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Does this INTP like me or not?

Mallona

Redshirt
Local time
Today 9:47 PM
Joined
Apr 30, 2021
Messages
2
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Guys I really need your help. I am an INFJ girl and I have this shy INTP friend. Nowadays we live far away due to studies. We text occationally and he has said that he misses me, that we should hang out more and once he sent a ❤. Those are very rare things coming from him. Last weekend I was in his town and spent most of the time with him.
First night we hung out at his place just talking. Then we had dinner out. At dinner he asked why it ended with my ex who he never seemed to like and after that he told me he had given up on finding a girlfriend and that he has never had romantic feelings for anyone. He also said he has trust issues and trusts nobody. When we talked about the time we got to know each other he said ”somehow you captured me.”
After this he brought me to meet his friends for drinks. Before saying goodbye he kinda tickled my waist and we shared a long hug.

We decided to meet the next evening as well and after hanging out at his place for hours I told him I have feelings for him. He got nervous and said "I dont know what to say" and then he said he enjoys my company, that I'm easy to talk to, that I'm beautiful and funny but that he "didn't feel more than that but had been thinking about it."

Later he walked me to the bus and I said he didnt have to wait with me. He replied ”I’m happy to.” On my way to the hotel he texted me it was really nice seeing me. The next day he texted me to ask of my flight home went ok. It’s not really like him to text like that.

Now I found out from his best friend he has been talking to him about me and our talk. He also took a screenshot of a selfie I had posted. What does he feel for me?
 

onesteptwostep

The Lance of Longinus
Local time
Tomorrow 5:47 AM
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Dec 7, 2014
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3,570
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How old are you? He's clearly in love with you and is being honest as he possibly can. If you want to further a relationship, you should encourage his feelings, help him talk about himself and generally be supportive.
 

Mallona

Redshirt
Local time
Today 9:47 PM
Joined
Apr 30, 2021
Messages
2
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How old are you? He's clearly in love with you and is being honest as he possibly can. If you want to further a relationship, you should encourage his feelings, help him talk about himself and generally be supportive.
We are both 24. He has never dated though. Thank you for great input. Wow you really think he likes me like that..Its confusing and hard to see it correctly when you are in the situation yourself
 

BurnedOut

Well-Known Member
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Tomorrow 2:17 AM
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Apr 19, 2016
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852
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He likes you for sure. It is just obvious. Looks like you like him too. Are you going to be frigid or reciprocate?
 

scorpiomover

The little professor
Local time
Today 8:47 PM
Joined
May 3, 2011
Messages
2,086
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Guys I really need your help. I am an INFJ girl and I have this shy INTP friend. Nowadays we live far away due to studies. We text occationally and he has said that he misses me, that we should hang out more and once he sent a ❤. Those are very rare things coming from him.
If it's very rare for him to say it, then he really only says it when he's really sure he means it. So it means he misses you often, often finds himself wanting to be with you even when he is with his friends, and genuinely cares for you.

Last weekend I was in his town and spent most of the time with him.
First night we hung out at his place just talking. Then we had dinner out. At dinner he asked why it ended with my ex who he never seemed to like and after that he told me he had given up on finding a girlfriend and that he has never had romantic feelings for anyone. He also said he has trust issues and trusts nobody. When we talked about the time we got to know each other he said ”somehow you captured me.”
He obviously has romantic feelings for you, because he said ”somehow you acaptured me.” He means that he has not had romantic feelings for anyone else. By "romantic feelings", he is excluding other types of feelings and thus is allowing for other types of feelings for other people.

I'd say he means that he's been friends with other people, and attracted to other people. But he didn't feel like being romantic with them, like they are in a relationship.

He wants to start dating you, in the hope that it might become a relationship.
After this he brought me to meet his friends for drinks. Before saying goodbye he kinda tickled my waist and we shared a long hug.
He trusts that you won't be embarrassed by his friends, or be embarrassing to his friends. So you can be comfortable in his social circle as well as your own.
We decided to meet the next evening as well and after hanging out at his place for hours I told him I have feelings for him. He got nervous and said "I dont know what to say" and then he said he enjoys my company, that I'm easy to talk to, that I'm beautiful and funny but that he "didn't feel more than that but had been thinking about it."

Later he walked me to the bus and I said he didnt have to wait with me. He replied ”I’m happy to.” On my way to the hotel he texted me it was really nice seeing me. The next day he texted me to ask of my flight home went ok. It’s not really like him to text like that.

Now I found out from his best friend he has been talking to him about me and our talk. He also took a screenshot of a selfie I had posted. What does he feel for me?
He likes you. He's not dated anyone before. He doesn't know which feelings are fleeting, which are lust, which are love, because he's only observed other couples going through those feelings and not experienced them personally with someone else.

Most other types just get stuck in anyway, and hope for the best. Sometimes it works, and sometimes not.

INTPs are more cerebral. Our inferior Fe allows us to suppress our natural desires easily if it would make other people feel more comfortable.

Because Fe is inferior, our subconscious activates unconscious behaviours to accommodate other people automatically. Conscious awareness of these behaviours that leads to awareness of feelings often comes later.

(INTP hangs out with girl for 3 months. Gives her a gift of his ultra-rare Spider-Man #1.
3 years later, INTP thinks: "Why did I give that girl my Spider-Man #1? I said that I'd only share that with the girl I would marry."
"Ohhhhh. I wanted to marry her. So that's why I wanted to speak to her first thing in the morning and last thing at night."

Just talk everything out. IN DETAIL. Leave no stone left unturned. If something is bugging him, or he's acting confused, or indecisive, that means he needs to explain his thoughts to you, so you understand where he's coming from.

It could be that he likes you, but doesn't feel like he's 100% sure that you're "the one" and is simply not 100% sure yet that he wants to marry you, and thus feels like he's not being fair to you by dating you when it might not end with happily ever after.

He might become the man of your dreams. But he is unlikely to find out if you and he never date.

Or, he might be gay and in the closet. I really don't know.

You have to talk to him and get him to open up, so you can find a solution that works for BOTH of you. He'll like that. It's how INTPs like things best.

Just tell him "I want you to talk and open up, so WE can find a solution TOGETHER that works well for BOTH of us." Then encourage him to open up, listen, do not judge at all, and together find a solution that works well for BOTH of you.
 

AntaresVII

Lord of Minhiriath
Local time
Today 12:47 PM
Joined
Oct 14, 2020
Messages
113
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Location
Beyond the reaches of time, wandering among dreams
Its confusing and hard to see it correctly when you are in the situation yourself
I suspect that's precisely the situation he's in.

The phrasing of
He got nervous and said "I dont know what to say" and then he said he enjoys my company, that I'm easy to talk to, that I'm beautiful and funny but that he "didn't feel more than that but had been thinking about it."
makes the "didn't feel more than that" seem kind of superfluous. It's obvious that he does like you, but it's possible he's dealing with a question on the lines of "should I feel more/different than this".
If I'm not much mistaken, though, the entire purpose of dating is to resolve that uncertainty. Maybe make that case to him.


Post Script: scorpio posted while I was writing this and covered the "should I feel more/different" thing quite well, so basically I concur
 
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