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Dissociative disorder/brain fog and asociality

youkneeburst

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"Dissociative disorders (DD) are conditions that involve disruptions or breakdowns of memory, awareness, identity, or perception. People with dissociative disorders use dissociation, a defense mechanism, pathologically and involuntarily. Dissociative disorders are thought to primarily be caused by psychological trauma."

"Depersonalization/derealization disorder (DPD) is a mental disorder in which the sufferer has persistent or recurrent feelings of depersonalization and/or derealization. "

"Depersonalization (or depersonalisation) is an anomaly of self-awareness. It consists of a feeling of watching oneself act, while having no control over a situation.Subjects feel they have changed, and the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, or lacking in significance. It can be a disturbing experience. "

"Derealization or derealisation (sometimes abbreviated as DR) is an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal. Other symptoms include feeling as though one's environment is lacking in spontaneity, emotional coloring and depth.[1] It is a dissociative symptom of many conditions, such as psychiatric and neurological disorders, and not a standalone disorder."

"Brain fog includes symptoms of confusion, forgetfulness, and lack of focus and mental clarity."

"Asociality refers to the lack of motivation to engage in social interaction, or a preference for solitary activities. Developmental psychologists use the synonyms nonsocial, unsocial, and social disinterest."

Okay, now all definition is laid (thanks to wikipedia).
Now I just want to say that I usually to always experience these 'mental disorders' and asociality. Anyone else with the same struggles? Its been bothering me lately, I havent noticed it before because Ive been living alone for four years but this summer when I got home, I feel like Im detached from my family, its a lot different from four years ago before I left home, they feel more distant or rather, I became distant, Its all my fault, unlike before, ive now became a cold and serious person. I dont go out of the house and talk to my former friends, Im a total shut-in and if i ever get a chance to socialize, Im most of the time very awkward and uncoordinated and i find it hard to disguise my utter disinterest which results into the awkwardness. I can say Im literally 'friendless' and i dont know if i should even feel bad about it, its okay for me but its not obviously okay for them because we are inherently social animals and cant afford to avoid other people. I also developed this derealization disorder, i feel so detached from my mind and emotion, which is probably why i act very distant to my family, its like i cant feel anything from there anymore were in the same house but i seem to be from anotber dimension. Its hard to explain but i hope you get it, if you experience the same.
 

onesteptwostep

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You can be categorized into those states, and that is all. I doubt there's bio-chemical alteration that went on in the head to make it so that you need psychiatric therapy or pills or anything. Tbh it just sounds like you grew up into a young adult. Now all you need to do is start dating if the chances allow.

An alternative is to relive your childhood via some memory with your family (e.g. pictures, photos, videos). Talk about extended family, family history and so on. Or if you used to go to church, go back to church, (or some other familiar social organization, if religion erks you).

Another alternative is to get a job or start on your career so you can snuggle in in your own social sphere where interests and values are aligned. Or you can move to a more freer neighborhood, preferably for young adults, who sort of are at the same life stage as you. There's probably going to be materialistic factors but they're going to be things you'll have to organize/prioritize/figure out on your own.

Some things in life you just sometimes have to brute and will through; not everything can be solved by logic and rationality.
 

Sinny91

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I can relate OP. I'm certain I've been/am disassociated. I cannot remember much from birth until about 20. And even after 20, I'm still famous for having the shittest memory in history.

My friends tell me about things I said and done from 14 - 19.. And sometimes I'm like:

"Are you sure, because that really doesn't sound like me".

Apparently I was quite the psycho bitch, the extent of which surprises even myself.
But that's so far gone from who I am today.

I came from a broken home.. I can only assume I blocked that shit out.
 

Esurient Fere

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Sinny91 said:
I can relate OP. I'm certain I've been/am disassociated. I cannot remember much from birth until about 20. And even after 20, I'm still famous for having the shittest memory in history.

Interesting, I come for a nuclear family model and have a similar experience. I only have a handful of memories from before college/early college. I know I was moody bordering on bipolar with rapid extreme swings. I have terrible long term memory but rather good short term/working memory.

OP, have you looked into the idea of sub personalities? It fits the cluster

youkneeburst said:
I also developed this derealization disorder, i feel so detached from my mind and emotion, which is probably why i act very distant to my family, its like i cant feel anything from there anymore were in the same house but i seem to be from anotber dimension.

