.........................
Redshirt
- Local time
- Today 12:04 PM
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2013
- Messages
- 14
Just to start,
I came to the conclusion that I was depressed a few years ago, I still haven't sought any type of remedy except just living with the ups and downs because I thought it would eventually go away, I don't know exactly what mental disorder(s) I have, however I know I have at least depression (by itself or co-morbid). Perhaps my biggest problem is never actually seeking help, with a family history of depression, an odd childhood and immediate family members actually seeking help with depression (and somehow thinking I wouldn't notice when I was younger), I still never have sought after any help. After all, I don't know the processes in getting help here in Australia, and the idea of 'help' and the embarrassing/anxious stigma surrounding getting help greatly scares me. However, this is weighed against what seems like my increasingly bad depression.
When I first started noticing signs of depression and anxiety it was probably going into high school, by year 8 I was staying at home for most of the school year (I still don't know how I finished year 9, considering I barely went to school), It wasn't a really nice environment, I had a few friends but I often drove them away because of social difficulties and habit of covering up any care I may have for anyone, that makes me sound fairly bad but I am a relatively easy going person. During these times, my parents used to confiscate everything in order to get me to go to school, computers (my main passion), tv, books, radio and even food. At times it often lead to them physically trying to drag me to school, and understandably taking out their frustrations on me with physical abuse. I am not sure if any of this truly affected me, however it was a horrible experience that was synonymous with my current bout of depression... I knew the solution, or at least how to get it... And I was just too lazy, too carefree to solve my problems and fix myself. I have always held a resentment towards my parents for this and also for not noticing what I think was the root problem (which I probably covered up well), Depression.
When it comes to friends, I feel as though I am pushing them away. I have no fucking clue why I am doing it, but I tend to become self destructive and any progress I have made I feel the need to abandon and start on a clean slate.
So now I am sitting here, most of the time during these downs I just listen to sad music, sit, lay, sleep and try to stay away from people. I have never really had a true connection between family members, except for my sister who has always given me comfort for some reason, she just makes me feel at home. It was weird, watching my other sister who obviously had depression when I was 10 or younger, she would just lie in bed all day and all night, then not sleep for days... It seemed so alien to me and now I experience the same feeling (probably). She since saw 'someone' to help her with her problems, and now she is well adjusted and successful, but the nature of my family is just to not tell anyone anything and keep everything outside of social norms out of the house, so it was a surprise to find prozac in my mothers draw, this has always irritated me and I think because of this attitude when I was young, I just cannot deal with some things now and I turn to dissociation.
Why can I share all of this with you and still not seek help? Because you have no idea who I am, my name is a bunch of dots.
I suppose my main want for this thread is for the replies to give me some sort of insight, help or motivation to actually seek help, as there doesn't seem to be any other way. I really don't like calling it 'help' and I would feel extremely awkward going to a GP or something to get help, especially if my family knew.
18, Male, Australia
I came to the conclusion that I was depressed a few years ago, I still haven't sought any type of remedy except just living with the ups and downs because I thought it would eventually go away, I don't know exactly what mental disorder(s) I have, however I know I have at least depression (by itself or co-morbid). Perhaps my biggest problem is never actually seeking help, with a family history of depression, an odd childhood and immediate family members actually seeking help with depression (and somehow thinking I wouldn't notice when I was younger), I still never have sought after any help. After all, I don't know the processes in getting help here in Australia, and the idea of 'help' and the embarrassing/anxious stigma surrounding getting help greatly scares me. However, this is weighed against what seems like my increasingly bad depression.
When I first started noticing signs of depression and anxiety it was probably going into high school, by year 8 I was staying at home for most of the school year (I still don't know how I finished year 9, considering I barely went to school), It wasn't a really nice environment, I had a few friends but I often drove them away because of social difficulties and habit of covering up any care I may have for anyone, that makes me sound fairly bad but I am a relatively easy going person. During these times, my parents used to confiscate everything in order to get me to go to school, computers (my main passion), tv, books, radio and even food. At times it often lead to them physically trying to drag me to school, and understandably taking out their frustrations on me with physical abuse. I am not sure if any of this truly affected me, however it was a horrible experience that was synonymous with my current bout of depression... I knew the solution, or at least how to get it... And I was just too lazy, too carefree to solve my problems and fix myself. I have always held a resentment towards my parents for this and also for not noticing what I think was the root problem (which I probably covered up well), Depression.
When it comes to friends, I feel as though I am pushing them away. I have no fucking clue why I am doing it, but I tend to become self destructive and any progress I have made I feel the need to abandon and start on a clean slate.
So now I am sitting here, most of the time during these downs I just listen to sad music, sit, lay, sleep and try to stay away from people. I have never really had a true connection between family members, except for my sister who has always given me comfort for some reason, she just makes me feel at home. It was weird, watching my other sister who obviously had depression when I was 10 or younger, she would just lie in bed all day and all night, then not sleep for days... It seemed so alien to me and now I experience the same feeling (probably). She since saw 'someone' to help her with her problems, and now she is well adjusted and successful, but the nature of my family is just to not tell anyone anything and keep everything outside of social norms out of the house, so it was a surprise to find prozac in my mothers draw, this has always irritated me and I think because of this attitude when I was young, I just cannot deal with some things now and I turn to dissociation.
Why can I share all of this with you and still not seek help? Because you have no idea who I am, my name is a bunch of dots.
I suppose my main want for this thread is for the replies to give me some sort of insight, help or motivation to actually seek help, as there doesn't seem to be any other way. I really don't like calling it 'help' and I would feel extremely awkward going to a GP or something to get help, especially if my family knew.
18, Male, Australia
