Did you ever have a problem being touched?

[Waterstiller]

Cog made me wonder if it's a common thing amongst INTP's (and INFP's) to not like to be touched. I think I'd also lump 'personal space' in this.

I hate starting threads because I feel like I set the tone for the replies and if I should get anything meaningful out of them I might need to divulge more information than I really want to. That said..


I used to feel really weird when people would come up to me for a hug. We never touched each other in my family. My INFP mom was physically abused as a kid and she consequently had a problem with touching and being touched. She interacted and showed her love in other ways, but touching was this really weird thing that none of us really 'got'.

When I was in 8th grade we started going to this church and the pastor would stand outside of the door and hug everyone when we walked in. It was the most awkward thing. My mom and I would use the back door if it was ever unlocked, but when it wasn't we would accept the hug. Stiffly. And for me I just sorta 'checked out'. It was something that I had to endure and didn't understand. I felt kind of violated, but I also felt an obligation because it seemed really disrespectful to not give the pastor a hug. I also had a problem with 'standardized hugging and smiling' every sunday with every person - it meant nothing to me and distanced more than brought me closer to my humanity.

I also met my first friend at that church, and his family was really weird. They didn't scream at each other, and when they touched it wasn't violent. It was nice and safe. Over a period of years my 'other mom' taught me how to hug. They also were constantly talking about God and it was because of them I fell deeply into christianity - I really liked them and wanted to be like them. While I say I was 'taught' the hugging and adopted the religion.. I never really felt it. I never felt the intimacy a hug should bring, I just kind of learned the actions and was okay with them.

When I had my first serious girlfriend, I learned how to touch another person and I loved it. While I never really got much in return (she was a bit selfish) I really enjoyed how I made her feel. Hugging.. massages.. leaning on her shoulder.. being spooned. Ahh! It was great. But it was only between us, and I still wasn't able to touch people who I wasn't in a romantic relationship with. In my mind touching was this thing that only couples did - and if I were to touch another person with empathy, compassion, and appreciation they would be as freaked out as I would be. It would cross a line and be considered flirting or I'd be like those people who touch others because they're needy.

Sometime last year an INTP friend and I were driving back from LA and having lots of deep conversation. I divulged some details about my childhood and she put her hand on my shoulder and began to rub it. It felt really, really, weird. I was disarmed and confused. I felt like I didn't deserve this sort of empathy, but I knew that she was genuine. She's one of the sweetest people I've ever met and one of the few I *really* related to (many same experiences). After a couple seconds I accepted it and couldn't help but crying a little. I had gone from casually telling a story from a detached perspective to feeling a little for myself. Because she had felt for me and wanted to convey that in a language that speaks soooooo much louder than words. It's a beautiful raw communication when you're using touch as heartfelt communication; otherwise it's as empty and alienating as a verbal lie.

And suddenly I had this new tool to socialize with and I began using it in moments when speech wasn't enough. I could use it on anyone at any time. Another time I was over at her house and she snuck up behind me and gave me a shoulder massage. I would have declined otherwise (even though I LOVE massages) but I definitely couldn't tell her to stop. And so now I do the same for people I'm somewhat close to and it's alright. I get more massages now as well.

I think at the heart of it, I'd describe touch as something you need permission to accept and give. I wonder if it's the same for you guys though. I want to spread the permission like a virus but I think it might only be transmitted through touch..

 

[Cryss Winters]

Very nice post.
I'm uncomfortable with touch, even from a significant other. It is one of the best feelings in the world, though.​

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

I have a problem with touching if it becomes obligatory. I love this post right up until the end. Once the spread of the 'infection' of permission happens, how long before it becomes an obligation between yourself and others around you?

 

[Mikkel]

With the right people, and when the situation calls for it, I love touching and being touched. It can convey certain things that words can't. I don't mind shaking hands at all, either, unless there's some hygienic argument against it.

Being touched without consent or willingness is very uncomfortable to me, however I suspect that this holds true for most people.

 

[Invoke Ninja's True Power]

I don't mind being touched, unfortunately because of my INTP tendencies, I don't know when its acceptable to touch someone unless I'm in a relationship or taking advantage of the inebriated both of which I have not experienced in years

I don't like being touched by members of the same sex

 

[Weliddryn]

I absolutely have difficulty with touch- when ever a person comes too close to me [3 feet away makes me uncomfortable] I will literally begin to move away.

