does anyone else get tired of being an intp

[ghostrobot]

First off I think that discovering that I was an intp a few years ago really helped me in accepting myself for the way that I am. I know that everyone is different and that the Myers-Brigg personality types are not something set in stone that completely define who you are, and that there is room to improve on your weak points (for us I would say mostly social interaction), but I often wish that my mind did not work in this way.
I just feel that lately I am missing out on a huge part of life because I simply can not act or feel the same way people around me seem to be.

Personally I think that I have come a long way in being able to talk and relate to other people in that I can carry on small talk and joke about trivial things. My problem is that these skills that now seem easy to carry out seem so fake to me that I would rather not do them. I often force myself to go to parties or bars with friends and make myself meet new people, which is doable, only afterwords I feel so drained and empty. I know that more than half the connections I make are so superficial that I will never speak to these people again.

At the same time it seems that I am able to easily make friends of the same sex, I am a guy, and keep these relationships for a long time, but I can't help but feel that I am more of an oddity to them than a true friend. I am the guy who says weird things and acts indifferently to what other people view as important topics in the world such as politics or popular tv shows. I have actually been in a few decent (or at least long lasting) relationships in my life with women but I also feel a similar stigma that I am just some weird artsy or spacey guy that they dated for a while that they can talk about later, just a side attraction on the road of life for lack of a better term.

I know that this post seems very whiny but, I don't know just wish that I could form connections as easily and authentically as I see other people do. Does anyone else feel this way?

 

[ℜεмїηїs¢εη¢ε]

Not really, most of the time I just smile and pretend I care about what other people are talking about, I don't say much but I'm a good listener and a lot of people like that. I don't talk to people about my "out there" ideas, I either keep them to myself or only share them with like minded people that want to hear them and might start a intelligent conversation with me. I have a laid back attitude and don't really care about anything so people think I'm chill/cool/whatever.

I don't really like small talk either since it's usually very boring but the point is to use it to start a more meaningful conversation so I've learned to deal with it. The only time when it really bothers me is when some girl I don't talk to normally comes up to me and and starts some really boring conversation about me, like oh your eyes are so blue or something like that. It's not like I hate compliments (well maybe I do ) but it's just so lame because I don't really have anything to say to them,"Oh thanks, what's your name again?" *says name,more awkward small talk, walks back to seat*

Meh, I never feel fake but I do notice when others act fake.

 

[HDINTP]

I used to feel like that. Now it is "better". I listen to other people. Don't care about many things but the result is that people come to me and talk to me. Carefree minimalist attitude that's it for me. I don't like small talk.

I used to be quite simillar but time tought me to be more carefree I would say. No I don't like acting fake. It used to be difficult at times because I "knew" I could try to act more as others expect me to but it seemed weird to me so I didn't act that way.

 

[Architect]

No. Never. I'm doing my best to strengthen my tendencies.

When you get to my age you come to a point that you've been accommodating for too long. Why should I accommodate them instead of the reverse? Of course that won't happen. What goes with this is that I have learned to work within the world, so I can easily make small talk if I need to, and frankly I do it pretty often. Same thing with making friends.

Love your avatar by the way, that is one of my favorite movies, and I have a very short list.

 

[intpz]

I can't say I am. I am tired of the powerlessness though, but I see it as my physical situation that will change someday. Although, it is a characteristic of an INTP (in some view), but I usually have different world view than that of not doing anything and being okay with things I hate.

 

[hablahdoo]

Do I find flaws in myself? All the time but I do my best to constantly improve. I'm not concerned with which MBTI classification I fall into when it comes to this.

 

[TriflinThomas]

Personally I think that I have come a long way in being able to talk and relate to other people in that I can carry on small talk and joke about trivial things. My problem is that these skills that now seem easy to carry out seem so fake to me that I would rather not do them. I often force myself to go to parties or bars with friends and make myself meet new people, which is doable, only afterwords I feel so drained and empty. I know that more than half the connections I make are so superficial that I will never speak to these people again.

I have your answer: only make friends/hang out with people you like (trust me, it works). I don't know why you "force" yourself into going to parties, but it's ridiculous; if you don't want to go, then don't go, I'm sure the party will survive without you.

 

[oscillatingfractal]

I learned to be comfortable being awkward.

Awkward silence is my favorite dish. It seems to help weed out all those who don't really care about me.

But when I'm required to be social for my work or to please my loved ones, I can kinda pretend and act like an outrovert. It's pretty physically and mentally exhausting to do this for a long period of time, since I'm faking it, but sometimes it has some positive side effects too. Acting enthusiasically for a long time helps me become more optimistic in general. Anyways, to fit in, I will act like I'm interested in whatever the other person is saying, and ask a lot of questions about them. Oh and of course, I never release the eye contact and I remember to smile contstantly. I far greatly prefer listening to talking.

At the moment, I kinda like the fact that I'm different. I've come to embrace solitude and enjoy thinking to myself. When I'm lonely, I remind myself to take comfort in the truth and the knowledge. Even when nobody else sees what I see and it seems like everyone else has turned their back on me, I tell myself it's okay as long as the truth is on my side.