You are not alone. I often fall into the all or nothing of let me have the social group I want or I'll live like a hermit. Solitude is good but this causes distress, obviously it's causing you distress, try getting involved in something you're interested in. It sounds like a lot of effort (it is) but it will help. Nothing is free. You may even want to try finding people that you appreciate and connect with. These will help you "fall" back into your life.
I think of it as a constant pull to return to solitude. It seems easier but balance is the key. Find a way to connect with the outside world. It will be much better.
 

Sinny91

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I only have a handful of memories from before college/early college. I know I was moody bordering on bipolar with rapid extreme swings.

That sounds familiar.

OP, have you looked into the idea of sub personalities? It fits the cluster
I did briefly a year or two back, there was a point in time I was sure I must be bipolar, and even my friends said it was like I had MPD.

But after reigning myself in with some wisdom from the great philosophers and discovering MBTI, I concluded I just didn't have my inner house in order, and I needed to work on that;

Which I have been, stress levels are down, and there's a small tire around my waist which had always been absent until recently :evil: lol.

I figure I just compartmentalised the trauma I've suffered in life, and my INTP functions account for the rest.


...

I hope, ;)
 

Esurient Fere

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Hmm, I actually mapped out the my sub personalities and the basic components they bring to the table. (I have a chart and everything! with names and a little background.) I still disassociate on occasion but I've unified the consortium my head. It may just be an effect of not having an internally consistent personality but it's great for writing things :) It sounds crazy to say there's more than one person in my head but if you look at it metaphorically it makes a lot of sense. (Okay, they're not all people...) It may be more realistic to describe it as carrying cognitive dissidence in spades, but I'll take my creative license. I figure, why not just lean into it?
 

Sinny91

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Hmm, I actually mapped out the my sub personalities and the basic components they bring to the table. (I have a chart and everything! with names and a little background.) I still disassociate on occasion but I've unified the consortium my head. It may just be an effect of not having an internally consistent personality but it's great for writing things :) It sounds crazy to say there's more than one person in my head but if you look at it metaphorically it makes a lot of sense. (Okay, they're not all people...) It may be more realistic to describe it as carrying cognitive dissidence in spades, but I'll take my creative license. I figure, why not just lean into it?

Even if I was MPD I'm sure I wouldn't be the best source of confirmation, I will run it by my best friend though, he's INTP but apparently a lot saner than me (which I highly doubt lol). He knows me better than I know me.

I do feel like there's more than one person in my head, for every voice that tells me to do something selfless or logical, there is a voice telling me to do something self serving or illogical. It's quite comical actually because if I have a disturbed thought another me pops in and tells me how disturbed it was, is that normal? haha.

What sort of people are in your head? Are they you?
 

Esurient Fere

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Even if I was MPD I'm sure I wouldn't be the best source of confirmation, I will run it by my best friend though, he's INTP but apparently a lot saner than me (which I highly doubt lol). He knows me better than I know me.

I do feel like there's more than one person in my head, for every voice that tells me to do something selfless or logical, there is a voice telling me to do something self serving or illogical. It's quite comical actually because if I have a disturbed thought another me pops in and tells me how disturbed it was, is that normal? haha.

What sort of people are in your head? Are they you?

I think it's pretty normal, at least in the right circles...

Loaded question, all together they are but individually they're almost their own things. Like the brain, the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts. Most of them are fairly two dimensional (there's even one I'd consider one dimensional. It's mostly the primal drives. I can't help but picturing it as a lizard.) It's like having a tough guy, a bro, a wild spirit, a depressed transgender boy, a lizard, and an innocent oblivious girl all sitting down to a lunch. Then "I" am in the middle and they're all trying to tell me what to do. Sometimes there will be team ups or near misses of opinion.
It's like when someone says something ambiguous and you run through all the possible interpretations to find the one you want to run with. (Even though you know the intent.)
When something is happening and I'm disassociating they are all trying to get their two cents in. Mostly I can still "feel" their influence but it not so pronounced.

I thought they did away with MPD and reclassified it under DID?
 

Sinny91

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I thought they did away with MPD and reclassified it under DID?

They did, but old habits die hard...

