air i can breathe

[loveofreason]

Let's say the atmosphere here smells sweet. Hello.

Thankyou to those putting this forum together. I know how much work goes on behind the scenes.

A little about me: serious, thoughtful, imaginative. Melancholic, inquisitive, sensitive. Where there is noise I can't think - when I can't think, I freak. Where there are crowds I can't think - when I can't think, I freak. Where there is pressure to conform, I can't think - when I can't think, I freak. I wonder how many of you would say the same? I notice depression mentioned in the forum, I wonder how natural it is for any one half sensible to reach this state as a consequence of the abnormal stresses of modern life. Are INTPs more prone?

I am polyamorous. I am involved in developing an intentional community, whose purpose is experimenting with social/family structure to design something that fits the human, rather than grind him/her into homogenised consumer slavery. I am a permaculture designer. I attempt to read and apply pattern language in all that I do. I like to notice nature. I thrive on solitude.

I am a social misfit that has determined rather than suffer for being different, I will recreate the world about be to reflect the 'society' of my mind.

So in some things I am driven and tend to J. In ways I am moved by great passions and tend to F. But if I have to settle in any type frame it is INTP.

I hope I can contribute something of worth to this young sphere.

 

[Jezebel]

Hi, welcome to the forum. I couldn't imagine being polyamorous, I have a hard enough time sharing myself with one person. What's it been like and what draws you to this lifestyle over monogamy?

 

[Ragnar]

Welcome. I think a distaste for noise, crowds and social conformity are all perfectly INTP.

 

[loveofreason]

Thanks guys.

I think the poly choice is a matter of deciding to allow myself to be what I am, rather than trying to fit an externally imposed paradigm. I tried living 'mono', and suffered badly in that style of relationship. I'm neither possessive nor jealous, and can't tolerate being treated as an object of possession.

It might sound strange, but being poly gives me more of my self. I think a lot about the way people relate to one another - so rather than fill the intro with these ramblings, I'll write more about it elsewhere (in good time!) It relates also to my view of mental/emotional health... how mainstream culture automatically maims the human animal.

I thought this forum showed a lot of promise that it could actually foster some real excitement about ideas - that it could provide a home for some more original and out there thoughts and genuine discussion.

 

[lightspeed]

Let's say the atmosphere here smells sweet. Hello.

Thankyou to those putting this forum together. I know how much work goes on behind the scenes.

A little about me: serious, thoughtful, imaginative. Melancholic, inquisitive, sensitive. Where there is noise I can't think - when I can't think, I freak. Where there are crowds I can't think - when I can't think, I freak. Where there is pressure to conform, I can't think - when I can't think, I freak. I wonder how many of you would say the same? I notice depression mentioned in the forum, I wonder how natural it is for any one half sensible to reach this state as a consequence of the abnormal stresses of modern life. Are INTPs more prone?

I am polyamorous. I am involved in developing an intentional community, whose purpose is experimenting with social/family structure to design something that fits the human, rather than grind him/her into homogenised consumer slavery. I am a permaculture designer. I attempt to read and apply pattern language in all that I do. I like to notice nature. I thrive on solitude.



So in some things I am driven and tend to J. In ways I am moved by great passions and tend to F. But if I have to settle in any type frame it is INTP.

I hope I can contribute something of worth to this young sphere.

I am a social misfit that has determined rather than suffer for being different, I will recreate the world about be to reflect the 'society' of my mind.

I relate to this so much.

Honored to have you as a member! Seriously. :

 

[loveofreason]

With a cheesy grin like that? Do I trust this guy?

Hehe... Something funny happens when the INTP goes social architect.

(Look out world).

 

[lightspeed]

Ok... I admit... There is alot of work to be done here. :P We really need more smilies.

But, are you sure it wasn't Warhol's tweak eyed kitty that made you question my sincerity?

It was very late.

 

[loveofreason]

Tweaky kitty? Nah, he's cool. Seriously.

 

[Vrecknidj]

... Where there is noise I can't think - when I can't think, I freak. Where there are crowds I can't think - when I can't think, I freak. Where there is pressure to conform, I can't think - when I can't think, I freak. I wonder how many of you would say the same?

My father was a former military man and an ISFJ. His SJ personality was overbearing in the house and my survival skills developed along a rather skewed path. The first several times I took the MBTI, I tended to test as an IXTX. This was most disconcerting and it took a while for me to discover that I was an INTP who happened to have a very high functioning S and J. So, many of the things that rattle other INTPs are things I can navigate without much trouble. Negatively, however, I lack some of the authentic INTP traits so that I even sometimes feel an alien among the aliens.

I notice depression mentioned in the forum, I wonder how natural it is for any one half sensible to reach this state as a consequence of the abnormal stresses of modern life. Are INTPs more prone?

I think that the INFP and INFJ are more prone, but, since something like 75% of the population (in the USA anyway) falls into the S type, it's no surprise that N types find themselves as outliers and this can lead to depression (and, of course, it's worse among the introverts than extroverts).

I am polyamorous.

I have been happily married for 19 years to (get this) an ENFP/INFP hybrid. Ironically, I'm the more extroverted. Sadly, her SJ skills linger in the depths of the unconscious and so all the serious chores fall to me (not a happy place for an INTP, but we manage).

I'm happy to have found this place, and happy to have met you.

Dave

 

[loveofreason]

We're all unique aren't we? I feel like a cultural outsider within my own 'people', in fact, I'm not sure I've ever found my people. The real ones, the one's I would consider tribe. Well, I've met one actually, perhaps two... which brings me to the poly motif.