When my sisters come to visit, they rather /demand/ hugs before they leave and I often forget to return it. It is highly uncomfortable for me, but recently my eldest sister came over after months of absence and I ended up hugging her- it displayed much more than words [and I often have difficulty in articulation of emotions/thoughts verbily, as I never speak] especially due to it is so rare from me. The only way I seem to be able to touch another human is when I`ve come to know them for a substanial amount of time. [That is, quite literally, the only time I`ll let them near me.]

Due to the emotions communicated with touching, I would imagine most INTPs finding it most uncomfortable as it would hamper their typical objective view point- it becomes more difficult to detach, as communication comes at a deeper level and cannot be avoided. Most INTPs seem to introspect and examine their emotions in private and being forced to be so open with them would be unnerving.

 

[Fedayeen]

I am very good at being evasive to touch. plenty of times relatives have attempted to give me a hug and I duck and weave under the arms, and out back behind them to safety.

 

[Adamastor]

I felt kind of violated, but I also felt an obligation because it seemed really disrespectful to not give the pastor a hug. I also had a problem with 'standardized hugging and smiling' every sunday with every person - it meant nothing to me and distanced more than brought me closer to my humanity.

I'd say I really to relate to it, though I think am slowly changing: I do not feel that my personal space was violated as much as I did a few year ago, but I actually they , yet, mean nothing (at least very little) to me. Needless to say that I have problems with the social standards of when do it or not do it, basically when I do it I feel like a robot following the master's commands.

 

[preilemus]

the problem i have with touching is that i can never tell at what point in a relationship (any relationship) it is appropriate. i almost never touch people (unless i am, well, you know, high) but when other people touch me i always think "whoa, i didnt know we were that good of friends"

I dont really have a problem with it though

 

[Waterstiller]

I have a problem with touching if it becomes obligatory. I love this post right up until the end. Once the spread of the 'infection' of permission happens, how long before it becomes an obligation between yourself and others around you?

I think I should have clarified the times I use touch. I use it sparingly and most of the time it's just a natural thing. I'd always felt a tug to touch.. but I didn't really have permission. Now that I have permission, I'm able to go with my gut feeling instead of hold back.

I don't think people expect it from me.. I never touch for touching's sake. I think part of the reason why animals like me so much is that I never touch them for my own sake but like to make them feel loved. We don't really need permission from animals to treat them with affection and so our interaction with them, I feel, is a lot more natural. Animals begin to approach me and 'want' affection.. but it's not an obligation I am remorseful about - it makes me happy. It's never empty with me and I refuse empty/customary touch.

With people I think it's the same feeling, but the social interaction is a lot more complicated and instead of working out all the stupid rules we tend to just drop it altogether. It's overwhelming at times to know what we're supposed to do/say so that we don't come off as rude/awkward/weird/freaky/ect. For me though.. I've come alive in socializing when I just try to live my own values instead of caring about the social rules/roles. I think warmth, listening, caring, depth, consciousness, ect. trump most of the rules. At least in casual and one-on-one settings. I usually only touch in a one-on-one setting; I still feel weird about touching when more people are around because their perceptions and judgments kinda scare me.

Does anyone else ever feel urges to show affection and then get stopped cold by protocol (either perceived or real)?

Due to the emotions communicated with touching, I would imagine most INTPs finding it most uncomfortable as it would hamper their typical objective view point- it becomes more difficult to detach, as communication comes at a deeper level and cannot be avoided. Most INTPs seem to introspect and examine their emotions in private and being forced to be so open with them would be unnerving.

I agree with this.

It's also why I have to listen to music in private and have great difficulty crying in front of others; emotions are my nakedness.

I am very good at being evasive to touch. plenty of times relatives have attempted to give me a hug and I duck and weave under the arms, and out back behind them to safety.

I used to do the same. When I think about it now I can't help but think it's really weird that I use to actively evade people. I mean.. no physical harm will come to me. But I think this sort of customary touching is annoying because it's forcing us to expose our emotions when we're not ready to. I also have a horrible ability at faking affection/smiles/ect. and would rather opt out of it entirely than put on a show.