If it were up to me, I would have wished to have been born an ignorant, wealthy individual with outgoing personality. But being the person that I am, ordinary doesn't interest me. I gravitate towards weird people just like me, and am proud that I can connect to them better than ordinary people. I'm almost thankful that I'm like this. Well, sometimes.

Truth is often painful but comforting to me.

 

[DeadonDreaming]

Yes, I hate it.

 

[intpz]

Why do you hate it?

 

[DeadonDreaming]

BECAUSE I HATE YOU!

 

[intpz]

Me? But why? I can't be hated! Why would you hate me.

 

[DeadonDreaming]

 

[ghostrobot]

I hear what a lot of you are saying, and I guess I still have a ways to go in accepting my social awkwardness, or lack of true interest in parties and such. I truly do enjoy that my mind works differently than other people, but I guess I just wonder what it would be like on the other side sometimes.

also I have been a member of the zissou society since I was 11 and a half.

 

[BigApplePi]

I have to accept what I am. I will tell you my social trick. I like it when I can be myself. If I come up against someone who -doesn't take to me- to whom I don't take, I will listen to them and then hope to say something I would ordinarily wish to do. Let me see if I have examples so you know what I mean.

"I like your blue eyes"
"Thank you. Do you know what makes eyes blue? Only a certain percentage get blue eyes. I think it's a recessive gene. I never took biology in school. Did you?"

Another person who has befriended me on the internet and is a strong "S" type is another example. I found her draining because I replied to her in kind. On her favorite topic I interjected, "I'm interested in theory on this topic." She bought it and said something good but now reverts to "S" stuff. I'm now thinking of responding to her Se stuff with Si stuff about me rather than the Se stuff she likes. That's good. If it works it will give me a chance to develop Si. I'm actually looking forward to it to see if it works.

 

[BigApplePi]

.

Spoiler

If I were to touch you, would you scream?

 

[skip]

No. Never. I'm doing my best to strengthen my tendencies.

When you get to my age you come to a point that you've been accommodating for too long.

Hear, hear.

 

[mu is mu]

No offense, but are you sure that you're an INTP and not an INFP?

I used to feel the way that you describe because of certain subjective elements inherent in my thought processes at that time. Interestingly, something you typed appears very similar to one of these beliefs I used to have:

I just feel that lately I am missing out on a huge part of life because I simply can not act or feel the same way people around me seem to be.

I think it would be more accurate for us to say that we as INTPs are missing out on a huge part of our lives as INTPs simply because we erroneously assume that we have to socially interact with others in the exact same fashion and to the exact same degree that almost everyone else does. Once we fall into this trap, our obsessive, problem-solving minds view the situation as a problem and the end result is often this feeling of inadequacy that you report. So why try forcing yourself to perfectly conform to a social mold that doesn't correspond to your personality? The unspoken assumption that all of us are equal regarding personality is, to the informed, obviously false, and it can even harm some of the iNtuitive types.

Have you discovered your interests yet? I personally find staying home and reading books about memory, devising models of human behavior, and other stereotypical nerd activities to be much more entertaining than the social interaction that typically occurs at parties, bars, etc. Why would I spend my time voluntarily interacting with people who expect me to remain absorbed in every surface-level conversation they have when they exhibit no interest in the things I think of?

 

[SnowlyWhite]

So why try forcing yourself to perfectly conform to a social mold that doesn't correspond to your personality?

I always thought, that, being much more awkward than the majority, I'd need to screen out probably 100 times more ppl. than the rest to find someone interesting for me.

I've met my ex wife(the person with whom I've had by far the best relation so far - communication wise) at a party, I've met a very good friend(with whom I truly had nothing in common - but boy, he could recharge me like nothing else in this world - passed away unfortunately) while we were both doing some shady businesses, I've met my current "boss"/former associate in a bar, etc.

Now, obviously, depends on how you're perceived too. Socially, it probably helps alot I don't pass at all as a nerd, but as the quiet, oh very wise type. I much more inspire respect/fear(don't know the exact word) than contempt, I'm good at sports, etc.

On the other hand, I'm a disaster at small talk; while I'm polite enough to always strive not to show traces of contempt, I'm perfectly unable to utter a word when I'm not interested in the subject. I try, but I'm truly a total failure - for instance, one of the recurring subject is current music(I find it noise - I don't say it most of the times, but I'm perfectly unable to talk about it either). Another subject is TV - now, I don't watch TV... Another is news - I trade, I read a ton of news; I'm a firm believer there are 4-5 really important news in an year and I'm perfectly unable to sustain a conversation about what gibberish X said yesterday... I'm fully aware I lose alot by this, but I gave up on it, since it's clear I can't.

I'm an even bigger disaster at explaining things. And here I'm also not very patient - I carefully calculate each word to show up every detail I need to be shown and notice the other part missed 90% of them makes me lose patience very fast(I'm not even surprised, yet I can't help from being ticked off).

But again, if I'm to hear new ideas I think I have to strive and meet way more people than the average, being pretty far away from the average. Simply need to do more filtering. I can't say I enjoy it(to put it mildly), 99.9% of the times is fruitless, it's pretty darn draining sometimes(but, ok, when I know I'm really not in the mood, I don't force it on me either), yet it's a necessity as far as I'm concerned.

 

[Brontosaurie]

INTP silverback has spoken