Epiphany regarding INTP intimidation

[DrGregoryHouse]

So, I think I realized how, for me, I'm able to avoid pissing people off.

Explanation: over the last several years I've come to the realization that most people take offense when they think you are too smart. I don't think INTPs do this on purpose at all, its simply that the majority of us are and we enjoy this aspect of ourselves and want to share.

Still, the majority of the world is ever ready to take offense when the INTP is eager to engage at a relatively higher level of verbal and social intercourse.

Idiocracy the movie reference: "you talk like a fag and your shits all retarded":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkPGlVqqEP0

So, I've been practicing the art of acting like I'm drunken in what I do or say in social situations where others might otherwise become unnecessarily offended (and I have some vested interest in seeing to it that they simply view me as the proverbial 'nice' guy).

So, my epiphany: act like I'm drunk in typical social situations. Its been saving me a lot of headaches as far as worrying if my INTP nature is rubbing others the wrong way.

 

[Grayman]

When I start thinking I am smarter than everyone else they easily sense it and think I am an arrogant fuck. Pretending to be drunk, stupid, or ignorant helps hide the fact that I actually think 'you', everyone without discrimination, are all stupid. I don't know why people are offended by the aura I give off that says "don't you ever have a thought that contains logic and is based in reality?".

 

[AsbestosXposure]

I have definitely done much the same thing. It comes out most when I am under stress in social situations when there is one other person, even if the other person would not normally be a problem. I recently noted it as a sort of automatic coping mechanism. I will sort of 'act out' as an extrovert and blab a bit/run around... Makes me look like the ADHD (mis?)diagnosed child I grew up as.

 

[dark+matters]

Hah! This is a beautiful thread so far. I totally have to play dumb, allllll the time. It generally doesn't bother me, but it sometimes gets a bit lonely. Someone actually threatened to "take me down a notch" at college last semester. *shrug* Can't help it if the teacher asks a question and no one else wants to answer! I mean, I am ignorant about tons of stuff, and I'm wrong a lot, and I am a human being- weak, small, forgetful and highly limited in processing power. But it's definitely been in my favor to play dumb and not say too much for most of my life. I especially enjoyed being a bleached blonde for a while.

The only time I can remember that I wasn't made fun of for using too much Ti-style communication was a blissful time in elementary school. My classmates and teachers didn't make fun of me or try to change me. They just let me derp about and be an individual and read my books during recess and be excited about learning and sharing learning and exchanging knowledge.

Humility is a virtue, and I don't have enough of that sometimes, but I also think that Ti-communication brings out the insecurity in a lot of people. And unfortunately, many think that they can mind read (when I hear someone say, "You're not as smart as you think you are!" I think... this is clearly an issue you've had over the years, and you must have more issues aside from that if think you can read my mind...) and a lot of people are willing to take out the negative feelings that arise out of confusion onto others. It sucks. Hair bleach.

 

[Latte]

Never had this problem.

Then again I tend to rarely say things to people that they can't understand or in ways that they are unlikely to understand, and my language tends to be somewhat successfully formed within the parameter of "shouldn't make the person upset towards me".
When I'm not intentionally trying to bite someone.

It's not exactly a fruitful act to say something that an audience wouldn't understand, and when people think you know they wouldn't understand it, they in many cases understandably think you're trying to prove a point about your supposed superiority in one aspect of cognition in a rather rude way.



When I was younger and didn't understand people and their reactions that much, I was still quite careful. Not careful not to seem intelligent, but careful not to butt into issues people didn't want my opinion about, and be sure I had a communication plan.

Highly suspecting that appearing intelligent isn't exactly the precise definition of why people got mad at y'all folks.

 

[Architect]

I encounter this or a variant. I'm usually full of ideas and theories about just about any topic. If I go at the pace I'd like to go at I get the "I'm moving on" look from people. It also frequently happens online, in S heavy boards one of them will make it their job to be a complete asshole to you, to 'put you on the level'. Another form of this hazing occurs when S men group together.

Not sure about the smart perception aspect of it. I'd rather suspect that I'm hitting them in their inferior. Take a discussion with an ISTJ who has Te aux and Ne inferior. Here I am spouting on ideas and in-depth theories tying them all together, no wonder their eyes cross! Think of it this way, it's like a Fe dominant coming at you, "Oh DEAR, how ARE you, I haven't seen you in SO long" ... you know what it's like. You want to crawl under the table.