Family functions really freak me out for this reason. Hugs, now that I think about it.. still suck in general. I don't want to lovingly embrace most people.


Oh: If I'm sitting behind a driver and they've been driving for awhile, I'll give them a shoulder massage. Depending on the person I might give a scalp massage until they start swerving due to falling asleep.

 

[severus]

I'm okay with touch in specific situations. Mostly hugs to comfort grieving people. I don't "get" touching people's shoulders/whatever to comfort them.

I don't like giving hello/goodbye hugs to anyone but my grandparents because (of course!) I don't know who I'm supposed to hug and who I'm supposed to just say goodbye to. Grandparents are a definite "hug," so they're okay.

I don't like how my mother expects hugs from me. I greatly dislike when she hugs me, and generally refuse to hug her back. I hate when she gets close to me and will plainly back away. And I HATE how she touches my arm sometimes when she's gossiping at me. What are you doing? No. Stop that.

But, I like to tickle friends' backs.

 

[Agent Intellect]

i abhor physical contact. this seems to bother much of my family and extended family, because i refuse to hug them. on occasion, i'm not quick enough to escape, and i end up standing there limply, which usually gets me a dirty look. my mom seems to take it personally. i'm not sure what it is that i'm supposed to feel from a hug, because i feel nothing but awkwardness and discomfort. but then, i often feel like an alien in my own body, as if its just a vessel that my mind resides in (i've had feelings before that my limbs were not mine). as much as i love the idea of intimate touch (ie sex) i don't really get much enjoyment from it; not because i don't like orgasms, but because, to put it bluntly, i'm bad at it (but i think one of my biggest problems is that i overthink it).

its not just physical contact, either. i hate being seen and heard, as well. i always wear as much clothing as i can, usually letting my beard grow out, always have socks on, and a stocking hat in the winter. i don't like people seeing me eat food, i don't like letting people see me excersize (my weights are all in my room, and my door is always closed, my blinds always shut, and i even have a sweatshirt hanging from the blinds to block the window even more), and i have a tendency to cover my chin and mouth with my hand if i'm sitting down in the company of other people. i always have as much of myself covered up as possible without succumbing to heat stroke. i never listen to music without headphones, and i always make sure my TV is quiet enough that people can't hear what i'm watching.

 

[The Lurker]

I don't like being touched at all, even by family members. Handshakes are just fine, but nearly anything else makes me feel really uncomfortable, especially if I don't know you. That's the absolute worst.

I am similar to the OP though in that I definitely enjoyed touching and being touched by my last girlfriend. In fact, I felt like I got a lot out of it and I miss the feeling, mental and physical. If she wasn't an ISFJ and such a prude we would probably still be together.

Meh.

 

[Jaico]

A lot of what's been said definitely holds true to me, as well. I really don't feel comfortable with hugs/shoulder rubs/massages - it feels like too much of a breach of my privacy. I can't even fathom acquaintances giving each other back massages/shoulder rubs, and yet I see it happen all the time. It really confounds me ...I don't think I'll ever have that level of comfort unless someone is very close to me. Even in crowds or when people walk close by on the street, I tend to pull up my arm to 'shield' myself from the rest of the people.

 

[Beat Mango]

No. Certain types of touching I particularly like: aggressive (football, boxing) and sexual.

 

[ohrtonz]

I like a random hug from a girl in circle of friends. If she isn't ugly. But I does feel a little weird because sometimes I think all logical about it and thinking "we aren't together why are you doing this?" "oh shoot she just hugged everyone else im next"

I do not like if someone is sitting next to me and they are barely touching me. But if we are all cramped and pushed together it is ok because it is expected and can't be dealt with.

I used to never like wearing socks. Even currently though if the couch is resisting against me, slightly pulling my shirt when I sit back more or something else very faint, I hate it. I guess I need universal pressure and not tiny touches.

 

[echoplex]

I hate starting threads because I feel like I set the tone for the replies and if I should get anything meaningful out of them I might need to divulge more information than I really want to. That said..