I can't relate to your experiences..
Have you ever had any para-normal interactions?
 

TMills27

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"Depersonalization/derealization disorder (DPD) is a mental disorder in which the sufferer has persistent or recurrent feelings of depersonalization and/or derealization. "

"Depersonalization (or depersonalisation) is an anomaly of self-awareness. It consists of a feeling of watching oneself act, while having no control over a situation.Subjects feel they have changed, and the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, or lacking in significance. It can be a disturbing experience. "

"Derealization or derealisation (sometimes abbreviated as DR) is an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal. Other symptoms include feeling as though one's environment is lacking in spontaneity, emotional coloring and depth.[1] It is a dissociative symptom of many conditions, such as psychiatric and neurological disorders, and not a standalone disorder."

I've heard those terms (depersonalization and derealization) come up a lot in benzo-withdrawal support groups when I had stopped clonazapam. I've outlined the most important part. They are an incredibly disturbing experience.

It's been awhile now, and I didn't have it as bad as other people had. Though I had short periods of it. It was enough to throw myself in the loony bin. If it's constant, then there is no way you are going to experience anything pleasant.

Some speculated (or perhaps it's fact), that it's a natural reflexive coping mechanism for extreme and prolonged fear, dread and panic. By cutting yourself off from the... 'ego' (I guess we'll call it) and reality, it helps buffer some of the trauma that you'd experience.

"Dissociative disorders (DD) are conditions that involve disruptions or breakdowns of memory, awareness, identity, or perception. People with dissociative disorders use dissociation, a defense mechanism, pathologically and involuntarily. Dissociative disorders are thought to primarily be caused by psychological trauma."

Sounds tempting to even label myself as such, as I can come up with reasons. Though I don't believe I have any kind of serious unravelling of my memory, awareness or identity. Thus, I'd make a bet I couldn't even fathom that experience. Though perhaps, I may have been taken to the brink once or twice, but I've never jumped over.

I find making psychiatric diagnoses very challenging and complex, particularly if a person is still somehow managing well. I've also seen and experienced cases where psychiatric pain is undoubtedly serious; but it's hard to tell just looking from the outside. Just like physical conditions, there is a whole range from 0 to 10. People's perception of 0 to 10 is relative to the best and worst they have experienced. For instance, one person's 9 could be another person's 5. For anxiety levels, some people will label being apprehensive for a job interview a 10.

I say I have social anxiety. But seeing some other people, I guess they reach much higher levels of it than I ever had, including vomiting, hyperventilation, crying, going faint, and even the derealizing/depersonalizing. My mere slight apprehension doesn't even come close.
 

Esurient Fere

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They did, but old habits die hard...

I can't relate to your experiences..
Have you ever had any para-normal interactions?
I hear you. My friend in psychology worked hard to get that term out of my head.

No, and I think there is usually a scientific answer for most of them. That being said I do have room in my head for things beyond science. I believe in a higher power but only have a rough definition of it. Call it God, the Universe, the entity, or even the truth.
I approach things mostly skeptically and always know that most of what I think can quickly be proven wrong. So far I have very little reason to believe in the paranormal. The only real way to convince me would be for me to experience it myself. I would consider myself open to possibilities.

It may help to think of my experiences in more artistic terms. I'm not convinced sub personalities are a real thing or just a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes I wonder if the distinction is even relevant. Like most religions, if people use them to help control their lives isn't that end enough to perpetuate a lie? (Religions mostly claim to be the only one so we can safely assume some of them are wrong.)
 

Sinny91

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No, and I think there is usually a scientific answer for most of them.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic - Arthur C Clarke

That being said I do have room in my head for things beyond science. I believe in a higher power but only have a rough definition of it. Call it God, the Universe, the entity, or even the truth.
Ditto

I approach things mostly skeptically and always know that most of what I think can quickly be proven wrong.
Ditto

The only real way to convince me would be for me to experience it myself. I would consider myself open to possibilities.
I felt the same then had some experiences, and you know - once you know, you can't un know. I'd never try to convince somebody, they must experience it.

I'm not convinced sub personalities are a real thing or just a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My mind just wondered to Crowley...
(This is where I would explore the connection in more depth, but as your a skeptic, I cba with explaining the abstractions)

(Religions mostly claim to be the only one so we can safely assume some of them are wrong.)
Most religions have been corrupted beyond their original intention by men through the ages.
 