No need to dumb down, just find an appropriate forum for your ideation. I find it difficult to socialize with dominant S types for any length of time for this reason. I call it the "Great S-N divide". I think it's the largest divide in Type. T-F is no big, E-I (J-P isn't anything), it's S-N that is the greatest division with people.

 

[Hadoblado]

Oh so the problem was that we were too smart all along!

Reminds me of that time I was too fast to win a race.

 

[zerkalo]

Ha I'm not ~~smart~~
I'm just terrible at this vv

I tend to rarely say things to people that they can't understand or in ways that they are unlikely to understand, and my language tends to be somewhat successfully formed within the parameter of "shouldn't make the person upset towards me".
When I'm not intentionally trying to bite someone.

In order to avoid misunderstandings or problems, I tend to keep my thoughts to myself...which only makes things worse, because this way I'm unable to attain and hone the vocabulary I need to express myself clearly.

That being said, i do frequently recognize instances where people have seemingly hostile reactions to certain topics simply because they are unfamiliar with them.

 

[Jennywocky]

... Think of it this way, it's like a Fe dominant coming at you, "Oh DEAR, how ARE you, I haven't seen you in SO long" ... you know what it's like. You want to crawl under the table. No need to dumb down, just find an appropriate forum for your ideation.

Yeah, I think it's good to keep it in perspective. If we assume all types are "equal" in terms of legitimacy, then it helps if we remember how other types might go gung-ho in their dom and how it makes us feel.

still, it is a relief to find a group where you don't have to think about how to tone down your dom to work most effectively. I can operate in groups but depending on the degree of damping necessary, I can find them frustrating over the long-term.

I think the only bad point about fixating solely on outlets where you don't have to damp is that it can remove INTPs from influence in certain areas of the culture where we might be needed even more. But it will come with some headaches.

I find it difficult to socialize with dominant S types for any length of time for this reason. I call it the "Great S-N divide". I think it's the largest divide in Type. T-F is no big, E-I (J-P isn't anything), it's S-N that is the greatest division with people.

Yeah, in my view it's the "perception" divide. If two people see the same things but merely prioritize them differently, then they should still be able to understand where the other is coming from. It's more difficult when people don't even see the same things.

 

[StevenM]

In grade + highschool, I had that problem. I started off as the weird one who read encyclopedias, and wouldn't shut up about all that I've learned. Playing 'dumb' seemed like a good method and actually lead to better social ranks.

Well... better ranks with the rif-rafs, and stoners. They were good people, but I did get into a lot of trouble.

Back then, I was in a mechanical/electrical-hobby phase, and very resourcefully set up eleborate home theatre systems made for fine movie and video game entertainment. I guess I was quite a good host.

I've had very conflicting messages from family. In one hand, I am told that I'm extremely smart, much more than average. On the other (because of my eccentric, bizarre,, and social-awkwardness), I've been called a complete retard.

I really can't say I'm all that intelligent. There's too many times I talk, yet I don't even know what the hell I'm talking about. Too many times that I was wrong. However, counting the number of "I's" in my posts, it may be an indication of my self-focus, and egotism. :P

 

[ma(dy)ma(dx)]

So, I think I realized how, for me, I'm able to avoid pissing people off.

Explanation: over the last several years I've come to the realization that most people take offense when they think you are too smart. I don't think INTPs do this on purpose at all, its simply that the majority of us are and we enjoy this aspect of ourselves and want to share.

Still, the majority of the world is ever ready to take offense when the INTP is eager to engage at a relatively higher level of verbal and social intercourse.

Idiocracy the movie reference: "you talk like a fag and your shits all retarded":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkPGlVqqEP0

So, I've been practicing the art of acting like I'm drunken in what I do or say in social situations where others might otherwise become unnecessarily offended (and I have some vested interest in seeing to it that they simply view me as the proverbial 'nice' guy).

So, my epiphany: act like I'm drunk in typical social situations. Its been saving me a lot of headaches as far as worrying if my INTP nature is rubbing others the wrong way.

Sounds like a very sad technique.
Be your self and find people who appreciate that. Sounds like a cliché, but many of life's real truths are the so called clichés. They are big truths in small packages.
Even stating that this is a cliché is a cliché in it self - just an other kind.

