what its like to be a little girl, from a man on ovulation drugs

[peopestillsuck]

so the backstory on why im taking womens ovulation drugs:
I injured my back, got an mri, its degenerating discs and shmorls nodes, things that cant really be fixed, so the only improvements you can make are weight loss and increase in muscle.

Or as the doctors would prescribe, steroid injections that numb the pain, and allow you to damage your back even further, becoming even more reliant on the drugs, and weaker.

I tried to strengthen my back naturally, and found it was just too sensitive, and I would end up in worse shape, even being very careful not to overdo it.

So, as I was recommended by the guy at work, hop on real steroids, the kind that allow you to build muscle 10x faster than naturally humanly possible, recover faster, reduce inflammation...and so I thought that just might work

Now how does this lead to taking womens fertility drugs? well as it turns out when you take exogenous hormones, your body down regulates how much it produces, and after a while, it produces zero, and to turn it back on, one thing you take to speed up that (extremely miserable) process, is ovulation medicine.

What this does to a man is not as simple as high estrogen, because if you do this correctly, you take estrogen blockers to keep your estrogen in check, so its very much like being a woman ovulating, or pregnant. I dont know enough of the chemistry to explain that deeper, but its like something ive never experienced as a man.

Now you probably would expect to be more emotional, and you are! but its actually far more than that. Im an autistic loner, for the most part. After taking this medicine, I feel extroverted, I crave human interaction more than I probably ever have.
Not just that, but lonely, normal, "man sure would be nice to have someone" turns into, "Im alone and im going to be alone forever reeeee".
Emotions are not a steady buildup, not predictable, not gentle, but very rapid and intense.
Crying from happiness, or from beauty isnt something im familiar with, but after taking this, I actually have a few times.
The soul crushing depression, loneliness, need to be coddled..It genuinely makes you want to cuddle a stuffed animal and watch shitty hallmark movies.

It gives me a new perspective on women who just cant be alone, and people that put up with toxic relationships. Im taking a half dose of this medicine, and im experiencing this, I could imagine living like this would drive me to do what most normies do.

I dont do well thought out posts, I just wanted to share my experience, Ill probably add things I forgot later.

 

[Old Things]

Sorry, that must suck.

 

[peopestillsuck]

Sorry, that must suck.

Not sure if youre referring to feeling like a little girl, or my back.
My back is now at about 90%, and im stronger than I ever was.
feeling like a little girl is pretty shit, but im getting a real look into what its like to be a woman.
Ill be good in about 2-3 weeks, no worries.

 

[peopestillsuck]

I should add, a woman actually ovulating or pregnant, would have estrogen levels FAR higher than mine. Im not letting that happen because im not interested in having DD milkers, or lactating.
and yes both of those are possible for men lol

 

[Black Rose]

Someone told me I have male cognition but female emotions.

My feelings are easily hurt often so I try not to offend people if it does not matter. I care what others think of me so I do not and cannot deal with people who are jerks.

I avoid fights I can't win.

But it is a default so I can only stand up for myself if I did nothing wrong and continue to persist in what I see as my moral center. To me it's like I have to play innocent and that this actually must be true or else assholes get at you.

Being driven by emotions people hate me for saying things that do not align with their beliefs. The Emporer has no close. But whether they have a reason to blame me instead of themselves is based on if I have personally attacked them or not. I do point out behaviors but in the end, it is their hatred that makes them to blame not me. I have in fact done things that were not cool but judgmental people cannot and do not care if you are telling the truth or not. They are vindictive and mean and don't give a shit. Which is why I stopped interacting with people in a relaxed and open manner. I cannot act naturally around those people. I will not grant them anything they can use against me. Because all I want is for people to not be mean.

 

[peopestillsuck]

Someone told me I have male cognition but female emotions.

My feelings are easily hurt often so I try not to offend people if it does not matter. I care what others think of me so I do not and cannot deal with people who are jerks.

I avoid fights I can't win.

But it is a default so I can only stand up for myself if I did nothing wrong and continue to persist in what I see as my moral center. To me it's like I have to play innocent and that this actually must be true or else assholes get at you.

