Bad choices

[flare]

I thought it would be a great idea to share bad decisions chosen based for example in our Fe or without taking in account or INTP functions.

I passed my last 10 years trying to make of myself in a VERY social person. My goal was to be like Frank Abignale Jr. (from the movie "Catch if you can", DiCaprio) or a most "recently character, the Wolf of Wall Street.

I really admire that people I would really like to be admired by the rest of the people in the same way (Fe). I also admire the things they could achieve without so much "technical" knowledge, but using other people knowledge.

It took my this long to realise that despite I admire this kind of personality, I would HATE to do this in a daily basis. Having to talk to people all the time, "lying" to them or at least saying partial truths. This kind of life don't often have a lot of time to deep thinking.

I pass being a sales person (hated it), a finance employee in a large corporation (really hated it), financial option trader (not so bad, because it had a big analytical aspect), a digital marketing analyst (not so bad either but I am starting to hate it too) and now thinking to moving to programming (the field where I think that I will be able to benefit from my personalities functions.

I think sharing this kind of experiences would be useful for other people passing through similar situations. It would be great to learn from other peoples experiences

 

[nanook]

-wasted 20 years jojo dieting and giving myself dementia with high fat, high protein diets, before i learned that the human body is doing best on fruit. a healthy brain and body is the most important thing in life. while being such a punk in abstract ideological ways, i was completely oblivious to how much of a sheep i was in respect to how society is quite literally feeding me bullshit.

-became an eremite. waited for deep visions to arise about how i should really live my life in the most authentic manner, not realizing that visions can only grow from experience of engagement in the outer world. the self can't be know, it must be created. i should have searched more help with getting engaged, with overcoming social anxiety and such. should have acted like i am worth of the attention. what can be discovered by means of reclusion is what i had too much of to begin with: it's universal traits, knowing what it is to be human and such, understanding the general nature of things. all too impersonal to serve as guidance in life. i'm tempted to say that life is by definition extroverted. introversion may lead to humanitarianism or even spiritual awakening, but not to knowing what you want or facing your needs, which are not optional by the way, because they fuel everything.

-went to an economic school, instead of an art school, because my parents made me think it was the most reasonable choice. both schools wouldn't have lead to a fitting career and were only meant to buy me more time to develop, biologically, since i was a late bloomer, but the economic school has completely alienated me from humanity, psychologically, the other one might have shown me a healthy way to relate to the world of grown ups and myself as a part of it.

- wasted tons of time creating archives for software or movies, which have of course become obsolete. wasted time optimizing my habits for bad hardware instead of buying better one. this, apart from the fact that all my computer activities are unhealthy escapism.

- haven't developed my skills. meanwhile i was wondering why my creativity has disappeared from my life as if there is some psychological secret to it. duh! creativity comes from developing skills, that's all. i just had some objective developmental obstacles in my way. such as having no money to buy a paint tablet, etc.

 

[Tannhauser]

What would you say were the bad and good aspects of the option-trading job? I am asking because I am aiming in that direction (quantitative positions in finance).

 

[A_Scanner_Darkly]

I'm INP, but will assume INTP for this. I know what constitutes "bad" in the context of this thread, but don't personally see my choices as good or bad relative to my own trajectory and life. I tend to think there's some meaning yet to be disclosed behind it all, some culminating point where it'll all come together synergistically and squeeze out of me what I was meant to produce. But anyway...

in high school, I first began to experience the social anxiety and avoidant tendencies that would mark me for the rest of my life up to this point. rather than attempt to face my fears head-on, I chose truancy, acting out, escaping through recreational drug use which soon became abuse. I stopped attending after junior year and opted for a GED so that I wouldn't have to be around the people who had made it an unbearable experience, or whom I allowed to do so, more accurately. these were sort of inferior Fe issues...

later, when I had to attend community college, didn't focus on forging a straight path for myself. got sidetracked by all manner of enticing experiences, experiences which were a lot of fun and which added a veritable richness to my life, but were distractions nevertheless. had some great experiences being involved in the production of art and music, going to my very first parties with drugs and drinking and women, experienced sex for the first time. but it all came crashing down on me as I became disillusioned with that lifestyle, the people I had let into my life, and what I myself had become. these were sort of Ne-Fe problems...

dropped off face of the earth, realized I was burnt out on school and work, and didn't feel up to pursuing a science degree at that point, as I should have done from the beginning. became depressed and nearly dropped out of life altogether, coping by smoking weed and being a reclusive pothead for a few years. stayed in my room a lot. sought refuge on the internet. made major intellectual developments in this time period, and was able to complete enough units to transfer, but there was still something seriously wrong. got caught in sort of a Ti-Si loop here...

