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You know you're in hell when....

Inappropriate Behavior

is peeing on the carpet
Local time
Today, 18:31
Joined
Sep 21, 2008
Messages
3,816
Location
Behind you, kicking you in the ass
#1
The day after you get home from your parents house after pulling off the organization for their bi-anual Christmas party involving 200+ people crammed in their house drinking like fishes and eating like pigs (and I made all the food!) oh and the average guest age was approximately 68.6 years you think you can relax and be alone when your toilet tank bursts getting water all over the floor and come to find out the plumbing's so old that no shut off valve was ever installed so you have to shut off the water for the whole house and wait for a fucking plumber who will charge at least $200 buck to fix the damn thing!!


So when do you know you are in hell?
 
Local time
Today, 15:31
Joined
Aug 23, 2009
Messages
3,674
#2
Wow IB. You have my sympathies. I suggest killing them all. You'll feel better....for a while at least...


My own personal hell happened a few days ago:

A girl approaches me at work and chews her gum with her mouth open...

Girl: *chew chew chew* "Ummm....so like there's this book?....like...ummm...it's by Amy Bronty or something?...I read about it in Twilight?...do you know what it is?"

Me: "You mean Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte?"

Girl: *chew chew chew* "Yeah, I guess so....something like that...Bella reads it in Twilight...?"

Me: *hands girl the book* "This is one of those books you usually have to read at some point. It's considered a classic."

Girl: *gives me blank look and pops gum irritatingly* "Really?!?!?!? Twilight is sooo cool! Bella totally reads this stuff! I'm going to read it because it's suppose to be really romantic."

Me: *beats girl senseless and hides the corpse behind a bookcase*



Really? Wuthering Heights is romantic? I've never understood that. The psychotic lunatic hangs the girl's dog outside her window with a noose! Oh, my idea of one hot guy.

Stupid girls. Stupid Twilight. And stupid girls who read Twilight and completely misunderstand classic literature. I need to drink more.
 

Agent Intellect

Absurd Anti-hero.
Local time
Today, 18:31
Joined
Jul 28, 2008
Messages
4,116
Location
Michigan
#3
Hell is right now - it's a goddamn blizzard outside, white out conditions, roads glazed with a sheen of ice. I shoveled snow for an hour and a half (and scraped the 2/3 inch thick ice coat off my car) this morning, and it was a Sisyphus-like exercise in futility.

Yet, people are still driving the speed limit and then wondering why they went into the ditch (it looks like a fucking war zone out there with all the accidents and cars off the road). Fortunately my classes were canceled and I don't have to drive in it again (though I'm not looking forward to driving in it to work tomorrow since work is never canceled).
 

RubberDucky451

Prolific Member
Local time
Today, 23:31
Joined
May 22, 2009
Messages
1,080
Location
California
#4
Wow IB. You have my sympathies. I suggest killing them all. You'll feel better....for a while at least...


My own personal hell happened a few days ago:

A girl approaches me at work and chews her gum with her mouth open...

Girl: *chew chew chew* "Ummm....so like there's this book?....like...ummm...it's by Amy Bronty or something?...I read about it in Twilight?...do you know what it is?"

Me: "You mean Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte?"

Girl: *chew chew chew* "Yeah, I guess so....something like that...Bella reads it in Twilight...?"

Me: *hands girl the book* "This is one of those books you usually have to read at some point. It's considered a classic."

Girl: *gives me blank look and pops gum irritatingly* "Really?!?!?!? Twilight is sooo cool! Bella totally reads this stuff! I'm going to read it because it's suppose to be really romantic."

Me: *beats girl senseless and hides the corpse behind a bookcase*



Really? Wuthering Heights is romantic? I've never understood that. The psychotic lunatic hangs the girl's dog outside her window with a noose! Oh, my idea of one hot guy.

Stupid girls. Stupid Twilight. And stupid girls who read Twilight and completely misunderstand classic literature. I need to drink more.
You should have beat her with the book, that would prove much more poetic.

Personally hell to me is being cramped next to 20 people. I was recently in this situation and i almost passed out in class.
 
Local time
Today, 17:31
Joined
Dec 19, 2008
Messages
5,948
Location
Oklahoma
#5
Here's one - try being unemployed for over a year because you are 'over-qualified' for the existing job openings...
 
Local time
Today, 17:31
Joined
Jul 14, 2008
Messages
4,549
Location
Houston, TX
#6
Hell, for me, would be attending a party with 200+ 60 somethings where the plumbing goes out and all of those old ass bladders begin to fail into a cesspool of Christmas cheer all over the floor.

The only thing worse would be if said party broke out into an orgy.

