• OK, it's on.
  • Please note that many, many Email Addresses used for spam, are not accepted at registration. Select a respectable Free email.
  • Done now. Domine miserere nobis.

Need help

Pustulio

Redshirt
Local time
Today 4:51 AM
Joined
Oct 8, 2007
Messages
18
-->
Location
Southwestern Wyoming
Well my sister (14) is an emo. It's gone on for a while but today was bad.
She cut herself purposely in front of her friends, my other sister (9) and myself.
I'm really upset and traumatized, I don't know how to handle this and I need some advice.
 

loveofreason

echoes through time
Local time
Yesterday 11:51 PM
Joined
Sep 8, 2007
Messages
5,503
-->
Pustulio, I wish I had the right wisdom to share!

Can you explain the term emo? (I'm a drop-out from mainstream culture, and this word I've noticed lately without understanding the reference).

I can tell you though how tempting the idea of cutting oneself is when in a certain frame of mind. Self-harm seems to be a modern epidemic, and I'm tempted to look for the causes in society. I think something really big is wrong with our culture when it results in this behaviour in vulnerable individuals.

What about you? Where are you in all this? How old are you? What kinds of support do you have to turn to?

Can your sister talk about her pain to anyone? If my hunch is right, cutting happens when pain has gone beyond words and simply can't be expressed any other way. That's pretty damn profound and total pain.

Do you have any insight into why your sister hurts so much, and a strategy for looking after yourself in response to her actions? What would happen if you just hugged her and neither of you talked?

Sorry I'm not more help, even though the cutting issue is relevant to me now, because for the first time I'm feeling a magnetic attraction to the action, and I seek to understand why I would want to do that to myself - how it would feel, and what might possibly stop me.

How are you going? How is the situation with your sister now?
 

Pustulio

Redshirt
Local time
Today 4:51 AM
Joined
Oct 8, 2007
Messages
18
-->
Location
Southwestern Wyoming
Well she suffers from sever depression disorder and apparently it is caused by the releasing of endorfants which cause her to feel good when doing something like that. My parents and I have it all figured out, she is going to therapy and on medication.

I'm 15 and my sister is 14, my other sister is 9.
 

Vrecknidj

Prolific Member
Local time
Today 6:51 AM
Joined
Nov 21, 2007
Messages
2,198
-->
Location
Michigan/Indiana, USA
I'm sorry that you are going through this. Do you have anyone you can talk to? How are your parents handling things?

My wife has had some quite severe depressive episodes, so I am more than familiar with living with someone who suffers from depression.

Dave
 

astrafti

Redshirt
Local time
Today 12:51 PM
Joined
Dec 6, 2007
Messages
9
-->
Current western countries social structure and media has made it quite confusing for youngsters today, I wouldnt doubt shes just questioning everything and cant find answers to things or cant find somewhere to belong, something to strive for..

My advice would be to guide her to something she wants to do. might be some lone wolf sport, might be studying of some form, drawing, music or earning money. dont make her have to get good grades. if she doesnt like a class she doesnt have to feel bad for not getting good results. show her people will love her even if she doesnt alter views, appearance or behaviour. there are alot of inappropiate means society has made as rules of success she might not comply with and not fulfilling these type of standards might make kids confused.

i hope this is the case and that my post comes to use. best of luck!
 

Ermine

is watching and taking notes
Local time
Today 3:51 AM
Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
2,878
-->
Location
casually playing guitar in my mental arena
Well my sister (14) is an emo. It's gone on for a while but today was bad.
She cut herself purposely in front of her friends, my other sister (9) and myself.
I'm really upset and traumatized, I don't know how to handle this and I need some advice.

I'm really sorry for you. Well, I think the key factors would be the depression, the fact that she's 14 (traumatic times), identity crisis, and society, or at least the one she lives in.

Above all, hang on and pull through, and along with the rest of the family, let her know that you love her. The best thing she can have right now is a stable, happy, loving home life. I know that's what helped me most when I was 14. I wasn't that much of an emo kid, but I was by all means a crazy teenager.

Also, there's obviously an enormous inner conflict for her to be hurting herself for attention (from what I've seen and heard, cutting is usually a more solitary activity). You could probably help her if she let you. Just don't intrude on her. That would make it worse.

As for the identity crisis, she probably doesn't know what she wants from life, or who she wants to be. Hardly any teenagers know this for sure. The emo thing might be part of something I call "playing dress up"; simply trying on identities like outfits to see which one fits. She needs time.

It might be a matter of friends. They might be forcing her into this, or convincing her that what she's doing is a good thing. I'd keep an eye on her. (without intruding of course)

Sometimes, the best thing to do is hang on, keep her from harm as much as you can, and wait. I didn't get out of my "14" phase until I was about 15 or 16.
 

Taylor

Redshirt
Local time
Today 5:51 AM
Joined
Dec 30, 2007
Messages
5
-->
Location
Liberalville, U.S.A (upper midwest)
Well my sister (14) is an emo. It's gone on for a while but today was bad.
She cut herself purposely in front of her friends, my other sister (9) and myself.
I'm really upset and traumatized, I don't know how to handle this and I need some advice.

I agree with all the others that she's on an identity crisis thing; but I don't think that you should just call it a 'phase' and brush it off. When someone cuts themselves in front of other people, it's usually to garner attention, which isn't part of an 'identity crisis' per se but ironically, part of their true identity. If she's willing to conform to a stereotype so totally that she'll physically harm herself in order to establish "identity", then there's something wrong.

