Disappointment with accomplishment

[Architect]

I've always had a characteristic that oftentimes when I accomplish something I'm horribly disappointed. There are two reasons, I've since discovered, one is that it represents a closing down of possibilities. The second is that it forms you into a type of person, instead of keeping your idea of who you are more open.

For example, whenever I received a large pay increase or promotion I would go into a mini-depression. Sure the money was nice, but it meant that I was becoming "baked" as I called it. More tied into my job and dependent on it. I also was becoming more of a role (some 'big time engineer') than who I really was somehow.

Likewise the only disappointing thing about getting on in years is how possibilities close down, such as having children. I'm done with that, don't desire to have more, but somehow the idea of having more is appealing, even if I won't do it.

A common reaction for smaller goals is experiencing a 'let down', which is simply an energy release after an important event.

Does anybody else experience this?

 

[Pyropyro]

I guess Ne simply refuses to be tied down.

 

[Architect]

I guess Ne simply refuses to be tied down.

It will, but it resists. The subject of a post I'm working on, which prompted this thread as a side topic.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

I feel disappointed with most if not any ending of any pleasurable/fulfilling process I have been undertaking.

In some cases I immediately switch to another interesting and pleasurable process, so the feeling of emptiness and loss doesn't "communicate" itself.

This can range from writing an essay, researching, reading a book, going through a series of RPG meetings, finishing a good job that I will never return to, etc.

But if I were to look at the past as I rarely, but sometimes do, at everything I accomplished it is a feeling that I could do something differently or do something else instead.

It is a bit of Ne and Si interplay, I think.

 

[Duxwing]

I have only felt disappointed after an accomplishment if I doubted my ethics, whether pursuing the accomplishment was worthwhile, or whether I deserved it. You may, like you said, feel uncomfortable in your role; asking yourself why you feel uncomfortable with 'settling into' it might reveal why.

-Duxwing

 

[redbaron]

Yes. With accomplishment comes status. I don't want status.

 

[Spirit]

When I have accomplished something, I think about it in that moment but I tend to let myself forget about it. This keeps me fresh and open to working on something new. When I look back on the things I have done and look at my age. I often think that if I let myself think I accomplished a lot, then what is left for me to do that I haven't done. So, I let myself forget and look at the world new again.

 

[Jennywocky]

Yeah, I typically have a "let down" period after an achievement (especially finishing something I've worked on for some time, so it was my "baby"). I mean, really, even women sometimes get post-partum depression after giving birth, it seems to be mirrored in various physical processes. There can be crashes after sex, for example. Or just finishing reading/watching a story if you've been emotionally invested.

But yes, once you get to the end of the race... it's over.

I tend to do what Spirit said -- I've found that once something is finished, I need to let it go and move onto the next thing. not compulsively. But just not trying to hold onto something that has completed its natural cycle. A past achievement was cause to celebrate, so celebrate, enjoy it, then find the next thing to invest in.

 

[Absurdity]

I usually just go through a transitory period of restlessness where I try and determine the next goal to work toward.

And that's where I'm at right now...

 

[Infinitum]

I've always struggled with this, but in particular in how I look back and analyze the many ways I could have got the that achievement faster, or how that achievement was not really worth my time in be grand scheme of things. I realize that I needed to reach where I am to have the correct perspective on what I should have done, but there is always that nagging emotion of disappointment that I can never rationalize away. I about finished with high school and I've come across many disappointments in the recent months. Even though I've had a ridiculous work load these past two years I still feel like I haven't accomplish anything to amount to something. It is especially frustrating when I have good friends who are getting into places like Harvard and other Ivy leagues, and I'm getting a range of acceptances and rejections that are far less impressive. I have rationalized that I do not want to depend on any institution for my education, and that my acceptances have no correlation to my intelligence, but that nagging emotional response to it all won't disappear.


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[EditorOne]

Your post definitely resonates.

Footnote:

"Likewise the only disappointing thing about getting on in years is how possibilities close down,"
-- A friend of mine calls that "the shortening of the runway."

 

[BigApplePi]

I've always had a characteristic that oftentimes when I accomplish something I'm horribly disappointed. There are two reasons, I've since discovered, one is that it represents a closing down of possibilities. The second is that it forms you into a type of person, instead of keeping your idea of who you are more open.

