• OK, it's on.
  • Please note that many, many Email Addresses used for spam, are not accepted at registration. Select a respectable Free email.
  • Done now. Domine miserere nobis.

Social skills

Ink

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today 2:11 PM
Joined
Jan 26, 2012
Messages
926
-->
Location
svealand
In what way would you describe your strategy for socializing?
 
Local time
Today 1:11 PM
Joined
Aug 1, 2013
Messages
949
-->
Location
Upstairs
for me, every social interaction has an explicit well thought out purpose (outside of family and close friends of course)

do no harm.

observe/ listen first. speak third.

do no good (esp. in the realm of offering problem solving ideas up for use by others) unless compensated for the fruits of the mind (can be money or any number of other things of value/ worth to me).

as I view the outside universe as hostile, and the numbers of braindead zombies thoroughly outnumber those with brains and souls (and said zombies have an almost mythological power for mobilizing additional masses of zombies as they deem necessary) I err on the side of silence/ hasty retreat. Golden rule: the more zombified a given individual and/or collective is in direct proportion to the avoidance I seek to secure.
 

Ink

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today 2:11 PM
Joined
Jan 26, 2012
Messages
926
-->
Location
svealand
I am kind of realizing now after not seeing another human being for over a week (I've been studying from home) that I've repressed my Fe almost to non-existence. I have not avoided social contact, on the contrary, I've just not connected on an emotional level. I think. I might just be going crazy in my isolation.
 

HsinHsin

ESL
Local time
Today 9:11 PM
Joined
Oct 17, 2013
Messages
140
-->
Location
Japan
I think many people are going crazy in his/her isolation. So in a sense you are not as isolated as you think you are?
I just found out that I am INTP recently, so I try to figure out what the person's type is to see what kind of communication is possible.
 

Jennywocky

guud languager
Local time
Today 8:11 AM
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
10,724
-->
Location
Charn
1. Open mouth.
2. Don't insert foot.
 

HsinHsin

ESL
Local time
Today 9:11 PM
Joined
Oct 17, 2013
Messages
140
-->
Location
Japan
Speaking from a cultural perspective, greeting is quite important for Japanese, so if I greet people using the correct language, socializing is not difficult on the face level. I also try to smile with good timing.. :)
But in any case, I try to get myself out of the house by making a simple task.
 

Cherry Cola

Banned
Local time
Today 1:11 PM
Joined
Mar 17, 2013
Messages
3,899
-->
Location
stockholm
I try to be positive, humble and caring, so that I can get away with being eccentric.
 

doncarlzone

Useless knowledge
Local time
Today 1:11 PM
Joined
May 28, 2012
Messages
426
-->
Location
Scandinavia
Speaking from a cultural perspective, greeting is quite important for Japanese, so if I greet people using the correct language, socializing is not difficult on the face level. I also try to smile with good timing.. :)
But in any case, I try to get myself out of the house by making a simple task.

How does one greet using the correct language in Japan?
 

Jennywocky

guud languager
Local time
Today 8:11 AM
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
10,724
-->
Location
Charn
I try to be positive, humble and caring, so that I can get away with being eccentric.

Building up social capital is good, since it then gives you money to burn.
 

Brontosaurie

Banned
Local time
Today 2:11 PM
Joined
Dec 4, 2010
Messages
5,646
-->
i dno i just do the right thing always and then i get fucked over for it
 

chatelking

Redshirt
Local time
Today 7:11 PM
Joined
Oct 17, 2013
Messages
19
-->
Very socially awkward, I'm very soft-spoken with small voice volume. When I'm with my close friends I usually become the crazy one, I make myself a joke and doing explicit joke sometime.
But when I'm with acquaintance I'm like a stone. Just horrible..
 

Lot

Don't forget to bring a towel
Local time
Today 5:11 AM
Joined
Aug 9, 2011
Messages
1,252
-->
Location
Phoenix, Arizona
All I do, is be myself. I like to do odd things. It's fun. Talk about topics that normal people don't. Burst out into dance. Tell off color jokes. I don't know if you'd call that social skills, but people seem to like me.

People like when I throw out random facts about the topic of discussion. They like my different approach to thinking. I try to be nice to people. Listen to what they have to say. People love when you let them talk about them selves. Ask them probing questions to keep the ball rolling. If the context allows it, throw in an anecdote, or advice. It's not hard. May take some practice at first, but us lot are pretty clever. We catch on quickly.

