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Old 22nd-November-2016, 01:25 AM   #1
Hunter Wulf
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Default Parents and being privet

Do any of you had problems opening up with your parents? Especially with your thoughts and interests, like music or any other dorky things like chem or physics.

I've had this problem ever since I was little and it still is one and its getting stronger. I live in a SJ dominant family and I want to know if anyone else was in the same boat of loneliness and misplacement.
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Old 22nd-November-2016, 01:29 AM   #2
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Default Re: Parents and being privet

Excuse my misspelling of the word "private" in the title.

God damnit.
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Old 22nd-November-2016, 01:45 AM   #3
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Default Re: Parents and being privet

I don't talk to my parents unless necessary. And when I do, the topic of the conversation will stay centered on whatever necessary thing required a conversation with them. And if they try to pry beyond the scope of that topic, most questions are going to be answered with a "Yeah, everything's good/fine." or "Nothing new to report." Etc.
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Old 22nd-November-2016, 01:48 AM   #4
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Default Re: Parents and being privet

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I don't talk to my parents unless necessary. And when I do, the topic of the conversation will stay centered on whatever necessary thing required a conversation with them. And if they try to pry beyond the scope of that topic, most questions are going to be answered with a "Yeah, everything's good/fine." or "Nothing new to report." Etc.
I think this is a fairly accurate projection of my future.
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Old 22nd-November-2016, 02:50 AM   #5
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Default Re: Parents and being privet

I greet my father everyday, but that's about it. I don't talk to my family unless they talk to me, and apart from my father, they're usually pretty hostile because I'm not "normal". My mum's ESTJ. My dad is likely a sensor as well. Not sure about my brother, we usually don't speak to each other for months.
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Old 22nd-November-2016, 05:01 AM   #6
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Default Re: Parents and being privet

Both of my parents came from a scientific background and my mom has some background in counselling/psychology so i can pretty much talk about anything with them.
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Old 22nd-November-2016, 05:28 AM   #7
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Default Re: Parents and being privet

This is more interesting/complex because of your age. I don't see any issue talking about your interests in terms of giving them a chance to understand the subjects, your interests in them, and the opportunity to form shared goals/interests within their contexts.

However, this invites them to embody Dunning-Kruger and attempt to micromanage based on their own thought processes and the implicit human assumption that others think like they do. This can obviously stifle and wreck you. If you were just an unrelated adult, this urge of theirs would be much lower and they'd be easier to work with. Perhaps something to keep in mind when interacting with non-family SJ types in the future.

The only solution I see is to give information sparingly. Not completely withholding, but only releasing what you know will benefit you in a way that assures it will. It's probably worth testing specific content and approaches to flesh those out more. They don't have to understand de Broglie-Bohm to know you have an interest in physics and fund your science fair project, for example. And you'll just have to put up with certain aspects of their ignorance and communication style knowing that those are indeed the issues instead of them as people being the issue.
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Old 22nd-November-2016, 05:59 AM   #8
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Default Re: Parents and being privet

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Excuse my misspelling of the word "private" in the title.

God damnit.
Privet comrade.

Parents who were themselves raised by one parent or two bad parents are probably less likely to develop the skills need to have an open relationship with their own child. Type may have an effect, but studies on chimps have argued that parental skills in primates aren't natural.
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Old 22nd-November-2016, 06:51 AM   #9
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Default Re: Parents and being privet

I'm fairly different from my family, so I don't tend to share a lot. I tend to keep conversations focused on whatever they want to talk and generally more neutral topics. I find if I'm to maintain relations with my family, the only thing I can do is to find some common ground and focus on that. Not all of them tend to return that kind of courtesy, however, as some of them find it prudent to judge me and my lifestyle on a regular basis. Fortunately for me, I'm an edgy child who feels no loneliness so managing without them isn't a problem. I do appreciate when, like, my mother extends the same type of courtesy. She usually focuses on having a enjoyable time when we're together and that works out fairly well even though from her perspective I should be quite annoying and weird.
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Old 22nd-November-2016, 08:11 AM   #10
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Default Re: Parents and being privet

My mom's an SJ , and my brains surpassed hers in every way by the time I was 13.

When we talk, it's about everything in her tiny world.

I have an ENTP uncle who I can have intelligent and meaningful conversation with, for that I'm grateful.
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Old 22nd-November-2016, 06:28 PM   #11
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Default Re: Parents and being privet

This is copied off of a personality type description of ESTJ

"ESTJs defend their own, and their relationships with their children are no different, but they expect their children to adhere to the structures they've put in place to ensure that protection. ESTJs enjoy creating secure, stable environments, and consider it an affront to have those considerations rejected – again, insubordination is not tolerated."

This is exactly what keep me from sharing with my parents, I would talk to my mother a lot more but she is essentially brain washed with the same crap that my father thinks.