:D
 

Inappropriate Behavior

is peeing on the carpet
Local time
Today, 18:31
Joined
Sep 21, 2008
Messages
3,816
Location
Behind you, kicking you in the ass
#7
The only thing worse would be if said party broke out into an orgy.

:D
I think some of them were but a drink away from getting one started.

I'm not kidding.
 

Inappropriate Behavior

is peeing on the carpet
Local time
Today, 18:31
Joined
Sep 21, 2008
Messages
3,816
Location
Behind you, kicking you in the ass
#9
Admit it ....... you had nanny cams set up for just such an event.

:eek::D
Yes, but strictly for financial purposes. There's a lot to be made with some good ol' fashioned blackmail plus there is I'm sure, a fetish group out there that would love to spank it while watching.

Admit it.....you're would at least watch if for no other reason than curiosity (which killed this ----->:cat:)
 
Local time
Today, 17:31
Joined
Jul 14, 2008
Messages
4,549
Location
Houston, TX
#10
Yes, but strictly for financial purposes. There's a lot to be made with some good ol' fashioned blackmail plus there is I'm sure, a fetish group out there that would love to spank it while watching.

Admit it.....you're would at least watch if for no other reason than curiosity (which killed this ----->:cat:)
Yes, I suppose I would.

Say .................. those types usually have large nest eggs stored up. This blackmail idea could be a lucrative proposition .................

*Drives a daisy chained row of motorized wheelchairs down to the cafeteria promptly at 5pm with some invitations, large quantities of Preparation H, and promises of sweet, sweet love ................ Like in the good ole' days.*
 

Inappropriate Behavior

is peeing on the carpet
Local time
Today, 18:31
Joined
Sep 21, 2008
Messages
3,816
Location
Behind you, kicking you in the ass
#11
*Drives a daisy chained row of motorized wheelchairs down to the cafeteria promptly at 5pm with some invitations, large quantities of Preparation H, and promises of sweet, sweet love ................ Like in the good ole' days.*
To hell with the prep H, just get a supply of those donut cushions. It can be used as extra padding against bony hips (don't want them breaking too early) when they go "doggie".
 
Local time
Today, 18:31
Joined
Apr 11, 2014
Messages
1,077
#12
With your friend at a kid's camp of a thousand kids for a week, where they all get super-soaker waterguns filled with suds, and none of them really like you that much.
 

TheScornedReflex

(Per) Version of a truth.
Local time
Tomorrow, 11:31
Joined
Dec 9, 2012
Messages
1,910
#13
When a pineapple is being shoved up your ass.
 
Local time
Today, 23:31
Joined
Apr 19, 2014
Messages
2,850
Location
Objects in the mirror might look closer than they
#16
in an ecuatorian bar in paris, filled by transexual people and drunk men kissing each other then comming to me asking me why i didn't had already fucked my friend who kept me there waiting to take adventage of their credit cards and have a night for free.
 
Local time
Today, 23:31
Joined
May 16, 2015
Messages
6,299
Location
Birmingham, UK
#17
I fookin love Little Nicky haha.

Hell is empty and the devils are here...

I had this huge thing for romanticising vampires in my teenage years, I discovered Lisa Jane Smith and Chelsea Quinn Yarbro at a young age, and then Joss Whedons Buffy came along with the zee smokin hot Angel..

Fast forward another decade, vampires suddenly became cool unto the masses, LJS's series get's butchered on TV, and Twilight comes along with 'sparkling' excuses for vampires. Yuk. The Movies are so gross too. Plus Kirsten Stewart is one ugly mutt.

My escapism was high jacked, that's hell lol.
 

Alias

empirical miracle
Local time
Today, 18:31
Joined
Feb 22, 2015
Messages
692
Location
My current location is classified.
#18
One time some dude asked me what inquisitive meant (it was relevant). I told him that it meant you ask a lot of questions, and it seemed like I was being hostile and snappy. So I turned to my INFP brother and told him about the irony in asking what inquisitive means. Someone overhears me and thinks I'm being mean to them. So both people didn't understand irony and I seemed like a jack-off in public for it.

What I see as hell is being forced to baby-sit a ton of moronically over-confident pre-teens obsessed with Minecraft and stupid memes. And they won't shut up. Then one of them asks you a question about something obviously simple. Then you explain it, and all of them start disagreeing and insisting that they're right no matter the evidence you through at them. Thankfully, that has never happened.
 
Local time
Today, 17:31
Joined
Dec 30, 2016
Messages
139
Location
That place
#19
When you're still in high school, surrounded by a bunch of loud stupid people all day, 5 days a week.
 
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