Introverted Thinking And The Need To Be Left Alone

[JimJambones]

When I was in high school(which was not exactly yesterday) I had an antisocial Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt that said "Leave Me Alone" on the back of it. I'm sure it did not gain me any friends, which was fine, I surely had my fair share of good friends, but it did indicate that I generally preferred not to have much social interaction with most people outside my little circle. Now I very well couldn't wear the damn thing everyday, but I had a host of other similar t-shirts that served a similar purpose. I would also lock myself in my bedroom for hours so I could be alone pursuing my interests; studying, reading, listening to music, etc. I probably would've wasted a lot ot time on the internet, but I didn't have one until after college, so that wasn't an option at all. But all this ended up serving my introverted thinking, as I was able to spend a great deal of time in head pondering things. For me, introverted thinking needs to be done in silence. Since I prefer to do a lot of thinking, I need an equal amount of alone time.

College ended up being something entirely different. No longer could I just lock myself in my room; I had to share it with one, sometimes two roomates. This was distressing to me, my inner sanctum occupied, but I dealt with it the best I could. But mostly I'm going to leave this topic alone for now; too many bad experiences here. Needless to say, but most of my introverted thinking was satisfied during my lectures.

However, there was one activity that started in high school and has lasted to this day that has dampened my thinking time, and my spirits, and that was having to work shitty jobs. In high school and college, the demands placed by my employers, the hours and physical demands, would tire me out. But, it is the need for money that drove me and as a result I'm a very different person because of this than I otherwise would've been. I would say that it brought out untapped potential, developed my social and organizational skills, and brought some balance into my life. However, my introverted thinking time was diminished.

Having a family and a career unrelated to my interests have added to this diminished time. While typing this I have been interrupted more times than I can count, which can be quite frustrating. I wouldn't trade my family for anything in the world; they are dear to me, however, a thinker is after all still a thinker, and my family has a difficult time understanding why anyone would want to sit around and think all the time. I wish I had a thinking cap I could put on my head for when I'm at home or at work so people could tell that I am thinking and so they need to wait until I take the cap off, but I'm afraid it would be on my head all the time. I cannot think and do anything else at the same time.

I love doing outdoor activities alone so I can experience the outdoors for a bit, which I love, and it gives me time to think. Anyone else do this too?I want to know if other INTPs have struggled with balancing their need to be alone and think with their numerous other obligation in life. How important is being alone to you? How has it affected your relationships? What things have you done to stay in good relations with others while still being able to pursue your intellectual interests?

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I would enjoy reading your stories too if you wouldn't mind sharing them. I apologize for grammatical errors, I'll probably touch it up a bit later.

 

[Montresor]

Ne would be your map and Ti would be your guide.

Si is constantly double checking the map to make sure your guide isn't lost and Fe lets others know you are on a quest.

Fe invites people in and it shuts people out. It's almost like a weapon for an INTP. A really heavy weapon that requires skill and training or it is more destructive to the user than the target. Discipline, discipline.

Apparently you score high on the introversion scale.

Try using intuition to look externally and find some common ground so that your family can relate to you and your needs. Try typing your family ... I consider the functions to be "common ground" to use when relating to people.

Basically you need to use this awareness to put yourself in the driver's seat.

The probability of a person being an xFxJ is quite high ... meaning Fe could very well be your common ground with your family. Maybe they find your Ti to be altogether confusing, irritating, and "anti-social". Use Fe to reach out to your family and you might even open doors to intrinsic rewards you hardly knew existed.

Lastly: antisocial vs. asocial. Why am I compelled to point this out? Because I can't resist, that's why. So hate me for it - everybody else does.


Story Time:

My boss is ISTJ, extremely introverted to the point where he seems to expect people to read his mind ...

What happens is I'll be framing the day away (inside of my own head), bang bang, when suddenly I'm in shit for something. Not necessarily because I made a mistake (which I rarely do), but because the way I'm building has caused conflict with the way he thinks I should be building, solely based on his own inner methodology.

