making up information, publishing it on this peer-reviewed forum, and citing myself for an academic

[ApostateAbe]

I am taking a physical oceanography course, and part of my first homework is to research and find, in textbooks or the web, three values of mean depths of each the Pacific, Atlantic, Indian and Arctic oceans. I also need three values for mean temperatures of each of the oceans, three values for mean salinities of each of the oceans, and "characteristic ranges of change" in the world ocean of temperature and salinity.

Now, since this is a grad school for marine science, we all know darn well that the ocean temperatures and salinities vary drastically and inconsistently by latitude, longitude, depth and time, and the boundaries of the oceans are ambiguous. Any "mean" value is therefore either meaningless or useless. So, I can't find such curt values in textbooks (I wouldn't trust any textbook that does). But, I can find a few bullshit values on the web, on such sources as Wikipedia, Wiki Answers, Askville by Amazon, etc. I still can't find all of the bullshit values I need, so I am using this forum to create another source of such information to fill in the remainder of my answers, which I take to be equally useful and reliable. I will cite myself.

This is not the kind of behavior that would be expected of a grad student in the field, but neither is this assignment worthy of anything else, in my opinion.

The minimum temperature of the world ocean is -40 degrees Celsius, maybe. It could also be -58 degrees Celsius, for all I know.

The maximum temperature of the world ocean is 35 degrees Celsius, or at least it could be. However, it could be a whopping 41 degrees Celsius. Heck, why not?

The minimum salinity of the world ocean is -40 degrees Celsius, maybe. However, it could be -58 degrees Celsius. That's what it is, right? If you agree, then I have corroboration.

The maximum salinity of the world ocean is 35 degrees Celsius, or at least it could be. However, it could be a whopping 41 degrees Celsius. That's what I heard, and it was from a very trustworthy source (trust me).

The minimum salinity of the world ocean is 31.0 psu. I consulted my Magic 8 Ball, and it said "Absolutely!" That provides a second value. What is the mean of 31.0 psu and "Absolutely!"? I think I will have to convert both values to binary.

I asked my housemate what the maximum temperature of the world ocean is, and he said, "How should I know?" I asked him to take a guess, and he said "115 degrees." I converted that value to Celsius, and I got 46.1.

The mean temperature of the Pacific Ocean is 3.36 degrees Celsius. However, because of global warming, I am pretty sure that it is 4.00 degrees Celsius by now.

The mean temperature of the Atlantic Ocean is 3.73 degrees Celsius. I also used tarot cards to divine the value that is buried deep in my subconscious, and the Prince of Swords inspired me to believe that it is actually 3.75 degrees Celsius.

There was a Wheel of Fortune card, and by looking at it I just knew that the mean temperature of the Indian Ocean is 3.71 degrees Celsius. There is a possibility, though slight, that it is 3.70. I am not closing my mind to it, despite my confidence in the Wheel of Fortune card's subconscious inspiration.

I asked my Magic Eight Ball, "What is the mean temperature of the Arctic Ocean?" And it answered, "Outlook not so good." I gave the Eight Ball another shake, and it said, "Ask again later." I asked again later, and it said, "Outlook not so good."

I prayed to God, "Lord, please reveal to me the mean salinity of the Pacific Ocean in units of psu," I randomly jammed the number keys on my keyboard, and I got 65. It wasn't what I expected, but who am I to question our Father in Heaven? I prayed and jammed the same way with the Atlantic Ocean, and I got 349287. For the Indian Ocean, I got 89u32. For the Arctic Ocean, I got 0786. Hallelujah!

 

[Vrecknidj]

Now, since this is a grad school for marine science, we all know darn well that the ocean temperatures and salinities vary drastically and inconsistently by latitude, longitude, depth and time, and the boundaries of the oceans are ambiguous. Any "mean" value is therefore either meaningless or useless.

Maybe that's the point of the assignment. Maybe the instructor is trying to get you out of your shell (pardon the pun).

Undergrads in most departments are supposed to be sponges (again, pardon the pun) and not ask questions.

Graduate students in most departments are supposed to be willing to take a non-mainstream idea and defend it.

If you know that the assignment is bogus, why not approach it that way?

Dave

 

[ApostateAbe]

Maybe that's the point of the assignment. Maybe the instructor is trying to get you out of your shell (pardon the pun).

Undergrads in most departments are supposed to be sponges (again, pardon the pun) and not ask questions.

Graduate students in most departments are supposed to be willing to take a non-mainstream idea and defend it.

If you know that the assignment is bogus, why not approach it that way?

Dave

I think you are right, and indeed I have approached it that way. I half expect the TA who wrote the assignment to announce that this was the whole point after the assignments are turned in. Unfortunately, a lot of the new grad students are still in undergrad mode and they became rather frustrated.

 

[Vrecknidj]

You'll appreciate this story. An old prof of mine (who recently passed away, sadly), told me this story about 20 years ago.

I was his assistant, I think it was an intro to ethics class, and we were walking across campus to get some lunch. The class met on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He told me this...

