therefore increased potential
currency.)
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So I guess the most useful thing for you to do would be to work out what kind of power you want, how much, and for what reason. Part of the reason parents push standard success so much is because they don't want their kids impoverished in any sense, and the standard route is less risky than the dream-following route that often exchanges instant gratification for long-term dissatisfaction as you realise you've become powerless in ways you hadn't properly weighed the importance of earlier. For example, I want power for the freedom it gives me. As such, I need enough money and respectability to be able to do my own thing without losing close friends, breaking the law, being excluded from circles and opportunities important to me, and so on. I'd prefer to just sit on my ass all day and follow my dream of surfing the internet/watching tv/eating pizza all day, but then I'd lose a lot of the freedoms I consider important in my life.
Whether other people considering you a success matters depends on how important you think their approval will be in gaining and keeping the sort of power you want (ie it isn't necessarily just about "screwing what other people think").
*
Our Inner Ape by Frans de Waal
**not a word, but I enjoyed using it. Like your mum......no, no nono. Yes. Oh yes.***
***Aside from the obvious meaning there, that reminds me of this:
YouTube - Mitchell And Web Look "Now We Know"