Then he starts swearing and saying how he hates this and he hates that, and it's overall quite abrasive really. Most people respond emotionally to this kind of crap, and I'll admit that I do as well. I had to find a change or I would wind up leaving this job as well (I quit close to 30 jobs last year). Part of the problem is I NEED TO BE LEFT ALONE.

xSxJ- types kind of get a bad rap on this forum. For one, it's definitely wielded as an insult. To clarify: SJ's are the "fall in line", "teamwork", "objective methodology", "skill level purely based on years experience", "intelligence not important", "common sense rules all", "do what I say", "follow the rules", "I'm the boss", "your opinion doesn't matter", "respect my authoritah", "honour the code" type of people.

Once I identified his type it was easy to appeal to him on a psychological level. By asking him to use his Te at work (to which he gleefully obliges), the mind-reading part is no longer necessary ... and to relate on a personal level I simply discuss practical matters from a Si standpoint (things like food, the "right way to do things", et cetera).

Once the "objective methodology" (Te ejaculation) is in place, it frees me up to work independently again, mindful of what he wants out of me. Ti always takes the lead for me; any conflict between what I think is right and what I'm told to do is manifested physically with a condescending scowl or sneer that I can't control, and it REALLY keeps people on their toes.

This was a very recent discovery of mine so I intend to continue practicing the method of coaxing his Te out of him so I can avoid his childish rants, while using powerful introverted thinking to analyze and interpret the information I take in. At the end of the day, I am the winner. I have the upper hand. I am the new boss. HAHAHAHA

 

[Architect]

Beautifully said. I'll take it one step further, due being raised in a extroverted S household and a highly ES culture I was brainwashed into thinking that getting out is somehow important and necessary. Yes it is, a little bit, but different types have differing needs. Extroverts, particularly ES types need to get out everyday and interact with the world. Introverts much less so, the term "homebody" applies here. Fe secondaries like INFJ's need to get out a fair bit, and on the end of the scale is the INTP who probably needs to get out the least. I've been reprogramming myself, tying more to my need for alone time at home on my computer, thinking.

This might sound silly ... but do you remember the grandfather in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? Remember how he had a little shed he would go to, dressed for some African or Arctic adventure? That's how I feel. To this end I have a wildly fantastic office, you don't want to know how much I spend on it. When I go there I feel like I'm entering a different, more exciting world in many ways.

To answer your question, yes my favorite activity in the outside world is going for walks and hiking.

 

[JimJambones]

Lastly: antisocial vs. asocial. Why am I compelled to point this out? Because I can't resist, that's why. So hate me for it - everybody else does.

Good point. I would say that I'm asocial as oppossed to antisocial, an important distinction. However, I do feel that my Fe is on the right track and I suspect that I will be hosting parties of the upmost awesomeness any day now ..........still waiting though........any day now.......

 

[JimJambones]

This might sound silly ... but do you remember the grandfather in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?

This may be equally silly, but I've never seen that movie But I understand what you mean.

 

[JimJambones]

...... due being raised in a extroverted S household and a highly ES culture I was brainwashed into thinking that getting out is somehow important and necessary. Yes it is, a little bit, but different types have differing needs. Extroverts, particularly ES types need to get out everyday and interact with the world. .

My thoughts exactly. I felt pushed and judged by SPs and SJs to get something done and done correctly. However, I know that if I spend the time understanding something, getting to the core of an issue, I would do a much better job, sometimes surpassing many other people doing the same task.

ESes have also exerted a big influence on me as I can fit right in to many of them for a short period of time. I share many typical guy traits: I like working on my shitty car when it's malfunctioning, making repairs around the house, and plan on purchasing a truck soon, so I will soon be uber macho *flexing average sized biceps*(POP). However, conversations I have with the guys often head into the abstract with me and I get the "what the hell are you talking about" look. So I tried grunting a lot instead, and that seems to have worked very well for me. Generally, I've learned to adapt to my social situations, learned what say and what not to say. It has served me well thus far.