Being driven by emotions people hate me for saying things that do not align with their beliefs. The Emporer has no close. But whether they have a reason to blame me instead of themselves is based on if I have personally attacked them or not. I do point out behaviors but in the end, it is their hatred that makes them to blame not me. I have in fact done things that were not cool but judgmental people cannot and do not care if you are telling the truth or not. They are vindictive and mean and don't give a shit. Which is why I stopped interacting with people in a relaxed and open manner. I cannot act naturally around those people. I will not grant them anything they can use against me. Because all I want is for people to not be mean.

thank you for joining the talk
you sound very sweet and genuine, not an easy combination to be in this world.

have you ever gotten a comprehensive hormone panel?
out of curiosity, did you starve during your youth?
extended exposure to the hunger hormone, grehlin, makes people fearful and sensitive, from what ive read, from researching mk-677. a growth hormone secretagog that functions through the grehlin pathway.

 

[Black Rose]

thank you for joining the talk

have you ever gotten a comprehensive hormone panel?
out of curiosity, did you starve during your youth?
extended exposure to the hunger hormone, grehlin, makes people fearful and sensitive, from what ive read, from researching mk-677. a growth hormone secretagog that functions through the grehlin pathway.

No, I was just isolated for 10 years after high school.

I had no purpose and was depressed.

My hope was that the Tech Singularity would happen but I barely had anything to do because I lived alone and had no friends.

I held all my emotions inside because I never had anyone I could share my feelings with about being useless. I really wanted to program in Java but I never made it work. All my files got deleted in 2011 and I cried alot. I was never angry (most men are angry) I was sad all the time. I felt I was stupid. Never had the confidence to debate people because it took too much effort to research so I stopped acting like I had the brains to do so. But only what I knew to be true without the need to fact-check mostly. That is I shared my ideas and opinions instead of being a science bro.

I think I am INFP.

 

[peopestillsuck]

No, I was just isolated for 10 years after high school.

I had no purpose and was depressed.

My hope was that the Tech Singularity would happen but I barely had anything to do because I lived alone and had no friends.

I held all my emotions inside because I never had anyone I could share my feelings with about being useless. I really wanted to program in Java but I never made it work. All my files got deleted in 2011 and I cried alot. I was never angry (most men are angry) I was sad all the time. I felt I was stupid. Never had the confidence to debate people because it took too much effort to research so I stopped acting like I had the brains to do so. But only what I knew to be true without the need to fact-check mostly.

I went through a much shorter period of nearly total isolation, and I understand how poisonous that is. Nothing I can say changes what you went though, but nobody should have to be alone like that, we arent meant to.

That is I shared my ideas and opinions instead of being a science bro.

If this was supposed to be an insult, understand that if I followed professional medical advice, id be on multiple psych drugs (which I was, because my past trauma and circumstances caused me to show symptoms of mental illness, the doctors didnt care and wrote a script without proper investigation), have steroid injections into my spine, that would ultimately leave me crippled and headed toward spinal fusion and a wheelchair.

Do you know how I fixed my extreme anxiety? I tried anxiety meds, they failed and made me more miserable, the literal cure was cuddling one person, one time. You wont get that prescribed, because there is no profit to be had. Feeling damaged and dangerous, all it took was someone showing me affection and vulnerability. I still get that feeling of being behind enemy lines if I havent touched someone within the last year or so. Being alien growing up, I genuinely do not feel like im one of these people, and my biology has to be reassured every once in a while, or it goes back into danger mode.

The cure to my depression wasnt the prescribed meds either, it was realizing that what I "wanted" was fed to me, and I actually did not want that, and thats why I was so unfulfilled and miserable, once I started aiming toward a goal I actually cared about, I felt better instantly. That wont be gotten from a doctor, or therapist.
The state of the world is still deeply saddening, but humans arent capable of seeing atrocities happening all over, we are meant to be local and deal with local scale trouble.

I used to think people living in the woods were simple and stupid, now I think they are the only ones who have it figured out. We build electric cars and poison the earth, nuclear plants that risk destroying continents, they ride horses and use daylight.

Sorry I cant help you heal from what youve been through, I hope you have some kind of breakthrough like I had. I do genuinely mean that

 

[Black Rose]

No, I was just isolated for 10 years after high school.

I had no purpose and was depressed.

My hope was that the Tech Singularity would happen but I barely had anything to do because I lived alone and had no friends.

I held all my emotions inside because I never had anyone I could share my feelings with about being useless. I really wanted to program in Java but I never made it work. All my files got deleted in 2011 and I cried alot. I was never angry (most men are angry) I was sad all the time. I felt I was stupid. Never had the confidence to debate people because it took too much effort to research so I stopped acting like I had the brains to do so. But only what I knew to be true without the need to fact-check mostly.