I have met people that don't like me from the get go. Usually I don't like them either. So the fact that we don't get along doesn't bother me. It's pretty rare, though. Perhaps my internet persona isn't as likable. I haven't done too much probing for an answer. (not compliment/reassurance fishing)
 

HsinHsin

ESL
Local time
Today 9:11 PM
Joined
Oct 17, 2013
Messages
140
-->
Location
Japan
How does one greet using the correct language in Japan?
Basically Japanese use certain phrases for certain social situations. For example, after work, one would say "Otsukaresama deshita", which means "I appreciate your hard work." Or simple expressions like "Good morning/Ohayogosaimasu", "Thank you/Arigatougosaimasu", "Sorry/Gomennasai", etc, are good enough to pass. But there are many many other "Kimarimonku".
I am not sure if it is easier for INTP to blend into the social environment in Japan, but somehow I save time and energy in thinking, if I could say the expected phrase at the right time .
BUT still I am very awkward.
 

Grayman

Team Ignorant
Local time
Today 5:11 AM
Joined
Jan 8, 2013
Messages
4,361
-->
Location
US of A
In what way would you describe your strategy for socializing?

It is very difficult to describe all the possible methods as it is different with the situation and person you speak with. The rules of socializing are dynamic.

One thing that I can say is that there is a communication system built into each of us that is instinctual. As illogical as our emotions may seem, they are a key to communication, expression, and understanding. When understanding ourselves more we can understand others. We have to be able to open ourselves to the illogical emotional values we often try to ignore in ourselves and listen. Often we will face situations that this is not enough. The values of each individual are different and not always your own, but the method mentioned provides a good starting point.
As an INTP my feelings are a lot harder to find and gather to be used as a reflective pattern to how others think. I am not like them and the makes it much more difficult. Simply listening to them and paying attention to the connections of how they act and what they say can be enough to complete that pattern and get a more accurate reflection of the individual than a simple self reflection.

One important factor to consider is that the values of others are worth listening to and 'accepting' as true at least for them. If a person complains about his boss not asking about how things are going. He values the idea that others are concerned for his well being and he is emotionally uplifted with the reminder. It is likely that if you ask them how they feel and how their personal life is coming along the person will begin to bond with you. If a person always jumps in to help and volunteer for things it is likely the person finds the action of working together to be a bonding experience it also likely that talking during the action is not likely a requirement. In fact talking is rarely a requirement for socializing, it is more listening that is important. As Introverts that is not an issue so I will not go to much into that. Although talking is not as important as listening, saying the right thing is. That is where we trip up all the time.

Saying the right thing is best described as targeting positive values and avoiding the negative values, but how do you be real with them? How do you tell them something that will spark a negative value and cause a negative reaction? The answer is to provide them with the understanding that you do care about their point of view. That is the first step. You may not agree with what they are doing or thinking but it is important for them to know that you are interested in their well being. You must be real about it also. This requires some sort of empathy. So dig deep and find it. When the person knows that you care about them and that you mean well it would be hard for them to get mad at you when you tell them they are wrong.

Anyways, I could go on but I think this is enough for now.
 

HsinHsin

ESL
Local time
Today 9:11 PM
Joined
Oct 17, 2013
Messages
140
-->
Location
Japan
It is very difficult to describe all the possible methods as it is different with the situation and person you speak with. The rules of socializing are dynamic.

One thing that I can say is that there is a communication system built into each of us that is instinctual. As illogical as our emotions may seem, they are a key to communication, expression, and understanding. When understanding ourselves more we can understand others. We have to be able to open ourselves to the illogical emotional values we often try to ignore in ourselves and listen. Often we will face situations that this is not enough. The values of each individual are different and not always your own, but the method mentioned provides a good starting point.
As an INTP my feelings are a lot harder to find and gather to be used as a reflective pattern to how others think. I am not like them and the makes it much more difficult. Simply listening to them and paying attention to the connections of how they act and what they say can be enough to complete that pattern and get a more accurate reflection of the individual than a simple self reflection.

One important factor to consider is that the values of others are worth listening to and 'accepting' as true at least for them. If a person complains about his boss not asking about how things are going. He values the idea that others are concerned for his well being and he is emotionally uplifted with the reminder. It is likely that if you ask them how they feel and how their personal life is coming along the person will begin to bond with you. If a person always jumps in to help and volunteer for things it is likely the person finds the action of working together to be a bonding experience it also likely that talking during the action is not likely a requirement. In fact talking is rarely a requirement for socializing, it is more listening that is important. As Introverts that is not an issue so I will not go to much into that. Although talking is not as important as listening, saying the right thing is. That is where we trip up all the time.