I gave an assignment a week ago to my philosophy of law class. The first day of class I told them a paper was due on Thursday; it was a tough assignment. Thursday, I collected all the papers, and the following Tuesday I handed them all back.

I didn't grade a single one. I gave them all a C. I didn't comment on it.

The next day, I had about 8 students come to my office hours, fuming mad. I made them wait in the hallway. One at a time, I let them come in my office and yell at me, getting it out of their systems.

So, in every case, the conversation went something like this.

Student) I worked really hard on this paper, and it's worth far more than a C!
Teacher) Hand it to me, let me take a look.
(I read the paper carefully, graded it fairly, and handed it back.)
Teacher) This is a philosophy of law class, if you aren't willing to argue for your grade, you don't deserve any better than a C. Keep this to yourself.

I looked at him, astonished. He smiled. He said something like "There's more to teaching than just grading assignments."



Dave

 

[ApostateAbe]

You'll appreciate this story. An old prof of mine (who recently passed away, sadly), told me this story about 20 years ago.

I was his assistant, I think it was an intro to ethics class, and we were walking across campus to get some lunch. The class met on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He told me this...

I gave an assignment a week ago to my philosophy of law class. The first day of class I told them a paper was due on Thursday; it was a tough assignment. Thursday, I collected all the papers, and the following Tuesday I handed them all back.

I didn't grade a single one. I gave them all a C. I didn't comment on it.

The next day, I had about 8 students come to my office hours, fuming mad. I made them wait in the hallway. One at a time, I let them come in my office and yell at me, getting it out of their systems.

So, in every case, the conversation went something like this.

Student) I worked really hard on this paper, and it's worth far more than a C!
Teacher) Hand it to me, let me take a look.
(I read the paper carefully, graded it fairly, and handed it back.)
Teacher) This is a philosophy of law class, if you aren't willing to argue for your grade, you don't deserve any better than a C. Keep this to yourself.​

I looked at him, astonished. He smiled. He said something like "There's more to teaching than just grading assignments."



Dave

That's gold. It seems to be a teaching technique that would be much more likely to fly in a bygone era when students didn't have as much power.

 

[Vrecknidj]

I know, I wouldn't dare pull something like this today.

 

[EditorOne]

What Vrecknidj said.

"This is not the kind of behavior that would be expected of a grad student in the field, but neither is this assignment worthy of anything else, in my opinion."

So stop and ask what behavior would be expected and go ask the instructor if there's a hidden agenda.

I'd not fake anything. First, I just wouldn't. Second, if I was capable of faking something like that, the idea would occur to me that it's a course assignment designed to remove people who are willing to fake data right out of the field so they can get jobs at Wal-Mart without wasting anyone else's time.

Acting on your disdain would seem, at this stage in your career, to be a less than optimal move.

 

[ApostateAbe]

What Vrecknidj said.

"This is not the kind of behavior that would be expected of a grad student in the field, but neither is this assignment worthy of anything else, in my opinion."

So stop and ask what behavior would be expected and go ask the instructor if there's a hidden agenda.

I'd not fake anything. First, I just wouldn't. Second, if I was capable of faking something like that, the idea would occur to me that it's a course assignment designed to remove people who are willing to fake data right out of the field so they can get jobs at Wal-Mart without wasting anyone else's time.

Acting on your disdain would seem, at this stage in your career, to be a less than optimal move.

Having such things as "Outlook not good" and "How should I know?" listed as values of ocean salinity would not come off as fake data, but more like sarcastic data. Then again, sarcastic data may not be such a wise career move, either.

 

[Agent Intellect]

I know, I wouldn't dare pull something like this today.

I had a chemistry professor that gave a demonstration in class where he started an energy drink on fire. He gave a very scientific sounding explanation as to why this occurred, and people sat there, surprised that they had been drinking this stuff. He told everyone that their homework was to test this on other energy drinks, and to collect data on different ones and write a conclusion. A lot of people came back the next class with their papers, scratching their heads, as none of the energy drinks they tried would start on fire. Turned out the professor had put hexane in his. The lesson: people are easily fooled by scientific jargon; we should think critically about what scientists are telling us, and what their motivations may be.

 

[EditorOne]

"we should think critically about what scientists are telling us, and what their motivations may be."

Oh, heck, that goes for everyone, not just scientists, right? Remember, my official professional level of scepticism for decades was summed up by "If your mother says she loves you, confirm it before you put it in print."

 

[dark]

The OP was probably the best OP I've read in a long time.

Instead of faking information, I would personally write an entire paper showing why the assignment is stupid. I've done it at least 4 times, but then again I am an undergraduate student, though I doubt my professors ever expected anyone to write a paper criticizing their assignment. The lowest grade I got doing that was a B.

 

[Jelly Rev]

Instead of faking information, I would personally write an entire paper showing why the assignment is stupid. I've done it at least 4 times, but then again I am an undergraduate student, though I doubt my professors ever expected anyone to write a paper criticizing their assignment. The lowest grade I got doing that was a B.

Ive done this on a few papers once I ran out of ideas. or if it was psych or comm I would analyze the paper, the point of the paper, the interactions between what I write and what she'll read and then apply it to the paper