I went through a much shorter period of nearly total isolation, and I understand how poisonous that is. Nothing I can say changes what you went though, but nobody should have to be alone like that, we arent meant to.

I appreciate this. I was not totally isolated but I was disassociated so much and had no one I had anything in common with to talk to. The internet was my only friend.

That is I shared my ideas and opinions instead of being a science bro.

If this was supposed to be an insult, understand that if I followed professional medical advice, id be on multiple psych drugs (which I was, because my past trauma and circumstances caused me to show symptoms of mental illness, the doctors didnt care and wrote a script without proper investigation), have steroid injections into my spine, that would ultimately leave me crippled and headed toward spinal fusion and a wheelchair.

not exactly an insult just a term, science bro means you are like a person who is able to do extensive research and stuff. I can't, not when I was in my 20's. and I still have no focus to do so now. but I see people on youtube talk about science when confronting creationists all the time so it has been around a long time.

It is good you figured it out before they permanently damaged you with drugs. But I have been taking drugs for 16 years and they did not work until this last November.

Do you know how I fixed my extreme anxiety? I tried anxiety meds, they failed and made me more miserable, the literal cure was cuddling one person, one time. You wont get that prescribed, because there is no profit to be had. Feeling damaged and dangerous, all it took was someone showing me affection and vulnerability. I still get that feeling of being behind enemy lines if I havent touched someone within the last year or so. Being alien growing up, I genuinely do not feel like im one of these people, and my biology has to be reassured every once in a while, or it goes back into danger mode.

People call me autistic all the time on other forums but as I have "researched" it well enough that I found that it is just over the excitement of the synapses. I know that some people have used a.i. to cure it, it was the stable diffusion CEO who used it to cure his son. Now I do not mean cure in a negative sense, people identify as autistic and it is a culture but I mean that the neurology of autism has a physical basis, like diabetes cannot process insulin the Autistic brain has a metabolic malfunction. It cannot self-regulate because it is clogged with synaptic spines but what Emad Mostaque did was use a.i. to read all the papers on autism and how to get it to self-regulate so that it can process data without being overwhelmed.

I do wish I had, had physical human contact but last November I got ADHD meds and my anxiety immediately went away. I just do not know what to do to meet people outside a college setting and I am not going back to school. I plan on meeting people in VR instead. People I can get along with.

The cure to my depression wasnt the prescribed meds either, it was realizing that what I "wanted" was fed to me, and I actually did not want that, and thats why I was so unfulfilled and miserable, once I started aiming toward a goal I actually cared about, I felt better instantly. That wont be gotten from a doctor, or therapist.
The state of the world is still deeply saddening, but humans arent capable of seeing atrocities happening all over, we are meant to be local and deal with local scale trouble.

My goal from age 12 has been to develop a.i. - but I have problems doing computer code and I quit college because I was not good at memorization so I was isolated 10 years working on internet stuff instead.

I used to think people living in the woods were simple and stupid, now I think they are the only ones who have it figured out. We build electric cars and poison the earth, nuclear plants that risk destroying continents, they ride horses and use daylight.

I was around at the time (in my 20s) when the 2008 crash happened, they said the system would fail and to buy gold and silver NOW, but then nothing happened except coronavirus. I believe things get better because people see what is happening and do something about it in their personal lives.

Sorry I cant help you heal from what youve been through, I hope you have some kind of breakthrough like I had. I do genuinely mean that

 

[peopestillsuck]

I appreciate this. I was not totally isolated but I was disassociated so much and had no one I had anything in common with to talk to. The internet was my only friend.

I feel even though we are quite different, I empathize with being alone too much and what that does. My escape was videogames.

not exactly an insult just a term,

I didnt think so, but I wasnt sure

It is good you figured it out before they permanently damaged you with drugs. But I have been taking drugs for 16 years and they did not work until this last November.

Im very thankful. Im glad you found something that works, im not against all meds, sometimes they are the only things that work, for some people.

People call me autistic all the time on other forums but as I have "researched" it well enough that I found that it is just over the excitement of the synapses. I know that some people have used a.i. to cure it, it was the stable diffusion CEO who used it to cure his son. Now I do not mean cure in a negative sense, people identify as autistic and it is a culture but I mean that the neurology of autism has a physical basis, like diabetes cannot process insulin the Autistic brain has a metabolic malfunction. It cannot self-regulate because it is clogged with synaptic spines but what Emad Mostaque did was use a.i. to read all the papers on autism and how to get it to self-regulate so that it can process data without being overwhelmed.