Well, I'm glad you posted it. It's nice to know others have the same problem (of course, I already knew there were others, but it feels so much better to see it)

I think it's definitely a common issue for INTPs. I think that we tend to value the ability to show our feelings only on our own terms. I would rather hug someone else and know it's genuine than be hugged when I don't want to be. But I also wouldn't want to hug someone who didn't want to be hugged. Thing is, it's hard to know unless they request it, and then there's the whole issue of whether I'm "supposed" to hug someone, and if so, who? Do I hug everyone, or just those most related/close to me? or maybe just those I spoke to?

The whole social ritual surrounding touch can be so frustrating that any pleasure touch can bring often doesn't seem worth it. At the same time, it feels good to be touched, but also very awkward. And like your post illustrates, when combined with heartfelt words, touch can be quite meaningful. Sadly though, it seems that 99% of all touch I've experienced was not very meaningful to me and was merely a ritual.

 

[Fedayeen]

No. Certain types of touching I particularly like: aggressive (football, boxing) and sexual.

so you like being tackled by....ummm....maybe I shouldn't go there.

 

[Anthile]

My INFP mom was physically abused as a kid and she consequently had a problem with touching and being touched.

Same here, though not being an INFP.

I even skipped swimming and PE when it was about touching other people.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

I was rather horrifically cured of this 'hug stigma.' My family had moved to an area dominated by the Mexican/Latin culture. It's a very 'touch oriented' culture. I remember a PE class where in a corner of the gymnasium there was a literal pile of at least twenty people. God, that was a weird school. Everyone hugged you! People you didn't know, people you didn't like, everybody. Not just a regular hugs either. It was custom for them to put their right cheek to yours and kiss. It was even worse at church.

In Latin America, cheek kissing is a universal form of greeting between a man and a woman or two women. It is not necessary to know a person well or be intimate with them to kiss them on the cheek. In fact, when some Latin American (Mexicans for instance) people are introduced to someone new, they usually greet them with a cheek kiss if the person being introduced to them is a member of the opposite sex. A cheek kiss can be accompanied by a handshake or a hug.

 

[Firehazard159]

For me, I always strongly desired hugs, but definitely had that alienating feeling whenever they were actually present or optional. Like, I'd open up to a friend online and be tell them / ask them if I could hug them when I see them, because they mean a lot to me, but whenever we'd hang out, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it. With the few people I was able to do hug, I'd start breaking down, and would reflexively stiffen up and want to either escape or completely break down, but that always felt extremely inappropriate, so I never would.

I'm not really 'cured' of it yet. I don't hug my family, or if I do it's cold and stiff and I can't wait to get away.

It comes down to, I think I strongly desire intimacy, but really I only want it with one person, so I'm only comfortable hugging females and trying to connect with females. But until I actually find someone who's willing to reciprocate intense intimacy, I'll be unable to really open up.

 

[Tyria]

I don't mind giving or receiving hugs to friends and family. I hate it though whenever someone touches my arm or taps my shoulder to get my attention (I could understand if they are calling out to me to get my attention, but if they do not try calling out first it annoys me). I think one of the most annoying things though is being grabbed by the elbow. I get really angry when someone does that (especially if there isn't an emergency or to protect someone from being hit by a car or something).

 

[Adamastor]

Jaico
Even in crowds or when people walk close by on the street, I tend to pull up my arm to 'shield' myself from the rest of the people.

I did it do. But do not anymore, most of the time because:

ohrtonz
But if we are all cramped and pushed together it is ok because it is expected and can't be dealt with.

I think this way too.

Waterstiller
I don't think people expect it from me.. I never touch for touching's sake. I think part of the reason why animals like me so much is that I never touch them for my own sake but like to make them feel loved.

I relate to it, but

With people I think it's the same feeling, but the social interaction is a lot more complicated and instead of working out all the stupid rules we tend to just drop it altogether. It's overwhelming at times to know what we're supposed to do/say so that we don't come off as rude/awkward/weird/freaky/ect. For me though.. I've come alive in socializing when I just try to live my own values instead of caring about the social rules/roles. I think warmth, listening, caring, depth, consciousness, ect. trump most of the rules. At least in casual and one-on-one settings. I usually only touch in a one-on-one setting; I still feel weird about touching when more people are around because their perceptions and judgments kinda scare me.

I've never thought in this way. Thanks for posting it!