 

[Yellow]

I don't think dumbing yourself down is the answer at all. It is dissatisfying for you, and it is often transparent to others. Assuming you are smarter that everyone else, however, is an issue.

One thing I've REALLY had to work on, is not assuming that I'm the only person in the room with a specific set of knowledge. Some people already know the information you're about to spew, so approach it as if they do know, and don't lecture to them or be dismissive if they don't.

If someone is wrong, or appears to be in need of information, present it at their level. If you think them intelligent and rational, then by all means go at them with your full INTP force (like you would with anyone here). They can take it. But if they are missing one element or both, adjust appropriately.

I tend to be lighthearted about it, so it's clear that I'm excited about the topic in a friendly/playful way. It makes me seem informative, rather than like some asshat trying to lord over the conversation. I think it also helps that I keep my intuition to myself with relative strangers. I stick with facts. I can whip out the insightfulness once I get a rapport going. After all, I'm not trying to impress[intimidate] anyone.

 

[ma(dy)ma(dx)]

But seriously - does it make you feel better about your self when people call you House?

 

[Architect]

YYeah, in my view it's the "perception" divide. If two people see the same things but merely prioritize them differently, then they should still be able to understand where the other is coming from. It's more difficult when people don't even see the same things.

Interesting, I'll have to think about that. It might be the root cause, which is fine, the problem is how they act on it. For examples, in my heavy ES family (even the IS's act like ES's) conversation is all about specious non consequential nothings. It's not obviously shallow, but we (the intuitives) continually find that bringing up anything with meat will quickly go nowhere. Familiar with this?

Example, my dad will ask "So how's it going?" or even specifically about something I'm doing. However, if I answer, he looks bored (looks away, uninterested in a non obvious way) and the thread will peter out within half a minute. He wants to hear "Everything's GREAT Pops!" or some variation, or for me to make a joke or be 'entertaining' in some way. A real answer, like "well it kind of sucks right now" will just elicit a saccharine non response. The point being the ES types, being so extraverted, can't generally deal with much introspection.

I get it, yes - I really do get that. And for years I've gone along with it, I know we're different. But I expect a little in return. At least try to go deep a little. However ES types usually suffer from a deficiency that because their dominant is Extraverted they don't have to introspect, and oftentimes never do. It would be good for them developmentally but they often don't. IS types are better but have their own variant.

In short, there's an asymmetry between intuition and sensation. Its partially due to the majority being Sensation. If you're in the minority then the majority gives you minority air-time, any way you cut it.

 

[dark+matters]

Never had this problem.

Then again I tend to rarely say things to people that they can't understand or in ways that they are unlikely to understand, and my language tends to be somewhat successfully formed within the parameter of "shouldn't make the person upset towards me".
When I'm not intentionally trying to bite someone.

It's not exactly a fruitful act to say something that an audience wouldn't understand, and when people think you know they wouldn't understand it, they in many cases understandably think you're trying to prove a point about your supposed superiority in one aspect of cognition in a rather rude way.



When I was younger and didn't understand people and their reactions that much, I was still quite careful. Not careful not to seem intelligent, but careful not to butt into issues people didn't want my opinion about, and be sure I had a communication plan.

Highly suspecting that appearing intelligent isn't exactly the precise definition of why people got mad at y'all folks.

*whispers behind Latte's back* Latte only said that he didn't have any idea what that was like and never had any problems with that because he thinks he's socially superior to us and more wise and mature and more emotionally intelligent!

I am only kidding to make a point about how people can take out their insecurity on others- not actually accusing you of thinking you are better than us. That would be unfair and unproductive. I could never know that one way or another, and there's no way we have to define what one person being better than another would be anyway. It's exactly the same dynamic I see some people start convulsing into with me, even if I have their best interests in mind. I have always been around lots of crazy people though and don't know when to leave so the social groups in question probably affect things.

 

[Oddity]

No need to dumb down, just find an appropriate forum for your ideation. I find it difficult to socialize with dominant S types for any length of time for this reason. I call it the "Great S-N divide". I think it's the largest divide in Type. T-F is no big, E-I (J-P isn't anything), it's S-N that is the greatest division with people.

I disagree. J types are the ones I have the biggest problems with.

I think the only bad point about fixating solely on outlets where you don't have to damp is that it can remove INTPs from influence in certain areas of the culture where we might be needed even more.

