Connecting with an ESFP

[Waterstiller]

Connecting with ESFP

Edit: Nevermind; I found the direction I needed to go in. It was like pulling teeth, but I think I get it and I have a lot to work on.

But still, this type (along with ISTJ) seems like the one I've been having the most difficulty communicating with. What are some experiences you've had with these two types of people? How have you been able to interact with them?

 

[Thread Killer]

With ESFPs, I get along very well, generally, if the ESFP in question is a respectable person (this goes with most people of specific types). I find ISTJs interesting, but I haven't found them to be the people who can really understand my viewpoint too well.

I find ESxJs and IxSPs to be the types I have the greatest communication barriers with.

 

[loveofreason]

I have a great weakness for the ESFP. So carefree, impulsive, daring. Living like there's no tomorrow. I guess I romanticise it. I've never had to endure one as a permanent fixture of my life.

I have learned some of life's most profound lessons from this type, one of which is just how ephemeral everything is, and how futile the effort to hold and keep a thing (whether material, experiential or temporal). Everything passes. Live it now or never. Love it now or never. Let it go.

To my deficit I can't apply this philosophy as much as would ease the weights in my life.

As to how I learned from them, usual modus operandi - observation and mimicry. (Not to become the same, but to apply their 'way' to my circumstances; my actions. To do things that felt entirely terrifying and live through them and feel transformed through them. My god I've become a grouch since those days. *sigh*.)

 

[Waterstiller]

I had a weakness as well. I fell in love with an ESFP girl. Whenever there was a problem we just couldn't talk about it. She was so irrational. Yet, she did help me develop my weaker functions more than I'd ever have been able to.

Here I was with my great need to question everything and I think it scared her greatly. She was a Sunday school teacher, and lived life contradictory to her beliefs. Christianity was there in the background as sort of a way for her to not think about things; which didn't make any sense to me. As much as my logic freaked her out, her sense of detail and emotion freaked me out. She made me aware of so many little things that I was just overwhelmed and it made me incredibly paranoid that I was missing all these details in life. Imagine going from only seeing the forest to being forced to see every knot on every tree.

She's a much better friend and we're both happier that way. I catch myself regretting breaking up with her from time to time; it's easy to get that romantic feeling towards her again even knowing how hellish it was. How logical is that!? Damned 'feelings'.

 

[Jennywocky]

i am just here for a moment.

ESFP (my son is ESFP, btw) -- Se + Fi = Enjoys sensory stimulation, driven by inner values. Can be emotional, dramatic, always looking for an angle to exploit (it's a game), likes to have fun at all costs, often spends money, can be artistic, doesn't plan as much for the future as enjoyment NOW (don't expect stability or long-range planning). Can be mercurial in temperament.

ISTJ = Si + Te = usually "colder", likes things to "make sense "in a practical way, tends to perpetuate patterns/lifestyle from past. Likes things defined, strctured, in their place, goes by practical experience and what has worked, doesn't like risk or to stretch into new trritory that much. can often be withdrawn, quiet, low-key, creates a "castle" in which to hunker down and build a little pocket world they can maintain. Likes stability and dependability. faithful in the sense their decisions are almost always "sensible" (except the ones rebelling against social structure).

Basically my advice mostly is to figure out who they are, then stop trying to fight it. Accept their strengths, be aware of their weaknesses, enjoy what they have to offer, and contribute yourselfin ways that are helpful to them and show the value of YOUR way

 

[loveofreason]

"...show the value of YOUR way"
Sounds good.


I actually woke up this morning thinking about this!

I realised that for the ESFP, action is communication. They're so visceral, so impulsive. Their first language is action. If we want to communicate with one we have to communicate through action. No amount of reason, no number of 'talks' will help because they don't recognise either as meaningful. What floods their senses is meaningful.

We have to capture their attention through what we do, not what we say. Connection can be built through shared experience and then, perhaps, we can illustrate something we want to convey via example.

Just a theory.

 

[Ezro]

I love a particular esfp, they're just awesome!

 

[Alice?]

My older sister (my senior by six years) is an ESFP, from everything that I've observed. She's a blast to be around when she's in a good mood- funny, carefree, exciting. But dear god if you ever have an issue, don't expect them to be rational about it. It's terrifying. And her extreme impulsivity and natural attraction to drama can drive me a little (or a lot) insane, and I feel like I need to take care of keeping her out of trouble (and I have gotten her out of trouble before). It wears on my nerves if I'm around her for too long. That being said, she's my sister and I love her unconditionally .