Saying the right thing is best described as targeting positive values and avoiding the negative values, but how do you be real with them? How do you tell them something that will spark a negative value and cause a negative reaction? The answer is to provide them with the understanding that you do care about their point of view. That is the first step. You may not agree with what they are doing or thinking but it is important for them to know that you are interested in their well being. You must be real about it also. This requires some sort of empathy. So dig deep and find it. When the person knows that you care about them and that you mean well it would be hard for them to get mad at you when you tell them they are wrong.

Anyways, I could go on but I think this is enough for now.
Agreed!
 

CivilEyes

Redshirt
Local time
Today 7:11 AM
Joined
Oct 24, 2013
Messages
2
-->
Location
USA
For a fresh face or group of newcomers: Usually quiet, observing and polite, occasionally asking questions.

Once I feel a bit more comfortable with an acquaintance: This over-the-top goober/goofy comedic act seems to kick in, get people laughing and comfortable. Not too many people will be treated otherwise.

Anyone I start to like/respect: Start asking deep questions and attempt to get those "intellectual discussions" going, keeping some of my twisted humor nearly ever-present.

I've mostly just embraced the apparent fact that I'm "weird" and "intimidating" or whatever other descriptors get thrown around. I just seek out the ones who dig my antics and go from there. This all assumes I'm in the mood to socialize, of course. I'm unpleasant when I want solitude and that might be viewed as a strategy to ensure solitude is maintained. Can be too effective.
 

AzuriteCat

A cat that barks 'meow'
Local time
Today 8:11 PM
Joined
Sep 23, 2013
Messages
17
-->
Location
Cave of DOOM
Just like most INTPs, I observe. What those people like to talk about, their interests, mannerism... and such. Chances of befriending them are higher if they share ,at least, ONE interest with me. But if we don't share the same interest(s), I'll try to ask them about theirs. Once in a while, I may ask them questions just to get the momentum going.

So...yeah. Can't say that this strategy is going to make them my friends in an instant. I usually ask them for their Facebook account after that and we'll part ways from there. I call that Stage 2. As for Stage 3, we shall see if we're going to keep in touch on Facebook.
 

NoID10ts

aka Noddy
Local time
Today 7:11 AM
Joined
Jul 14, 2008
Messages
4,541
-->
Location
Houston, TX
I spit at people. If they turn away in disgust, I punch them in the kidneys, steal their money, and run like hell. If they just smile and wipe it off, I buy them a beer... which I spit in.
 

Anling

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today 6:11 AM
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
566
-->
Basic greetings and get-to-know-you questions are useful. You may even discover something interesting to talk about from their answers.
 

Words

Only 1 1-F.
Local time
Today 1:11 PM
Joined
Jan 2, 2010
Messages
3,222
-->
Location
Order
It is very difficult to describe all the possible methods as it is different with the situation and person you speak with. The rules of socializing are dynamic...
yeah.

My strategies are dependent on context and person. I act out certain characters depending on the person.

But, if we're talking about conversation for the purpose of making genuine friends, I would name my strategy "conscious ignition, subconscious conversation." Consciousness works best when you want to initiate something but they never create good relationships. Being conscious is like carefully playing your cards right. But, with relationships, people won't trust you and won't be comfortable with you if you don't open up your cards to them. Being less conscious or being under the state of subconscious( i use the term liberally) is opening up your cards.

Writing this reminded about how there are so many interesting people out there. One time, I met this odd person who just kept playing mind games with everyone. He would alter his personality easily and it would be very difficult to read him.

I spit at people. If they turn away in disgust, I punch them in the kidneys, steal their money, and run like hell. If they just smile and wipe it off, I buy them a beer... which I spit in.
haha.
 

Jennywocky

guud languager
Local time
Today 8:11 AM
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
10,724
-->
Location
Charn
...If they just smile and wipe it off, I buy them a beer... which I spit in.

That might be an improvement. The only different between beer and piss is 30 minutes.
 

Jennywocky

guud languager
Local time
Today 8:11 AM
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
10,724
-->
Location
Charn
Hmmmm....
Considers opening microbrewery.

