Crippling self doubt?

[Fredrich_neat]

Lately I've gone thorough a rough period in my life. It's caused me to feel certain things, the most prevalent feeling being I'm not good enough. I always viewed myself as the smartest person in the room/ that I know. I think that really is the case. I know that sounds horribly arrogant but I don't know an incredibly large number of people, I live in a small town, and go to a small school. I have met people I would consider on the same level intellectually, but never anyone above. I say this because I still believe this to be true, and I still think I am capable of much more than I typically achieve. However, the recent turmoil in my life has caused me to notice a pattern. I'm so much a perfectionist, I become a procrastinator. I won't even begin most activities unless I believe I can be the best, or achieve perfection. My perfectionism actually caused me to implement a safe guard. I don't try. At all. I still achieve the highest grades, or success in most things but it isn't what it could be if I gave full effort. However, I simply can't deal with failure. My safe guard of not trying works because it allows me the excuse of "I didn't try, I could've done better if I had." (In the event of failure to achieve my goals), or if I do achieve them "I did all this without even trying." Although I stated above I do believe myself intelligent, I have had even more doubt than usual;enough to doubt whether I am as intelligent as I believe myself to be. I doubt myself because I made this connection- I never finish anything, because when effort is involved I quit, due to the fear of my effort not being good enough. If I am as intelligent as I like to believe, why can people not as intelligent follow through and complete their tasks? I know this doesn't make sense logically, and I know they finish because of confidence, not intelligence (for the most part). And I know I don't finish because of doubt. Normally, I would never feel so slighted by something illogical, but for the first time I can remember, I feel my feeling outweighs my thinking in a subject. I know logically I didn't prove myself less intelligent, but I simply feel less intelligent. And I think the conviction I feel that way is, in this case, more important than my thinking. Have any other people dealt with self doubt like this? It's something I've always dealt with, but I never realized why until recently. My question is, how do I move past it, and achieve what I know I can? (This is definitely not my best writing, as it involves feeling, and I did this extremely quickly. I apologize for any incoherence/grammatical mistakes. I don't feel like proof reading, or revising right now because I have friends over and they want me to watch a movie.)

 

[Pyropyro]

Have any other people dealt with self doubt like this? It's something I've always dealt with, but I never realized why until recently. My question is, how do I move past it, and achieve what I know I can?

You sound just like me when I was in my early teens to early adulthood.

Welcome Fredrich_neat

Anyways, I don't think self-doubt will ever leave our lives. We will continue to doubt as long as we have Ti.

As for achieving what you can, the only way is to try regardless of the burdens that Ti inflict on us. It will provide some exercise to your Ne which will then provide some good info for Ti to chew on. Both failures and victories will also be useful for knowing your limits and giving Si some healthy memories to work with.

 

[Fredrich_neat]

You sound just like me when I was in my early teens to early adulthood.

Welcome Fredrich_neat

Anyways, I don't think self-doubt will ever leave our lives. We will continue to doubt as long as we have Ti.

As for achieving what you can, the only way is to try regardless of the burdens that Ti inflict on us. It will provide some exercise to your Ne which will then provide some good info for Ti to chew on. Both failures and victories will also be useful for knowing your limits and giving Si some healthy memories to work with.

I've come to the same conclusion about self doubt always being with us. I think I'm just in the phase of my life where I'm really discovering who I am as a person. I've held my own beliefs about things since I was very young, but I've always doubted myself too much to show them to others. I live somewhat of a double life. Believe it or not, I'm the basketball star at school. I don't stand out too much, and I never discuss my intellectual interests with other people. I want the self confidence to be who I am, and I think I just have to tough it out and be myself. You gave really sound advice, and it sounds like what I had thought, only in more clear wording. I might be brand new to the forum, but it already seems as if I'll like it. In 10 minutes on here, I seem to have met someone like me. Which is more than I can say about my life in the real world. (Although I shouldn't be surprised, considering I am on an intp forum)

 

[Xopata]

We would appear to be in a similar position. Admittedly, the not finishing stuff part may just be an INTP thing. I, at least, love an idea, have it all worked out, but lose interest in the implementation. As for discussing intellectual ideas, you've come to the right place. They say you learn something new every day, but here its more like something new every minute. It is very stimulating.

Edit: Having read your post more thoroughly, don't sweat it. It sounds like you've gotten a bit to caught up in it, worried that you don't match some arbitrary good. I'd recommend taking a break. Have some time to yourself, read a book, chill on the forums, whatever. It won't be long and you'll be raring to get back into whatever it is you do. Really, I find the best way to achieve is to not worry to much about the results, to be doing the work because you give a shit about it.

 

[EditorOne]

Relax a little. What's giving you stress is the pressure you're putting on yourself.

Intelligence is a little like the fastest draw in the West: There's always someone a little faster. Unlike gunslinging, not being the smartest isn't lethal.

A little logic puts things in perspective. In school perhaps you test out in the top 99th percentile. However, in a nation of 270 million people, 99th percentile means 2.7 million people are at least as smart as you. That's a little humbling and also, possibly, a relief. You're not being graded in the real world on how smart you are, although I know it can become something you think is your hallmark characteristic.

Not pursuing something for fear of failure? Lots of people do that, regardless of intelligence, and again, it just doesn't matter. Next on your menu is abandoning a pursuit after you achieve competency. Kind of a boredom-related INTP function.

I'm not sure this is much help; perhaps more to the point, you're not alone, lots of the INTPs in here can relate to what you're describing.

 

[doublevisionsfc]

If I remain inactive and procrastinate too long (which happens often), I over think everything and it can come to a point where I am facing a lot of self-doubt even though I am a confident person. What helps for me is to work on a project or figure out how to move forward and start taking steps to do so... basically try to gain momentum in life. When you gain that momentum you'll get that confidence back. If you sit and do nothing for too long, your intp mind will probably drive you into a point where you might think you can't do anything. You are intelligent, its the reason why you feel no need to do tasks that you know you can master and that in turn makes you lazy. I was never a good student in school because I didn't care for it, I didn't understand that my whole life even after dropping out of high school. I realized as I almost failed college that my intelligence served me no good sitting on my ass thinking I was too smart for my homework. After finding out I was an intp I realized all the times I never finished anything. So I started to force myself to finish anything I start... or most things, which has been helping me.

 

[darth_dingus]

seriously, dont feel alone. I'm currently in the same scenario as yourself. i've had a lot of issues lately trying to figure what it is that i'm meant to do with my life. and am going to be 25 here soon and still not finished with school. i know i am smart, but i don't feel as if im good enough to be what i want, or capable of doing the things i want to. i thought something was wrong with me, and spent most of my time over analyzing myself, and through all of it i found out, its just who i am and there is nothing wrong, i just need to stop doubting myself before i even do it.