Fear of intimacy

[GYX_Kid]

is it INTP-ish at all to be such a schizoid-narcissist that to go through with a sexual experience the partner must fit very specific conditions, and even then you'd feel better to "disconnect" on a certain level while going through with it- treating it like it has no meaning?

in other words, is it common for intp to require pretty fucking amazing conditions to endure the extreme closeness.

 

[Zmaster]

I imagine INTP's would rather have one night stands versus relationship sex because we tend to not be out going with our thoughts and therefore have less to lose if things go wrong on a first encounter. Plus we can always treat our one night stands like experiment mice.

 

[Glordag]

In order for intimacy to work for me, it has to fit my ever-evolving, subject to change at a whim, extremely romanticized, idealistic, completely unreasonable, and illogical expectations. In other words...thus far, it doesn't work. The worst part is that, despite the desire to fulfill those expectations, my substantial need for solitude pushes me towards apathy on the matter.

 

[GYX_Kid]

In order for intimacy to work for me, it has to fit my ever-evolving, subject to change at a whim, extremely romanticized, idealistic, completely unreasonable, and illogical expectations. In other words...thus far, it doesn't work. The worst part is that, despite the desire to fulfill those expectations, my substantial need for solitude pushes me towards apathy on the matter.

we should form a pact and collectively figure out how to resolve this issue

 

[IfloatTHRUlife]

I beg to differ, i did have intimacy issues when i was younger but now i am in a relationship, and i would like to think i am a very romantic person, i love cuddling, whether it leads to something or not. It literally comes down to being able to accept someone as another human being, they aren't going to judge you any more than you judge them. You have to find someone you care about of course, i dont recommend just going around having one night stands and trying to open up to every girl you come across, they would just think you are some freak. (which you would be)

I am just speaking out of experience of course.

Im not afraid to be a little personal so here are some examples.

-The first girl i ever had sex with, i spent about an hour before it happened, telling her that i didnt love her, didnt want to be in a relationship, and honestly wasnt sure if i even wanted to do it. After we finished she asked me if i regretted what i had just done, and without delay i told her yes.

-The girl i am with now, i could sit and cuddle her all day. I make kissie noises on the phone with her, use smiley faces all day when i talk to her in texts, cuddle her and kiss her in public, hold hands, no shame at all.

Anyway my point is, you will never enjoy intimacy if you never give it a serious chance. Once i found someone who made me happy and i was comfortable with, i honestly cant think of anything that makes me happier than just laying in bed and cuddling her.

 

[GYX_Kid]

I beg to differ, i did have intimacy issues when i was younger but now i am in a relationship, and i would like to think i am a very romantic person, i love cuddling, whether it leads to something or not. It literally comes down to being able to accept someone as another human being, they aren't going to judge you any more than you judge them. You have to find someone you care about of course, i dont recommend just going around having one night stands and trying to open up to every girl you come across, they would just think you are some freak. (which you would be)

I am just speaking out of experience of course.

Im not afraid to be a little personal so here are some examples.

-The first girl i ever had sex with, i spent about an hour before it happened, telling her that i didnt love her, didnt want to be in a relationship, and honestly wasnt sure if i even wanted to do it. After we finished she asked me if i regretted what i had just done, and without delay i told her yes.

-The girl i am with now, i could sit and cuddle her all day. I make kissie noises on the phone with her, use smiley faces all day when i talk to her in texts, cuddle her and kiss her in public, hold hands, no shame at all.

Anyway my point is, you will never enjoy intimacy if you never give it a serious chance. Once i found someone who made me happy and i was comfortable with, i honestly cant think of anything that makes me happier than just laying in bed and cuddling her.

good post.

i'm such a pessimistic over-analyst i guess, that too much closeness is what's "heartbreaking" which seems like is sort of what you used to have, and that your current condition allegedly speaks of purity and hopefulness.

 

[IfloatTHRUlife]

Better be a good post I accidentally closed my browser after i had already written like 5 paragraphs and came back and ended up thinning it down to the shit you see.

 

[Zmaster]

I didn't say that we are incapable of intimacy just that it is not very natural for us. It takes alot of work- more than a typical person. I'm glad you have found your love life. On the whole though I think we as a generalization do in fact like detached relationships over attached ones until we can find that special person that obviously you have. Hold on to whatever you have because its a rare gift.