A Recapitulation: OUT OF THE SCHIZ(V)OID

[TimeAsylums]

A collection of links I will be using, not including our very own INTPf

http://www.schizoids.info/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder

Spoiler

Schizoid personality disorder (SPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency towards a solitary lifestyle, secretiveness, emotional coldness, and apathy. Affected individuals may simultaneously demonstrate a rich, elaborate and exclusively internal fantasy world.[1]
SPD is not the same as schizophrenia, although they share such similar characteristics as detachment and blunted affect.

He felt Nothing.
It may have been an emptiness or a void, but succinctly, it was Nothing.

He did not feel the Cold and he did not feel the Warmth:

Spoiler

http://www.schizoids.info/betweenlackofemotion.html
High-level schizoids display a true lack of emotion.
They do not express emotion because they cannot feel that emotion.
In fact, they exhibit apathy

wherever the person falls on the schizoid scale, he/she will never be able to experience a full,
free and happy emotional life.

<TimeAsylums SNEERED.> "I am not BROKEN." I refuse to believe this. It is not because I do not desire to admit to being broken, but because I DO NOT WANT to be broken.

The Definition of a Schizoid:

Spoiler

http://www.schizoids.info/definition.html

Schizoids are people who harbour two prisons within themselves :

One which pulls them away from their relatives / And another which pulls them away from their own feelings.

TimeAsylums: "oh...timeASYLUMS"

He still refused to believe he was a BROKEN. There was nothing wrong. There was NOTHING wrong WITH HIM.

deep inside, a <shudder>.

And this was "Ok."

He did not feel the Highs and the Lows.

On a scale, of perhaps -3 to +3, he would not even claim that he sat at Zero.
His reading would have been N/A:

Spoiler

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder

...when one is not enriched by injections of interpersonal reality, the self-image becomes increasingly empty and volatilized, which leads the individual to feel unreal.

At first, he could not muster "Happiness" nor "Rage."

Then,

He indulged dangerously within and of HimSelf.
Was this Introspection? He was sure some would misidentify it as Narcissism.

,but Inside, It Was Beautiful:

Spoiler

In truth, and in retrospect, the signs were painfully obvious

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder

"By the very meaning of the term, the schizoid is described as cut off from the world of outer reality in an emotional sense. All this libidinal desire and striving is directed inward toward internal objects and he lives an intense inner life often revealed in an astonishing wealth and richness of fantasy and imaginative life whenever that becomes accessible to observation. Though mostly his varied fantasy life is carried on in secret, hidden away." The schizoid person is so cut off from outer reality as to experience it as dangerous. It is a natural human response to turn away from sources of danger and toward sources of safety. The schizoid individual, therefore, is primarily concerned with avoiding danger and ensuring safety

http://www.schizoids.info/personality_and_disorder.html

To compensate, he develops a rich inner life - productive and sometimes creative

Even a Similar Had Spoken:

Nearly every interaction doesn't involve the individual, but the empty shells that they create as a means to explore what they actually believe. The finest quality decoys imaginable

http://www.schizoids.info/mask.html

In classic Greek the word, “prosopon”, was used to describe both the person and the mask he wore.
The same actor appears on stage wearing different masks at different times,
and each mask corresponds with different roles.
The word, “personality”, also arises from the Greek word “prosopon”.

Similarly, in real life, we all display different masks which correspond to the various roles in our lives,
e.g. the mask of the husband, the father, the employee, etc..
SCHIZOID MASK

THE OTHER MASK
The other mask is usually present in medium-low schizoids.
When the schizoid does not feel under pressure from his social environment
he is able to display the hidden part of his personality, the other mask.

That which no one else could see, it was beautiful.

I fought against the Broken:

Spoiler

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder

Some psychologists argue that the definition of SPD is flawed due to cultural bias: "One reason schizoid people are pathologized is because they are comparatively rare. People in majorities tend to assume that their own psychology is normative and to equate difference with inferiority". Therefore "[t]he so-called schizoid personality disorder is one of the more blatant examples of the APA’s pathologizing of normal human differences."

I can't be Broken...

Many of His compatriots, or even some similar of his Kind, argued there was nothing wrong with not having emotion. It was not as if He viewed Himself as Incomplete or Broken, he simply wanted to Understand and to Comprehend.

No.

He was desperate to feel.

Would he need metamorphosis or a catharsis.

He filled TheVoid with all the anger and thoughts and pettiness and colors he could muster, but it simply swallowed it all.

This Void, This Endless Chasm, This Abyss.

An Asylum...


It was not a well of which he could simply climb out, for a rocket to the moon would not have been enough distance nor energy.

...
...
...


He tried RippingItToShreds. He tried OverFlowingIt.

But of course, how can you escape what is within You?
What Is You?

It became claustrophobic. Inside his own Space.


I cracked open his sternum. I searched inside myself. Meat and Flesh and Bones.

I raided my unconscious.

It greeted Me wholly. It Swallowed Me.

I was underneath the Ocean of the Deep.

It Choked Me. I Drowned again, and again.

To let it Take Me? Or to master it?

The former, was arguably insane, to devolve.


...

a light
and a candle
it wouldn't stop burning.


I emerged, pour whatever gravy you will, an ascension. Even though I ascended out of the water, this was no image of a baptism. It was not a mere supernovae. A star had not died...



it was born.


TimeAsylum No Longer.


I AM EXCELSIOR.

 

[Helvete]

Hello Excelsior, this sounds like a mighty trip. Is it over yet or ongoing? Were the tabs cheap?

 

[redbaron]

HeKTiK cuZz

DoSE da eNgInE bRuzZ FuLl hektiK sOuNdzZz ayY

 

[Cognisant]

The OP wasn't emotional, not emotional at all.

Personally I think it's more of a inhibitory thing, I've been on a nightclub dancefloor while I was well and truly drunk, the lights were flashing, the music was blaring, everyone around me was "dancing" and as hard as I tried to fit in I just felt silly, like they were all little kids hyped up on red cordial and I was just too old & serious to fit in, regardless of how drunk I may be.

On the other hand I get excited about things normal people my age find boring, earlier that night I was talking to a guy who is an engineer in the Australian airforce and we had a ball talking about the technical details and maintenance of armed reconnaissance helicopters.

To each their own.

 

[Cherry Cola]

edit: ooops wrong thread

 

[TimeAsylums]

The OP wasn't emotional, not emotional at all.

"A Recapitulation: OUT OF THE SCHIZ(V)OID"

Google define recapitulation:

an act or instance of summarizing and restating the main points of something.

 

[Black Rose]

 

[Teax]

stepclosertonirvana

 

[Reluctantly]

You could start a religion now, make some money, and when the cat's outta the bag run off with a lot of dough. I'll even help if I get at least 25% of the profits.