Hmm. unless your kidneys are superhuman (or you get additional staff to help you stream more product), you might have to stick with a nanobrewery.
 

NoID10ts

aka Noddy
Local time
Today 7:11 AM
Joined
Jul 14, 2008
Messages
4,541
-->
Location
Houston, TX
Hmm. unless your kidneys are superhuman (or you get additional staff to help you stream more product), you might have to stick with a nanobrewery.

I live in a sewer. All I need is a bucket, some coffee filters, and lots of empty bottles. I'll call it "Noddy's Shitwater." Beer connoisseurs love beers with funny names. No one will know I mean it literally.

Oh, and just so it doesn't look like I'm derailing this thread, beer is a great social lubricant and some of my best social encounters have been in bar bathrooms. Yay me, still on topic! :p
 

Windbag

I am here to wheeze.
Local time
Today 1:11 PM
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
29
-->
Location
Ontario
In what way would you describe your strategy for socializing?

Play to your strengths as an INTP. You want to avoid small talk.

Gather information by asking people interesting questions about their work or hobbies. Don't be afraid to get analytical, but be very careful not to go too far. Most people don't like to have their hobbies and passions deconstructed. This is a great strategy: I'd rather die than hear about someone's insipid cruise to Alaska, but chances are they do something interesting at some point.

Theorize! People love "what-if" scenarios. Posit some. "Let's say we were on a deserted island. . ." Use common sense and be charming and witty and stay away from uncomfortable topics.

You are eccentric. Just accept it, but you don't have to be some sort of weirdo. People love small talk because it reinforces that we are all the same underneath. Friend: as an INTP, you ain't. So you generally have to dish up something to let people know that your rich inner world isn't filled with ravenous, genocidal demons. Mention whatever you love (science, history, math, technology, gaming, fine art, philosophy etc.) and make it sound as positive as possible.

You can do it!
 

Windbag

I am here to wheeze.
Local time
Today 1:11 PM
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
29
-->
Location
Ontario
do no good (esp. in the realm of offering problem solving ideas up for use by others) unless compensated for the fruits of the mind (can be money or any number of other things of value/ worth to me).

I don't mean to criticize your raging misanthropy, but I'll offer a contrasting experience: I found happiness once I found a way to make myself useful to others. I pursued a career in construction because I discovered a point of contact with literally everyone. Everyone lives in a house or an apartment, so everyone has some sort of residence-related problem to solve.

I don't work in building any more, but it's nice to have the experience so I can comment competently when people want to repair or renovate their homes.
 

WALKYRIA

Active Member
Local time
Today 1:11 PM
Joined
Jan 30, 2013
Messages
492
-->
Same as evrybody else:
1° I wear a gentle/ "nice boy" face(semi grining and smiling)
2° I listen a lot and comment on things that the otehr person says.
3° I ask questions, clarifications, get interested in the interesting details in the lives of the others,..etc
4° I Joke subtly.
5° Other than that I hate socializing for the sake of it.
6° I use a lot of sub-communication, body language

i hate people and especially:
-when people behave in a way I don't understand( acting too superficial; mainly girls !)
-when people speak too much and never pauze, never listen to the silence or never give the other opportuniy to think and to formulate an elaborate anwer.
-when people speak about mundane ,unintersting, day to day things.
-People who speak too much, or shout...Etc
-small talk
-dissing people
-...Etc
 

mu is mu

Member
Local time
Today 7:11 AM
Joined
Jun 13, 2012
Messages
94
-->
Location
Louisiana
In what way would you describe your strategy for socializing?

Don't.

Corny INTP responses aside, I would have to say, as others already have, that my strategy depends on the situation. And in all seriousness I have to wonder why I would engage in social interaction for which I was not obligated to participate in, as I am not at all a relationship-oriented individual and rare is the occasion on which I happen to encounter someone with whom I can initiate and sustain a mutually satisfying conversation.

But for the obligatory types of social interaction I would say that my "strategy" usually consists of intuition combined with active listening--I usually allow the other person to play a dominant role in the conversation. And it seems to me that most people I know don't take offense at my introversion or the fact that the conversations they have with me tend to be one-sided. Evidently people enjoy talking to someone who will listen attentively and who appears to affirm whatever they say--and hopefully this remark isn't perceived as cold and cynical.

Now if the other individual also happens to be an iNtuitive… Then the strategy I described above deactivates and the conversations become more natural and less deliberate; I become less self-conscious.
 
Top Bottom