Which areas of culture do you think we might be needed in?

 

[Analyzer]

I think this is why I'm pretty quiet in social situations, especially when discussing "intelligent" ideas. Unless I know I am with like-minded individuals or in a one on one setting I won't really put my two cents in. Honestly what's the point? Do you really think you can change someones thinking? Is that even a good thing to do? Interestingly, Ti enjoys independent thought but at the same time INTP's want to make people think a certain way(Fe). Maybe it's more effective to detach yourself from logic chopping and just use a parable to get your point across or make people think for themselves.

Never argue, never complain, and never explain; It's easier and you'll get more fun out of life. This has the effect of coming off as mysterious or appearing clueless, but I'm fine with that.

 

[Grayman]

Sometimes we just like talking about the things others don't want to talk about or feel is socially innappropriate.

 

[Vrecknidj]

I currently spend the majority of my time around people who are exceptionally intelligent; sometimes I have to really work, mentally, to keep up with some of them. It's refreshing. This is much better than years ago when I spent most of my time around people who were, at best, of average intelligence.

I didn't, back then, act stupid to attempt to fit in, and I just dealt with the consequences of sometimes being smarter than others. I don't have to deal with this presently.

 

[Lot]

Spoiler

Never had this problem.

Then again I tend to rarely say things to people that they can't understand or in ways that they are unlikely to understand, and my language tends to be somewhat successfully formed within the parameter of "shouldn't make the person upset towards me".
When I'm not intentionally trying to bite someone.

It's not exactly a fruitful act to say something that an audience wouldn't understand, and when people think you know they wouldn't understand it, they in many cases understandably think you're trying to prove a point about your supposed superiority in one aspect of cognition in a rather rude way.

When I was younger and didn't understand people and their reactions that much, I was still quite careful. Not careful not to seem intelligent, but careful not to butt into issues people didn't want my opinion about, and be sure I had a communication plan.

Highly suspecting that appearing intelligent isn't exactly the precise definition of why people got mad at y'all folks.

This ^


I have literally never had an issue with people get mad at me for showing intelligence. People often tell me that they like that aspect of me. They come to me with questions about any topic.

Using some charm and whimsy, helps to disarm people. They tend to like you more, and respect what you have to say. I was lucky enough to be born with above average looks. Which also helps to disarm people. Lastly, I back off or change the way I explain something if people are getting frustrated/disinterested or seem to be struggling with understanding.

People don't like people that have to be right all the time.

 

[Architect]

I disagree. J types are the ones I have the biggest problems with.

OK no problem, act dumb then.

 

[Grayman]

This ^


I have literally never had an issue with people get mad at me for showing intelligence. People often tell me that they like that aspect of me. They come to me with questions about any topic.

Using some charm and whimsy, helps to disarm people. They tend to like you more, and respect what you have to say. I was lucky enough to be born with above average looks. Which also helps to disarm people. Lastly, I back off or change the way I explain something if people are getting frustrated/disinterested or seem to be struggling with understanding.

People don't like people that have to be right all the time.

Same here.

I think some people here have a very large academic IQ while suffering from a low Emotional IQ.

I don't think this is an INTP thing. I have full understanding of how I am recieved based on my different actions and how to compensate for all that I say and do and make others feel warm and comfortable around me. My issues generally occur, not because I am ignorant or incapable of human understanding, but because I have temporary lapses in judgement where I, in my excitement, Ti without considering the consequences. I generally don't have to pretend to be stupid. I just have to think before I act and consider how the other person may perceive my statements or questions. Generally, all I have to consider is if my statements would be considered appropriate for the situation. Most of the time I simply know intuitively how to react or act around people until my obsessions over various topics block out that intuition and I stop listening to what I know is going to happen.

 

[onesteptwostep]

I think this is why I'm pretty quiet in social situations, especially when discussing "intelligent" ideas. Unless I know I am with like-minded individuals or in a one on one setting I won't really put my two cents in. Honestly what's the point? Do you really think you can change someones thinking? Is that even a good thing to do? Interestingly, Ti enjoys independent thought but at the same time INTP's want to make people think a certain way(Fe). Maybe it's more effective to detach yourself from logic chopping and just use a parable to get your point across or make people think for themselves.

Never argue, never complain, and never explain; It's easier and you'll get more fun out of life. This has the effect of coming off as mysterious or appearing clueless, but I'm fine with that.