If its over excitement, depressants sound like the cure?
I read long ago it was abnormal neural pruning, im sure its a lot of stuff combined. In my experience people say love is the cure to autism, and in my person experience, thats true.

I do wish I had, had physical human contact but last November I got ADHD meds and my anxiety immediately went away. I just do not know what to do to meet people outside a college setting and I am not going back to school. I plan on meeting people in VR instead. People I can get along with.

There is no replacement for human contact, I genuinely hope you find a way to get that naturally. Our modern world has failed us, and our needs arent being met. Im not sure what to tell you, finding a partner gets harder the more complex, unusual you are. I hope you manage to, its something special. Growing up I saw no point in relationships or community, or kids. Now i see family as the most valuable thing you can have. hopefully one day we will both have that

My goal from age 12 has been to develop a.i. - but I have problems doing computer code and I quit college because I was not good at memorization so I was isolated 10 years working on internet stuff instead.

its a real shame our schools actually deter creative visionary types, its not a society built for us. At least youve had a goal. The only thing that saved me from a life of isolation was my teacher, she ended up hurting me more than anyone ever had. life is funny like that.

I was around at the time (in my 20s) when the 2008 crash happened, they said the system would fail and to buy gold and silver NOW, but then nothing happened except coronavirus. I believe things get better because people see what is happening and do something about it in their personal lives.

I hope so.

Your a bit of a tortured soul, and remind me of me. You became soft and kind from your torture, when I was young I was full of rage and violence, its still down there, but im strong enough now to know I prefer kindness and peace, to nurture.
I think pain makes many people kind, because we dont want anyone to feel that.
good talk

 

[birdsnestfern]

That is so interesting to read. I understand what you mean, sort of, my emotions can be RAW and STRONG, especially the jealous hormones, they overwhelm to the point its better to be single. But I try to repress and not share them in public. I also tend to have high testosterone - develop muscles easily, actually set the record for long jump and I'm only five feet tall, and loved rock climbing, massage, and canoeing.

But during pregnancies, my emotions were like a rollercoaster, the oxytocin is a wild ride. I could easily break out in tears over little things, and if in love, its even stronger. In love, you notice the sky is blue blue blue, the roses are red, magnolias are sweet and rain is spiritual. Everything is alive and beautiful, and oh boy, the jealousy is something else.

If we were in a lecture and the woman sitting next to us was rocking her calves to flirt, and he was watching, it would absolutely crush me. So, don't rove those eyes if you want her to not feel that. Anyway, ok, hormones control us in unbelievable ways.

 

[dr froyd]

@peopestillsuck did your view on men change? Like, that most men are assholes or something? I mean not actual assholes but crude, insensitive, etc.

 

[peopestillsuck]

That is so interesting to read. I understand what you mean, sort of, my emotions can be RAW and STRONG, especially the jealous hormones, they overwhelm to the point its better to be single. But I try to repress and not share them in public. I also tend to have high testosterone - develop muscles easily, actually set the record for long jump and I'm only five feet tall, and loved rock climbing, massage, and canoeing.

Yeah, what im experiencing is probably a super mild version, but coming from being male, its intense lol.

It makes sense that you become more jealous when pregnant, men find higher testosterone womens faces more attractive when their testosterone is high, apparently more feminine faced women arent loyal, statistically. So men look for "masculine" women for long term partners.

Like my experience with female hormones, your high female test is still nothing compared to the average male. To get the actual effect, you would need enough test to deepen your voice, and I would need enough estrogen to develop tits.

But during pregnancies, my emotions were like a rollercoaster, the oxytocin is a wild ride. I could easily break out in tears over little things, and if in love, its even stronger. In love, you notice the sky is blue blue blue, the roses are red, magnolias are sweet and rain is spiritual. Everything is alive and beautiful, and oh boy, the jealousy is something else

I feel that to a degree for sure.

@peopestillsuck did your view on men change? Like, that most men are assholes or something? I mean not actual assholes but crude, insensitive, etc.

Unfortunately I already viewed most people that way, antisocial narcissism is becoming common.