For example, whenever I received a large pay increase or promotion I would go into a mini-depression. Sure the money was nice, but it meant that I was becoming "baked" as I called it. More tied into my job and dependent on it. I also was becoming more of a role (some 'big time engineer') than who I really was somehow.

Likewise the only disappointing thing about getting on in years is how possibilities close down, such as having children. I'm done with that, don't desire to have more, but somehow the idea of having more is appealing, even if I won't do it.

A common reaction for smaller goals is experiencing a 'let down', which is simply an energy release after an important event.

Does anybody else experience this?

Yes. This happens when achieving the goal resembles a dead end. The solution is to have another goal(s) in the fire. That way there is an opening.

Edit: This is more prone to happen when the original goal is governed by outside forces. That is why self-chosen goals give more outcome control.

Right now I have too many goals. One of them is to start on taxes. If I experience let down, it will be because I haven't met the deadline.

 

[BigApplePi]

Yes. With accomplishment comes status. I don't want status.

Then you won't mind if I demote you.

Sorry.

 

[Analyzer]

I guess Ne simply refuses to be tied down.

Yeah I think it would be optimal to pursue Ti things where Ne would be free to roam so theres always things to explore. Theoretical fields come to mind.

 

[Minuend]

Accomplishment? What is that like

I associate stuff like promotions with increased challenges and new work tasks to change what might have become dull and stagnated. More possibilities.

For most things I would accomplish, I'd gain some new insight, ability. I associate them with more possibilities as well.

Whirling around doing different things, finishing none, I can't really picture myself being bummed out if I should actually manage to accomplish something.

 

[Variform]

I've always had a characteristic that oftentimes when I accomplish something I'm horribly disappointed. There are two reasons, I've since discovered, one is that it represents a closing down of possibilities. The second is that it forms you into a type of person, instead of keeping your idea of who you are more open.

I recognize this deeply and find it amazing I am not alone in this. It will be interesting to see if others have this and in what way or in what circumstances.

I have felt, rather, I feel at times that I make no choices in life because any choice made will restrict the possibilities.

You know the theory that with each choice you make there branches off a new universe? To me the reverse was always felt. With each choice or decision made, I would cut off all the other possible choices.

I like to keep my options open. These questionnaires we fill in to find personality types have questions in them about this.

I do not like to be forced to choose and will resist it very strongly. E.g. I do never vote. There are several reasons for that, but one of them is that once tied to a party, the other ones are no longer open for choosing.

There is this notion in me that wants to see the future ahead of me as a great plane with no particular paths. It is such a strong sensation in me not to choose and to be free thatw ay, that I will not bodily turn around.

That means that if I open the fridge. e.g., turning to the right, that I will not turn a full circle to get something behind me. I rather turn three quarters of a circle back as to avoid closing the loop. I do not like closing loops. Because once you close a loop, you cannot re-open it.

And so this strong need to be free, not choosing, having all options remain possibilities affects how I move in the real world. I feel my motion through space-time needs to be untangled.

And you are right, choosing an option, making a choice or decision will from there on define you. Definition is a prison. It is for that reason I chose the name Variform. Don't want to be caught between The animation shows well what I mean. This emoticon is turning full circles. In that situation I would turn back half a circle, not make full ones.

 

[Cherry Cola]

How do you feel about your accomplishments in retrospect, say a few years later?

 

[Architect]

"Likewise the only disappointing thing about getting on in years is how possibilities close down,"
-- A friend of mine calls that "the shortening of the runway."

Nice.

How do you feel about your accomplishments in retrospect, say a few years later?

I get used to the idea and it doesn't bother me anymore.

 

[Ex-User (9062)]

I have something similar.
It's interesting to know that the latin word "persona" actually means "mask".
I agree, being defined by that mask actually restricts one's in-di-vi-du-al freedom.
Interesting etymology of that very word as well, by the way.

Can you handle compliments?

I mean, honestly, internally say to yourself
"the praise i receive is well deserved".

Or do you have that tiny little voice that says
"no big deal, i could actually have done it much better.
now that i think of it there's much to critizise...
you know what?
actually i did a pretty miserable job and the person
complimenting me either does not know it any better
or is being dishonest on purpose"?

 

[TimeAsylums]

the only disappointment I get when accomplishing something is that

1 i did not accomplish it sooner
2 i did not accomplish something even greater in magnitude


however what you seem to be referring to in OP is the "external motivation vs intrinsic motivation," I fucking hate getting "rewards" for something I do, I want to do it regardless of anything, simply for the fact in itself.