This is pretty much how I approach social situations in general. I feel like there's too many unknown variables for me to just "come out" with my final answer- most social situations are meant for bonding and group cohesion, not for discussions. Now those.. those more 'intellectual' ping pong discussions, those are for those late night parties and dinners with beer and a bunch of goodies to eat

Social ettiqute used to be a thing back then.. now it's just a wild jungle of superfical woopdiedos. (yes I just made that word up)

EDIT: You know, this could be more of a regional thing, like the US east coast vs. west coast. Cali social disposition, and a New Yorker one, are I bet a lot different.

 

[XUD9]

Don't worry scrote. There are plenty of 'tards out there living really kick-ass lives. My first wife was 'tarded. She's a pilot now.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

I encounter this or a variant. I'm usually full of ideas and theories about just about any topic. If I go at the pace I'd like to go at I get the "I'm moving on" look from people. It also frequently happens online, in S heavy boards one of them will make it their job to be a complete asshole to you, to 'put you on the level'. Another form of this hazing occurs when S men group together.

Precisely.

Not sure about the smart perception aspect of it. I'd rather suspect that I'm hitting them in their inferior. Take a discussion with an ISTJ who has Te aux and Ne inferior. Here I am spouting on ideas and in-depth theories tying them all together, no wonder their eyes cross! Think of it this way, it's like a Fe dominant coming at you, "Oh DEAR, how ARE you, I haven't seen you in SO long" ... you know what it's like. You want to crawl under the table.

thought provoking. Rings true.

No need to dumb down, just find an appropriate forum for your ideation. I find it difficult to socialize with dominant S types for any length of time for this reason. I call it the "Great S-N divide". I think it's the largest divide in Type. T-F is no big, E-I (J-P isn't anything), it's S-N that is the greatest division with people.

I've come to this conclusion about the GREAT S-N divide, too. Exactly. When I watch Les Miserables Javert is the S and ValJean the N. I do sometimes wish Ss would all jump off the nearest 1,000 foot ledge at the same time. I'll admit I simply do not like them, generally speaking.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

I don't think dumbing yourself down is the answer at all. It is dissatisfying for you, and it is often transparent to others.

This approach is definitely valid no question about it, in general.

Assuming you are smarter that everyone else, however, is an issue.

Becomes an issue, though when I, personally, do in fact score in the 99th percentile on standardized intelligence tests. no wa I'm sayin?

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

But seriously - does it make you feel better about your self when people call you House?

In all likelihood House couldn't care less.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

Interesting, I'll have to think about that. It might be the root cause, which is fine, the problem is how they act on it. For examples, in my heavy ES family (even the IS's act like ES's) conversation is all about specious non consequential nothings. It's not obviously shallow, but we (the intuitives) continually find that bringing up anything with meat will quickly go nowhere. Familiar with this?

Example, my dad will ask "So how's it going?" or even specifically about something I'm doing. However, if I answer, he looks bored (looks away, uninterested in a non obvious way) and the thread will peter out within half a minute. He wants to hear "Everything's GREAT Pops!" or some variation, or for me to make a joke or be 'entertaining' in some way. A real answer, like "well it kind of sucks right now" will just elicit a saccharine non response. The point being the ES types, being so extraverted, can't generally deal with much introspection.

I get it, yes - I really do get that. And for years I've gone along with it, I know we're different. But I expect a little in return. At least try to go deep a little. However ES types usually suffer from a deficiency that because their dominant is Extraverted they don't have to introspect, and oftentimes never do. It would be good for them developmentally but they often don't. IS types are better but have their own variant.

In short, there's an asymmetry between intuition and sensation. Its partially due to the majority being Sensation. If you're in the minority then the majority gives you minority air-time, any way you cut it.

Amen INTP brother

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

I think this is why I'm pretty quiet in social situations, especially when discussing "intelligent" ideas. Unless I know I am with like-minded individuals or in a one on one setting I won't really put my two cents in. Honestly what's the point? Do you really think you can change someones thinking? Is that even a good thing to do? Interestingly, Ti enjoys independent thought but at the same time INTP's want to make people think a certain way(Fe). Maybe it's more effective to detach yourself from logic chopping and just use a parable to get your point across or make people think for themselves.

