Hey my people; I'm back After a hiatus of nearly 7 years.
I was extremely active here in my 20s (now in my thirties) and Reading my old posts I realize how Silly I was back then and i'm ashamed by the number of spelling mistakes too.
I'm happy to be back and si many things changes: i'm no longer a Virgin( far from it); I graduated Med school and went on to practice my dreamjob( for those who remember) only to realize I was completely misled; some people died some others survived;...
Feel free to be curious and Ask some questions
)))
PS: 7 freaking long yeaaars
Ironically, I'm 20 years old, and tonight is the first time I visit this forum. I was there, trying not to drown in a situation I'm not really proud of. Generally, you feel different, more intelligent, and rational than others, so you decide not to mix with them. But then there's this girl you fall in love with because she seems special. Unfortunately, it's not mutual, and she keeps you as a plan B or friend. I don't know anymore, and all of this is killing me inside. Seeing your post, I thought I would have liked to be here seven years ago. Currently, I'm in computer science, just finished my third year, but I always have this thought that things won't end well for me. I'm not a virgin, at least lol But I feel like an emotional handicap who can't find pleasure in this twisted world . Seeing how you described your 20s and now, I may have realized that I should stay focused on what I want to achieve. At the same time, I don't know if you'll see this comment, but you brought a little shot of dopamine to what was shaping up to be a very depressing evening. Thank you.
I’m a little bit older than you, but not much, and as an intp in the 20-30 age range I will say a couple of things:
-emotionally handicap? Check. But there is something more to say. On one side there is the emotional rollercoster that is “purpose” (what should I do, what will make me fulfilled in life, what’s my purpose, and so on, ad infinitum. And a possible “answer“ is maybe in the second point of this post - expectations. Answer is in quotations because life isn’t made of answers, but rather prospective shifts, maybe better questions, and an all encompassing view of life in general: your logic, aka your internal framework, gets better - I think). Then there is emotions in terms of Fi if you will. I still am a bit autistic around girls, but I will say that I don’t plague myself for it, but rather I watch it with laughter (this doesn’t mean I find it easier or it doesn’t bother me even a little). At the same time it’s something that I cherish, I think people find it interesting, even charming, if you leverage it you’ll be seen also as charismatic I would say. Neutralizing yourself is maybe good for quick interaction and relationships, but what’s the point to that? Needless to say it’s hard, I don’t know what to say, but I am happy with myself when I am myself, even if it may come out as “strange” to others. There is a lot to say but I will stop here (gees writing takes time).
-lowering expectations, or better, being conscious of them is a good start. In general, as life goes on after your 20s, I feel like, and idk if it’s the same for all INTP, you start becoming conscious. This means more feeling, more angst, but also a feeling of understanding, a sage-like state if you will. It’s hard not to think about the outcomes of what you do, but I find that when I’m able to do it I feel better. Also, sometimes don’t follow your gut, for example last summer I did the Santiago walk (idk if you know what it is), before going I was re-thinking the choice to do it, but then I did it and it was a great experience. Especially with some (I repeat, some) social activities, going against your gut reactions can be good, and I think that’s tied with the expectations, always trying to take a glimpse at the future to see where that choice will bring us, but that’s physically impossible, so why bother. Also, more experience = more info you can use to better understand yourself, and what you like doing. Consciousness is a receptor, and it’s ligand is information/experiences (call it how you want).
Cheers (I should be studying)