Adair
I was rather horrifically cured of this 'hug stigma.' My family had moved to an area dominated by the Mexican/Latin culture. It's a very 'touch oriented' culture.

So true. It's standard to greet man with a handshake (not exactly a handshake, but something with the same function) and the girls with a kiss in the cheek (not the cheek, since there is no lips->cheek contact, rather cheek-cheek contact), wich is really unconfortable to me, I mean, though it is not big deal, this is a symbol of intimacy and I most of the time you are not this intimate with the person. Needless to say that I am so cofused and uncertaine to when do it that I do not do it, I simply wait to others do it to me, in this no concern is necessary if I am allowed to do it or not...

 

[Kidege]

I think my problem is that I feel touch too acutely. I'm the kind of person who can't sleep if a tag is poking them.

Human touch evokes feelings and I could only let myself enjoy it if I really trusted the other and if the context made the physical sensation a "proper" thing.

the Mexican/Latin culture. It's a very 'touch oriented' culture. I remember a PE class where in a corner of the gymnasium there was a literal pile of at least twenty people. God, that was a weird school. Everyone hugged you! People you didn't know, people you didn't like, everybody. Not just a regular hugs either. It was custom for them to put their right cheek to yours and kiss. It was even worse at church.

Mhm. I hated the kissy stuff at school. I used to turn my head at the last moment until they called me on it. If I can get away without kisses or hugs I do so.

Still, for like a year or so I went to a school with people I actually liked and could be friends with. I remember the couple of occasions in which I ended joining the sky-gazing-with-someone's-head-on-my-stomach with special fondness.

 

[Adamastor]

I ended joining the sky-gazing-with-someone's-head-on-my-stomach with special fondness.

That remembered me that nowadays I'm spending quite a bit talking with my sister at home, which is unsual because I spend most of my time doing something 'focused' and she in probably an ExFx (I'd guess ENFP) kinda of addicted to hugs - I pointed this out yesterday, she gave it a thought and agreed, though I rarely hug back she said that being REALLY persistent trying to hug me and my brother (which is quite introveterd too) slowly I started to not bother when she is clinging to me...

Sincerely, nowadays I really don't mind but I won't hug back because I do not have good reason to... If she was crying, sad or something might be different though.

 

[Trebuchet]

I used to never like wearing socks. Even currently though if the couch is resisting against me, slightly pulling my shirt when I sit back more or something else very faint, I hate it. I guess I need universal pressure and not tiny touches.

I thought that was just me. I hate when the blanket on the bed is on just my legs, so that there is less weight on my torso, or if there is a faint touch from a tag, or thread, or something just very near me. It makes me crazy when there are faint or uneven touches on me.

As for touching people, I grew up in a family that hugged warmly and sincerely, so it doesn't bother me. What I dislike is being surprised by touches. Someone coming up behind me and suddenly giving me a shoulder rub upsets me, though the same person offering a shoulder rub verbally would have a very enthusiastic subject.

I suspect many other personality types would just touch because they wanted to, without worrying if their relationship had progressed to the level of back rubs, or pondering whether it is a required ritual. I tend to analyze touch, like others have mentioned here, especially when the person I am touching is a stranger or possibly someone I dislike but am not in a position to avoid. Also, it is sometimes hard to fathom what someone else means by a touch. Are they flirting? Do they think they are supposed to touch me right now? Is it friendly, or pushy? These questions lead me to hesitate when touching others, which I suppose is why I hate being surprised.

 

[Android]

I've never liked being touched, but I got over it. I used to have minor panic attacks if I had to sit in a car seat or on a bench with people right next to me (no breathing room). I still don't respond naturally when people do touch me though - I have to over come the instinct to move away or respond negatively (verbally or physically). My friends and most acquaintances know not to put their arm over my shoulder or get overly touchy with me though. I have a big family and get-togethers can get pretty ridiculous with all the hugging (we always hug when we meet and when we part - sometimes even if we'll be seeing each other later in the day or the next day etc). I don't particularly like the hugging, but I think I understand the impulse and why people do it enough that I've rationalized it into my existence so that I don't think about it much.

Sleeping next to people has always been a problem for me. I'm already a major insomniac, but with physical contact, it's even more impossible for me to sleep. This has led to stress in relationships even when I explain why it's a problem.. when others are comforted by something they don't like it when it makes you uncomfortable is what I've taken from those situations.