 

[QuickTwist]

First off I must say this is a great thread. I have what seems like a lot of SJs in my life and I may now have the right info to deal with the problem of the different ways I do things than with the ways they do them.

I am similar to the original poster in this this thread. In high school I hardly ever talked to anybody. I don't know if it was because I was such an introvert or because I was insecure or both. It doesn't really matter which because at this point I understand that is just who I am and I have to work with who I am and not focus on trying to change my personality so much.

I have found that laughing at other peoples jokes regardless if they are funny or not can help with relationships a ton. Heck even if they don't make a joke it can help if you laugh. Another thing I found helpful is if you need to get away simply pretend like you are a J and you need to get to your task. Most people will understand.

Can someone explain tht comparison between antisocial and asocial?

 

[Wolf18]

When I was in high school(which was not exactly yesterday) I had an antisocial Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt that said "Leave Me Alone" on the back of it. I'm sure it did not gain me any friends, which was fine, I surely had my fair share of good friends, but it did indicate that I generally preferred not to have much social interaction with most people outside my little circle. Now I very well couldn't wear the damn thing everyday, but I had a host of other similar t-shirts that served a similar purpose. I would also lock myself in my bedroom for hours so I could be alone pursuing my interests; studying, reading, listening to music, etc. I probably would've wasted a lot ot time on the internet, but I didn't have one until after college, so that wasn't an option at all. But all this ended up serving my introverted thinking, as I was able to spend a great deal of time in head pondering things. For me, introverted thinking needs to be done in silence. Since I prefer to do a lot of thinking, I need an equal amount of alone time.

College ended up being something entirely different. No longer could I just lock myself in my room; I had to share it with one, sometimes two roomates. This was distressing to me, my inner sanctum occupied, but I dealt with it the best I could. But mostly I'm going to leave this topic alone for now; too many bad experiences here. Needless to say, but most of my introverted thinking was satisfied during my lectures.

However, there was one activity that started in high school and has lasted to this day that has dampened my thinking time, and my spirits, and that was having to work shitty jobs. In high school and college, the demands placed by my employers, the hours and physical demands, would tire me out. But, it is the need for money that drove me and as a result I'm a very different person because of this than I otherwise would've been. I would say that it brought out untapped potential, developed my social and organizational skills, and brought some balance into my life. However, my introverted thinking time was diminished.

Having a family and a career unrelated to my interests have added to this diminished time. While typing this I have been interrupted more times than I can count, which can be quite frustrating. I wouldn't trade my family for anything in the world; they are dear to me, however, a thinker is after all still a thinker, and my family has a difficult time understanding why anyone would want to sit around and think all the time. I wish I had a thinking cap I could put on my head for when I'm at home or at work so people could tell that I am thinking and so they need to wait until I take the cap off, but I'm afraid it would be on my head all the time. I cannot think and do anything else at the same time.

I love doing outdoor activities alone so I can experience the outdoors for a bit, which I love, and it gives me time to think. Anyone else do this too?I want to know if other INTPs have struggled with balancing their need to be alone and think with their numerous other obligation in life. How important is being alone to you? How has it affected your relationships? What things have you done to stay in good relations with others while still being able to pursue your intellectual interests?

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I would enjoy reading your stories too if you wouldn't mind sharing them. I apologize for grammatical errors, I'll probably touch it up a bit later.