went to university, attempting to overcome obstacles in my past. didn't quite work out. succumbed to social anxiety and drug abuse again. was not as involved with academic life as I should have been. social anxiety as "an illness of missed opportunities" is extremely apt. got worst grades i'd gotten in years. problems only seem to escalate in first year, so much that I consider dropping out. somehow make it through, begin experimenting with hard drugs that summer. in second year, actually manage to make good friends. unfortunately they are druggies, but so in need of affection and approval and belonging that I get sucked into that world -- I was also curious, though. although spending money recklessly on all manner of drugs (I got to try almost every major drug), somehow the feeling of belonging acts as a balm and school and life become easier to deal with. eventually get through it all, 6 years of college culminating in an experience one night mixing meth and heroin, which I had never dreamt I would. body began to shut down after I did this, was in considerable pain. had to sleep for two days straight or so after that. attended graduation ceremony a few days after the last time I did these drugs. that summer, had a sort of quarter-life crisis and again fell into depression, but was able to leave friends and the drug life behind. long-standing inferior Fe issues which were resolved (I INFJ door-slammed my friends, achieving the closure of a Je) with meaningful application of Ne in conjunction with surging healthy use of Si, which stabilizes me, able to focus and anchor myself to my Ti bedrock thenceforward...

I don't regret any of it. I have gotten to live...really live. my experiences mean something in the grand scheme of my life, even if I don't know what yet. I am hopeful that I can settle into a steady rhythm from here. I acted out enough when I was younger and I no longer have much of a desire to do it anymore. have derived stronger, healthier sense of myself founded on Ti, introverted judging...

 

[Sinny91]

Awfully quiet on this thread.

I find it difficult to articulate my 'bad choices' by putting them words.
I've made many bad choices, but I guess they have all lead to lessons learned.

I suppose our deepest failings are in those mistakes which we chose to repeat. Making a mistake not mistake but a decision.

I've made some seriously bad Fe fuelled decisions.. I've quit my job, moved house, destroyed relationships, been self destructive... The list in endless.

 

[Seteleechete]

Surprisingly interesting read in regards to this topic https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10493620/1/Ruthless

I have made some choices I regret in hindsight but I don't consider those choices bad as they were decent choices based on what information I had.

I agree with sinny on this the worst choices are of mistake that you choose to repeat, I repeatedly choose to procrastinate/being lazy knowing it is stupid, knowing I will I will actually like the work I have to do and yet I choose to delay it/put no effort in every time repeating the same mistake over and over. The epitome of a bad choice really.

I can't say I relate about having made bad choices based on Fe/feelings as I don't see giving those some space as a bad choice even if the choices aren't logically optimal(which they often are if you consider your feelings as a legitimate determinant for making a choice).

 

[Jennywocky]

I thought it would be a great idea to share bad decisions chosen based for example in our Fe or without taking in account or INTP functions.

I passed my last 10 years trying to make of myself in a VERY social person. My goal was to be like Frank Abignale Jr. (from the movie "Catch if you can", DiCaprio) or a most "recently character, the Wolf of Wall Street.

That kind of made me break out in a rash when i read it.

On some level, since I don't "get" how they work, it seems kind of amazing a person can achieve that likability. On the other hand, I did have a few years of my life where I was more sociable and just found that I could not maintain it for a long period of time nor was it the best for me and I had to pull back to a more median level of interaction and sociability.

I really admire that people I would really like to be admired by the rest of the people in the same way (Fe). I also admire the things they could achieve without so much "technical" knowledge, but using other people knowledge.

There's something to be said for that, but not everyone is cut out for it. Some of it's more individual versus "type" per se and you have to find your own level of comfort between specialist vs generalist as well as self-management vs other-management.

It took my this long to realise that despite I admire this kind of personality, I would HATE to do this in a daily basis. Having to talk to people all the time, "lying" to them or at least saying partial truths. This kind of life don't often have a lot of time to deep thinking.

I pass being a sales person (hated it), a finance employee in a large corporation (really hated it), financial option trader (not so bad, because it had a big analytical aspect), a digital marketing analyst (not so bad either but I am starting to hate it too) and now thinking to moving to programming (the field where I think that I will be able to benefit from my personalities functions.

The only job I was fired from was one year for a very small org (a few people) where the boss was an ESFP, and he hired me to interview and write articles because he needed his time to grow his business. God, that sucked. He wasn't great at laying out the details of what he wanted ahead of time, and it turns out he just wanted me to write like him and was never happy with anything I did (I would try to write in too much depth, where he wanted something broader in nature). All my natural instincts were useless. I guess it's the difference between writing tech specs vs broad-based ad copy. I found the whole experience draining and just couldn't be a clone of him, so while it was painful to be fired, at the same time it was kind of a relief. And I also learned something about myself and that, while I was flexible, i couldn't really be something other than what I was over the long haul.