Anyone that can survive within the nuclear family model is doing a far finer job than I of managing life's stress. Some people fear poly as a threat to 'exclusive' bonds. To my mind a person is stronger, more resilient, nurtured and productive if loving, romantic bonds are shared. I simply don't understand pair-bonding, nor do I understand how my or my companion's love for another can be a threat. Each bond is unique and contributes to the structural resilience of the whole. But it is all about freedom of choice in relationships, not prescribing for others - thankfully, we're not all the same.

I'm very glad to have met you, and glad for your evident wisdom.

(And I agree - domestic chores are not a happy place for the INTP!)

 

[Taylor]

Nice to meet you, fellow newbie; I'm pretty jealous that you can share so readily about yourself. Alternate lifestyle or not, that's a gift right there!

 

[Wisp]

Polyamorous huh? Does that mean you are open to more than one relationship (in the style of free love) or are open to more than one marriage? I'm not trying to grill you, I'm just curious, as the concept is something I've thought about from time to time. It seems like the way that would work best for people like me, who tend to be, well, open. I can see it being a problem for possessive freaks, but I don't see it being a problem for other people. I'd just like to hear more of your thoughts on the subject.

 

[Wisp]

*Now bumping my query*

 

[loveofreason]

Hi Taylor, Hi Wisp.

I haven't checked in here in a while, so welcome to you both.

To answer your question Wisp, I'm the "highly allergic to marriage" type of poly, but this doesn't automatically equate to being a good old fashioned "free love" hippie. It means being open to loving more than one person, and granting that same choice to the people I love.

I still need to sense and see evidence of the other person(s) commitment to my well being. My energy is precious. I won't invest it in something that doesn't build a better future. (That applies to everything in life, not just relationships.)

Not feeling possessive extends to the information I'm happy to share - I don't really see it as personal information, just another aspect of shared humanity.

 

[Wisp]

Eh. Sounds like a fairly sound line of reasoning, though I suppose some of the more old fashoned types wouldn't like it...

 

[lightspeed]

Hi Taylor, Hi Wisp.

I haven't checked in here in a while, so welcome to you both.

To answer your question Wisp, I'm the "highly allergic to marriage" type of poly, but this doesn't automatically equate to being a good old fashioned "free love" hippie. It means being open to loving more than one person, and granting that same choice to the people I love.

I still need to sense and see evidence of the other person(s) commitment to my well being. My energy is precious. I won't invest it in something that doesn't build a better future. (That applies to everything in life, not just relationships.)

Not feeling possessive extends to the information I'm happy to share - I don't really see it as personal information, just another aspect of shared humanity.

But would you ever be willing to be with someone that just 'didn't want to share you'? This has been the sentiment expressed to me, when I have suggested the idea to a partner. Usually, I will be willing to be mono, out of respect for the person.

What do you think about that?

 

[loveofreason]

Hey Light, nice to see you back.

In answer to your question, No. Not any longer. I've tried monogamous relationships. I've tried the whole committed for life pair-bonding thing. Sounds corny, but something inside me died. The whole possessiveness thing makes me sick to my stomach.

So no, now that I know what I am and what I need, I wouldn't contemplate someone who wasn't poly or poly-friendly.

Being poly doesn't mean though that I'm always involved with two or more people - the right people aren't easy to find, and heck, I'm an INTP!

But the possibility of finding another love is always open.

Wisp, I think the reasoning is watertight. I suspect those that have a moral problem with others being poly also have a problem with reason. Not that I seek to impose my way of life on anyone (ok, actually I do - you all should be recycling for the sake of your children's futures!!!), but I think freedom of choice in relationships is essential to human well being and ...um, evolution.

 

[Decaf]

As I'm trolling through old posts I thought I needed to post something here. Not that I have something insightful to contribute, but just because in researching what polyamory was I realized I think I tend towards it too.

That's not to say I'm interested in multiple relationships simultaneously (I was raised Christian, so its not something I'm prepared to explore without 'shoulds' yet). One relationship is more than enough and I often find myself needing more 'me' time than my significant other is willing to give. I don't think I'd mind sharing at all.

What does match for me is that I have never felt or would ever allow myself to feel possessive over another person. I don't have any kids, so maybe I'll be a hypocrite some day, but I don't think so. I've never gotten jealous about the things that happen in my relationship unless I'm doing more chores than her and SOMEHOW that's become a problem. When she thinks she's done something she must be forgiven for the response is anger, as if my lack of jealousy represented a lack of love or commitment. As much as I don't like to admit it, I have started to pretend to be jealous in those instances to preserve her confidence in us. Its tiring. As much as I love her and our relationship, I think it will be the simple difference of my P'ness (no cracking smiles ) and her J'ness that may end us.

 

[Dissident]

Sounds good to me too, but I wonder if it has anything to do with fear of commitment. I always felt like the ideal relationship would be "good friends that just happen to have sex" which kind of fits with that. I cant really say for sure that I wouldnt be jealous at some point tho.

 

[loveofreason]

What a strange world in which we live. A world in which the value of a relationship is measured by depth of jealousy displayed. Isn't it peculiar that so many people feel comfortable as possessions??? "I belong to you and you belong too me" and somehow this is a touchstone of comfort and meaning in a dangerous, senseless world. It's one of the prevalent mythologies that act in concert to create the dis-empowered mind.

Not that I would deny the choice of anyone truly capable of fulfillment in pair-bonding, nor am I a shining example of how to have a successful relationship . But I've thought about my mistakes a lot, and I observe everything/one around me.

I'll start a thread about poly, when the right muse strikes me .

(Also, I have a theory about monogamy, the Church, and social engineering .)

Thanks for the comments.

 

[Jesin]

This thread reminds me of this comic:
http://xkcd.com/310/