 

[Adymus]

Omfg don't even get me started on the drama. They are fucking drama magnets, and they surround themselves other drama magnets, and if you just happen to be their boyfriend, you get dragged into that shit too.

 

[Alice?]

Omfg don't even get me started on the drama. They are fucking drama magnets, and they surround themselves other drama magnets, and if you just happen to be their boyfriend, you get dragged into that shit too.

Dude, try being related to one! There is no escape, haha.

 

[vavel7]

My best-friend is ESFP we kind off grew up together. People always find it weird how we get along together (we look different, we behave differently etc). Also, my brother is an ESFP and we also have the best communication with no need to try!!
Generally, I've noticed that ESFP somehow can take an INTP out of their "cold innate labyrinth". Also, with both men and women ESFP I really get along very well and quickly. Now that I'm reflecting on it... some of the things that may attract me to a man are related to ESFP but this amazing connections that I've found with friendships with ESFP don't seem to work in romantic relationships!

 

[EyeSeeCold]

My best-friend is ESFP we kind off grew up together. People always find it weird how we get along together (we look different, we behave differently etc). Also, my brother is an ESFP and we also have the best communication with no need to try!!
Generally, I've noticed that ESFP somehow can take an INTP out of their "cold innate labyrinth". Also, with both men and women ESFP I really get along very well and quickly. Now that I'm reflecting on it... some of the things that may attract me to a man are related to ESFP but this amazing connections that I've found with friendships with ESFP don't seem to work in romantic relationships!

I agree that ESFPs have the ability to immediately bring the INTP out of its shell along with the ESTP, however I believe the former is more suitable for equal partnerships and the latter for friendships.

On a functional level the ESFP perfectly complements the INTP. It seems strange that the two would be compatible just by looking at their personalities or behaviors, but they function well together as a team. Each type's vulnerable spot is the other's point of interest. Meaning each partner takes a responsibility in the relationship, one is the grounded planner and the other is the initiator.

My personal experience with an ESFP girl was a great one. Her outgoing, bold and upbeat nature caused myself to become more sure of myself in my actions. Also, due to her weak points, thinking and intuition being my two most valued strong points, I instinctively felt the need to protect her because I felt like she was incapable of looking out for her own safety and she took care of my emotions/physical contact and helped me to live life in the moment.

 

[thexjib]

OK... I was married to an ESFP and my current Girl friend is an INTJ.

the ESFP lives in the here and now. They do not like theory at all... they will listen if they like you but if you do it too much they will stop liking you. They like to have fun and party. They can be very impulsive. DO NOT TRY TO REASON WITH AN ESFP.. it wont work. try to connect with them on a feeling/ emotional level. Do not challenge their beliefs directly... they do not hold them because they are logical and they will take it personalty. Don't argue for fun with them they will take it personally and will not find it fun. ESFPs are always fronting... they lie all the time. They don't talk openly about their feelings if they are unhappy feelings... they talk about what they see, hear, taste, smell and how it pleases them or does not. They love to put on a show and if you applaud them they will love you forever.

The INTJ is of a similar temperament to the INTP. They will engage in argument and intellectual sport and will not take it personally unless they think you are just being a dick. If they think you are being a dick they will let you know in an equally dickish way.They do not like to have their lives disrupted with drama. They do not talk about their feelings, they may not have feelings... J/K but it looks like that sometimes. The always think that they are right and will defend thier positions with facts and logical arguments. INTJ like to put their ideas into action so they will not chase and idea forever, and will get annoyed with you if you keep going with a thought or possibility after they have made a decision. They are unconventional and interesting people who like odd shit and obscure things. They most likely have a special interest that they have spent many years gathering knowledge about and like to talk about it. DO NOT sound like an arrogant dip shit when discussing their personal area of interest they will not respect you. If you don't know, just say so...and they will respect you. They do not like pretentious people but they themselves may be snobbish about their own abilities and have a superiority complex that YOU as an INTP will readily identify with.


OH... Just noticed you wanted info on an ISTJ... well sorry I don't know any.