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Lack of Identity


Local time
Today 11:04 AM
Jul 14, 2021
It's funny how, even after several years of constantly paying attention to my own thoughts/feelings and those of others, only now I realized I have no idea about who I am or what motivates me, besides wanting to make a difference. Oh the irony.

I just started thinking about that after I got obsessed (it feels weird calling it that instead of an "interest", but that's the best way to convey how I feel and think about it) with personality typing- especially MBTI and Socionics. It started off as something interesting and even fun for a while, and a new way to understand people more deeply — not only their cognition, but their motivations.
However, I've spent countless hours stuck in my inner world trying to figure out my own type, after I discovered I had some trouble detaching from my own values and emotions in order to reach the truth, which is what matters the most to me. My head being kind of foggy (for some reason) doesn't help much either-

I think the reason I'm caring so much about this is that I desperately need something to relate to and that makes sense to me.
I took several tests before (online ones, of course) and I got INFP and INFJ on most of them, but I don't believe that's an accurate way to type someone, especially when the questions are so blatantly obvious as to which cognitive functions they are referring to.

It's difficult to truly find yourself when you are constantly trying to be someone else — one that's just right for dealing with X situation- and that's why I am asking for help with this here, so that I can break out of this analysis paralysis and stop second guessing my own conclusions.

The only conclusion that I reached was that I'm missing something and don't quite know what it is.

Trying to ignore it or shut down my thoughts by exposing myself to any external stimuli hasn't been working, so any kind of insight would be really appreciated.

I apologize for any mistakes I may have made, since English is not my first language.


Well-Known Member
Local time
Today 7:34 PM
Apr 19, 2016
I am going through a similar phase and learned the hard way that pondering on your own identity is usually a bad idea. Too much self-awareness leads to circular thinking because when you think of it, 'tendencies' cannot always be traced back to a particularly tangible personality trait because it is impossible to trace each thought that leads to a certain tendency.

The most commonly prescribed method and also the best one available is firstly gauging the amount of 'comfort' you have with doing something. The mind has a peculiar way of expressing itself through likes and dislikes and hence it is important to define your principles. That may help you in figuring out what you like. Of course, it is important to experiment with other behaviour (although, this is an extremely dangerous thing to do) in order to arrive at a firm conclusion about your own principles.

Life is mostly about this. Don't feel bashful about not possessing as much confidence as some people. Confidence breeds hubris easily. And being disillusioned when hubristic is psychologically very damaging. Always be humble about what you are and what you can be. Some basic principles of Buddhism can help you with the process.

And lastly, never stop doing things. Just sitting and thinking leads to nowhere but Depression's Wonderland.


for the glory of satan
Local time
Today 8:04 AM
Sep 2, 2009
There's no wrong door for self-exploration, but it rarely helps to start by trying to fit into a personality box.

There's a fun therapist quote: "I learn what I believe as I hear myself speak"

Maybe come at this identity thing sideways and see what happens. Ask yourself different types of questions, and drill them down with hard why's and becauses.


What makes you angry?
What lies do you tell yourself?
What is your happiest memory?
Where/how do you feel safest?
What most scares you?


Team Ignorant
Local time
Today 7:04 AM
Jan 8, 2013
US of A
True freedom is choosing who you are to become. Be something great. Finding yourself is stupid because it assumes you are unchanging, immobile, and forever stuck a shitty person. People's belief in that concept limits them and prevents growth.

The Gopher

Local time
Tomorrow 12:04 AM
Aug 26, 2010
Don't worry about finding out who you are as you'll never be able to fully portray that to someone else and if only you know who cares right? Instead worry about being something you want to be, get really good at things you enjoy, pursue them with a passion. Then people will see you for who you are and you'll be known and loved.
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