Family and default love

[bokehgirl91]

why do you have to automatically love your family just because they're you're family if they were anyone else on the street you just met or a friend then you're not required to love them.

why must a mother lover her child as soon as it's born, when she has no idea who this person is since they've just met?

 

[TBerg]

A society truly does not want to survive that does not understand the appeal of a family.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

why must a mother lover her child as soon as it's born, when she has no idea who this person is since they've just me?

Biological programming.

 

[Luzian]

why do you have to automatically love your family just because they're you're family of they were anyone else on the street you just met or a friend then you're not required to love them.

why must a mother lover her child as soon as it's born, when she has no idea who this person is since they've just me?

As you type this assburgers post on a laptop your parents bought, perhaps you think about how your life would be if they had left you in a dumpster as a baby. Maybe then you'll have the right to ask your mental masturbation question.

 

[DrSketchpad]

It does make more sense to deposit more care to people unless they show themselves, that they're not worth it. People will feel more invested in someone that they know very well usually, and I imagine this is amplified when the recipient has shown itself to be innocently incapable of taking care of itself (a child for example) suspect there's an underlying bio mechanical component as well.

 

[bokehgirl91]

As you type this assburgers post on a laptop your parents bought, perhaps you think about how your life would be if they had left you in a dumpster as a baby. Maybe then you'll have the right to ask your mental masturbation question.

maybe they should have...

 

[bokehgirl91]

why do we have to love a family member for whomever they are no matter what but say for example me posting this -probably insulting post- you probably dislike me for it but of if we're family then it would be understandable?

 

[Anthile]

Pheromones. Hormones. Something of that matter. Whatever it is, it seems unlikely that we will know for sure anytime soon.
But that's not your real question, is it? Tell us what's on your mind.

 

[Luzian]

maybe they should have...

Why don't you make that tough decision right now. Abandon everything you have, and live on the street. Otherwise stop bitching about your parents.

 

[bokehgirl91]

Why don't you make that tough decision right now. Abandon everything you have, and live on the street. Otherwise stop bitching about your parents.

*applause* not a bad idea. shouldn't be hard though since there's nothing to leave.

 

[Anthile]

Why don't you make that tough decision right now. Abandon everything you have, and live on the street. Otherwise stop bitching about your parents.

If you have nothing to contribute, just don't.

 

[Nihilmatic]

Repetition makes people feel more common to it and psychologically like it. For example, many victims of kidnaps or under psychopathic care tend to "love" the individual overtime because they get so used to it. It is also hardwired in our heads to love and like people who resemble us in anyway because of how mother nature programmed us to survive. When we see people similar to us we tend to have a subconscious bias and like them more (200,000 years of humans spreading and creating their own communities has done this to us). We live(d) in a society where if you were different your genetics would be unapologetically weeded out from human society. Hypothetically, if I was born in a different family and was the same person I am today and encountered my parents I can almost 100% guarantee that I would strongly dislike them because of our huge personality differences. My mom is an ESFJ while my dad's ISTP with serious anger problems. Basically I became used to them and it's just cruel mother nature.

 

[bokehgirl91]

Repetition makes people feel more common to it and psychologically like it. For example, many victims of kidnaps or under psychopathic care tend to "love" the individual overtime because they get so used to it. It is also hardwired in our heads to love and like people who resemble us in anyway because of how mother nature programmed us to survive. When we see people similar to us we tend to have a subconscious bias and like them more (200,000 years of humans spreading and creating their own communities has done this to us). We live(d) in a society where if you were different your genetics would be unapologetically weeded out from human society. Hypothetically, if I was born in a different family and was the same person I am today and encountered my parents I can almost 100% guarantee that I would strongly dislike them because of our huge personality differences. My mom is an ESFJ while my dad's ISTP with serious anger problems. Basically I became used to them and it's just cruel mother nature.

atleast he/she's honest

 

[OptiMist_Prime]

*applause* not a bad idea. shouldn't be hard though since there's nothing to leave.

Did you have an abusive childhood? If you did, you should check out books on that. They can be helpful. Hmm, judging by some of the replies, I think some people definitely had abusive childhoods. Dang, people.

Anyway, you write things like you/we being "required" to love family or that you "have to" to love family. But you don't have to, do you?

 

[SpaceYeti]

The reason you love your family is irrational and natural. Mothers say how much they love their child upon birth, even prior to that. Myself, I loved my children from before they were born. It's part of our evolution. The species that looks after it's family/clan survives because they work as a team, for the survival of the group. However, distant relatives that you hardly ever see are never really integrated as part of the clan for some young, resulting in these kinds of questions. I've asked these questions myself. It's expected by society that you love your family because it is what happens, not because it necessarily should happen. This, plus people's egocentrism, means that if you don't love someone in your family, they can't understand that you may simply be different, so they presume you're wrong for not loving them.

 

[Yellow]

The reason you love your family is irrational and natural. Mothers say how much they love their child upon birth, even prior to that. Myself, I loved my children from before they were born. It's part of our evolution. The species that looks after it's family/clan survives because they work as a team, for the survival of the group. However, distant relatives that you hardly ever see are never really integrated as part of the clan for some young, resulting in these kinds of questions. I've asked these questions myself. It's expected by society that you love your family because it is what happens, not because it necessarily should happen. This, plus people's egocentrism, means that if you don't love someone in your family, they can't understand that you may simply be different, so they presume you're wrong for not loving them.

This, and more -- if you look at family love in the long-term as a genetic advantage.

If your genes are going to survive, then they must be protected. Love is one of our many mechanisms that support our genetic representation in the next generation's gene pool. Love is the emotional instinct of protection and provision. The larger, and more fit your family, the more effective the "love" will be toward your genes' survivability.

Alternatively, a family without a lot of love between close relatives is less likely to be genetically represented in the next generation. You are less likely to provide for one another's needs, you are less likely to protect one another from harm, and therefore, you are less likely to survive long enough to raise your children to healthy adulthood.

So, you are obligated to love your close family members because it is a [primitive] biological necessity.

 

[paradoxparadigm7]

But that's not your real question, is it? Tell us what's on your mind.

Seems to me Anthile has hit on the undercurrent of the reason for OP's thread. I'm sure OP has knowledge of the genetic, evolutionary and biological correlates (and if he/she doesn't, can look it up).

Yes, you can hate your family while still caring (loving) about them. Sometimes we hate our family BECAUSE we love them-we become vulnerable to what they can do to us, what they can do to themselves and what can happen to them (and to us). Mostly, we don't want to admit we hate them because it's so bad to hate your family, right? But the truth for many is we have trouble tolerating the powerful tension of ambivalence towards those we love.