I also get very turned on by any physical contact, including the mundane, with women that I'm attracted to.. I guess that's somewhat on the opposite end of the spectrum. Hrm.. I've typed myself into a quandary... I'm gonna have to do some thinking about this.

 

[Miss Led]

Touching is creepy to me.

If I don't mind being touched by someone it is because they have somehow unlocked a little part of me that makes me feel secure with them.

My current husband, my mother, and my son, can touch me.

I was not abused in childhood. There is no logical reason for my detestation of it...maybe because I am more mental than physical?

I like to share minds, not hugs.

 

[Ermine]

I'm not the one initiating the touch most of the time, but I don't mind it too much. Hugs are fine by me, though I'm cringing inside if I don't know the other person too well. Hugs are pretty much the edge of my comfort zone though. Anything past that and I freak out. I don't think I could live in a latin american culture or anything else where it's normal to greet acquaintances with kisses.

I'm also hypersensitive to any touch from the opposite sex beyond a handshake, even if I'm not particularly attracted to them. It's almost like they all have static electricity. Does anyone else experience this or am I just odd?

 

[snowqueen]

Well, I'm glad you posted it. It's nice to know others have the same problem (of course, I already knew there were others, but it feels so much better to see it)

I think it's definitely a common issue for INTPs. I think that we tend to value the ability to show our feelings only on our own terms.

that's it right there for me - I just have to be in control (even if that just means mentally prepared) and I'm fine (except with sexual touch which I have never had much trouble with as long as I'm naked - I know - no logic at all!)

 

[Bluey]

Well yeah, last year when people just had to hug each other all the time in my school. But now I don't really have a problem. Hugs are okay, depends on the person. In fact, I'm usually the one touching everyone (well, my friends). I'll sometimes pull their arm hair or scratch a leg, something random. It's quite funny. Especially the other person's reaction. Most of the time I come off as a total creeper.... even though I don't feel like one.

Well, that's me touching them. I'm not sure how I'd feel if someone was touching me in weird ways (don't go there, I know what you're thinking). Just have to wait for the future to find out.

 

[Adamastor]

I'm also hypersensitive to any touch from the opposite sex beyond a handshake, even if I'm not particularly attracted to them. It's almost like they all have static electricity. Does anyone else experience this or am I just odd?

Hmm... I would'nt drescribe it like that, but I feel really nervous when "starting" to talk with someone outside my cycle of familiar people, specially of the opposite sex. Hm. I suppose this happens because when I am not really familiar with the one I am talking too I don't to what point I am allowed to go and then I keep a "safe distance", this happens naturally...

Now if this person gets closer, it's common for me "Lighten up" a bit, after the first schock of course ^^

 

[Lobstrich]

I don't mind touching anyone, feeling hair, hands, skin etc. I could embrace any girl for multiple hours. A dude as well. Would be a bit... Weird though, haha.

But.. If I'm for example sitting on a chair and sombody sits next to me and they take their feet up, and just their toes touches my lap or something like that. That's really annoying. It has nothing to do with me being INTP. It just feels annoying, like a fly or something

 

[Regan]

i don't mind being touched, especially if it's a good friend or significant other. dunno if i could initiate it, though. too shy.

 

[Alice?]

I actually love being touched, but only by those that I feel really, really emotionally comfortable around. There are probably about 4 people out of everyone that I know that can touch me without me feeling uncomfortable or awkward. My mom was never very physically affectionate towards me or my sister when we were kids, which I think is fine and it works for us.

 

[NeverAmI]

We used to have a guy that worked in HR and whenever he talked to me he would firmly grab my arm around my bicep. It was always weird.

I am not at all opposed to hugs, although I might meet them a bit awkwardly. I am never one to initiate such things except in a playful/sarcastic manner. General touch might be a bit surprising, but it doesn't shock me or cause extreme discomfort.

Holding hands with a significant other in public has always been a bit awkward for me. I don't like the attention it brings.