Never argue, never complain, and never explain; It's easier and you'll get more fun out of life. This has the effect of coming off as mysterious or appearing clueless, but I'm fine with that.

Awesome points have been made here. Thank you

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

This ^


I have literally never had an issue with people get mad at me for showing intelligence. People often tell me that they like that aspect of me. They come to me with questions about any topic.

Using some charm and whimsy, helps to disarm people. They tend to like you more, and respect what you have to say. I was lucky enough to be born with above average looks. Which also helps to disarm people. Lastly, I back off or change the way I explain something if people are getting frustrated/disinterested or seem to be struggling with understanding.

People don't like people that have to be right all the time.

Level Brain Sex achieved

 

[redbaron]

Too smart to figure out the multi-quote function.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

Too smart to figure out the multi-quote function.

or...too smart and time too valuable to bother monkeying with such silly distractions. This sort of thing fits in my personal file of C.C.L. = Couldn't Care Less. If fiddling with techno computer gadgetry is your thing...have at it though. To each their own

 

[redbaron]

Too smart to realise that using multi-quote saves time by reducing number of page loads and multiple series of mouse clicks.

My time is valuable but I'm too smart to understand basic forum functionality.

 

[Brontosaurie]

nah i dunno m8

might be, i spose

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

Too smart to realise that using multi-quote saves time by reducing number of page loads and multiple series of mouse clicks.

My time is valuable but I'm too smart to understand basic forum functionality.

Not interested in being a target of anyone's ego self exploration/ definition via perceived interpersonal conflict aka drama, especially on an internet forum. If you want answers in this regard you'll have to have at them some other way. Like ask directly. And nicely

Ignore mode: Fully Engaged.

 

[redbaron]

This whole thread is about your inability at 40+ years old to attain the basic social skills to avoid interpersonal conflict, which you chalk up to you just being, "too smart" for people.

Sounds like ignore mode was already fully engaged.

 

[Brontosaurie]

ya it is what i'd do, at em

no shame in goin on strong

 

[Brontosaurie]

This whole thread is about your inability at 40+ years old to attain the basic social skills to avoid interpersonal conflict, which you chalk up to you just being, "too smart" for people.

Sounds like ignore mode was already fully engaged.

anyone struggle is on their own, total darkness

 

[Reluctantly]

I don't think dumbing yourself down is the answer at all. It is dissatisfying for you, and it is often transparent to others. Assuming you are smarter that everyone else, however, is an issue.

One thing I've REALLY had to work on, is not assuming that I'm the only person in the room with a specific set of knowledge. Some people already know the information you're about to spew, so approach it as if they do know, and don't lecture to them or be dismissive if they don't.

If someone is wrong, or appears to be in need of information, present it at their level. If you think them intelligent and rational, then by all means go at them with your full INTP force (like you would with anyone here). They can take it. But if they are missing one element or both, adjust appropriately.

I tend to be lighthearted about it, so it's clear that I'm excited about the topic in a friendly/playful way. It makes me seem informative, rather than like some asshat trying to lord over the conversation. I think it also helps that I keep my intuition to myself with relative strangers. I stick with facts. I can whip out the insightfulness once I get a rapport going. After all, I'm not trying to impress[intimidate] anyone.

I agree with this. This is basically how I am with people and it works pretty well.

It also helps when I get to know someone, know how they think and what they value and all the quirks of their personality, then I can know whether or not my intuition will be appreciated from them.

 

[redbaron]

To clarify, my point is that being intelligent doesn't make you less able to adapt to social cues.

If you can't do it, then it's because you're unable, unwilling or uncaring - and there's nothing necessarily wrong with being any of those, but it isn't because you're too intelligent.

 

[Minuend]

Like Lot, I find that intelligent people are generally at least respected, sometimes also admired. Some even get a sage like status where they are sought for advice.

Some of the common factors I remember about individuals like this is that they were funny, they never really treated their intelligence like something important and they never came off as they felt better than others because of it. They were just positive minded individuals who knew how to use snark at the right times, when to tell that interesting fact or when to elaborate of someone's understanding. It never felt in your face or excessive.

Which brings me to an older friend of mine (50+) who does like to share his superior knowledge of cars. You can ask him a thing, or just comment on something related to cars, and he'll go on an on about it. He also tends to go into a semi- condescending state combined with a desire to help people gain that knowledge and some excitement for talking about things he knows a lot about. He can also attempt this venture in more philosophical areas when inspired. But his insights are lacking, his judgment too harsh and narrow. And people are generally uninterested, I suspect some of his neighbors are avoiding him.

