No Memory of My State of Mind

[Deridaburi]

For a while something has been puzzling me.

For one how when I'm in a moment of self reflection, I can't remember being in any other state that being in self reflection. Or it seems as though I have always been in that state, as if my only possible state of consciousness is that of self reflection.

Also that when I read something that I have written from a long time ago, sometimes I have no idea what I was thinking, or how I could have been thinking in such a way that I would have conceived what I said. This is obviously because I have forgotten the context in which I wrote whatever it was. However it still puzzles me.

It seems as though my state of mind is not something that is recorded in my memory. Furthermore for as long as I can remember my state of consciousness has appeared the same, even though it seems obvious that all of our states of consciousnesses would change as we grow older. I can see the change of consciousness in other people. I can see how people around me have matured and developed the way they think. However I cannot see this in myself, because I have no objective memory of my consciousness.

I doubt this would make any sense from an outside perspective. Anyways, my question is, have you ever thought about this and is there any validity to this?

 

[EvilScientist Trainee]

You could try logging your own thoughts on a journal. Perhaps, you're not in touch with yourself.

You could try writing your moods, your desires, your fears. What made you feel like you are right now. What are your worries, what are they based on?

And I know that you may not recognize yourself when you read it later, but it will teach you to hear to yourself. It may teach you to develop a certain awareness of how you are. Once you have that awareness, you can accept yourself as a changing person.

Even I can't understand what was going through with my mind a couple of weeks ago, a couple of months ago, or even a couple of years ago. But I keep in mind what have I been through, so I can retrace how I got here.

It happens with me as well from time to time. I get in a mood and I think - wait, have I been different from this at any given time of my life? But then, I go back and remember experiences i've been gone through, and understand how I arrived at where I am today.

Maybe you have a memory condition. Maybe you have a psychological block. Maybe you're a robot, taught to process current information only. I can't tell. But I suggest you trying to reconnect with yourself.

 

[Deridaburi]

Thanks for the response EvilScientist Trainee, it would be a good idea to make a journal. I'm not sure, I think that I am in touch with myself.

I might have stated it too extremely in the hope of getting my point across. What I was trying to point to was the idea that no matter where you are in your life, it seems as though it feels the same to 'be yourself', even though people are changing all the time. This doesn't seem to be consistent. I was thinking that this might be because the brain does not record the 'feeling of being yourself' in the manor that it records other things. I don't know how else to say it. I'm having trouble communicating this idea.

 

[EvilScientist Trainee]

Well, we respond to each challenge according to how we fell about them at the time.

I know what you mean the thought when you say to yourself: I'm currently myself, and I'm sure of that. I just don't understand why did I thought that way back then.

Experiences shape a person, and you keep updating yourself everyday. That's why you always feel like you are yourself - you're always improving a little bit as you live. It's not an abrupt change, so we never feel a loss of identity. But when we review past experiences, we're taking into account a large amount of time, so the change in our personality seems to be huge.

And sorry for being a little pushy with my values back then. You just sounded like you felt hollow and couldn't feel anything but in terms of now. I see your point now.

 

[Awaken]

We all live life through one perspective, our own. The process of self reflection is using that same perspective to look at what is going on "right now". Though the "right now" may change, the process of observing it does not change much(which is the feeling of the self).


When I meditate I notice that the "self" still does not change because the process of observation is just utilizing the senses to varying degrees. However, what it does allow me to do is focus more on my thoughts(which come in different senses, auditory>visual>>>all others). By doing this I have had moments where I knew my state of mind was much higher than it usually is. This heightened state of sensory observation can then be used externally on worldy sensations, which has interesting results.

 

[Vrecknidj]

I doubt this would make any sense from an outside perspective. Anyways, my question is, have you ever thought about this and is there any validity to this?

Yes, I have thought about this. As a matter of fact, I have often had similar experiences to what you've written.

Validity? Not sure what you mean, but I can verify that you're not the only one who has these experiences.

Dave

 

[Deridaburi]

We all live life through one perspective, our own. The process of self reflection is using that same perspective to look at what is going on "right now". Though the "right now" may change, the process of observing it does not change much(which is the feeling of the self).

That makes sense.

When I meditate I notice that the "self" still does not change because the process of observation is just utilizing the senses to varying degrees. However, what it does allow me to do is focus more on my thoughts(which come in different senses, auditory>visual>>>all others). By doing this I have had moments where I knew my state of mind was much higher than it usually is. This heightened state of sensory observation can then be used externally on worldy sensations, which has interesting results.

I'm having difficulty understanding what you mean by this

Yes, I have thought about this. As a matter of fact, I have often had similar experiences to what you've written.

Validity? Not sure what you mean, but I can verify that you're not the only one who has these experiences.

Dave

Yes, I'm wondering if anyone has experienced this and if anyone has further insight. It seems inconsistent does it not?