The emotions are actually more tame than when I first started really developing as a person, in that women freak me out thread. I went about one month being the softest most sensitive (with mine and others feelings too) person you could imagine. It was truly something else. Now though, I feel far more social, and being alone hurts more, otherwise quite similar.

Im not normally like this at all.

Ive had some strange phases in my life man, let me tell you

 

[peopestillsuck]

Seems its getting easier.
The whole experience has been interesting, ive gotten to experience high testosterone, high estrogen, low test, low estrogen...
small imbalances change so much.

The high testosterone didnt make me mean, but it made me far more likely to voice my opinion, even when it upset people, or knowing they would be aggressive. With low test, Id see someone doing something that would piss me off and just be angry, high test id let them know very firmly. It puts you in this "fuck with me and find out" mindset...Something sorely lacking in modern culture, extremely lacking in young men.
Producing more resentful young men, incapable of standing up for themselves or even voicing their opinions.
Low or high estrogen will nuke your sex drive, will to live, and energy in general.
Higher testosterone also acts as an antidepressant/anxiety+energy boost.

If you have no interest in having children, there is almost no reason not to be on "TRT" testosterone replacement, as you will be far stronger, feel better, and get more done in general. Also drastically improved sleep and recovery.

I personally cant be dependent on pharmaceutical companies with my life plan, and I just may want kids, if the world hasnt ended by then.

There are interesting benefits of women microdosing testosterone too.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Bullies? omgosh, they make me want to physically fight them, and I'm very small 5 feet.
In jr. high I did not know to restrain that.

My first reaction is to fight a bully, nothing else irks me as much. Even if I see abuse in a public place, I go right up and ask if they want me to call the cops. I grew out of the need to fight by age 18, but I still feel the urge to fight a bully whether they are bullying me, someone else, or in traffic. Thats got to be testosterone.

 

[Black Rose]

The high testosterone didnt make me mean, but it made me far more likely to voice my opinion, even when it upset people, or knowing they would be aggressive. With low test, Id see someone doing something that would piss me off and just be angry, high test id let them know very firmly. It puts you in this "fuck with me and find out" mindset...Something sorely lacking in modern culture, extremely lacking in young men.

My opinion is worthless imo when it does nothing to solve my problems.

It does not change anything. I just seem rude.

But not that I do not see what is happening, I just have a sense of when and when not to intervene.

Producing more resentful young men, incapable of standing up for themselves or even voicing their opinions.

Confronting people is hard for me to do. They do not give a F***. why bother? It's like arguing with a fox news host - you get sucked into a pwning contest. Really? Do I really want to argue with Tucker Carlson-type people about how they are wrong and I am right? No no no, You can't win with them, you are the bad guy not them, because they are narcissists. And you become what you hate.

 

[peopestillsuck]

My opinion is worthless imo when it does nothing to solve my problems.

It does not change anything. I just seem rude.

Its not to change anyones mind, its to set boundaries and not let people walk on you. When you cant stand up for yourself, you get stepped on, and that makes you sad and resentful.

Confronting people is hard for me to do. They do not give a F***. why bother

Again its not about starting fights, its about being more honest and setting boundaries.

Bullies? omgosh, they make me want to physically fight them, and I'm very small 5 feet.
In jr. high I did not know to restrain that.

My first reaction is to fight a bully, nothing else irks me as much. Even if I see abuse in a public place, I go right up and ask if they want me to call the cops. I grew out of the need to fight by age 18, but I still feel the urge to fight a bully whether they are bullying me, someone else, or in traffic. Thats got to be testosterone.

share some of that with AK lol
Idk enough about hormones to say, but its a high testosterone mindset ime

you should have gotten into boxing

 

[Black Rose]

Its not to change anyones mind, its to set boundaries and not let people walk on you. When you cant stand up for yourself, you get stepped on, and that makes you sad and resentful.

That is what my psych report said about me, exactly.

That I feel victimized and do not stand up for myself.

It said I flip between using my head and my emotions to do things and so I am inconsistent in how I respond to things.

It said I am emotionally immature. (I think I have too much vulnerability)

 

[peopestillsuck]

It said I flip between using my head and my emotions to do things and so I am inconsistent in how I respond to things.

Practice every chance you get. Thats how you get better at these things.

 

[peopestillsuck]

no more sad music on ovulation drugs.

 

[peopestillsuck]

Things are far more cute, and sweet. I find myself saying "aww" like women do when they see babies, from things that i normally wouldnt.