Point is, it's very easy to be found annoying or too talkative at the "wrong times" even though you (plural) might know something others do not.

(For anyone who has the problem stated in OP; ) Perhaps if you write down the last 3-4 episodes where people showed annoyance at you being too intelligent; Write down the situation you were in, who were there and the conversation itself. See if there is a pattern there, either in the topic discussed, the timing of your comments, the type of person you were talking to, how you phrased it, was the other person telling a joke etc. Maybe there's a pattern in communication that's making things more difficult than they need be. Perhaps there is a way of improving your relationships with people if you know how to adjust in certain areas. We all have to adjust somewhat when being with people we have less in common with.

---------

Even though the sensors are getting crap further up, at least they are attempting to show you respect by adhering to certain norms. Labeling the behavior shallow is disregarding the sum of their personality that leads to their behavior. I worked with a couple of elderly ladies who asked very simple questions like what I was doing on the weekend, how my day was, my family. But it was because they wanted to show an interest in me, and it was a result of having showed this type of interest and respect for people their entire lives. If you walk around thinking people should respect you because you are intelligent, instead of appreciating people who do and in the various ways people do it, then you will find yourself less liked. Even when not saying it explicitly, this is something people pick up on through body language, tone of voice and phrasing.

Keep in mind just how you find other people tiresome or irrelevant, others can quickly have the same opinion of you.

Also, if you are found generally unlikable, people will more often choose not to listen to you or associate you with something bad. Even when you are doing or saying something worthwhile. It's a dislike bias.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

Ignore mode: Fully Engaged.

Being smart helps with anything. It makes understanding and adjusting to others easier, that is if you are willing to adjust and consider.

You can ignore RB or whoever but he's telling you the truth.
One look at your negative attitude and there's no wonder that you come off the way you do.

I don't think INTPs do this on purpose at all, its simply that the majority of us are and we enjoy this aspect of ourselves and want to share.

Offending people, yet not on purpose, means you don't realise what you are doing wrong most likely.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

Like Lot, I find that intelligent people are generally at least respected, sometimes also admired. Some even get a sage like status where they are sought for advice.

Some of the common factors I remember about individuals like this is that they were funny, they never really treated their intelligence like something important and they never came off as they felt better than others because of it. They were just positive minded individuals who knew how to use snark at the right times, when to tell that interesting fact or when to elaborate of someone's understanding. It never felt in your face or excessive.

Which brings me to an older friend of mine (50+) who does like to share his superior knowledge of cars. You can ask him a thing, or just comment on something related to cars, and he'll go on an on about it. He also tends to go into a semi- condescending state combined with a desire to help people gain that knowledge and some excitement for talking about things he knows a lot about. He can also attempt this venture in more philosophical areas when inspired. But his insights are lacking, his judgment too harsh and narrow. And people are generally uninterested, I suspect some of his neighbors are avoiding him.

Point is, it's very easy to be found annoying or too talkative at the "wrong times" even though you (plural) might know something others do not.

(For anyone who has the problem stated in OP; ) Perhaps if you write down the last 3-4 episodes where people showed annoyance at you being too intelligent; Write down the situation you were in, who were there and the conversation itself. See if there is a pattern there, either in the topic discussed, the timing of your comments, the type of person you were talking to, how you phrased it, was the other person telling a joke etc. Maybe there's a pattern in communication that's making things more difficult than they need be. Perhaps there is a way of improving your relationships with people if you know how to adjust in certain areas. We all have to adjust somewhat when being with people we have less in common with.

---------

Even though the sensors are getting crap further up, at least they are attempting to show you respect by adhering to certain norms. Labeling the behavior shallow is disregarding the sum of their personality that leads to their behavior. I worked with a couple of elderly ladies who asked very simple questions like what I was doing on the weekend, how my day was, my family. But it was because they wanted to show an interest in me, and it was a result of having showed this type of interest and respect for people their entire lives. If you walk around thinking people should respect you because you are intelligent, instead of appreciating people who do and in the various ways people do it, then you will find yourself less liked. Even when not saying it explicitly, this is something people pick up on through body language, tone of voice and phrasing.