Depending on what kind of person she is (and how 'dramatic' her cutting statement was), this may or may not blow over. My suggestion: get some professionals to help out. Nobody wants her to take the emo thing too far. Stability + love = possible solution!

(sorry if this didn't help; I'm no professional and am currently dealing with some crises of my own at the moment, so maybe I'm not the most reliable source...)
 

Cabbo Pearimo

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today 11:51 AM
Joined
Mar 13, 2008
Messages
715
-->
Location
Northern Ireland
Emos aren't depressed. Now bear with me here, because this is coming with background knowledge and etc. etc.


they think that nobody could understand them. Their true selves. Who they are alone at night, thinking and dreaming. This coupled with the fact that they have been shunned by the populars, the 'cool kids', leads to a pretty intense feeling of solidarity. They flock together with the other loan souls, and those that would say they are but are really looking for attention from some funny goth friend
, but this does nothing for their condition. So, "nobody knows me, no-one ever will, why should I live if I have nothing to contribute?"


I find that the best way to help them is to ask them what they think. If they're wrong, suggest a more plausible theory, blah blah blah, and help them to understand themselves, so other people can too. It's a common thing to blame the music, but that kind of suicidal emotion is deep, and no amount of teenage phases or rebellions can cause it. So, let your little sister talk to you about stuff. Not peers, but meaningful stuff, like life, and reassure them that there is boundless potential in the form of creativity or logic. You might just help make a little genious.
 

Wisp

The Soft Rational
Local time
Today 6:51 AM
Joined
Jan 4, 2008
Messages
1,291
-->
Location
East Coast of USA
Hmmmm... I wasn't sure how far the emo "thing" had spread. I guess it made its way to Europe, at least...
 

Cabbo Pearimo

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today 11:51 AM
Joined
Mar 13, 2008
Messages
715
-->
Location
Northern Ireland
I'm guessing that a little indian boy right now is opening his brand new My Chemical Romance T-shirt.


In India.
 

Wisp

The Soft Rational
Local time
Today 6:51 AM
Joined
Jan 4, 2008
Messages
1,291
-->
Location
East Coast of USA
Haha, now thats a scary thought... emo psycho muslim terrorists (Not that most muslims are anything like that)
 

Cabbo Pearimo

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today 11:51 AM
Joined
Mar 13, 2008
Messages
715
-->
Location
Northern Ireland
No, but the muslim terrorists seem to be going crazy recently.

Actually, that might be a good way to stop suicide bombings! They'll just cut themselves instead!

P.s, I know suicide isn't a joke. But for not being a joke, this is damn funny.
 

Wisp

The Soft Rational
Local time
Today 6:51 AM
Joined
Jan 4, 2008
Messages
1,291
-->
Location
East Coast of USA
It is a funny thought... maybe they can use bomb-knives...
 

Linsejko

Ghost of עמק רפאים.
Local time
Today 5:51 AM
Joined
Mar 26, 2008
Messages
603
-->
Location
In the center of the world. (As opposed to the ear
Wisp, that was a terrible joke.

Cabbo, more funny than your already funny joke is your constant nagging on MCR. I'm irrepressibly grinning every time I read a new one.

I think this is 3 I've found thus far?

.L
 

Cabbo Pearimo

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today 11:51 AM
Joined
Mar 13, 2008
Messages
715
-->
Location
Northern Ireland
"Momma we're all gonna die
Momma we all go to hell"

Where is the creativity? Where is the soul? I'll tell you where; in satan's A+E ward having cut itself.
 

Wisp

The Soft Rational
Local time
Today 6:51 AM
Joined
Jan 4, 2008
Messages
1,291
-->
Location
East Coast of USA
It WAS a bad joke...
 

Zaihtam

Redshirt
Local time
Today 12:51 PM
Joined
Apr 8, 2008
Messages
8
-->
Emptiness

I have a theory that inside all of us there are an emptiness which sometimes fills everything. This emptiness is the reason why people try to fill their life with meaning, because this emptiness is the expression of us human who dont understand why we exist.

Some turn to religion, some obsess about football or music, and some cant seem to find anything to fill their emptiness, so they hurt themselves to confirm that the world is real. Just because it is better to cut yourself than being miserable with a life that is not worth anything. I think it is nothing to worry about. Because if she wanted to commit suicide she would. This is just her way of telling you that she needs attention. She needs her life to change from what it is to something better, and she knows no other way of telling you that. Of course, she will not confirm this if you ask her, since she is not willing to ask explicit for help.

There are different ways of hurting one self. One is to hurt others on purpous because negative attention is better than no attention at all. Another is to overeat and become fat and obsessed with food. Then someone might notice that they are different and may want to help them (in their mind). And some actually hurts themselves. Well, if they wanted to commit suicide, they would.

One should take them seriously, but to an extent. Many only do this to get attention, and really dont have any problems other than thinking of themselves as useless. It comes with the age, and passes with time in most cases.
 

mm1991

Active Member
Local time
Today 5:51 AM
Joined
Oct 10, 2007
Messages
186
-->
Location
Illinois
Honestly, I think they are attention seekers.
And sorry to be harsh but annoying ones at that.
 

Cabbo Pearimo

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today 11:51 AM
Joined
Mar 13, 2008
Messages
715
-->
Location
Northern Ireland
A main source of the 'I must cut myself' bullocks is that they can't handle the fact that we're all going to die and in the end nothing means anything, and the mis-interpretation of that thought as an argument in favour of death.
 
Top Bottom