 

[Base groove]

Other than handicapping myself and stopping short of actually accomplishing things, when I do manage to complete a task, it's an accomplishment in itself and I don't feel any negativity about it, only satisfaction, like I can rest.

 

[TimeAsylums]

I can rest.

heh you are not me!

can never rest

always accomplish, greater, better, higher, more, sooner, faster

see post#20

 

[Base groove]

You remind me of a kite, TimeAsylums

 

[Brontosaurie]

lol

 

[TimeAsylums]

You remind me of a kite, TimeAsylums

[bimgx=500]http://www.hdwallpapers.in/walls/colorful_kites_hd_1080p-HD.jpg[/bimgx]

 

[Base groove]

Yes, exactly, a god-like kite overseeing a flock of kites in the dark dimensions of outer space, guarding the secrets of the universe. Exactly that.

 

[Brontosaurie]

Base groove wants to join your clique TA

 

[Pyropyro]

Yes. With accomplishment comes status. I don't want status.

Status has its uses especially in a very rank-conscious society like mine. What I hate about it is that the higher one goes up the ladder, the bigger the share of social interactions are in your work compared to what your expertise really are (unless of course your specialty is social interactions). For example, I have to hold a seminar on another university about my trade when there actual speakers that are better suited to the task than I am.

I hope there won't come the day when I only exist to pacify various factions rather than practice my actual trade.

 

[NormannTheDoorman]

What is this accomplishment you speak of?

 

[Jennywocky]

Base groove wants to join your clique TA

Everyone wants to rub elbows with TA.
It's like being asked to join Team America.

... wait. OMG.
Time Asylum.
Team America.
TA.

Status has its uses especially in a very rank-conscious society like mine. What I hate about it is that the higher one goes up the ladder, the bigger the share of social interactions are in your work compared to what your expertise really are (unless of course your specialty is social interactions). For example, I have to hold a seminar on another university about my trade when there actual speakers that are better suited to the task than I am.

Yeah, there's a shift away from doing the work that got people's attentions and into telling other people about the work that the people who work with you do.

Then again, if they just hired people to talk about the work without having a background in the work, then there would be another learning curve. Either you get a SME having to develop presentation skills or a presenter having to build a firm knowledge base of the topic.

I hope there won't come the day when I only exist to pacify various factions rather than practice my actual trade.

Where I work, there are those who refuse promotions / stick with their current grade level because they enjoy the work they do and would rather not slip into what amounts to project and department management.

 

[manishboy]

I too share this experience of feeling betrayed by accomplishment. But I think it's only a problem if I'm overly focused on possibilities out in the world (the extensive). As I get older, I'm learning to notice and enjoy more intensive possibilities, and that's helped me to enjoy the possibilities in even what looks like the end of the road.

As far as becoming more of a role than a person, maybe, when in the world of work, you've always been that. So why does it matter now? Maybe it's not so much the falling into a role but the added attention, admiration, expectation that a high profile role draws to you? I find that when eyes are on me I simply cannot do my best work. I feel the need to handle all that attention by doing a song and dance routine to keep it from looking right through me.

 

[Cavallier]

Yes. With accomplishment comes status. I don't want status.

Oy. I hate when I do well at a job and my reward isn't everybody leaving me alone. No, they want to give me a management position. Bleh.

Status has its uses especially in a very rank-conscious society like mine. What I hate about it is that the higher one goes up the ladder, the bigger the share of social interactions are in your work compared to what your expertise really are (unless of course your specialty is social interactions). For example, I have to hold a seminar on another university about my trade when there actual speakers that are better suited to the task than I am.

I hope there won't come the day when I only exist to pacify various factions rather than practice my actual trade.

Indeed. Instead of going up the ladder can I just go further to the side? Kthnxbye.

More to the point, I get depressed when I've finished something. The process is more the point than the end goal. I look for new things to do to fill my time.

 

[TimeAsylums]

Everyone wants to rub elbows with TA.

The magnitude of my gravity pulls them all in, yet also keeps them at a fixed distance.

 

[Jennywocky]

I note that you refuse to talk about your connections with Team America.

WHEN WILL THE AMERICAN PEOPLE RECEIVE THE HONEST DISCOURSE THEY DESERVE???

The magnitude of my gravity pulls them all in, yet also keeps them at a fixed distance.

I'll be Saturn, someone else can be Uranus.