Esurient Fere

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My mind just wondered to Crowley...
(This is where I would explore the connection in more depth, but as your a skeptic, I cba with explaining the abstractions)
I'm interested in new thoughts, point me in the right direction. I'm assuming we're talking about aleister crowley. I know a little about him (writing research) but not as much as I intend to.

Most religions have been corrupted beyond their original intention by men through the ages.
I agree with this.
 

Sinny91

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I'm interested in new thoughts, point me in the right direction. I'm assuming we're talking about aleister crowley. I know a little about him (writing research) but not as much as I intend to.
.

Well, amongst occultists there is discourse as to whether the beings that Crowley had communication with (Lam & Aiwass), were dimensional entities (The Secret Chiefs), forms of his 'higher self', archetypes, or simply his own mad fantasies.

LAM



Aiwass


From my perspective, he didn't imagine the whole thing. as recently confirmed for me by a cracked cipher in Liber AL vel Legis, (Book of the Law). That in it's self is fundamental, and has ramifications. What is interesting is the fact that Crowley couldn't even decide the nature of these events himself, whether they were internal or external.

(It would be a crime if I did not herein note the similarity of LAM and the emergence of the Grey Alien).

P.s Sorry about the size.
 

Esurient Fere

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Well, amongst occultists there is discourse as to whether the beings that Crowley had communication with (Lam & Aiwass), were dimensional entities (The Secret Chiefs), forms of his 'higher self', archetypes, or simply his own mad fantasies.

From my perspective, he didn't imagine the whole thing. as recently confirmed for me by a cracked cipher in Liber AL vel Legis, (Book of the Law). That in it's self is fundamental, and has ramifications. What is interesting is the fact that Crowley couldn't even decide the nature of these events himself, whether they were internal or external.
Interesting. I wonder if even experiencing something would be enough to convince me. I like to think of Crowley as a man of doubt and this adds weight to that. I'll have to investigate farther myself.

I would be interested in hearing your para-normal experiences if you're willing to share. We both know it won't change my mind, because, well, the internet, but I'm interested none the less.

(It would be a crime if I did not herein note the similarity of LAM and the emergence of the Grey Alien).
That's an interesting connection.

P.s Sorry about the size.
It's all good :)
 

Sinny91

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I would be interested in hearing your para-normal experiences if you're willing to share. We both know it won't change my mind, because, well, the internet, but I'm interested none the less.

Sure, here's an account of my initial para-normal experience, it has got to do with a UFO, but due to my understanding of the subject, this still falls under 'paranormal'; also has some other accounts and images.

http://www.thelivingmoon.com/forum1/index.php?topic=3137.0


Here's an image I sketched at a later date:




Here's my UFO experiences since (the thread is still live 1 year on) :
http://www.thelivingmoon.com/forum1/index.php?topic=6257.0

All the images in that thread had undergone analysis by Engineer Duem based in China, Unfortunately he left the forum and removed his images. They looked like this:

http://s1309.photobucket.com/user/Sinny_Dawes/media/Trianglelights_zpsfc8bc60f.png.html





None UFO related - Blue orb came into a living room the once, circled the room and disappeared. Sighting of what could be shadow people and dark energies.

Sums it up in a nut shell, I didn't want to fill this thread.

I had never before had any weird experiences or thoughts of weird experiences until that day in 2010 when that 'thing' showed up. Since then I've had a steady flow of experiences, and set my self off to investigate in true INTP fashion. I'm not on drugs other than weed, and I'm as 'normal' as any other INTP.


That's an interesting connection.
John Dee apparently met with those entities too..
As do people on DMT trips..




You've got to think.. Even if you don't believe in this stuff, there are people who do. Mix a few Germans in with Channeling and mediumship and you get the Nazi Party and WW2.
 

Esurient Fere

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John Dee apparently met with those entities too..
As do people on DMT trips..
I wonder how much of this is the sub conscious. It's a powerfully scary place.

I am skeptical, of course, but that must have been quite the experience. Things like that are life changing.
I have encountered certain things that were far beyond me but that's probably getting too far off topic. Nothing too far outside of the norm, mostly realizations of self and growing up.
 