Sure:
I'm in high school and once a month we have a homecoming-type thing which essentially is school-supported deafening music and dancing. It is compulsory because it is supposed to make us "bond." My friend (who is an INTJ) and I (INTP) would have none of it. We were sitting in front of computers next to our "classroom" (which we have more or less taken over to hang out in during lunch), researching something. Pretty soon, a teacher comes and tells us that we have to go downstairs to homecoming and he will stand there until we do. Thinking fast, my friend tells him that we are both so sensitive to sound that we can't possibly go down (which is actually true, and very much part of the reason that we don't). He says that unless we get a doctor's note, we have to go down. Just as he says this, I spot the school psychologist. He's a doctor, right? So I signal my friend and we pretend to reluctantly go downstairs. We catch up to the good doctor and explain our situation. He agrees that we don't have to go down. On our way out of the office, we see the teacher who was making him go down and explain that we have a verbal note from the school psychologist. The teacher leaves us alone. Then we go back upstairs. I explore my memory map, which is among the most Ti things I do.

 

[Mabuse]

...due being raised in a extroverted S household and a highly ES culture I was brainwashed into thinking that getting out is somehow important and necessary. Yes it is, a little bit, but different types have differing needs.

This certainly has influenced me. I have this constant burden of "things I need to do on my own for the sake of being able to do them on my own" because I've been told that I must do it (primarily in the context of errands). Sure, there are some things that are just easier to do in the traditional sense and I've slowly developed the courage to them once or twice, but my crippling society anxiety has also developed a keen sense of determining how to do things differently. An amazing amount of energy and risk is absolved through certain paths and make me feel more comfortable, to boot. That extra time to contemplate culls a significant return on investment.

Being unable to communicate this to my family, I put it simply: I don't have to wash the dishes if I don't like washing dishes. They of course still don't believe me, but I'll just say that the spoon is the most versatile utensil I've come across.

Luckily, I have a very respectful family who are much busier with their own lives and errands than I am with my own. When I want to be alone, I get to be alone. When it comes to potential friends, I communicate explicitly that I have a socializing quota, and when it's met, that's it for the rest of the week. Experiencing me after that quota typically is a one-time affair because I'll complain too much or I'll quite simply be boring. Online communication has been very useful in filling this gap, because I can control when I want to reply and can monitor the mood of my replies more vigilantly.

But there really is nothing like being absolutely alone with my own thoughts. I prefer being in or on fast-moving objects, because no one has the chance to interfere. I think it's very important to establish some symbol for others to understand when your "thinking cap" is on.

 

[Montresor]

Sure:
I'm high and once we have a type thing which essentially is supported and dancing. It is supposed to bond an INTJ and I (INTP) would have none of it. We were sitting in front of our "classroom" (we have less lunch), researching a teacher and that we have to go to homecoming and he will do. Thinking my friend so sensitive to go down (which is actually true). He says that we get a doctor's note, we have to go down. Just as he spot the school psycho. He's a friend and we go down. On our way out the teacher who was making him go down and verbal psychoteacher leaves us back upstairs. I explore my memory map, which is among the most Ti things I do.

 

[Wolf18]

What did you do to my post??

SW

 

[Brontosaurie]

However, conversations I have with the guys often head into the abstract with me and I get the "what the hell are you talking about" look. So I tried grunting a lot instead, and that seems to have worked very well for me. Generally, I've learned to adapt to my social situations, learned what say and what not to say. It has served me well thus far.

quote of the evermore

 

[Beat Mango]

I always wanted this Nine Inch Nails T-shirt ever since high school, but I could never find it in store after seeing it the first time:

Might be just about time I finally got it. Not sure if I'd actually wear it, it's a bit powerful for me these days

 

[JimJambones]

^Looks dangerous, careful where you wear that

 

[Nott]

Fe invites people in and it shuts people out. It's almost like a weapon for an INTP. A really heavy weapon that requires skill and training or it is more destructive to the user than the target. Discipline, discipline.

As a youngster who has not quite developed her Fe, I am very interested in this.

 

[Montresor]

As a youngster who has not quite developed her Fe, I am very interested in this.

Very good. Make sure to find the most knowledgeable individuals to seek your knowledge from. Every single person has an opinion, including me.