 

[shadowdrums4]

I absolutely hate being touched, I've been abused though so I don't know if I count in the statistics. I watched this kid yesterday (whom I believe to be an INTP) and he pointed out that if he moved his hand toward me I'd flinch. If someone touches me, I tense up. I hate it because I have this teacher who puts his hand on my shoulder or pats me on the back all the time and I tense up but he DOESN'T STOP. My friends pretty much know better. There are a few people that I accept hugs from because I've learned they like it so I let them hug me and if I like the person, I'll hug back. I can't hug strangers though.

Ugh does anyone have those people around them that like to poke your sides for NO REASON? Theres a guy at work who does it and to be honest, it actually hurts. I have a friend who does it too and worse he'll sneak hug me and when he does he grabs my arms first so I won't hit him. My instinct when being touched is to hit. My friend once turned me around by grabbing my sleeve. I almost hit her until I saw who it was. That was actually okay because she didn't actually touch me (She's an INTJ who doesn't like touching much either) but when that same friend was crying on the bus (She thought I was asleep) I had the urge to touch her arm or shoulder and tell her it was okay. I didn't know how she would respond so I didn't react. I feel terrible about that now. I wish I would have at least let her know I was there and it was okay. Especially regarding the situation that made her cry......

The only time I am good with actually touching and showing affection is with children. I'm not as scared around kids because I feel like I have to protect them, and make them feel better and I actually like this role. One kid had an asthma attack and I rubbed her back and looked at her and told her it was going to be okay. I could tell she believed it too. I've always been good with kids, I don't know if this is because I developed my F so strongly or that I logified (that's my word) out that since I am the eldest sibling, I must take care of my siblings. This translated to every kid I ever took on the role of protecting. I liked that role so I kept finding it (thus developing my F) so I'm over it around kids and people I'm close to I got used to hugs, but any other kind of touching is a no.

 

[ohrtonz]

There was a little girl that kept trying to play tag with me but was pointing touching at my leg near my crotch area because thats how short she was. Her mom was standing there. It was very uncomfortable lol. "Do I play tag?" "She won't leave me alone" "omg im just standing here" "should i tell her stop it?" "maybe her mom would like me to play?" "if i swat her hand away implies i know she is touching there." "its not my job to parent the kid" She tells her to leave me alone lol.

 

[intuitivet]

I find it really hard to initiate physical contact, I get scared the person might pull away or I'll do something wrong. I do like some hugs. I like hugs from my family because they are sincere, hugs from friends when they are sincere and hugs from bfs (except sometimes that gets annoying because they don't let go). I like physical contact to be 'real' and not just 'because it should be done'. I get very awkward if I'm in a bad mood/depressed/doubt it's sincere and freeze up, I can never return such hugs.

 

[EditorOne]

I'm against hugs and touching from people trying to make others think they've got an in with me or something.

I'm against total strangers coming up and touching me on the arm, I've just written too many news stories about random violence among strangers to want anyone I don't know making that kind of approach.

Other than that, no problem.

In fact, the chiropractic office where I'm being straightened out has a policy that every client gets a hug when the pushing and snapping is done. It made no sense to me, and coming from a corporate world where people could get into trouble for even staring too long, I was uncomfortable even though they were just falling all over themselves with everyone with these great big hugs. Eventually I made some sense of it: Sometimes they HURT when they adjust you, and a little hug at the end is like reestablishing friendly diplomatic relations. Plus: I'm pretty sure everyone could use a hug at least once in a while. Maybe not Ted Bundy or the Unibomber, but for all the rest of us, yeah, I think so.

 

[Crazythinker1]

I'am kinda like shadowdrummer in that I hate to be touched in any shape, way ,or form and if someone does touch me without permission my impulse is to srike. I also dislike touching another person without their permission and it truly baffles me when I see others just randomly touching. EEK!!!!

This is odd when you consider that I grew up in a loving home and was never abused or any thing and in many ways I see this as being my greatest flaw. In recent years however, I have become more open to touching and being touched but only with a few close family members and friends. I doubt that I will ever like being touched but at least I'am trying.

 

[chaomon]

I am afraid of being touch, my body automatically moves away when someone touches me. and I feel dirty when someone touch me. and when someone hugs me I'm really like.. "urgh. go away" even if its parents or friends. and I think my first relationship didn't work because of me, my boyfriend always try to hold my hand but I always refuses if ever, just ever let him hold my hand after that I'm gonna wash up my hand or put a alcohol or a sanitizer. I always avoid physical contact to him or to anyone. They could touch me but only for 5 seconds, it will be better if 1 or not at all.