Our future is definitely screwed. Oh well...
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Old 22nd-November-2016, 09:01 PM   #12
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Default Re: Parents and being privet

Since I learned that my mom's an SJ, I stopped rebelling against or questioning her bullshit. Now I just Preempt it, and comply.

Life's much easier... but still soul destroying.
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Old 23rd-November-2016, 12:25 AM   #13
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Default Re: Parents and being privet

I don't agree with how you focus on your parents being SJ-whatever and that being an explanation for why you don't get along. It's an erroneous formation of conclusions by relying on a framework of generalisations of mbti, pretty useless and it won't help you understand your situation beyond a certain level.

Instead, one might constructively try to understand the situation as a whole, whether you enjoy spending time with your parents, whether you feel at ease around them (why/why not), what are their interests, do you get their interests and they don't get yours, what factors caused the current situation to develop, etc.


The fundamental reason for why we don't get along with certain people, including me and my parents, is that as our relationship deepened, we couldn't mentally or emotionally become partners and instead we either tried to force the other into accepting the others as leaders (long after we lost anything we could impress/assist the other person with), or we simply didn't provide/get enough accommodation and mutual appreciation to be desired for support or entertainment. This mental/emotional gap is a direct result of our different interests, goals, sensibilities and so on.


The problem many people are having is that when they grow up, their family members and themselves can't establish friendly relations in addition to slowly dissolving the subordinate relations left over from when they were kids.
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Old 23rd-November-2016, 01:19 AM   #14
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Default Re: Parents and being privet

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blarraun View Post
I don't agree with how you focus on your parents being SJ-whatever and that being an explanation for why you don't get along. It's an erroneous formation of conclusions by relying on a framework of generalisations of mbti, pretty useless and it won't help you understand your situation beyond a certain level.

Instead, one might constructively try to understand the situation as a whole, whether you enjoy spending time with your parents, whether you feel at ease around them (why/why not), what are their interests, do you get their interests and they don't get yours, what factors caused the current situation to develop, etc.


The fundamental reason for why we don't get along with certain people, including me and my parents, is that as our relationship deepened, we couldn't mentally or emotionally become partners and instead we either tried to force the other into accepting the others as leaders (long after we lost anything we could impress/assist the other person with), or we simply didn't provide/get enough accommodation and mutual appreciation to be desired for support or entertainment. This mental/emotional gap is a direct result of our different interests, goals, sensibilities and so on.


The problem many people are having is that when they grow up, their family members and themselves can't establish friendly relations in addition to slowly dissolving the subordinate relations left over from when they were kids.
I've had problems with my parents since early childhood, MBTI just cleared things up for me..

I really agree with your last bit though, about how people try to become the leaders within the family. But, the problem with that is my father want to mold me into his form regardless of how I am treating him or other members of the family.

Thank you for the constructive criticism though, I will try to apply it more often
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Old 23rd-November-2016, 03:30 AM   #15
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Default Re: Parents and being privet

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blarraun View Post
I don't agree with how you focus on your parents being SJ-whatever and that being an explanation for why you don't get along. It's an erroneous formation of conclusions by relying on a framework of generalisations of mbti, pretty useless and it won't help you understand your situation beyond a certain level.

Instead, one might constructively try to understand the situation as a whole, whether you enjoy spending time with your parents, whether you feel at ease around them (why/why not), what are their interests, do you get their interests and they don't get yours, what factors caused the current situation to develop, etc.


The fundamental reason for why we don't get along with certain people, including me and my parents, is that as our relationship deepened, we couldn't mentally or emotionally become partners and instead we either tried to force the other into accepting the others as leaders (long after we lost anything we could impress/assist the other person with), or we simply didn't provide/get enough accommodation and mutual appreciation to be desired for support or entertainment. This mental/emotional gap is a direct result of our different interests, goals, sensibilities and so on.


The problem many people are having is that when they grow up, their family members and themselves can't establish friendly relations in addition to slowly dissolving the subordinate relations left over from when they were kids.
No. My moms a stupid (EF) SJ and there's no getting past it.

Whether or not the bathroom door remains closed at all times or if someone were to touch her TV are far more important concerns to her than whether or not I'm experiencing emotional turmoil or experiencing life problems.

She's too shallow to even begin to imagine what lays beyond her shallow pathetic existence.

Faults of MBTI put aside.

I was very good friends with an ESFJ for 12 years or more.. eventually her self centred, self deluded ESFJ ways got in the way of that too.

They are a curse on the planet, and a blight on humanity.
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Old 23rd-November-2016, 03:40 AM   #16
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Default Re: Parents and being privet

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Since I learned that my mom's an SJ, I stopped rebelling against or questioning her bullshit. Now I just Preempt it, and comply.

Life's much easier... but still soul destroying.
Sorry for not responding I didn't see this post earlier.

But this is exactly how it is like, it just goes against every fiber of my being and it's the equivalent of ripping my toe nails off with pliers. I just can't wait until I move..
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