Sinny91

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I wonder how much of this is the sub conscious. It's a powerfully scary place.

Your view would be in line with Jung's theory.

Then we have the exception of the physical reality of some of these things; here are some UFO's photographed by Trevor James Constable and Van Tassel in the 1950's.









Here's an example of some NASA UFO's for comparison:



TJC used a form of photography based on concepts similar to that of Wilhelm Reich https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilhelm_Reich and Kirlian photography. Nasa'a camera's are well equipped for that.

http://www.thelivingmoon.com/forum1/index.php?topic=7329.0
 

Yellow

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Now I just want to say that I usually to always experience these 'mental disorders' and asociality. Anyone else with the same struggles? Its been bothering me lately, I havent noticed it before because Ive been living alone for four years but this summer when I got home, I feel like Im detached from my family, its a lot different from four years ago before I left home, they feel more distant or rather, I became distant, Its all my fault, unlike before, ive now became a cold and serious person. I dont go out of the house and talk to my former friends, Im a total shut-in and if i ever get a chance to socialize, Im most of the time very awkward and uncoordinated and i find it hard to disguise my utter disinterest which results into the awkwardness. I can say Im literally 'friendless' and i dont know if i should even feel bad about it, its okay for me but its not obviously okay for them because we are inherently social animals and cant afford to avoid other people. I also developed this derealization disorder, i feel so detached from my mind and emotion, which is probably why i act very distant to my family, its like i cant feel anything from there anymore were in the same house but i seem to be from anotber dimension. Its hard to explain but i hope you get it, if you experience the same.
I said this in another thread regarding depersonalization disorder. I'd invite you to take a look and see if you still think it's a good fit for your feelings.
[...]If you flip through the DSM (V or IV-TR, whichever you have on hand), or the ICD-9, you'll notice many paragraphs used to define and to justify diagnosis.

In your example of Depersonalization Disorder (DPD), now called Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder (DDD), you must first establish that it is not caused by any drugs or medical conditions and that the "unreal" symptom is not being caused by any other disorder. Then the main symptoms are displayed:

An individual consistently has a feeling of both or either depersonalization or derealization.
  1. Depersonalization: Experiences of unreality, detachment, or being an outside observer with respect to one's thoughts, feelings, sensations, body, or actions (e.g.,perceptual alterations, distorted sense of time, unreal or absent self, emotional and/or physical numbing.)"
  2. Derealization: "Experiences of unreality or detachment with respect to surroundings (e.g., individuals or objects are experienced as unreal, dreamlike, foggy, lifeless, or visually distorted."
This [...] is not something that the sufferer can control or turn on and off at will. Continued reading reveals that the person is usually frightened by the episodes and think it is a sign that they are going crazy or that there is something wrong with their neurological health.

To further remove this from the concept of enlightenment, people with this disorder are characterized by immature defenses, a harm-avoidant temperament, and display acting out behaviors that result in a denial or reality and poor adaptation. They have "impaired autonomy with themes of dependency, vulnerability, and incompetence". They also almost always have a history of childhood trauma, severe stress, or heavy drug use[...]
As for Dissociative disorders, the level of disconnect is usually so high that you aren't always aware. A major symptom is missing big chunks of memory and not even realizing it (as Sinny described).

What you described above, sounds more like depression to me. Different people experience depression in different ways. People from a collectivist culture are more likely than others to express it as a disconnection from loved ones. It's as if you can no longer feel their presence in your life. The other symptoms, like feelings of emotionlessness, and an apathy toward things that used to enjoy, are more universal. On a positive note, depression is more readily treatable than the other illnesses.
 

Esurient Fere

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Your view would be in line with Jung's theory.

Then we have the exception of the physical reality of some of these things; here are some UFO's photographed by Trevor James Constable and Van Tassel in the 1950's.

I haven't actually read anything by Jung. :storks: It seems that it might be an interesting avenue to explore but I'm simply not that motivated.

I'm not really sure what I'm seeing in these photos. Not that a photo could convince me. In my mind it's possible but improbable and that's not mutually exclusive to your standing. I'd explain most things as the inner world impressing itself on the out world. Perception is such a fickle thing and inescapable. Leaves reality is a fuzzy state.
 
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