 

[Imrinfected]

Depends on who is touching me. Typically I find people unclean, in both body and intentions. There are exceptions, and those exceptions are free to touch me and hug me.

 

[Moniker]

I have some issues with being touched. When people touch me (my friends love giving me hugs... ugh), I can bear it but will rarely hug back. I only feel comfortable touching people I'm involved romantically in, or someone I consider a really close friend. There's only one person I know that doesn't fit in either category, but he does give really fantastic hugs. So I hug him, my boyfriend, and, well... Not many other people. At all. I'm prone to one-armed hugs.

Not that I don't like being touched when by the right people, cos I do. I'm just uncomfortable unless I know them well...

 

[asmit127]

My mum has always been very touchy so hugs are a necessary evil that I've come to accept.

I've been thinking about other people and personal space and decided what I think isn't right at all (much like everything I've analysed in myself recently). Handshakes are fine, hugs from friends*, even fellow males, are fine. Even the drunk guy at the Christmas party leaning on my shoulder and being in my face for about quarter of an hour didn't bother me much, though I instinctively backed away, slowly... Never had a partner so can't comment there, but I see no reason to avoid contact based on other experiences.

Yet if you'd asked if I had a problem touching people I'd say yes, and I'd definitely not instigate physical contact anymore than social, which is incredibly rare.

The question I now have is why the hell not?

*term used in the broadest sense of the word where a friend is someone I've seen more than 5 times...

 

[MidnightGino]

I sometimes feel like a sudden urge to hug someone or something, but keep it to myself. I have random moments when I just start fantasysing about a hug, and let myself get lost in the fantasy before it ends. But, when it comes to hugging real people, I just can't do it. If someone comes to me, and tries to hug me, I either get away from the hug or stay there with a weird face.

Yay for living more in a fantasy world than in the real world.

 

[nexion]

I don't like being touched and feel awkward touching someone else. I never can understand why my mom wants to hug me, and I never get anything out of it, but I know she does.

But yeah, I can take a handshake, but I rarely give one. Anything more than that, and I get uncomfortable.

You said you used it as a tool for communicating when words are not enough. For me, that is often. There are so many things that words can't describe. But even in these moments, I can't accept the initiative to reach out and touch someone.

 

[MidnightGino]

Oh, and I forgot: guess what's the most used way of saying hi to someone here? Kiss on the cheek. Gah, I hate doing that. When you get to school (thank God it's summer), you have to kiss everyone on the cheek (well, at least I'm a guy, so I don't have to kiss the other guys), so that's about 8 kisses on the cheek you didn't want to give. Oh, and be careful, because if you don't, then people will take it personally and be mad at you (not that I care, anyways), so most of the times I just sneak in without anyone seeing me. I don't get it why when someone arrives, they are like "hey guys!" and then everyone else says hi, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. Why do you need all those kisses? Just say hi and that's it. Save the kisses for when you REALLY want to kiss someone to express affection, don't give them just because you are supposed to kiss them.

 

[chaingrizzly]

I don't like it but I don't mind brushing of the shoulders/hands/etc. if by accident but anything intentional just annoys the hell out of me. I'm comfortable hugging relatives but I never voluntarily do it(when I physically do so, it's more of a required ritual, i.e. when we're leaving.) which makes me think I'm tolerating it, if anything.

 

[nexion]

Oh, and I forgot: guess what's the most used way of saying hi to someone here? Kiss on the cheek. Gah, I hate doing that. When you get to school (thank God it's summer), you have to kiss everyone on the cheek (well, at least I'm a guy, so I don't have to kiss the other guys), so that's about 8 kisses on the cheek you didn't want to give. Oh, and be careful, because if you don't, then people will take it personally and be mad at you (not that I care, anyways), so most of the times I just sneak in without anyone seeing me. I don't get it why when someone arrives, they are like "hey guys!" and then everyone else says hi, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. Why do you need all those kisses? Just say hi and that's it. Save the kisses for when you REALLY want to kiss someone to express affection, don't give them just because you are supposed to kiss them.

Nice.