For comparison, I'm also less about sales and more about consumer reports. if you want a balanced honest piece that explains the pro's and con's of something in understandable language, I'm your girl; if you're only concerned about sales numbers or advocacy, you should get someone else.

 

[Sixup]

I left my network security analyst job--full of lots of corporate BS that I hated, but in reality is probably close to the right field for me--to "help people" directly as a personal trainer(I fucking hate that title, by the way. I preferred 'Strength Coach' but that's pretty ridiculous too).

I've mentioned before I enjoy strength training. It can be a great introspective activity, with lots of research and analysis potential. So I thought it would be good to do for work, and get out of the shitty office full of soulless Dilbert drones. I'm pretty sure this is what they mean when they talk about Fe tricking you.

At the end of a long day of trying to emotionally finagle a bunch of middle age women to do the thing they don't really want to do...I'd be totally drained. Exhausted. Angry almost. And also broke. I probably had about 15 clients on average, which is more than most trainers. But to get to where I was actually making good money I'd need to double that and have my own facilities. And to be able to double it without spending an insane amount of extra hours, I'd have to be a great bullshitter. Which I am not. I am not good at giving people fluffy bullshit that they want, when it logically makes no sense. That shit always pissed me off. But, that's what people pay for. Give em what they want, not what they need. Meh.

I did have a few cool clients though. Made some good connections. And actually did help some people, got all those nice Fe Feelz. So it wasn't all bad. But overall, being an adult babysitter is definitely a bad choice.

 

[flare]

What would you say were the bad and good aspects of the option-trading job? I am asking because I am aiming in that direction (quantitative positions in finance).

I think in general it is not a bad decision to work as a stock trader. It also depends much in the way you are trading (long term, short term, day trading, pure fundamental, pure technical, etc.)

Pros:
- You don't have to socialize a lot with people (accept your colleagues).
- It is a very analytical job, you have to always be finding new ways to make profits and the environment is changing constantly.
- It requires a lot of maths/statistics/economic, things that I least I like.
- Your job is to "think" strategies, since the implementation of these is really simple (1 or 2 clicks and you have implement the whole strategy).

Cons (very subjective):
- I found the world of finance really cold and heartless.
- At the end of the day you are creating no value for anyone. I think speculating with stock prices is the only work where you don't create any value.
- It is very stressful to invest with large amounts of money, especially when the money isn't yours and you need to explain to clients that you lose their money.
- If you tackle trading with a quant approach, you have to work for a company, because with normal commissions it is virtually impossible to achieve a statistical advantage.

At the end of the day, the main reason why I left that work (I had founded my own company and worked with 2 other partners) was that I have already "understand" how the stock market works and wasn't really interested anymore.

 

[flare]

And to be able to double it without spending an insane amount of extra hours, I'd have to be a great bullshitter. Which I am not. I am not good at giving people fluffy bullshit that they want, when it logically makes no sense. That shit always pissed me off. But, that's what people pay for. Give em what they want, not what they need. Meh.

I agree with that. I hate having to speak bullshit knowing that is bullshit. In my actual job, I work as a marketing consultant, have a lot of clients, and many times the agency makes me give bullshit to clients to avoid them to shut down the service. Really depressing.

 

[Pyropyro]

I think regretting over "bad" choices is just Ne doing its countless "What if?" Scenarios.

Our lives are made by both bad and good decisions. We can't be where we are without both types of decisions having an influence on it.

Don't get me wrong though... regret is a powerful tool which can be used to make ourselves better but wallowing in it is really useless and counterproductive.

 

[nanook]

well i think the point is to warn other people of the pitfalls. the diet thing is the only thing i truely regret, it made me fantasize about time traveling into age 7 and converting my whole family to a healthy diet, saving my mother from alzheimers, my sister from celiac, me from overweight and having zero confidence. the key to a strong regret is knowing something better now. i still don't know how i could ever fit into society so i am not in the position yet to regret the refusal to find a career nor can i visualize myself with social anxiety, so i can't fully regret not fighting harder for my social freedom.

 

[ygnextend]

The worst choice I've ever made was not being more open with my ex. He was organically kind but lacked in fundamentals that would help him in life. He didn't have building blocks from his parents and it really screwed him up and I guess you can say I didn't help by not treating him kindly

I did the worse thing imaginable: ignored him. I intentionally stayed at work so I wouldn't have to see him or hear his voice. All in all the ending of the relationship turned out bad..as it should have since we didn't respect each other. I have made a promise to myself to not be so absentminded toward a loved one and talk more and plan date nights.