Keep in mind just how you find other people tiresome or irrelevant, others can quickly have the same opinion of you.

Also, if you are found generally unlikable, people will more often choose not to listen to you or associate you with something bad. Even when you are doing or saying something worthwhile. It's a dislike bias.

Excellent points that deserve careful consideration

 

[Yellow]

Becomes an issue, though when I, personally, do in fact score in the 99th percentile on standardized intelligence tests. no wa I'm sayin?

I very much know what you're saying. I was raised on the philosophy that we, the intellectual giants, are fundamentally different, and therefore unable to connect with such lesser beings as the intellectually average. I've since found that it's a poor defense mechanism for social rejection. I mean, what could be more convenient for the ego than to say "I can't connect with them because I'm smarter"?

I'm not trying to be mean, but I think this bears saying: It's possible that your social issues are something that you could work on in a more genuine way, rather than using your differences as an excuse. Now, there will always be people you don't click with -- no one is universally liked or universally likeable -- but if you turn off the majority of people you meet, then it's on you. More specifically, the problem most likely lies in your social intelligence, not your IQ.

 

[fishmanfresh]

From a practical standpoint disarming people with my southern California surfer-bro demeanor is helpful in that it reinforces the idea that my ego is not at stake in a debate. By distancing myself from my ideas, I think (maybe) I am more inviting for people to be critical of my ideas (which I want), and not to, in the case that the other debater has found some kind of respect for my opinions, decide not to voice their opinions out of fear of being judged by me.

Sorry I'm not good at words.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

I very much know what you're saying. I was raised on the philosophy that we, the intellectual giants, are fundamentally different, and therefore unable to connect with such lesser beings as the intellectually average. I've since found that it's a poor defense mechanism for social rejection. I mean, what could be more convenient for the ego than to say "I can't connect with them because I'm smarter"?

I'm not trying to be mean, but I think this bears saying: It's possible that your social issues are something that you could work on in a more genuine way, rather than using your differences as an excuse. Now, there will always be people you don't click with -- no one is universally liked or universally likeable -- but if you turn off the majority of people you meet, then it's on you. More specifically, the problem most likely lies in your social intelligence, not your IQ.

Yeah, Socrates demise was entirely due to his lack of Emotional Intelligence.
Methinks a select few of commentators on this thread are proving my point. Time to act drunk with this particular too cool for school tough crowd. nowaimsayin...Derp a derp, derp derp derp.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

From a practical standpoint disarming people with my southern California surfer-bro demeanor is helpful in that it reinforces the idea that my ego is not at stake in a debate. By distancing myself from my ideas, I think (maybe) I am more inviting for people to be critical of my ideas (which I want), and not to, in the case that the other debater has found some kind of respect for my opinions, decide not to voice their opinions out of fear of being judged by me.

Sorry I'm not good at words.

Precisely. Brah.

 

[rainman312]

I encounter this quite a bit. Many people I know probably think I'm incredibly arrogant. I've also had peopel tell me that I, "don't know everything," and that I'm, "not as smart as I think." Except they're wrong, at least about the second statement. I'm exactly as smart as I think, I'm just not as smart as they think I think I am. I've also been called a prententious asshole because I don't talk to people a lot and tend to ignore useless / unhelpful / unimportant comments. However, instead of playing ignorant to avoid disdain, I just ignore the disdain. I don't really care what the majority of people I know think of me. I suppose many people at their jobs don't have that luxury, though.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

I encounter this quite a bit. Many people I know probably think I'm incredibly arrogant. I've also had peopel tell me that I, "don't know everything," and that I'm, "not as smart as I think." Except they're wrong, at least about the second statement. I'm exactly as smart as I think, I'm just not as smart as they think I think I am. I've also been called a prententious asshole because I don't talk to people a lot and tend to ignore useless / unhelpful / unimportant comments. However, instead of playing ignorant to avoid disdain, I just ignore the disdain. I don't really care what the majority of people I know think of me. I suppose many people at their jobs don't have that luxury, though.

Excellent

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9sUVrVS4co

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7OX0OyQsOo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcXHEdNW2-0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vl0rlS0KIx0

 

[rainman312]

Spoiler

Excellent

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9sUVrVS4co

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7OX0OyQsOo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcXHEdNW2-0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vl0rlS0KIx0

Exactly. I love that show. It's my signature.