Biology of disagreement

[fluffy]

Going back, way back into the past when the first humans exist. Disagreement was bad for the tribe. Anyone antisocial enough to have different ideas was excluded. At least it's plausible that in times of stress this would be so. Like in fighting other tribes those whom did not participate were seen as against the group and abandoned.

Today this behavior carries on.

People fight others online because of believing differently. Trying to force them to change. Because if another person thinks different this creates a mental discomfort. If the person is seen as part of the group they must conform otherwise get bullied out. Group dynamics is different for outsiders whom automatically get the harshest treatment.

I feel really bad when excluded and this is built in. I also feel strongly about pushing certain beliefs because it makes me upset others don't believe me because of how I was treated in the past reinforcing my need to do something about it. But this has to be in proximity to how close a person is to me. Something vital is at stake when it's a certain circumstance with other people. I believe this is biologically built into the human being. It's about survival that others must believe you and the tribe.

 

[Bluehalite]

If I know that nobody thinks like I do, and I can accept myself for who I am, it doesn't matter who else thinks like me though. I am my own person. Not co-dependent. I simply want to express myself sometimes and if I can benefit some by just stating my truth, it won't hurt anyone.
They will hear a different view point. Only narcissists need you to agree wtih them all the time. It helps people learn and grow to share exactly your truth. If you don't do that, then you will never have genuine connection with others that are doing the same.
Its like in a group if you tell the group it is more important than your own authenticity with yourself, its just selling yourself short sort of. You give your own power away. Others do not need to be more important than me, or less important. Everyone is so different, might as well be self-authentic and hope others are too.

Ok, if you feel bad for being excluded, thats part of the payment we have to make for independence. Think of it like a single line between independence and codependence. Where do you want to be on that line? You want to mostly be there for yourself.

I think its wise to ween away from codependency.

• Get a life. Learn who you are, what you like, what you dislike
• Use boundaries to detach with love
• Beware of hooks
• Build your self-esteem
• Check-in with your feelings and motives
• Understand what codependency looks like to you
• Figure out where your relationship expectations are coming from
• Establish boundaries for yourself in relationships
• Resist the urge to fix, control, or save
• Prioritize Your Own Growth

 

[fluffy]

@Bluehalite

What you say is all true and good advice.

Boiling it down my argument is that we become upset when disagreement happens because it's a social survival mechanism. No one would get upset unless in the past becoming upset did not add to social survival. So in the past it has had benefits but I am not sure today because of its overextended use. We face a different environment than our ancestors did. We are isolated and have sparse connections.